A/N: So, yeah, this is my first Merlin fanfic. It's Merthur -don't like, don't read. Also, insert disclaimer here. Any-who, kinda spoilers for 1x13, AU of that episode, eventually CHARACTER DEATH, and no spoilers for season 2. Enjoy.
A Price Paid
It had been an uneventful journey back to Camelot for Merlin as he carried with him his precious prize, Arthur's cure, and his own death wish. Merlin didn't care through. The only thing that mattered was that Arthur was alright. He was expendable, Arthur was not; it was that simple.
Merlin thought briefly about what Nimueh had said, about the extra day she would give him to say his goodbyes. He already knew he wouldn't tell anyone what he had done to save Arthur. We didn't want all the tears and the pain, but most of all, he didn't want to lose courage himself. Merlin knew he was not as brave as Arthur; that's why he was so scared of being scared. Merlin laughed to himself at the slight paradox.
Looking around, he recognized the city of Camelot in the distance and rode faster; after all, he had a prince to save.
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Leaving Arthur's chamber's had been near impossible for Merlin. Still, he had managed somehow. He walked with Gaius somewhat aimlessly, so he was caught off-guard when Morgana suddenly grabbed him and pulled him into a private corner.
She looked up deeply into Merlin's eyes, her own eyes dark and almost unseeing and crazed. She spoke quickly and softly, "It won't be over."
There was a pause as Merlin and Morgana looked at each other. Both were afraid to say anything. Morgana would not say what she had dreamt, and Merlin would not ask her, but he had a feeling she knew what he was going to do.
The pause ended as Merlin moved himself and walked away, leaving Morgana and her foreboding behind.
Morgana's eerie words had quickly passed right through him without affecting him, as he had been soon distracted by more thoughts of Arthur. He wanted to do nothing more than to wait by Arthur's bedside for him to recover. However, if he even stayed a moment longer, Merlin was sure he would hold on to Arthur and never let him go. Merlin couldn't do this; he had made a bargain, and Merlin knew that Arthur was worth anything, even his own life, and if he could do it over, he would give his life for Arthur's again with no hesitation.
Why?
Well, as Merlin walking aimlessly across and out of the palace with Gaius to their chambers, he pondered that question in his mind. Why was it that the idea of seeing Arthur is pain so horrible to him? Why did Arthur's injury seem to hurt Merlin more than if he had been the one struck down? Why was the fear that Arthur may not wake up so unacceptable, so agonizing? Why was it that if Arthur was no longer living, Merlin felt like he could not go on? Why was it that all Merlin wanted to do was be with Arthur until the day he died?
These questions only brought up other nagging thoughts that had plagued Merlin these last few months.
Why couldn't Merlin remember his life before meeting Arthur? How many people would Merlin kill to keep Arthur safe? Why did he almost feel jealous of the attention Arthur gave Sophia and the other women in his life? Why did being with Arthur leave him smiling? Why, if the Crown Prince was such a prat, did Merlin care so much about him? Why was Arthur the first person he thought about when he woke up every morning and the last person in Merlin's mind as he feel asleep? When Arthur was dueling, why couldn't Merlin ever keep his eyes off of him? Why did Merlin need Arthur so much?
The words he knew to be the answer were on the tip of his tongue, but Merlin could not know how to speak them.
Merlin had always known he cared about Arthur more than just a servant, maybe more than a friend. At first, Merlin believed that destiny was what had brought him to Arthur, but now, it was something much stronger that kept Merlin by Arthur's side.
Once they had entered Gaius' chambers, Gaius turned to Merlin, face ablaze with desperation. Gaius knew what Merlin had done to save Arthur; Merlin could see it in Gaius' eyes. Gaius opened his mouth to interrogate or try to talk Merlin into reconsidering the decision, but he seemed to see the pleading look in Merlin's eyes. He saw how important this was to Merlin, and Gaius knew he couldn't let Merlin watch Arthur or someone else close to him die. Gaius stepped forward and gave Merlin a deep hug and allowed himself to let one tear fall. Gaius pulled out of the hug and said quietly, "I will always think of you as a son to me. I'll take care of Arthur." With that, Gaius let his chambers and left Merlin to his lingering questions about Arthur.
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Only hours or frantic pacing later did Merlin dare to voice his feelings aloud to the empty room.
"I ... I think ... I lo-"
His voice faltered as he heard footsteps approaching the chambers.
The door opened as Merlin turned to see Gaius slide into the chambers. Fear gripped Merlin's chest as he waited for some news on Arthur's condition.
"The prince lives." Gaius' voice uttered.
Relief, sweet relief was pounding in Merlin's veins as he felt his entire soul collapse with joy. Merlin grabbed his head and let out a genuine smile. It had worked. Arthur was going to be alright, and that was all that Merlin needed to know. There was nothing keeping him here now. This was good ... Merlin thought. He was now more happily resigned to his fate now that he knew he had not failed Arthur and his destiny. After all, regardless of what Arthur may think, Arthur's life was worth much more than Merlin's. 'In fact,' Merlin thought, 'if I had thousands of lives, I would give them all for my king ... my friend ... Arthur. However, this one life should be enough for now.' Merlin felt his smile slacken shyly as he turned back to Gaius.
Gaius gave him a small, understanding smile in return.
The room was stiff in the silence. Merlin sighed, he hated being so insensitive, but his bargain was not yet done. Merlin felt his eyes flash gold as he muttered some unintelligible words under his breath. Gaius' eyes glazed over with sudden exhaustion and Merlin caught his mentor's slumping figure and guided Gaius to the man's cot.
Setting the physician on the bed, Merlin gently crooned some excuses, "I have to save him, Gaius. I have to. I'm sorry."
Not that Gaius heard Merlin. He was fast asleep under Merlin's spell, but Merlin quietly whispered, "I need to say goodbye to Arthur now."
This part was something that Merlin had been dreading was his goodbye to Arthur. However, he couldn't leave without saying goodbye - it would feel wrong. Still, Merlin had a feeling that saying goodbye to those stunning blue eyes would be the hardest part of his sacrifice.
A/N: So, what do you think? Sorry for lovey-dovey OOC-ness. PS-Morgana's creepy warning to Merlin is important-ish. Please review/comment. Next couple of chapters are already written so they'll be up ASAP.