Disclaimer: Transformers is property of Takara-Tomy and Hasbro. I'm just borrowing it. Other characters are property of their respective owners.

"Did you ever find any other aliens?" Leo asked Professor Jones as they drove back to Jones' house.

"Nope."

"Vampires?"

"Nope."

"Zombies?"

"Nope."

"Mummies?"

"Only dead ones."

"What's that?" Leo asked as he glanced across Professor Jones to something in the sky to the left of the car.

"What's what?" Jones asked in reply. His answer came hurtling out of the sky moments later, and only Jones quick reflex to hit the break pedal saved them. A black and yellow blur slammed into the hood of the car, causing it to crumple. Almost instantly, the car heaved upwards as the blur launched itself skywards, taking the hood with it. "What the hell!"

Optimus Prime sped past on the shoulder before pulling a hard left turn and coming to a sliding stop perpendicular to the road.

"Skids, Mudflap, anti-aircraft fire!" Optimus commanded. "Mutt, Leo, take cover." Optimus said as he transformed to his massive bipedal mode and crouched above the humans protectively.

"Come here ya little squaker," a green subcompact shouted as it pulled up beside Optimus and unfolded into another robot.

"We gots some special candy just for you…" a similarly small orange car declared as it pulled up on the opposite side of Optimus from the green robot and transformed. Each of the two smaller robots had hands of mismatched size, one smaller and one large. As Professor Jones and Leo watched, the larger hand on each of the robots retracted and was replaced by a sizable Gatling gun. "I got 'em. I got 'em," the orange robot declared as he began firing at the airborne blur. Then the former hood of Professor Jones car slammed into his face. "Hey!"

"Nobody plays dirty wit' my bro' but m…"the rant of the green robot was cut off as the blur latched onto his face and started tearing. Now that the blur was relatively stationary, it could be recognized as a caricature of a vast predatory bird made of yellow and black metal.

Optimus was torn as to whether to help his troops or continue protecting the humans, who were obviously more vulnerable. The decision was taken out of his hands when Jones stepped out from under Optimus with his pistol drawn.

"Back off!" Jones shouted as he fired three rounds at the robot bird and missed. He fired another three rounds, one of which ricocheted loudly off the bird's head. The robot bird stopped what it was doing to stare at Jones for a moment before launching itself at him. Jones dove reflexively, but it was a barrage from the orange robot, who had finally gotten the twisted hood off his head, that drove off the robot bird. A loud screech accompanied a hit from one of the robot's shots and the bird departed for parts unknown, trailing smoke and flying with a wobble.

"We must depart quickly. There may be more Decepticons in the area," Optimus announced as he transformed back into truck mode. The doors on either side of his cab opened. "Get in."

"Fine, but I want my car back," Jones said grouchily as he got into the driver's seat. Leo got in on the passenger side. Both buckled up.

"I have notified a towing company of its location. Do not concern yourself with the cost of repairs," Optimus said while accelerating down the road.

"Thanks."

"Nice piece," Leo said in admiration of Jones' gun, which the Professor was in the process of returning to his belt holster.

"Pop used to swear by his old Browning and a whip. I never did get the hang of the whip. I'm way better with a blade than he was," Jones pulled a butterfly knife out of his pocket, flipped it open, tossed it, caught it, flipped it closed, and stuck it back in his pocket. "But I didn't think knife-work would do much to that nasty buzzard. Apparently my FNP didn't do much either."

"Without special ammunition and very accurate aim, human firearms do little damage to us," Optimus said. "If you wish, I will have my government contacts get in touch with you to provide you with such ammunition and training."

"Thanks. I prefer 40 Smith and Wesson."

"Duly noted," Optimus replied. The rest of the trip back to Jones' house was uneventful. Once there, Optimus hologram appeared in the back seat. "Would you like one of the Twins to stay as a guard?"

"Hold that thought for a few minutes, Optimus Prime," Jones said. "If you'll come back in the house, I'll go through my contact list and see who might be able to help you with field work."

"That would be greatly appreciated." The two men and the hologram made their way into the house and up to Jones upstairs office (actually an unused bedroom). Jones flipped through a card index for a few minutes, occasionally pausing at a name before shaking his head and moving on. In the end, he scribbled down two names with contact information on a piece of notepaper and handed it to Leo.

"These are two of the best archeologist out there, and both also happen to have been my students. They've got plenty of field experience, particularly with tough digs, and good heads on their shoulders."

"Dame L. Croft. I've never heard of her," Leo muttered. "B. F. Gates. Do you mean Benjamin Franklin Gates?"

"Yup."

"The one who discovered El Dorado?"

"Yup."

"I thought you discovered El Dorado?"

"No, I discovered Akator. The Plains Indians must have heard about Akator and liked the idea so much that they built their idea of what it would look like out in the Black Hills."

"So you both discovered different El Dorados?"

"Mine came first."

"Well, if you're going to be that way…" Leo paused in thought. "There's another guy who thought the Pyramids had something to do with aliens. Jamieson? Johnson?"

"Jackson. Daniel Jackson."

"Yeah! Why didn't you put him on the list?"

"Sometimes the mark of a good scientist is knowing what's acceptable and what isn't. Jackson's suggestion that the Pyramids were alien landing pads was so stupid that it got him laughed out of academia. Last I heard, he was teaching ESL somewhere in California."

"Thank you for your assistance, Mutt. I believe we have caused you enough trouble for today," Optimus said in an attempt to break up the conversation.

"I could use a bit of trouble to liven things up every now and then, Optimus Prime," Jones replied as he followed Leo and Optimus back downstairs.

"Please call me Optimus."

"Sure thing, Optimus."

"We will be in touch shortly with more details for you. Please accept Skids and Mudflap as guards and transportation until your car is returned," Optimus said in parting as he and Leo walked back out to Optimus truck form.

"What you mean transportation?" the green car squeaked from it's position parked along the curb. "The Twins ain't nobody's transportation but ours!"

"I ain't transportation. I's babysittin' you. You's transportation," the orange car replied. It was parked directly behind the green car.

"If we wasn't in disguise I'd kick yo' ass," The green car backed into the orange car for emphasis.

None of the bickering was noticed by Optimus or Leo. The world seemed strangely serene when the Twins were suddenly not their problem.

Dame L. Croft is property of Eidos Interactive.

B. F. Gates is property of Disney.

Daniel Jackson is property of MGM.

All were used without the permission or knowledge of their copyright owners.