Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.

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Neither Princess Nor Frog [3/3]

So I was denied. Whenever have I ever been approved? First it was the good behavior and then the throne and then Romano. Honestly. I thought my awesome would get me somewhere. It just seems people can't take it and they just push me away.

I didn't let it get to me. I definitely didn't beg Romano to let me rape him. That wouldn't be awesome of me.

--

Is that what he told you? How thick! Can I copy Gilbert for a moment?

I think he said something and it went a little like this… "Oh, Romano, please, please, please, I won't make it hurt in the slightest! I'm really good at it! I can practically have sex with anything! You'll like it a lot, I promise!"

Look, I'm not that desperate to be knocked up by someone like Gilbert. Please.

--

We already snuck across the border. We were in the castle grounds. Not to brag or anything, but I live on this huge estate. Huge. I'm talking hundreds of awesome acres. And Romano was whining about how it was taking so long.

"We've been walking around in circles. You don't know where this witch woman is, do you?"

If I wanted to complain, I would have said something about how he cock-blocked me, but I'd gotten past that and I wasn't going to dredge up old memories. I only told him that no one was sure where exactly Ludwig disappeared and if we just wandered around, maybe the witch would come and find us. He just crossed his arms and pouted.

"Why did your brother show up on Italia land?" Romano asked.

Hell if I knew. I know Ludwig likes to work out and everything and train, and it wasn't beyond him to appear in Italia on foot, but keep in mind he was hopping. I don't know what it feels like to be a frog, but I'm sure hopping that distance must be tiring.

"It was the call of his heart, darlings. What are you doing in this forest?"

I told him the witch would come find us! When we turned to see who had interrupted us, we saw this woman. She was cute and dainty, but she was also holding what looked like a frying pan. There was flowers in her hair that made her look like a nature-tree hugger. Her dress was a simple green material with an apron. I didn't think she was the witch at first, but somehow Romano knew.

"You're the witch!" he said.

She looked pleasantly surprised. "Ah! My name is Elizavita, but yes, some do refer to me as the witch of this forest. What do I owe the pleasure?"

Before we could ask her to turn Ludwig back to a frog, she slapped herself in the forehead. I was starting to think that maybe she had lost her marbles when she chirped, "Where are my manners? Why are we talking out here? The rain has just fallen; the dew I need to collect does not need to hear our conversation. Come; follow me and I'll give you two a smidgeon of tea before we hop to business!"

Romano gave me a look that said "Let's not follow her because who knows what sort of things she might slip us and she obviously doesn't seem too worked up about your awesome factor, which is much higher than mine." Yeah, on that subject, the witch didn't seem too surprised to see me. I would think anyone would prostrate themselves before me of my awesomeness. Then again, Romano rejected me; I guess maybe it was bad luck still following me around.

But Ludwig was a human, and that was beckon enough to make us follow her. And besides, I'm sure I could kick that witch's ass any day. So she has magic. Whatever. My awesome overrides that.

--

I don't know what possessed me to hop to Italia when I was a frog. One day, I went out to explore the lands Germania told me I would one day rule and I stumbled across this woman who seemed to be having difficulty collecting some herbs. I know I come off as stoic and unfriendly, but if someone needs help, I won't hesitate. I found all the red flowers she was looking for.

I wasn't expecting much of a thanks, since this woman didn't seem like the kind of person who would be able to give you anything but words of gratitude, but she just looked at me with her apron full of flowers and turned me into a frog.

"I'm the witch of this forest, and I've bewitched you into a frog! But when you've found the person who'll bewitch your heart, one kiss will turn you back to normal! Good day!" And before I could tell her to turn me back right, she skipped off and I couldn't find her afterwards.

I didn't think I would be welcome back at the castle, and with Gilbert in his violent ways, he might try and cut one of my legs off so I tried to avoid the place as much as possible. I heard there were groups looking for me, but what could I do? When I called for them, I only croaked and no one would believe me anyway.

