A/N: This is a joint account between Amythista and TheGirlDefyingGravity (personal pen names). This is what came out of one of our AIM conversations...enjoy. Please don't take offense to anything that is said.
Disclaimer: We don't own Wicked. If we did, would we write fanfiction about it? Actually, we're not sure...
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"Nessa," said Elphaba comfortably one day. "I have decided I pwn you."
Nessa looked up from her book. "Excuse me?"
"I pwn you," Elphaba repeated. "I'm green, I get Fiyero and his white pants, and I get awesome solos. Therefore I pwn you."
"Ooo," sighed Nessa. "I love his white pants..."
Elphaba smirked. "Yep. All mine."
Nessa frowned. "Well, I have Boq and his..."
"His?" prompted Elphaba. Nessa glared at her.
"His awesome shirt and tie! AND I get solos that are awesome and I have amazing stockings. Ha."
Elphaba sighed. "Nessa, my solos are better. And besides, you have a wheelchair."
"No they aren't!" said an outraged Nessa.
"Plus you don't get a broom!" Elphaba continued, pretending not to hear her.
Nessa scoffed. "Well, people can push me around so I have to use no effort for transportation!" She glared at her sister. "I get to be governor!"
Elphaba threw up her arms. "You enslave the one you love!" she exclaimed loudly.
"At least the whole freaking country doesn't think I'm a terrorist!" said Nessa, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I terrorize people!" cried Elphaba. "It's FUN!"
"You almost get your boyfriend beaten to death in a corn field!" yelled Nessa.
"At least I didn't turn mine to TIN and blame is on my SISTER!" Elphaba screamed.
"At least I didn't turn mine into STRAW! At least I didn't leave my sister for like THREE FREAKING YEARS!" Nessa screeched.
"AT LEAST I LIVE!!!!!" screamed Elphaba at the top of her lungs.
Nessa crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "Hey, I MIGHT'VE lived. Maybe I just didn't want the whole world to know I lived!"
"You got CRUSHED BY A HOUSE!" exclaimed Elphaba in exasperation.
"You got MELTED BY WATER!" defended Nessa.
"I LIVED!" Elphaba screeched.
"I MIGHT'VE LIVED!" yelled Nessa. "I'M FATHER'S FAVORITE DAUGHTER!"
"AT LEAST I HAD FRIENDS!"
"I HAD A FRIEND TOO!"
"WHO?"
"And I had an adorable boyfriend..." Nessa's voice got dreamy.
"BOQ HATED YOU!"
"BOQ DIDN'T HATE ME! HE JUST WASN'T IN LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE OF GLINDA!"
"HE WAS IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND! Besides, I'M GREEN!
"YOUR BEST FRIEND WAS IN LOVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND! AND I'M CAUCASIAN!" added Nessa.
"MY BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HER TO BE WITH ME!" screamed Elphaba.
"MY BOYFRIEND JUST OVERREACTED A LITTLE TO BEING
TINIFIED!" yelled Nessa.
"CAUCASIONISM IS OVERRATED!" Elphaba started, than snorted at Nessa's next sentence. "Overreacted?"
"BEING GREEN IS OVERRATED!" continued Nessa. "AND I'M FUNNY WHEN I'M DRUNK!"
"Being GREEN is AWESOME! AND AT LEAST I'M LOGICAL!"
"I'M DRUNK!" screamed Nessa.
"THAT'S BAD!" yelled Elphaba!
"But I'm FUNNY when I'm drunk!" defended Nessa. "I GO TO THE BAR TO DO WHAT PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY GO TO BARS!"
"It's considered BAD to be drunk! You...you...DRUNKARD!"
"You're in a bar! Anti-drinkers don't go to bars!"
"I do!"
"You're a weirdo!"
"So are you! I told you before, Nessa! I PWN YOU! AND THAT'S
THE END OF IT!"
"I told YOU before, Elphaba, I pwn YOU!" Nessa struck a pose. "All of my life I've depended on you..."
"I told you first!" continued Elphaba.
"How do you think that feels? All of my life I've depended on you-" sang Nessa.
"Don't sing your solo now!" said Elphaba, annoyed.
"And this hideous chair with wheels!" sang Nessa.
"LA LA LA!" screamed Elphaba, covering her ears and blocking out her sister's singing.
"I HAVE MORE THAN ONE SOLO THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"
"I think I'll try defying gravity!" sang Elphaba. "Name the others!"
"Dancing through life parts! Oh, don't try to wow me with Defying Gravity...way to make me feel good about myself..."
"You have lame solos." issued Elphaba calmly. "I have like fifteen awesome ones.
"I have excellent solos, thank you very much!"
"MINE ARE COOLER!"
"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T ELOPE WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S EX!"
"I FLY AT THE END OF THE FIRST ACT!!!"
"I GET ENCHANTED SHOES TO LEARN HOW TO WALK NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND ACT!"
"I DON'T TURN MY BOYFRIEND INTO TIN WHILE LITERALLY TRYING TO STEAL HIS HEART!"
"I DON'T TURN MY BOYFRIEND INTO STRAW AFTER ALLOWING GUARDS TO TAKE HIM INTO A CORNFIELD WHERE THEY BEAT HIM TO DEATH!"
"I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO!"
"I DIDN'T WANT MINE TO TURN TO TIN…HEY, YOU TURNED HIM INTO TIN, NOT ME!"
"DO YOU THINK I'M A FRICKIN' BOYFRIEND KILLER?" yelled Elphaba.
"YES!" screamed Nessa in return. "YOU KILLED MY BOYFRIEND AND YOURS!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Elphaba in disbelief. "You just blamed it on me!"
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAST THE SPELL TO TURN HIM TO TIN!" yelled Nessa.
"Well..." Elphaba hesitated. She got up and opened the script to Wicked, which was in a bookshelf across the room. She muttered to herself as she turned the pages, and her hand rested on a page as she read it and frowned. She slammed the book shut and turned to her sister. "Ok, fine!" she yelled. "But to save his life! You shrunk his heart to nothing!"
"Well, you couldn't save Fiyero from the cornfield with your magic!"
"Magic can only go so far! You don't even have any magic!"
"I HAD TO HAVE A LITTLE TO BE ABLE TO....DO WHAT I DID IN ACT TWO!"
"You could read the book, but you read it wrong!"
"Well I had to have magic to read the book at all, didn't I?" Nessa smirked.
"No! You just can read the stupid thing! It's in your blood from Mom's side! I can read it properly because our mom was a slut! SO HA!"
"Well I guess I can just be the emo girl in the mirror and cry myself to death now, hm? Even my own freaking sister ditched me."
"See! You're emo!" said Elphaba, pointing her index finger at her sister.
"I NEED PROFFESIONAL HELP! EVERYONE I LOVED LEFT ME!" screamed Nessa.
"NO ONE LIKES YOU!" screamed Elphaba back.
"What's with all the noise?" asked Fiyero, poking his head in from the kitchen.
Nessa started to cry. "I like a lot of people!" Silence. "My sister's being a....bad word. I'm not sure if you mind occasional cursing," Nessa said, crossing her arms.
"Not to my wife..." said Fiyero in confusion.
"Nessa started it!" exclaimed Elphaba
"No, you did!" retorted Nessa.
"YOU DID!"
"YOU DID!"
"WILL BOTH OF YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?" yelled Fiyero.
"NO!" they screamed in unison.
"BOQ!" Fiyero called loudly. "I need backup!"