The thought of going to see him scared me. How long has it been? I don't know but I didn't think that I would ever have to see his face again in my life. But now I'm going to identife his dead body. Out of all things to have to do. I had to go see him dead? I didn't want my kids to see this. But I had no other way of knowing that this is what had to happen.

My son, John was in the back set listening to his ipod and dancing. My daughter, Megan was staring out the window confused. She didn't know where we were going. I didn't want to scare her. She was only three. She'd never seen her dad. But she always asked me a lot of questions about him, that I never really seemed to answer. And she would never give up asking those questions. The first thing she said to me when she could talk was 'Where's daddy, mamma?' I couldn't tell her then and I can't tell her now. And even if I had that ould have made a life of changes.

I wouldn't have been able to deal with it.

When we finally got to the morge the women at the front desk told us to sit down at the chairs.

I kept thinking about what I was going to tell Megan and how. "Well, Megan I've never really told you about your father because he's a lier. And the reason I never wanted you to see him is because if he ever saw you he would kill you. And now here we sit thinking that he's dead when we don't know if the body is really his or my own brothers. I know I should've told you sooner. Your bother John has know since he was ten. Your father left when you were just eight mounths." And then I would hold her and she would cry but did I want to make her cry? This was the right time to be scared and worried. But I didn't really care if John was dead. I only cared if Enthiny was dead, my brother.

My brother was like their dad. He was there all the time. He hasn't missed on birthday ever. And he pays for there school. Well most of it. I don't know what I'd do with out him. I couldn't live my life without him. My perents wouldn't help. They've been mad at me since that day I went of and got married to Josh. They had worned me that that was going to be the worest mistike of my life and they were right. But I chose not to listen.

When I told them that I was going to have a son they said that he would leave me. But he didn't and then I told them that I was going to have a daughter and they swear that he would leave me then and that time he did. I couldn't belive that my own perants knew my husbend better then I did. I wish I could've seen it coming. But I was blind.

The way Megan looked at this moment scared me. I wish I could tell her. I probably should, but the only thing that was okay to do at this moment was to drive. Just keep consentated on driving Lana. I keep repting over and over again in my head in hopes that the pain I feel in my world would stop. Knowing that that will never happen is just sicking to think about.

"Mommy?" Megan asks.

I turn my head a little bit to look at her. "Yes, Sweety?" I say.

"Where are we going?" She asks.

"It's hard to explain." I repily.

"How is telling her that dad is dead hard to explain!" Josh yells at me.

"Watch that tone mr. And watch what comes out of your mouth or the next time you will pay." I threaten.

"You always say that! But do you do anything, no!"

"You want to be grounded?"

"Sure do it! Ground me. I don't really can."

"Give your sister your iPod right now!"

"What No!"

"You said you didn't care if I grounded you. No TV. No iPod. No computer or your Laptop.
And anything else I think of will I try and identify you dads body."

"You wouldn't even think about taking any of those things away from me."

"Watch me." I say and I pull over the car and get out of the miny van and open the side
door, climb in and rip his headphones right out of his ears. "I'm sick and tired of you braty attiuted this is where it's going to end for today. The next time you talk back to me or anyone else today you will get another thing taken out of your room."

"Yeah, right." He whispers to himself think that I might not hear it.

"Just wait and find out." I tell him and close the door and go around and back into the drivers seat.

"Are we really going to see daddy dead?" Megan asks me.

"Maybe sweety. I'm just going in first to see if it really is daddy and if it is then they'll let you in."

"But I don't want to see daddy dead. I never got to see him alive."

"You did, you were just too young to remember it."

"What if it isn't daddy, but daddy's twin?"

I turn around and look at Josh he just sruggs not knowing what he did worng like always. "Who told you daddy had a twin?" I ask Megan.

"Butter." She says because she still can't say Brother. But everyone we know thinks it's
so cute, but once you hear it all day long it's not so cute anymore.

I pull into the parking lot and park. I get out and went over to Magen's door and open
it, she jumps into my arms like always. Josh came out of the side door with the baggy pants
I told him not to wear. But he didn't listen as usual. Nothing suprises me anymore with him. I could never get him to do what I wanted. Megan has always been the good child. Never once has she done something that she's not supposed to.

Not that I find it amazing that he doesn't listen to me. He was always daddy's boy. Megan has always been a mommy's girl. The things that will never change. Not nowing what I saw in John made me wonder why we made such a good couple in College. But we were and does it matter now, no because his now dead.

I walk in to the room with a bunch of drowrs and there was just one that was pulled out. I knew right then and there that this was it. I was going to have to find out who killed him. Me and my stupid job and my kids were going to have to now know that their father is know dead. I didn't want to tell thim so I asked the women that showed me to the room to tell my kids that it is their father and to tell them that if they would like to come in then let them.

I wasn't so sure why I couldn't tell them but what ever it was. It was just something in me that backed away from John's corpes. Something about the way he looked jumped out something was firmilier. Not sure of what it was but something something about the way his stab wonds to his chest lined up and looked jumped out and was firmilier to a case I'd just solved.