Sanctuary

By The Blind Apprentice

Summary: Summer following Ootp- Harry finds himself walking along and stumbles upon a church. One-Shot

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Harry was wandering aimlessly down Wisteria Walk, completely unaware of his surroundings. Glad of the fact that Dudley and his gang got tired of 'Harry hunting' and decided to go harass someone else for a change…. Poor soul…

Harry stopped at an intersection and was waiting for the light to change when he just-so-happened to look up and see a church. It was a beautiful quaint little brick church with a little side garden that had a gate leading to the sidewalk.

Harry had never thought about going inside a church before but something compelled him… curiosity, a search for something, he didn't know.

Once the light had changed he crossed to the little church and walked up to the door. The doors were closed but a sign read 'the doors are always open to the children of God'. Taking this as an invitation he squeezed the old iron handle and opened the heavy wooden door. Despite its size and its obvious age, the hinges moved soundlessly.

Harry stepped inside and silently closed the door behind him. He was met with a vestibule with benches and pegs on the walls- presumably to hold coats and such. He wore no such garments so he proceeded to enter the nave. He opened the wooden doors with stained glass inlays onto a beautiful nave. The altar was laid as if in waiting for the Eucherist that would be held later that day. The vestments were in red- which signifies the season of Pentacost- that information however was lost on Harry, as he had never set foot in a church before.

Harry was mesmerized by the beautiful space, the rich wood of the pews, walls, and even the rafters in the ceiling. He saw the beautiful stained-glass windows with various depictions of characters and stories from the Bible. Harry stood for several moments mouth agape at the beauty laid before him.

Then out of nowhere, a gentle hand rested on his shoulder. Harry jumped a foot in the air and whirled to see a smiling priest standing before him. Harry still stood mouth agape, "many have stood in this spot and proclaimed to have seen the glory of God." The priest chuckled, "my usual response to that is to wait until they sit and hear a sermon and the choir, now that, in my opinion is the glory of God." Harry still stood mouth open. The priest held out his hand, "Father Robert Brown, I'm the Curate here."

Harry came aware enough to shake the man's hand out of politeness. "Nice to meet you… um… sir."

The priest smiled again, "ah yes, what title to use. Personally, feel free to call me Robert, or Rob, or Father if you so wish. I am merely a humble servant of God, the glory goes only to him. But please forgive my rudeness, what is your name?"

"Um… Harry, Sir. Harry Potter."

"Potter… I don't believe I recall a family with the name of Potter… are you new to the area?"

Harry flushed- maybe this had been a bad idea after-all. "No, um I live with my Aunt and Uncle on Privitt Drive."

"Ah, I see. My apologies if I have offended you Harry, I was merely curious. Now, since you are here, how may I help you?"

Harry stood shocked, "Help me… do what?"

The Curate smiled once more. "I do apologize I merely assumed that since you had entered you needed some assistance of some kind. Forgive my forwardness, I do apologize."

Harry shook his head, "No, it's ok… I don't know why I came… I just…. I donno."

"It's all right you are welcome here any time. As a matter of fact, we are about to celebrate our mid-week service. Would you like to stay?"

"You mid-week…. what?"

The priest smiled again. "Harry- do you mind if I call you Harry?" Harry shrugged, "-would it be fair to say that this is your first time in a church?" He nodded. "Well, allow me to be the first to welcome you. You have found yourself standing in an Anglican church- also known as the Church of England. I am the Curate here; that means I am the assistant priest to the Rector here his name is Father Frank Arelo. What I meant earlier about our mid-week service is that in about twenty minutes I am going to celebrate Eucherist- which is the consuming of the body and blood of Jesus Christ, which is symbolized by eating a wafer and sipping wine. I would understand if you're not interested but if you're curious you are welcome to stay if you wish."

Harry shrugged. The priest smiled once more. "Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I must go prepare myself. Here, take one of these, it's called the Book of Common Prayer, turn it to page 319 and you will be able to follow along. Once I've finished later, I will be happy to explain anything you wish to know, all right?"

Harry nodded and took a seat in the fourth row of pews upon Father Rob's suggestion so he would be able to see what's going on.

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Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, people began to enter the church. Generally they were older folks some walking with walkers and canes or simply others who entered and sat alone looking sad. Harry took this all in, in silence. He had been sitting alone on the pew when an elderly lady decided to join him with a "good afternoon deary." He politely smiled back at her.

A few moments later, the priest walked in carrying a book above his head. Once he had entered, the people stood up. Harry noticed in the bulletin when to stand and sit so when the priest had reached the altar, he sat when the people did.

The service continued on and Harry didn't really have any 'reactions' to anything until he reached the part where the people confessed their sins.

The part where the confession reads "things done and left undone, things known and unknown" struck Harry the hardest. He was feeling extremely guilty after that then the priest said "Almighty God have mercy on you, forgive you all your sins through our Lord Jesus Christ, strengthen you."

Then after the blessing the people went up to receive communion. Harry read in the bulletin how to hold his hands and what to do when he got up there. He was curious so he followed the kind older lady who he knelt beside and copied her movements. He was blessed by the priest as he was handed the wafer, then when the chalice came by, he drank from it also.

The service ended and the folks were walking out of the church to greet the priest. Harry decided to hang back a few moments, he had some questions he was dying to ask and wanted to know what this person would say.

