Head Title: As Time Freezes
Drabble #001: Our Promises Were Never Forbidden
Music: "Only Love" by Trademark
Pairings: Natsume & Mikan
© Anime/Manga: Higuchi Tachibana
© Plot: SonyaShulen
Dedication: All my reviewers!

I've always asked myself the reason behind my behavior around her throughout these years. We treated each other as friends and nothing more. Well, maybe a bit more than a friend – a best friend. Everyone had their BFs and BFFs and she was certainly mine and I, hers. Until recently when my hormones started to kick in, I had the urge to crave her.

I wanted her to be more than a mere best friend. I wanted her to be by my side as the other term of BF. Not best friend but boyfriend. Not just any boy friend but a boy which held a special place in her heart. Never in my life for seventeen years, had I felt this way. Every other girl were useless, they were all just there; standing in front of me – gawking at my face! They were disgusting.

I wanted her but I knew that I was a little much too late. She found someone else and day by day, our friendship started fading away. Every second; every moment. She had the one she was looking for – Andou Tsubasa.

There she goes again, cuddling herself into his arms directly in front of me. I felt that tinge of what people would call – hurt. I've made my halfhearted decision by wanting to run away from this hurtful sight. I wanted to run away to America and stay there and make a bloody new life. I had always been a coward no matter how many times everybody told me I was brave and courageous. I was just a little mouse and nowhere near the level of a tiger or a lion.

I couldn't leave. I couldn't bear leaving something behind – a piece of my mind. I delayed my wanting to move from Japan for months and soon years. Her relationship with Andou got closer throughout the years. She rarely calls me or text me. Part of me actually wondered whether she remembers that I even existed; as her best friend.

"Natsu!" the voice called me out from my reverie and I saw her pouting in front of me with her hands encircled around Andou's waist. "What's wrong? You look like you've just got dumped," she joked and giggled. All I did was stare at her and her beautiful smiling face.

"It's nothing," I said coolly to her and she gave me a dismissive look. She just gave me a smile and went to sit beside Andou; three seats away from me. Before she met that guy, she had always seated here with me. She would always try to crack up jokes to enlighten my poker face as well as getting herself scolded by the teachers. But now, I was left alone; alone on this desk. I always told off anyone that wanted to sit on her seat because I would only reserve this seat for one person; her.

If I ever was qualified as a Prince, I would definitely make her my princess. That's considering she hasn't found her own Prince yet.

I knew very well that I would reach my limit soon enough and at that time; I would do nothing else but give myself to my hungry cowardice.

She was always the one cracking up jokes for me to hear but I never did the same to her. I was always a boring person to her but she didn't care. She continued coming up to me and tried to put up a smile on my face. But ever since Andou came into the picture, everything was gone; everything dissolved and shattered. I knew in my heart that he could make her happy. Andou never failed to make her laugh or put up her genuine smile. I; could never make her have that happy smile marked on her lips.

I promised her when we were younger; that I would be the first one to kiss her and I was more than sure that she didn't remember any single thing about that. When Andou kissed her lightly on her cheeks, she blushed and kissed him back on his cheek. My mind started throbbing when they did that from where I was sitting and at that time, tears were actually trying to be forced out of my eyes. I was never the type to cry but why did I feel like doing that just because of her?

That was simple to answer; I was irrevocably in love with her.

The moment I said those few little words, I made up my mind and I knew that I would never be able to turn my back ever again. I had never been in love and when I finally felt the meaning of love, hurt and despair came in bombarding through my chest and pierced straught into my heart!

I never knew that there would be a day which I would allow my cowardice to swallow me up. This would also be the first time I would be lying to my best friend. I proceeded to school as a normal student would; usually. There again, I saw Andou and her coming out from the same car. I ate up my ego and pride and went towards their direction.

"Mikan," I called out and she looked at me. I looked at Andou then back at her "There's something I have to tell you after school," I said. She looked at me then at Andou to give him a small smile. Andou nodded at her and proceeded to class first and left the both of us alone at the front of the gate.

"I could honestly tell that you're having some kind of problem," she said and gave me a smile which I didn't deserve. I looked away and saw that her smile slowly fade away. "I'm sorry. I know I've been too attached to Tsubasa and I've nearly completely forgotten about you," she speaked out and took my hand then she placed each finger at each gap in between my fingers and held it there. It was a sign of our promise; something that was made between us when we were much younger.

I flexed my fingers around hers to indicate that I remember that promise we made. But I was going to break it; I was going to break this promise we made...later. "Could you, walk back with me, today while I tell you whatever I want to tell you?" I asked. Knowing her; she'd probably made a date with Andou already but her answer caught me off guard.

"Sure. It had been a long time since I've been to your house anyway," she said and smiled once more. Her life was filled with happiness whereas mine was filled with filthy darkness. When she became my best friend, she was the only Sun that shone brightly for me. When she left me for Andou, my world was a starless night – a moonless gown.

Classes passed in a blur. It was Mathematics period and I knew that this subject was her weakest. I kept my gaze on her and saw Andou helping her out when she had trouble with certain equations. I was always very selfish towards her. Whenever she asks me a question, I would always snicker at her and tell her to work it out herself. I had never thought about her feelings and now, I regretted doing so.

I waited for her outside the school gate. I was afraid she'd forgotten about our meet up and proceeded to go back home with Andou. But my mind told me to stay because I knew that she wasn't a person like that. She kept any promises she made. She treasured every promise that was made between us. Half an hour; one hour; an hour and a half then I heard someone running quickly and panting towards my direction and I saw her sweating profusely.

