Title: Of Cinnimon And Blood

Author: IndigoNight

Summary: Darren finds a shoulder to cry on.

Feedback: Yes please, yay reviews!

Pairing: None intended, but I'm sure someone could see it if they looked for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Cirque Du Freak or the characters I'm just borrowing them for fun.

Spoilers: Through 9

Warnings: Angst, character death

Author's Note: So, yet more angst produced by my broken heart. A different version of when Darren breaks down and cries 3 Read, Review, and most importantly,

Enjoy!

It was dark when we arrived at the Cirque Du Freak. It was also raining, though I took no notice. The camp was quiet, the large performance tent lit up. There was show going on and in a way I was relived. I couldn't handle a big stir just then, everyone gathering around me, greeting me, wanting to know what I'd been up to, and worst of all, where Mr. Crepsley was.

Evanna left us right away, no doubt going to confer with Mr. Tall. Harkat however lingered uncertainly. Usually he would have gone to join with his brother Little People, but he was worried about me and didn't want to leave me alone. However alone was exactly how I wanted to be.

"Go," I said and reluctantly Harkat did.

Finally I was truly, fully, forever, alone. Mr. Crepsley was gone and now I was lost. I stared aimlessly around the camp, everything gloomy and dull to my eyes, and wondered where to go. Mr. Tall would still have Mr. Crepsley's coffin and all his things like he always did, but the trailer would seem cold and lonely. I couldn't bare it.

So without purpose I began to wonder and soon found my feet automatically taking me to the only place I could find any comfort. I sat on the ground in front of the Von family's tent, heedless of the cold and wet under me.

I couldn't feel anything. There was a gapping hole in my gut and it made me numb to anything else. I unconsciously wrapped my arms around myself in futile attempt to hold myself together, certain I would fall to pieces at any moment.

The recent horrid events seemed like a dream to me, and yet at the same time brutally real. It seemed impossible that Mr. Crepsley was gone and I was still here. I didn't understand how I could continue to exist without him.

I say exist, not live, because I wasn't living. I hadn't slept. I hadn't eaten. I hadn't cried.

The increased sound as the show ended and people began to return to camp filtered into my awareness, but I didn't look up. I could hear Urcha and Shancus' shrill voices approaching, excitedly discussing the show and teasing their sister. Merla's laughter rang clearly though the air and Evra started to say something, but before he could even finish the first word silence fell. They'd all frozen and fallen silent as they noticed me.

I knew I must be quite a sight, drenched and shivering, my clothes torn and streaked with blood, my face stark white and eyes haunted.

"Take the kids inside, Merla," Evra said softly. She did without a word. I could feel all of their curious stares as they passed but I didn't look up.

Evra knelt in front of me, ignoring the mud that was staining his clothes. "Darren?" he asked gently.

Slowly I looked up at him, my eyes dull and unfocused as though in a trance. "He's dead," I whispered. It was the first time that I'd admitted it out loud and the words caught in my throat, my voice breaking. Somehow saying it made it crushingly more real and the protective haze I'd fallen into shattered. I collapsed.

Luckily Evra had quick reflexes and he caught me, hugging me tightly.

Finally the dam had broken and it all came pouring out of me in a violent torrent. I clutched Evra, sobbing into his shirt, incoherent words of grief tumbling from my lips.

He didn't understand a word I said, and no doubt he was badly bruised by my careless grip later, but Evra didn't say anything about it, he just held me while I cried.

I had no idea long it took, but eventually I began to calm down a little. I rested limply against Evra's chest struggling to even out my breathing while Evra rubbed my back in soothing circles.

After a long silence Eva spoke quietly, as though afraid of setting me off again. "You're freezing cold," he said, "Lets get you inside."

I pulled away a little, glancing at the brightly lit tent behind me, filled with life and warmth and Evra's happy family. I couldn't go in there, just the thought made the raw, jagged emptiness in me throb painfully.

Evra saw my hesitance and said quickly, "We'll go someplace else, somewhere private."

I nodded slowly and he helped me stand. I didn't pay attention to where he was taking me until we stopped in front of an all too familiar trailer. I froze, I didn't want to go in there, I didn't want to feel the weight of his absence pressing down on me. But I knew I would have to eventually and Evra still had his arm around me, grounding me.

"We don't h-" Evra started.

"Yes," I cut him off, "We do."

As we slowly entered the trailer I braced myself, but my fears were unrealized. I'd felt certain that the room would be somehow different, as though somehow he inanimate objects within would sense the tragedy and mourn with me. But nothing had changed. Everything was exactly as we had left it when we'd set out on this cursed quest. It was as though he might burst through the door, or pop up out of his coffin at any moment.

Evra hung back by the door watching as I slowly circled around the room, touching this and that, letting memories flow over me. I paused in front of his wardrobe, running my fingers over the soft, velvety materiel inside. I picked up one of the long coats, the rich red fabric looking odd when not accompanied by Mr. Crepsley's shock of orange hair. I wrapped it around me, enveloping myself in the thick warmth, inhaling the heady scent of blood, cinnamon, and something uniquely Mr. Crepsley. I closed my eyes, surrounding myself with the smell, and for just a moment it was as though he was really there.

I could feel the tears welling again. Fortunately Evra sensed it and came forward, once again wrapping his arms around me. Somehow he knew exactly what to do.

"You need to sleep," he said softly. He tucked the coat in tighter around me and gently propelled me toward Mr. Crepsley's coffin. He helped me into it, climbing in after me. It was a tight fit, but we left the lid open and once we were settled it was quite comfortable.

Evra knew when I closed my eyes and snuggled in close to him I was pretending he was someone else. But he didn't mind, he knew that was what I needed. As I lay there, wrapped in his solid embrace and surrounded by the sweet scent of the one I'd lost I slowly drifted off into dreams where my world wasn't coming to an end and my heard was still in one piece.