50 stupid things you did

…Because damn it how else was I supposed to love you?

No. 1: The Heee-du-ger-gi-hodd-wee

He's a fireman.

I keep telling him to go get a better job. Getting all that bachelor's degree for chemistry and something-something-degree in fire science and that something-something-degree in civil service; getting all that and end up getting a job that paid only nine pounds an hour.

"Beats sittin' in an office all day long." He says.

"Bull." I say. Cold beer runs in my throat; it's a Friday night out with just all guys. Demyx and Sora and Riku and Pence and me and him. No Olette or Selphie; they ruin the atmosphere.

"What, you don't think firemen are sexy?" He laughs. The rest of them laugh with him.

"Up yours." I say, embarrassed.

"Oh fuck, you bloody bastard." Demyx says, pulling out a five-pound coin. "Guess Axel's prediction's right again."

"What?" I ask, and look at Axel. He moves his left arm from the back of his chair onto the table, with that goddamned grin on his face. "What?!"

"Rox, 's probably better you let it." Sora says.

"Don't call me Rox." I say, and glare at Axel. "Ax-el." I know him since kindergarten. That goddamn grin isn't something good.

"We were betting that you were a latent homosexual." The sentence ends in crackles. All I know is that heat rushing to my head—no, not blushing, bloody hell—anger!

"I'll murder you!" I really did want to. I would strangle him to his death if I could. But he's a fireman, goddamnit.

"It's alright, Roxas." Demyx laughs, "This isn't America—we won't treat you with that Catholic Republican shit."

"Shut your face." I say. Can't believe they're all ganging up on me. So much for some friends. Sometimes I wonder just why the hell I know them in the first place.

"Tail your arses back home, boys." The barman says, interrupting, "Closing time."

The guys groan. Somehow I feel like I had a mini victory, even if I really was at a loss.

Everyone is sort of drunk as each of him climbs into the car. Axel is the only sober one 'cause he has a shift tomorrow, and I am the second relatively sober one. But the lights are already flashy in my eyes as we drive over the bumpy bridge, and I'm feeling lou-lou-lou-lou-lousy. Got to keep my head straight now. Don't move, Roxas, try to focus.

"You know I was just joking." He suddenly says. I can't reply 'cause I have to keep my head straight.

"Really, I didn't mean it." He says again. He thinks I'm mad 'cause I kept quiet! Do I talk that much normally?

"Rox?" He glances over to me while trying to keep his attention on the road. Oh, I have a little plan in mind…

"What if I really am gay?" I say. Oooooooh look at that face! Hah I've got you now, Axel!

"Well um…" He stutters. Good, good, plan going as planned. "I uh… I mean… I won't look down on you or anything… It's your freedom to… I guess, love whoever you want to…"

I can't control my laughter. But it sounds more like hiccups.

"Are you seeing someone?" He asks. I can't stop laughing. He seems irritated by my lack of reply.

And right up back to our shared flat.

The bad thing about getting wasted is that you have to wake up with a killer headache. My head feels like it's a ball of round stone that's just about heavy enough to break my neck. I buttress my head with the heels of my hands and sit up. Lord knows what time it is but the sun is all up and about.

Here's one for you. Stay away from the range as much as you can.

I take the painkiller next to his memo and drink it down. Hangover mornings always start like this. Some of the guys who haven't sobered up yet from last night are still here sleeping on the ground. The rest I assume Axel brought back to their homes on his way to work.

How am I supposed to eat if he doesn't want me to touch the range?

I'll settle for reheated frozen pizza so I swing open the fridge. Oh, silly, not the main fridge... Huh?

Bloody bastard.

It's five o'clock and Axel's shift is going to end soon. Riku left for home with Sora and I'm the only one left in the flat. I should think about what to have for dinner, except that Axel's pasta—or the fact that he was able to cook at all—still lingers in my mind.

The phone jumps me up. Lazily I crawl up from the sofa and grab it.

"Hello?" I say.

"Hi, is this Axel's family?" A man's voice, almost covered over by yells and the sounds of police wails, says.

"No, I'm his flatmate." I say. What is this about?

"Do you know how I can contact his family?"

"I don't, I'm sorry." I say. "What is this? Is there something wrong?"

"Well, I'm on Axel's fire team and he just fell down with the stairs when we were clearing a building—"

"Oh my God is he alright?!"

"I don't know yet. I can't say." The man says, "I'll need you to come to the hospital."

I grabbed Demyx and some other guys to drive me over. The doctor says he was going to be alright, saving a few months of recovery. Demyx and Selphie rush into the room before me.

"Oh my... God!" Demyx exclaims, covering his mouth.

Axel is sitting, a leg lifted with about ten centimeters' thick of cast around it. His left arm is on a cast as well, and the other is wrapped in bandage. His face is wrapped up too, and even so you can see the horrendous swelling. He tries to smile.

"You idiot!" I can feel an unwarranted anger rising up to my chest and running into my arms and lips. I don't know why I am lunging forward to grab him despite his broken state. "You fucking bastard! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Roxas!" Demyx grabs me by the arms. "Roxas! He's hurt!"

I struggle. Why do I get angry at him for nearly dying, when I know his job has such a dangerous nature anyway? I always thought I was ready for it. That one day I may very well wake up and become the only one left living in that flat. And here I am, getting thrown out of the room by Demyx. I stop fighting him.

"I thought I was going to lose him..." My legs give out and I fall onto the sofa nearby. "I thought I really was going to lose him forever..." Heat crowds around my eyes.

"Roxas, nobody wants this to happen." Selphie says.

"I know, I know!" I cover my eyes up with my arm. "But it's all so real..."

They keep quiet.

"I just need some time." I say, "I just need some time."

I go into the room after Demyx and Selphie talk with Axel and leave. I didn't want to look at his eyes, partly because looking at his wrapped up face hurts, and partly because I am too shameful to.

"Wokhs." He mumbles through the swelling of his jaw, "Wokhsas."

I slowly meet his gaze. He smiles even if I can tell it hurts.

"Heee du gergi hodd wee." He says as he raises his right arm—the one wrapped only in bandages—and pats my head.

I move closer to him. "I can't hear a thing you're saying."

"Heee-du-wer-gi-hahot-wee." He tries again. I have to get closer until his lips are right next to my ear.

"Peese dun werwi hahot wee." He says.

My chest knots up so tight I have to leak a smile in order to feel better, "Since when did you learn to say 'please', Axel?"

Suddenly the door opens with a boy and a lady who looks like his mother coming in.

"Oh my goodness." She exclaims, "I-I-I don't know what to say."

Axel shakes his head. His eyes look so benevolent.

"Thank you." She says. "Thank you so much. You're a hero. Billy, say thank you to him."

"Thank you, sir." The little boy says earnestly.

"Visiting hours are over." The doctor comes in and says. I leave the room with the lady and her son.

"Madam, May I ask…?"

"Oh, oh I'm sorry." She says. "Is he your friend?"

I nod.

"Please say 'thank you' to him one more time for me." She puts a hand on her son's head. "He saved Billy's life. The fire was so bad the whole structure of the building was falling apart. Billy was stuck on a staircase that could fall any minute. Your friend went to brace his fall and… took all the damage for Billy."

I look at the boy who has one hand tugging his mother's skirt and the other hand sticking a thumb into his mouth. Not a scrape on him.

"I'll be sure to tell him." I say. She thanks me and leaves with her son skipping up and down beside her. Not a scrape on him.