Nine Christmas Derek and Casey spent together

2009 - The Yale Med School Fiasco

Casey was not that fond of Christmas.

Rather, if she had been honest with herself, she would have admitted she was not fond of this particular Christmas. If she had been completely truthful, she would even had admitted that she actually liked Christmas, and that this particular one had been going on pretty well, up until that specific turning point at lunch when everything went straight down into mayhem.

But not being completely truthful was what had gotten her into this predicament in the first place, so she stuck by her extremely mature opinion that Christmas sucked. Big time.

This was to stay a private thought, though, because right now, she had to deal with a very surprised family, and a shell-shocked boyfriend, who was trying very unsuccessfully to mask his reaction, on account of the rest of the family not knowing her stepbrother had crossed the line to this kind of status, following what should have been an innocent question from her mother. Had she been truthful.

She stole a glance at Derek. He stared determinedly at his plate, his lips pinched. She looked at her mother. Nora alternated concerned glances between Simon's mess of a plate and confused ones at the rest of the family, surprised at the sudden silence. She looked at George. George was George, and kept on happily munching his greens. She looked at Marti. Marti was watching her brother and frowning. She looked at Lizzie. Lizzie was frowning at her. She looked at Edwin. Edwin returned her gaze with an air that said "wow, nice grave you've dug yourself in."

"Casey?" Nora asked, hesitantly. "You didn't answer me."

Yes Mom. Because I don't want to answer you. Because I'd rather fly back to Kingston and bury myself in my bed covers and pray very hard that Derek doesn't take this as the ultimate betrayal and decide that I'm not worth waiting for. That would make family dinners awkward.

That answer probably wouldn't fly well.

"It's still under consideration, but yes, I think I will apply for next fall," she said, hoping with fervor that she wasn't stuttering (don't look at Derek, stupid, don't look, don't look, too late.)

"That's great! When are you taking the MCAT?"

They really should have told the family about their dating. Then, Nora might have picked up about the tenseness emanating from Derek's table corner. Not that Casey was paying attention.

"I don't know yet. The application deadline is in October, so I might take one of the later sessions. I'd rather focus on my classes before that. I wanted to take an internship this summer, too."

"You want to go to med school?" Marti interjected.

"Yes, Marti," Casey said. "I changed my major during my first year because of that."

"Cool. Then you can find a way to cure boy stupidity."

Would a standing ovation for her stepsister be over the top? Casey grabbed at the opportunity for a change of subject with the same kind of desperation a drowning man grabbed at a lifeline.

"Oh, boy trouble, Marti?"

"Marti's too popular for her own sake," Lizzie smiled. "We hear about it even at high school."

"Am not!" Marti retorted.

"Then what happened?" Casey asked.

"I'll tell you about it later," Marti mouthed, glancing at Derek.

And that's when Casey realized she was in deep, deep trouble, for Derek didn't even react to the idea that her precious little Smarti might be confronted to boy trouble. His eyes had moved from his plate, at long last, but she'd had rather they hadn't, because they were now fixated on her, and not in the usual way that she had forbidden him to use when at home with the fam, because it got her all tingly and wishing for the privacy of their bedroom, in their flat back in Kingston. She wished for privacy all right, at the moment, but there was no pleasurable anticipation about it. She was not looking forward to it.

She had thought she could delay the confrontation by sticking with the rest of the family (Simon being of unwitting great help, as he stuck to her like glue, with or without encouragement), but Derek caught her exiting the bathroom after a much needed, and much delayed, toilet break. He pushed her back in the bathroom, locked the door, and leaned against it, crossing his arms.

"You're going to Yale?" he said, eyes flat.

"I might not get in," she said, avoiding his gaze.

He scoffed.

"Like hell you're not getting in, Keeny McKeener."

Okay, so she had never been the most confident person ever, but if there was one thing she was confident about, it was, indeed, her academic abilities. Truthfulness, though? Still working on that.

"It's not for another year and a half."

Yeah, she knew it was a lame comeback, even as she timidly met Derek's reproachful eyes.

"Oh, so I have a one year and a half deadline, is that it?" he snarked. "What is this, do I have an expiration date written somewhere on my body that I was not aware of? 'Best consumed before college ends'?"

"It's not like that," she whispered.

She could feel the tears welling up and she clenched her hands very hard, pushing her nails into her palm to keep from letting them fall.

"Like hell it's not!" he exploded. "You've been thinking about this long enough that you've actually decided to go! How the fuck does moving to another fucking country not say 'bye-bye, leave a good life'?"

"I said it's not like that! And stop swearing!" she snapped.

"Oh excuse me, Princess, I was not aware I had to still abide by your fucking outdated principles about self-expression when you're fucking breaking up with me in anticipation!"

"Don't call me Princess!"

"Why, I thought you liked it, it certainly gets you hot and heavy when we have sex."