Something like recklessness seized me and I found myself hopping in some direction. At the time, I didn't know where I was going, just my legs were carrying me to some place. I don't know how long it took me, or anything because the details are fuzzy, but I finally settled in this little pond. It was a nice pond. Something told me to stay there, so I just waited for a while.

When you're a frog, flies taste much better than you would think.

I was dozing off that day when I heard someone splashing around in the pond. When I opened my eyes, I saw a boy, or actually it was a young man, just crawling around in the pond. I don't like that kind of frivolity; it's okay, I guess, to goof around, but if you're mucking around in a pond, that's not okay. I opened my mouth to tell him off, expecting croaks, but to my surprise, my voice returned and I told him to stop before he got more wet.

Well, that happened to be a mistake. The boy turned to me and started talking to me as if he had only been waiting for me to speak. He talked and talked and talked and talked and finally I told him it was getting late and he left, saying he would come back.

Surprisingly, he did.

It was mostly talking on his part. He told me everything about himself. What could I say? I was a frog. He never asked me how I could talk, or anything specific. He just thought I was a friend, that's all. I grew accustomed to his visits. It was nice; being a frog for that long, it was a while since I had talked like that to someone.

I don't know why it came up, but one day, I told Feliciano about how I was turned into a frog and he just plucks me off the lily pad and kisses me. Frog or human, I was surprised at it happening. It never crossed my mind before. But then I felt something akin to stretching and when I blinked, I was human again.

So apparently, according to the witch, my heart was bewitched by Feliciano. I had apparently 'fallen in love' with him.

I don't really mind, I guess.

--

Oh my gosh! Are you asking me about Ludwig? The nice blond man who helped me find my herbs? Well, glad you asked!

So not a lot of people help me out when they see me. First, they think it's strange that a woman is wandering around in the forest by herself and in my condition. Maybe they're expecting a queen or something on the palace grounds. I lived here much longer than the palace was around, you know. You can't just displace me from my home. And after they get over the fact that I'm a woman, they think I'm up to no good because I've got flowers in my hair and dirt under my fingernails. Women can work too, you know! I wasn't going to complain though; if I made a fuss, I might really be kicked out.

Anyway, I was wandering around trying to find my red flowers when this man comes of nowhere and asks me if I need some help. He was so nice to just come and ask me! I didn't think he was there to cause trouble, so I told him what I was looking for, and he went and found them and gave them to me for no charge! I was very surprised.

I didn't have any love potions or anything on me to thank him, so I supposed I ought to do something good in return. I knew he didn't have anyone he loved, so I hexed him into a frog. Cliché, I know, but it's cute to watch a frog prince find his princess and have them walk off into the sunset. Actually, I prefer a frog prince finding another prince, but that's a whole different animal.

I had a feeling he wouldn't know where to go, so I sort of…well…cast a spell to make him go somewhere. Even I didn't know where he would end up. He would know on his own.

And then he found someone! I was so happy when I heard he was finally getting married!

And then I was wandering around to see if I could see some festivities and I stumbled upon his brother and a boy! Living on the palace grounds, I know everyone at the palace. I was surprised he was looking for me. I guess being a witch with magical powers, I owe them an audience if they were looking for me.

Aw, but they were so cute together! I took some pictures when they weren't looking.

--

So the witch brings us to a cave. Sketchy already. I mean, we were following this strange woman into a cave. Oh, with Gilbert too. I've been told many times not to follow strangers. Or known perverts. I was a bit uneasy, but if this was really the witch I wasn't going to complain.

I don't know why I knew she was the witch. She just has a kind of witch demeanor, Elizavita.

Anyway, she brings us downstairs to a little sitting room and she waves her hands around and some cups come out of thin air and fill with a strong smelling tea. "Drink up," she says, as if she hadn't spiked it with anything. I was going to warn Gilbert, but the idiot just drank the whole cup and he didn't just kneel over so I drank a little. It tasted like roots.

"So what did you come here for?"