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Once all of those who had spoken with the priest had gone, Father Rob returned to the Nave to find Harry sitting on the steps before the altar simply waiting.

He took off his outer vestments and proceeded to take a seat beside Harry. "So Harry, what do you think, any questions?"

There was silence for a few moments before Harry spoke. "Earlier when you forgave us for our sins, was that just you forgiving us, or do you think that people that are dead forgave us from our sins too?"

Father Rob had to think about that one for a few moments before replying. "Well Harry… I know that no matter what we do, God will always forgive us as long as we are sincere in our asking."

Harry was quiet for a second before speaking again, "So does God control people that are dead?"

"God doesn't control people who are dea, no. However he does live with those that are in Heaven."

Harry got frustrated and stood up. He walked down the asile and began to pace a bit before he turned to the priest, with tears in his eyes. "Father Rob, if I told you something, would you have to tell someone?"

"Well Harry, it depends on what it was, but no I wouldn't, unless you are thinking of hurting yourself or others. Anything other than that, can stay just between us."

Harry walked back to the steps and sat down again. "I killed someone… I didn't mean to… it was an accident."

There was silence for a few moments as Father Rob mulled over that statement. "All right. Well Harry, have you told anyone about this? I only ask because this is a lot of weight to be carrying around on your own."

He shook his head. "Some people were there, but I'm not allowed to tell anyone."

Father Rob sighed. "Harry, whatever we discuss will not go further than this room, so if you feel you need to speak with someone, you are welcome to speak with me, but we will go at your pace, only tell me what you're comfortable telling me, all right?"

Harry nodded. "It was back in May, before I came home for summer hols. I get these… thoughts sometimes about things that are going to happen… at least that's what I thought it was…"

"All right."

"But when we got there… he wasn't there… I was wrong! I could have gotten my friends killed, almost did! …And… he died…. Because of me! Because I let Snape throw me out! Because I'm weak and couldn't keep my nose out of my own business! It's my fault that he died, I killed him… If I had just done what I was supposed to, he would still be here!"

Father Rob looked down at the shaking and sobbing boy lying on his side curled up on the altar steps. He sighed and gently placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. He didn't say anything, just rested his hand there to offer comfort and solidarity. He sat there for a few moments with Harry then gently squeezed the boy's shoulder to gain his attention. "Harry. I am sure you feel responsible for his death but unless you did nothing to prevent it or killed him by your own hands, you are not responsible."

Harry shot up and turned to face the priest and yelled, "But he was way across the room and I was fighting someone else and I couldn't get to him! Lupin held me back, and I tried to go after him but he wouldn't let me! I should have saved him!" He immediately crumpled again and was once more sobbing on the floor.

Father Rob sighed. He recognized this for what it was 'Survivor's Guilt'. He had seen it only a few times, once in Seminary while working in a hospital; a parent had lost their child to an accident when they were the one driving and escaped with only mild injuries.

The most important thing for dealing with situations like this was to give them comfort and to keep telling them that they weren't responsible and eventually it would sink in.

It appeared to Father Rob that this would be the case with Harry but he hoped that because he was someone that Harry didn't know well, his words would have a strong impact.

"Harry, can I ask you a question?"

Harry sniffled in response but nodded his head in the affirmative.

Father Rob clasped his hands between his knees and looked Harry in the eye. "Harry have you ever met someone you believed to be truly evil?"

Harry almost laughed. Of course, Voldemort. He was the devil incarnate as far as Harry was concerned. Instead, he simply nodded.

"And do you think this person capable of compassion?"

Voldemort = compassion…. Never in a million years! Instead of verbalizing his thoughts he shook his head.

"So if someone who has no compassion can be described as being evil, then would it be fair to say that they do not feel guilt?"

"Sure, I guess so…"

"So Harry, do you feel guilt for the death of the person you spoke of?"

What kind of question was that? "Of course I have guilt!"

"Then if you have guilt you are not evil. Therefore you did NOT murder him. Do you understand?"

"But I didn't save him, I let him be killed."

Father Rob sighed. "Harry, you are just a boy, it is not your job to save everyone."

Yeah right… Shows what you know…

"… and if anyone says that your job is indeed to do so, they are obviously not looking out for your best interests." He left Harry with his thoughts for a moment and then added a final thought. "Harry, I'm going to impart to you some wisdom I was given by my Spiritual Director while at Seminary. He always used to say 'before we can care for others, we must first care for ourselves'. What he meant by that was to make sure that you are doing this because you 'want to', not because you 'have to'."

"But… I don't have a choice, I'm the only one…"

"Harry, if you were the only one, you and I would not be having this conversation. I am certain that you probably have some friends while you're away at school. Why don't you try confiding in them?"

"But I don't want to burden them…"

"Harry, if they are your friends I am certain they would not consider it a burden to come to your aid."

"I hope you're right…"

"Harry, before you go, I want to give you something." Father Rob reached around and untied a cross from around his neck, "this is a cross that I was given as a child, it was a way for me to know that no matter what circumstances I find myself in, I know that I am never really alone. I would like to impart that knowledge to you as well and also for you to know that you will be in my prayers. These are prayers to give you strength in your tasks and that God may help you to unburden your heart. Always remember that if you have questions or just want to talk, I am always just down the road. I wish you the best of luck on your journey my friend." He tied the cross around Harry's neck and patted him gently on the shoulder before silently leaving the room.