She could have slapped him for this. That nickname was precious to her, a relic from a not so distant past, which had slowly morphed from mocking insult to endearment, one word that summarized their whole relationship in one tiny, short word. She hated that he was using it as a weapon against her.

Instead, she clenched her teeth and shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

"I am not talking to you when you are like that. We'll talk about this later," she managed to grind out, pushing past him to get the lock.

He moved out of the way, avoiding contact, yet another stab. Derek was the touchy-feely one in their relationship, the one who used physical contact as a form of communication, while she was the brainiac, the one who insisted on Talks.

He let her get out of the bathroom, following her in silence. At the top of the stairs, she stopped. If she had been in a better mood, she could have giggled when she felt him skid to a halt behind her, intent on not touching her at all in his prideful pettiness. She turned, and hesitantly brought her hand to his cheek. He recoiled, but she ignored her hurt feelings and pressed on, despite the clenching of his jaw under her fingers.

"We'll talk about this later," she repeated. Then, bringing her hand down, she added: "I'm not breaking up with you."

"I think Smerek's angry with you," Marti said, flopping beside her on the couch.

"You think?" Edwin deadpanned, lifting his head from his comics.

"He's probably unhappy about having to actually pay rent when Casey moves to the US," Lizzie quipped.

"Wow, you guys' bedside manners are a wonder," Casey sighed. "You know the goal is to get the person better, not worse?"

"Calm down, McCranky, it's not our fault Derek's in a bad mood."

"Ed, that sounds like you're saying it's hers, you dork."

"Well, it kind of is, isn't it?"

"Gee, thanks, Edwin."

"I really don't like Christmas," Casey muttered.

"Hey, don't talk crap about Christmas!"

"Marti, what did we say about your language in front of Simon?"

"God, you sound like Nora. And I don't mean that as a compliment."

"I heard that!" came Nora's voice from the kitchen.

"I don't care!" Marti hollered back.

"Don't worry, Casey," Simon said from his sprawled out position half on her knees. "I'm coming with you to the US, because I'm best than Derek as a brother."

This got a laugh out of Casey at last.

"You have to say 'I'm a better brother than Derek', sweetie," she said, pinching his cheek lightly.

"But not in front of him," Lizzie added quickly. "At least, not right now. He's liable to lock you in the game closet otherwise, with the mood he's in."

Derek found her later in the evening, sitting outside under the porch. She was nursing a beer, a rare indulgence, partly forced on her by Nora, and she didn't hear him approach until he snagged the beer right out of her hands and finished it in one large gulp.

"That was mine," she observed.

"You were not going to finish it."

Probably not. Fleetingly, an image of the outraged reaction Georgiana would have had if Harrison had dared to steal her beer came to her mind.

"You wanted to talk. So talk," Derek finally said.

"You're being petty," she observed.

"I think I have a right to. You're moving away without so much as a 'by-your-leave'."

"Maybe you do," Casey conceded. "But I was going to talk to you about it."

"When? Right before boarding your flight?"

She knew he wanted to sound sarcastic, but his retort only came out as hurt.

"Soon. I just needed to feel ready."

"Ready? For fuck's sake, Casey, we've been together for a year, we live together, don't you think I should be the one you discuss moving to another country with, rather than hearing it at a family dinner? I should not be the last one to learn about this, I should be the first one!"

"Okay, first of all, no one in the fam' knew."

"Nora did."

"My mom knew because Dennis and her talked about it when it came to the aspect of financing it. I was not hiding it from you, per se..."

"Oh yeah, you were just failing to mention it, casually, from months on end. I mean, it probably slipped from your mind, repeatedly, because it's not like it was an important decision, or like it could affect me, right?"

Casey faced him, grabbing his hands so suddenly he didn't have time to withdraw them. She let out a long sigh, which formed a large cloud of mist between them for one second.

"Derek, I was really going to tell you. I was just worried-"

"We've been together for a year already, what-"

"We've been together for a year, only," she cut him off. "Stop trying to interrupt me, I'm trying to explain something important to you, and you know that can get really long when I'm stressed out, and right now, you're stressing me out, and I can't remember what I had planned to say and like I said, it's important, so you better shut up and listen to me."

"Okay, okay, Princess, I'm all ears," he snapped, but it lacked any real bite, and he almost looked like he might have smiled.

Casey took a big, shuddering breath.

"Okay. So." She took another breath. "Like I said. Important stuff. I was going to tell you, but I was worried."

"Why would you be-" she glared at him, and he spread his hands, still caught in hers, in defense. "Right. Shutting up."

"I was worried, because it's only been a year, and we don't really know where we're going with this relationship, do we?" She chose to ignore Derek's mutterings that they knew where she was going, and it wasn't Canada. "And I really, really want to go to med school. You know how important this is to me. And Yale… Yale is top-notch, and it's not that far from home ("Like hell it's not far!") and… It's not far from New York."

She watched realization dawning on Derek's face, and, on its heels, disappointment.

