Mystery at Girton

Disclaimer: Lucy Pevensie and her siblings, together with all other characters and places from the Chronicles of Narnia are the creation of C. S. Lewis. Cambridge University and its associated colleges, including Girton are real places, but all the staff and students depicted herein are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter 19: A Brother's Concern

Lucy was confused. She wondered how Edmund could possibly know about her and Mark. It was not though something she wanted to discuss with him, not yet. She was still too uncertain about her own feelings.

She decided to prevaricate. "What makes you think anything is going on?"

Edmund smiled tightly. "I'm not a fool, Lu. Peter may not notice these things, but your lipstick was perfect when you went upstairs, then when you came down with Mark it was quite obviously smudged, and his hair ruffled. It wasn't hard to guess what the two of you had been doing."

Lucy silently cursed herself for her carelessness. That was a detail that simply had not occurred to her. Unlike Susan she was not in the habit of constantly fretting about her appearance; Lucy ruefully admitted to herself that her sister would never have been caught out like that.

She was aware that Edmund was watching her quietly, awaiting her response. Lucy decided the best form of defence was attack.

"What if I did kiss him?" She asked defiantly. "Is that really any business of yours?"

Edmund looked a little uncomfortable. "I am your brother. I do have a certain responsibility for your…"

"For what?" Lucy interrupted. "My moral welfare?" The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable and she shook her head. "No Ed, you're no more responsible for my virtue than I am for yours. What are you afraid of anyway? Do you think I'm going to leap into bed with Mark at the first opportunity?"

"You did with Corvan!"

Just for a moment Lucy thought her heart had stopped. For years she had hidden the truth of her relationship with Corvan, especially from her brothers. In fact until meeting Sumita she had never confided in anyone except Aslan. Now it appeared Edmund had known all along.

"How did you find out?" Lucy whispered.

With a sigh, Edmund pulled out a chair and seated himself at the long table, gesturing for Lucy to do the same. After a moments hesitation she took the seat facing him.

"It was the night the treaty with Terebinthia was agreed," Edmund explained. "I was having trouble sleeping and thought a walk outside in the gardens might help. As I made my way out of the castle I noticed a light in one of the corridors and realised it was you carrying a candle. I wondered what you were doing out of bed at that hour and followed you."

"You followed me?" Lucy's voice was sharp with anger.

"I didn't mean to spy on you Lucy. I was just curious. Anyway I saw you go into Corvan's chamber and I listened at the door." Edmund looked even more uncomfortable and his ears reddened. "From what I heard it was obvious what was going on."

Edmund might be embarrassed, but Lucy knew her own face was as red as fire. She remembered all too vividly just how vocal she had been that night. Even now she felt confused and guilty about her illicit love affair with the handsome ambassador from Terebinthia and the knowledge her own brother had overheard her in the throes of passion was simply mortifying.

"Why did you never say anything?" Lucy whispered.

"I didn't feel I had the right to interfere," Edmund confessed. "You were a grown woman and a Queen in your own right. It wasn't for me to tell you how to behave in private."

"I doubt Peter would have felt that way," Lucy responded grimly.

"No," Edmund agreed. "He would have been outraged; probably he would have killed Corvan himself."

"And started a war!" Lucy muttered.

Edmund nodded but did not say anything further.

"Would you like to know the details of what happened with Corvan?" Lucy asked.

"Details?" Her brother looked horrified.

"Not intimate details," Lucy snapped. "I mean details of how we became involved to start with."

"Only if you want to tell me."

Lucy wondered if she did. She had never really talked about this with anyone, not even Sumita. Although she had told her friend about Corvan she had never gone into details, mainly because it would be impossible to do so without also explaining about Narnia. It would be a relief to finally confide in someone and Lucy knew she could trust Edmund to be discreet.

"You remember the situation when Corvan arrived at Cair Paravel?" Lucy asked, and her brother nodded. "Narnia and Terebinthia were on the brink of war and despite Corvan's best efforts to negotiate a peace there seemed no way to avert it. You and Peter were being so stubborn!"

"Stubborn?" Edmund looked outraged

"Yes, stubborn," Lucy repeated. "I know you were both angry at the way their trading laws affected our merchants and at the looting of our ships by Terebinthian pirates; I was too. But the two of you were making impossible demands, demands that would have made Terebinthia a vassal kingdom of the Narnian Crown. There's just no way they would ever have accepted that. You were leading us into war and that would have been disastrous."

"We would have won!" Edmund protested.

"I'm sure we would have," Lucy agreed. "But it would still have been a disaster. The Terebinthians weren't really our enemies, no matter what disagreements we had. And there was always the danger a real enemy like Calormen might have taken advantage of the situation."

This Edmund could not deny.