"I-I'm so s-sorry," she said in between pants and gave me a weak smile. I took out a piece of tissue from my pocket and handed it to her. She took it from my hand and wiped her sweat away and tried to slow down her intake of breath. When her breath was even, she looked back up at me and gave me a tired smile once more. "I was held by Jinno. That Tsubasa is going to pay for teaching me the wrong stuff," she giggled and stood straight up. "Let's go," she said and linked her arms around mine.

We just walked. None of us said a thing and I knew that she was getting curious and a pretty bit; impatient. I was about to start talking when she suddenly asked, "Hey, are you having any problems?" she asked timidly and faced me. I avoided her gaze and continued looking forward – knowing that I would break down the moment I do.

"You can see through me, huh, Polka?" I said and smirked at her. I saw her face turn red and she hit my shoulder playfully.

"Stop calling me that!" she bit her lip and pouted.

"Alright," I said and relaxed myself and shut my eyes close. I could feel her staring at me and alas, I said, "I got a promotion to study at the Harvard University." I told her smoothly – hiding the tinge of lie in my voice as I saw her face sullen.

"That's…great." she said lowly and tried to force up a smile before looking back at me.

"That would mean, I have to leave Japan for America," I pushed further and she just nodded – understanding exactly what I meant.

"When will that be?" she questioned and she sounded as though she was about to cry. What was I to her anyway? I was just a mere best friend to her– a BF.

"Tomorrow," I told her truthfully. "I couldn't get any later tickets. There were only seats available for tomorrow and I had no choice but to take that left alone seat," I quickly added to the lie.

"So quick?" she snapped her head at me and I could see tears forming in her eye.

"Yes," I nodded.

"What time?" she quickly asked the moment I determined my answer.

I was unsure of what I should tell her; the truth or the lie. I paused for a moment before answering her. I opened my mouth and shut it back. I sighed and looked back at her, "Nine in the morning," I lied. I didn't wish to see her before I left knowing that I would end up falling on my knees; telling myself to never leave her the moment she shows me her smile.

"I'll be there," she whispered and took my hand and placed her fingers between mine again. I knew her answer. She was always like that; thinking about her friends. "Promise me you'll wait for me no matter how late I am; like earlier when you waited for me at the gate," she said and gave me those sad eyes of hers.

"I-I promise," I stuttered and she smiled. She then flexed both of our fingers together as a sign of a promise and I quickly withdrew my hand soon after and she looked at me with a confused look but she dismissed the idea anyway and I sighed in relief when she did so.

I bid her goodbye and quickly entered my house. I knew very well that I would regret my decisions one day but who could change the damn past? It wasn't my fault in the first place that I had fallen in love with her. It was just fate playing with me. I hated this, I hated my life when all I could do was face the one I love everyday; only having her as a best friend and nothing even more.

I pounded the wooden table under my fists hard; really hard. I couldn't stand the pain throbbing in my chest. I clenched my fist harder and hit the wooden table with full force and a crack appeared on the table as blood started dripping out from my fist. The pain of my fist was nothing compared to the pain in my chest.

I got a towel to wrap my fist into and went straight into my room to do some packing up. One by one, my memories was being taken away from Japan. If only I'd never met you; this wouldn't happen to me. Yes; I blamed everything on her now. If only she didn't appear in my life, I wouldn't feel as miserable as this. I wouldn't be such a coward like this! I grabbed the photo frame situated on my wardrobe and stared at it.

I took the photograph out from the frame and stared at only; the photograph. It was a picture of her having both arms draped around my neck and I trying to pull her up to my back to give her a piggy-back ride. This was when we were…five? We were so young, so unknowledgeable. We didn't even know the existence of love then. 'What was love?' we asked each other at a time.

Our parents told us that we would learn about that word when we grow up. We pestered our parents, our teachers and even our friends for the meaning of love. We got tired of doing so and instead; we followed our parent's advice and waited till we grew up to discover the answer.

She discovered the answer faster than I did. She found the meaning of love when she got together with Andou. I got my answer only when I noticed that I fell in love with her. Love; it is a feeling that would control oneself. A satisfying feeling of being together and happiness overwhelms us. Yes, those were the meaning behind the word love. Just one word with four letters and it could mean so much. But for me, the meaning of love would be hurt.

I swallowed a ball of my saliva and tore out the photograph and threw it into the waste paper basket. If I could burn it, I would. I made sure I tore it into bits and pieces of shred paper so I wouldn't go back; picking it up and try to piece it all back together.

I took out another photo album and took out every photo which has the both of us together and did the same as I did with the first – I tore all of them into pieces. I had to erase every single memory I had for her or else running away would just be a futile decision. Everything; yes I tore every single picture and photo I have. My rubbish bin was piled up with only pictures which include only me and her.

I got myself into a non-peaceful sleep but I was sent to unconsciousness not long after. I woke up and got everything I needed before I left my room. I gave one last glance towards the trash can and looked away after a few seconds of stare. I walked down the staircase as quiet as possible; not wanting to awaken anyone. Yes; my family knew I was leaving but I told them I didn't want them to send me off and it took a lot of time- believe me – to convince them to not to.

I checked in my luggage and proceeded to walk towards the waiting room. I glanced at my watch; 6.47a.m. In just a matter of a few minutes; the announcer announced that the airplane was now available to be boarded. I took one last glance through the transparent glass doors. 'She wouldn't be here. I told her nine,' I remembered and proceeded to the waiting line.

I gave the ticket to the counter and continued walking into the airplane. I took out my cell phone and stared at it. I thought that, a goodbye was fair; for her.

To: Sakura Mikan
From: Hyuuga Natsume
Message: Goodbye.

Goodbye; was all I typed in that small screen and I knew it was enough. I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't want her to feel bad either. I went into my contacts list page and deleted her number. I had to get rid of every trace of her in my life. I didn't want to start my new life being a love sick fool. I needed her with me but now, I'm going to learn to live without her.

Love is not an easy game to play;
it could bring your life away.