"So this is about your dad," he said.

"It's about me and med school, first. But I thought that it was a great occasion to try and build back some of the relationship I used to have with my dad."

"So you're breaking up with me… over your dad."

"Are you even listening to me?" she cried out, annoyed. "I am not even breaking up with you!"

"And how do you intend to maintain a relationship between Canada and the US, while going through med school? I know you're the queen of keeners, but it's not exactly a walk in the park."

Casey let go of his hands and pinched the bridge of her nose, concentrating to focus on anything rather than her urge to strangle her boyfriend.

"Derek, what are you intending to do after graduation?"

He looked lost for a minute.

"I'll probably get drafted. Why?"

"Do you know where?"

"Of course not, what do you think? It's not pick and choose for us… Oh."

Now he looked defeated.

Had she not known Derek by heart, Casey would not have thought it possible that anyone could show so little concern for the future, or at least, so little concern for anything that could happen outside of the great, blurry things Derek had planned for himself. He would be a hockey player; where didn't matter. He would be with Casey; how this might work with their respective plans, didn't matter either.

Casey knew Derek loved her. He had never said it, in so many words, but she had seen him in love before, and she had recognized the signs. She had never said it either, and she doubted he knew she did love him; for all his bravado, Derek surprisingly lacked confidence when it came to actual, real feelings.

"What did you think would happen? That you would miraculously get drafted to the same city I would go to for med school? That I would follow you wherever you might get drafted? We were going to have to consider this at some point, it just happened a little earlier than planned."

"So basically, we were going to break up at the end of college anyway," he said bitterly.

"For the last time, Derek, I am not breaking up with you. Though if you keep on saying this, I'll take this as a hint that you want to break up and I'll take you on your word."

"I don't want to break up," he said mulishly.

"Great. Neither do I," she said with impatience. "Can we skip the part where we talk in circles and go straight to the important points, now?"

He nodded, and, though he still wore his stubborn face, some of his tension had alleviated.

"As I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me, over and over," there, she glared and he shrugged. "I was worried about talking to you about this, because I knew this would happen."

"All hail the great oracle of London!"

"Quiet. I knew you had not considered any of the logistical difficulties of our relationship after college, and I knew whichever med school I decided to attend, the chances that you ended up in the same place were really low. So I picked the best. Moreover, when I started thinking about this, we had only been together for a few months, and I had no idea if this," she gestured between them both - "would last or if it would implode with a few more days."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Casey rolled her eyes.

"Thank you for your useless intervention, Mr Sarcasm. At first, that was what I worried about. After a while, I was more worried about something else. Plus, it was right at the time you started taking hockey even more seriously, and you started talking about drafts without being tongue-in-the-cheek."

She was having trouble swallowing now. Derek had picked up on her nervousness, and whether from automatism or not, he had taken one of her hands into his and was starting to draw patterns on the back of it with his thumb. Casey had become so attuned to that habit of his in the past year that she could tell, without even looking at him, that he was just as nervous as her, from the quickness of the patterns.

"So, I was worried," she swallowed, "I was worried that if I went… You would not come with me."

The patterns stopped, and Derek was almost crushing her hand now.

They stared at each other for a while.

"You wanted me to come with you? Really?" Derek finally asked.

She nodded.

"Why?"

She controlled her urge to roll her eyes. That boy would never learn romance.

"Because I love you, you stupid dork. I want to be with you this year, next year, and even after college ends."

There was this thing that she really loved about Derek: the way his whole face, his whole body, expressed all of his emotions. There was something to say about lack of nuance: when you were the one causing his happiness, or were on the receiving end of it, it was one of the most pleasant things ever. The way Derek expressed his happiness made Casey feel like she was the center of the universe.

"Do you..." His voice sounded like a strangled cat. He cleared his throat. "Do you?" He repeated, like he could not go any further.

"So much for the sweet-talker," Casey laughed, pulling him in by the hem of his jacket. "Yes, I do," she said, butting her forehead lightly against his.

"Say it again," he demanded.

"Greedy," she smiled. "I love you, Derek Venturi."

He smiled like the sun had to fit between his lips and threw himself into the kiss with so much enthusiasm he sent both of them sprawling into the snow.

"You're such a dork," she laughed. "This is going to be a very discrete trace of our presence outside tonight."

"I love you too, Princess," he answered, still smiling, and kissed her again. "This is the best Christmas ever."

Casey might have been thinking the same.

You never know when Casey and Derek will come barging into your brain making such a ruckus you have to write something about them to get them out of your mind.

So here you go, new chapter after 3 full years. At this rate, this story might be finished by 2030 (still quicker than ASoIaF, though). I started writing about 2 hours ago and posted immediately, so glaring mistakes might appear in your vision field. And, since I am very much sleep-deprived, characters may be grossly out of character. Review button is still there for complaints and critiscism or mindless admiration. Your choice. I don't mind either way.