"We want you to turn my brother, Ludwig, back into a frog."

Elizavita looked surprised. "Whatever would you want that for? He just was turned back into a human by his true love!"

"That's the case," I said. "He may have gotten this true love thing wrong."

"Impossible. My magic doesn't just break for anything. It must have been reacting to strong feelings. Your brother was the one he was meant for."

I didn't ask how she knew this stuff. She was a witch, after all. Gilbert tried his reasoning. "Listen, broad, I'm going to be king. No doubt about it. My awesomeness makes me the best candidate. Now that he's back, things won't work out like that. You've got to turn him back."

"That's selfish and I couldn't possibly grant that wish," Elizavita sniffed.

"You've got to!"

"The way I see it," she said scathingly, looking a bit menacing for a woman, "is that both your desires to turn Ludwig back into a frog are pure selfishness. You want to be king so much that you'd wish misfortune on your brother to get it. And you." She turned to me, looking slightly livid. "You can't stand Ludwig, although he's done nothing bad to you, and you've totally neglected to see how happy your brother is! Now I know you don't particularly like your brother all that much, but surely you don't want him to be unhappy! He'll be heartbroken if Ludwig is turned back to a frog, and permanently, as I know you two want it."

I shivered. She had read our minds.

"I do read minds. Or I can. It's a talent I can turn on and off." She smirked matter-of-factly. "So I can't possibly turn him back to a frog."

"There must be a way we can negotiate," Gilbert persisted.

Elizavita studied us. "Well, I suppose there is a way…" she said slowly, looking as if she was undressing us both with her eyes. "But it won't be pleasant…"

Gilbert shifted so he was in front of me. Please! Like I needed his protection. I just didn't move because if she sent a spell flying our way, he'd get hit first.

"You can't touch Romano," Gilbert said, like the fake awesome hero he thinks he is.

"Oh, I won't be. It'll be a kind of cute punishment. But no! I can't do that!" She shook her head as if she had been possessed. "No matter how cute the photos…I can't! Ludwig will not turn into a frog. He will be human! Do you know how much those two need each other! You two are so dense!" She slapped us around, although I had the advantage of the Gilbert shield. "Romano, you need to wake up and see that Feliciano is super happy! And you yourself haven't felt love, so you wouldn't know! But you will, soon." The strange grin made me feel a bit uneasy. Surely she wasn't insinuating Gilbert. Yuck.

Thankfully, she turned to Gilbert, so I could sneak out from behind him and out of reach in case her aim accidentally hit me. Gilbert shot me a pleading look but I just smirked at him. "And you, Gilbert! You need a reality check! You are not awesome! Not in the slightest! And slow and steady does win the race sometimes! You've got to learn that pushing it won't get you anywhere! And let's face it! Sometimes there are winners and losers! And I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you; but you seem to be more of the latter!"

Ouch.

"So you won't grant our wish?" I asked, giving Gilbert time to process this blow to the pride. Jerk or not, it wasn't pleasant to hear these things. Elizavita turned to me.

"I'm sorry, but I won't. I can't. But thanks for trying."

--

So what happened after that bitch said mean things to me out of jealousy, me and Romano blinked and suddenly we were back at the palace in Italia. Feliciano came out of nowhere and hugged his brother, gushing something about his disappearance and the marriage had been postponed and dress colors and franticness.

But in other words, a few days later, we older brothers found ourselves at the back of the ceremonial hall in the palace and Feliciano and my brother were getting ready to exchange vows.

Just like that. For all that trouble of sneaking out, we had just been plucked and realigned into our original positions. Romano was sulking next to me and everyone was just beaming and all that sickness.

"I can't believe for all our trouble, this is what happens," Romano grumbled, glaring at me like it was my fault.

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "My awesomeness has taken a blow and it couldn't overwhelm this whole ordeal to shut it down."

Romano chuckled and I sort of wished I could kiss him or jump him or something but before I could act on any of those thoughts, he wandered away to inspect the reception – as if he could mess up something as sabotage or something maybe? I just watched him walk away.