"Well I could see Corvan was taking completely the wrong approach with you and Peter," Lucy continued. "Much as he wanted an equitable settlement he just didn't understand the Narnian Court or its politics. So I started to advise him in secret on the best way to proceed. Going to his chambers was the easiest way; it would have been far too dangerous for him to come to mine."

"And things just got out of control!" Edmund concluded.

"Not at first," Lucy assured him. "At first we did only discuss politics. But as he began to make progress in the negotiations we started to talk about other thing as well and became closer and closer. Before long the attraction we felt was too strong to deny and we started kissing." She blushed slightly. "Oh he wasn't the first man I'd kissed, not by any means, but all the others were just dalliances, not anything serious." Lucy sighed, shaking her head. "I should have stopped then, seen the dangers but I enjoyed his company too much to give up our secret meetings. Then one night, as you said, things just got out of control."

Lucy paused, expecting Edmund to comment, but he just sat quietly and waited for her to continue.

"Afterwards Corvan was horrified by what we'd done." Lucy smiled wryly. "He seemed to think I'd been dishonoured and that infuriated me, especially as he admitted I wasn't the first woman he'd bedded and he showed no remorse over them." She laughed rather bitterly. "But I suppose he thought taking the virginity of a Queen to be rather more serious than a quick tumble with the occasional chambermaid!"

"He was a scoundrel!" Edmund proclaimed angrily. "He should have been whipped at the very least!"

"No!" Lucy seized her brother hand and stared into his eyes, imploring him to understand. "He was an honourable man Ed, at least according to his own lights and the way he'd been brought up. He begged me to marry him and I was happy to agree. But he also wanted to announce our engagement at once and refrain from any further intimacy until we were married. But I insisted we should postpone any formal engagement until after the treaty was signed and that we should still be lovers even before then."

"For Aslan's sake, why?" Edmund burst out, staring at his sister in disbelief.

"Pride mainly," his sister confessed. "Oh not entirely; I was afraid that revealing our relationship might jeopardise the treaty but that's not why I insisted on continuing to sleep with him. I just hated the hypocrisy of being held to a higher moral standard because I'm a woman. He certainly didn't feel guilty about the other women he'd been with, even though he felt nothing for them, so I didn't see why I should be ashamed of giving myself to a man I really loved." Lucy smiled bleakly. "But I suppose to some extent I used my anger at an unfair double standard to justify to myself what I was really determined to do anyway. I just wanted him so desperately!"

Once again Edmund said nothing, and rising suddenly to her feet Lucy turned away from him, standing rigidly with her fists clenched.

"I suppose you despise me now," she whispered in a chocked voice, fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

Getting to his feet, Edmund walked around the table and reaching out gently turned Lucy to face him. She buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing quietly.

"I could never despise you, Lu," he assured her softly. He sighed deeply. "I was wrong to call Corvan a scoundrel. He was a good man and if he had lived I would have been happy to have him as a brother in law."

"Thank you!" Leaning forward, Lucy kissed Edmund's cheek. "You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that!"

Edmund stared searchingly at her tear stained face. "You still love him," he observed quietly.

Lucy nodded. "I always will."

"And what about Mark?"

"I don't know, Ed!" Lucy groaned, once again stricken with confusion about her feelings. "I like him yes, I even desire him I suppose or I'd never have kissed him like that, but do I love him? I just don't know. Certainly I don't feel for him anything like I did for Corvan!"

"I'm relieved to hear it!" Edmund muttered.

"Oh don't worry, Ed" Wiping the tears from her face Lucy gave him a sardonic smile. "I've no intention of throwing myself at Mark, not yet anyway!"

"Not yet?" Edmund looked rather concerned

"I told you Ed, don't worry." Lucy chuckled softly. "I hope I can learn from my past mistakes. I'm not doing that again, not unless the gentleman in question puts a ring on my finger first!"

"Good!" Edmund said, looking relieved. "Although I suppose it isn't really my business anyway."

Lucy regarded him with astonishment. "You really mean that?"

He nodded. "You're old enough to make your own decisions, Lucy. I can only advise you, not tell you how to live your life."

"So what do you advise me to do about Mark?"

"Take things slowly," he told her. "Perhaps the two of you could go out on a few dates, go to the cinema maybe, things like that. Just be sure what your feelings really are before you commit yourself further."

Lucy hugged him fiercely. "You're the best brother a girl could ever have!"

"Glad you realise that at last," Edmund chuckled. Withdrawing gently from his sister's embrace he kissed her forehead. "I'd better get back to Jesus College. Try and get some rest Lu. You look exhausted."

"I will," Lucy promised as Edmund made his way to the door and opened it.

He gave Lucy a reassuring smile then quietly shut the door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts.