Guilt
"That wound that is as deep as the ocean, that bloody murder that is as colorless as death" Shiba Kaien
No clue how I came up with this.
It was that day again. Really, everytime around this day she gets all emo, doesn't meet my gaze and ignores me as best as possible. It annoys the bloody hell out of me, seriously.
It's the day Shiba Kaien died.
Out of the corner of my eyes I look at her. She tries to mask it but it's painfully obvious at least to me. She has 'guilt' written all over her face.
I sigh and scribble something down on a piece of paper, then throw it towards her. She looks at me with furrowed eyebrows and I just stare back at her with a blank expression. She reads the little note and sighs, then nods.
At least she agrees.
~*~
"Ichigo," her voice is irritated, so much I can tell but there's also a little trace of fear in it. I know why. "Where are we going? It's already getting dark!"
"Stay patient, will you, midget?"
She lets out an aggravated cry but follows anyways.
Good, little runt.
We arrive at a clearing and she stiffens immediately. I can't help a shudder myself. But that's no surprise, after all that had happened here.
Without turning around I begin to speak: "It happened here, didn't it?"
I knew the answer, the question was only rhetorical but she didn't have to know that.
"W-what are you talking a-about, Ichigo?"
I let out a soundless sigh of irritation – my most common emotion during those days when Rukia's consumed by guilt. It's just nerve wrecking, honestly.
"I mean, this is were Shiba Kaien died, isn't it?"
I can hear her taking in a sharp breathe of cold autumn air. "How do you-?"
"Know? I heard stories, now answer my question."
"… yeah, it was in this spot."
A silence engulfs us unlike the usual comforting quietness we share on a daily basis. This is choking. I can't bear it any longer.
"You were… the person killing him, weren't you?"
I know I am being cruel but I have to do this. So she can finally forget what is long forgiven. What I have long forgiven her.
"And what if?"
I finally turn around facing her with a comforting smile I'm sure remembers her of several times with him. But is there so much difference between him and me?
"Ukitake-san told me about that night," liar. "And if that guy was in any way like he told me then I'm sure he would hit you for still mourning over him," sure he would, he is me and I know I would be all too happy to hit her senseless. "So stop being all depressed. I'm sure… if he would be here right now," he is here, right in front of you. "He would tell you he isn't mad and you should move on. I did with my mother so you can do the same, can't you?"
We are starring into each other's eyes now, violet and amber boring into one another. She sighs once again and flashes me one of those smiles I learned to love and yearn for.
"You are probably right, Ichigo. Thanks…"
"No problem, Rukia."
And while we are walking back home I can't help myself.
I'm angry with myself for not telling her the truth. But I just can't. I know she would no longer be able to see me as Kurosaki Ichigo. She would just see Shiba Kaien and I'm not sure I could handle this. But I know one thing for sure…
I forgave you the moment I saw your face once again. I can't stay mad at you, not for something I got myself into because of my useless pride. I would gladly give my life… for protecting that smile of yours that finally came back.
Like I mentioned, no clue how I came up with this. I think the fight between Metastacía and Kaien was in the Living World (at least in the manga). If not – bleh, then I don't care. In this fiction it was, bear with me!
Well, yeah, what else? Uh… oh, yeah: Read&Review, folks! Ja ne!