"Great wedding, right?"

One of my best friends, Antonio Carriedo, walked up to me just as my brother and Feliciano kissed in front of the whole congregation and a loud rush of sighs filled the air. He was dressed to the nines, grinning under his still messy hair. Apparently, Roma had invited all sorts of royalty to the event for some reason. To show off his grandson? Because my awesome body was there and it would just be an excuse to all who showed up to see me? My other friend, Francis was sitting somewhere in the rows of pews with his own love interest, a blonde duke from a district of his own land – Matthew.

"Spiff-tastic," I said sarcastically. I was too busy still watching Romano dip his finger into the cake and lick it clean. It was very distracting. Antonio followed my line of vision and I think he did a double take.

"Who is that?" he asked in a hushed voice, pointing obviously. "That guy looks like the one your brother's getting married to!"

"That's Feliciano's brother," I explained very matter-of-factly like it didn't matter to me. "Romano."

"He's…" Antonio shook his head, a grin spreading across his face. "Excuse me, Gilbert. I've got to introduce myself." And without further ado, he rushed off to talk to Romano and by the way Romano was looking at my friend, I remembered what that witch said and this whole thing wasn't fun anymore.

--

I was not going to sabotage Feliciano's reception! I just wanted to make sure the cake was really buttercream decorated. I also wanted to make sure the punch wasn't spiked. I definitely didn't spit into it.

Anyway, this whole thing was stupid. Feliciano was getting married, my grandpa was being stupid, everyone was just acting like idiots. I had to get out of there.

I knew Gilbert was watching me. It was annoying. Can't a guy take a hint? I'm not interested! But if he didn't keep his eyes to himself, I wasn't going to make a scene. I mean, I know I'm good looking.

I saw someone coming closer to me and I was going to turn and tell Gilbert to march his ass back to the chapel and stay away from me, but it wasn't Gilbert. It was someone I didn't know; a dark-haired man with a charming smile and self-assurance that was oddly appropriate for him.

Feliciano always talks about how his heart basically did gymnastics when he saw Ludwig and how it was a sign of true love, and I don't believe all that crap, but my heart was skipping over itself when he came over to me. I really wasn't trying to make myself presentable. I was just standing straighter because royalty has to look somewhat good when meeting someone new. I didn't think I should have checked my breath, after sneaking a forkful of pasta from Feliciano's plate! I didn't! This guy wasn't anything special!

I didn't give him the respect of even looking at him, really, but he just walked over to me and smiled that damn charming smile and said, "Hi. I don't believe we've met. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

"How should I know?" I snapped.

"Enough to break the ice. Hola, I'm Antonio. What's your name?"

What a cheesy pickup line. Really. I only took his hand to be polite and the sparks that appeared were from the static from the carpet. Honestly. I really wasn't planning on getting to know this guy better, because it was a bit clear he wanted to get in my pants like Gilbert. What is it with his friends?

Not that I would let him!

--

I never expected Romano to like me back or anything. I mean, I know the bad ones get punished and I was the bad one who conceived the idea of getting rid of my brother. Karma always comes back to get you, you know? I sort of thought of this while I watched my brother marry one of the twins of Italia and the other twin slyly resist the flirtations of my best friend. And I'm always one surrounded with disappointments and shortcomings, because it's just the woes that come with awesomeness.

I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party or anything. I never asked to be turned into a frog and wait for Romano either. I'm not trying to get you to feel sorry for me as I do right now, but you know, when it comes down to it. Stuff like this happens to me, and I'm wicked, and no one loves the wicked.

End

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Note: OUCH!! Shot down, Prussia! But we love you anyway! "It's just so fun exploring alone!" But yeah, finally this last chapter comes out. I can't do threeshots in time. The first two come out relatively quick and the last one takes a while. At least this was better than the last threeshot I did – it took a year to finish the last chapter. So yeah! Did you like? Review to save Prussia's awesome!