Author's Note: Hello everyone! Yes I'm still alive, no I didn't forget you. I've just been extremely busy. Family business and what not. Sigh... drama drama drama. lol Anywho, here is the long awaited next chapter! I apologize for taking so long but I'm sure y'all have become used to that by now, haha! Love it, hate it, let me know what ya think. All reviews are appreciated, mindless flames will be used to roast marshmallows. ^_^

Disclaimer: If I owned FF8 I would be on a tropical island sipping margaritas, but I don't so I'm not. Much love to Square-Enix!

Winter's Knight

Chapter III

By Phoenix DeFuego

Squall moaned and rolled over onto his side, blindly slapping the snooze button on his alarm clock. Barely lifting his head from the soft pillow Squall opened his weary eyes just enough to read the red numbers on his digital alarm clock. Squall moaned again and grudgingly forced himself to sit up.

With a tired sigh Squall threw off the covers and staggered to his feet with a yawn. Squall lazily scratched his scalp as he shuffled towards the wooden dresser across the sparse room. After retrieving his clothes, Squall dragged his feet to his tiny bathroom. One of the perks of being a "Savior of the World."

Squall's three minute shower was cold and left him feeling alert and refreshed. He stepped out of the small bathroom dressed in his usual civilian clothes and pulled the large gunblade case out from underneath his bed. Squall gently set the case down on top of his bed and flipped the silver latches before carefully lifting the lid.

The old case groaned from use and Squall took a couple of seconds to admire the gleaming weapon nestled on black velvet inside. Squall picked up the large gunblade and sat down on the bed beside the rectangular case before opening a second compartment that lay hidden beneath the gunblade's resting place. Picking up an old rag and a small container of polish, Squall began to clean and polish his gunblade. He used slow, smooth strokes as he polished the blade, caressing it like a lover.

Once he was satisfied, Squall sheathed his gunblade and carefully placed the large case underneath his bed again. He ran a gloved hand through his chocolate hair before leaving his room. The rhythmic thumping of Squall's boots echoed in the empty corridors as Squall walked down the curved hall with an even stride. Realizing that the cafeteria wouldn't be open at five in the morning, Squall walked passed the red hall without hesitation and continued towards the front gate. He could have breakfast when he came back.

Squall quietly passed through the gates, allowing the elderly gatekeeper to sleep in peace. As he exited the Garden Squall stopped and inhaled the morning air, the chill breeze kissing his pale skin. Shiva knew better than to prod Squall as he simply stood there enjoying the fresh air. This was Squall's favorite time of day. The birds were quietly chirping, as if afraid to wake the world with their song; the horizon a black silhouette against the colors of the predawn sky.

"This always was your favorite time of day."

Squall spun in surprise and gasped, "Matron!" Edea softly chuckled at the shocked look on Squall's face as she approached the young man. "When did you…? I thought…?"

"Cid and I arrived late last night. We didn't want to wake you," Edea explained with a warm smile. Squall seemed to accept her explanation and relaxed as the older woman came to stand beside him. She looked exactly like he remembered her; her long raven hair flowing down her back to just below her waist, her deep brown eyes full of wisdom, and the loving smile hidden in the corners of her mouth. She hadn't aged a day. He supposed it was one of the side effects of being a sorceress. Was she really ageless? Or did she only look immortal? Squall was dragged from his thoughts at the sound of her warm voice.

"You used to sneak out every morning just to watch the sunrise," Edea spoke softly. She faced the horizon but her dark eyes were looking into the past. Edea laughed and said, "I used to get so worried about you. I was afraid you'd wander off and get eaten by a monster."

"I never went far," Squall remembered quietly.

Edea looked at Squall with a hint of sadness tainting her smile and whispered, "No, you didn't." Squall's head tilted to the side as he arched a single brow, wondering at the sad look on Edea's ageless face. "You've become such a fine young man," Edea smiled as tears stung the backs of her eyes, her voice quivering with emotion. Squall shifted on his feet uncomfortably and looked away, unsure of what he should do.

Edea reached out and cupped Squall's face with her hand, gently coaxing him to look into her eyes. Edea's brown eyes devoured his features as if she would never see him again. She memorized the color of his eyes, the shape of his nose, the small frown in the corner of his lips, the curves of his ears, the line of his jaw, and even the sheen in his soft brown hair.

"You're all grown up now," she said with a sad smile. "You always do as you're told and you work so hard without ever complaining." Squall leaned into Edea's touch as the older woman gently stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I'm so proud of you," Edea breathed. Squall's heart ached at the sound of those few precious words. How long had he waited to hear those words spoken to him? Why was this happening? Why now? Not realizing his eyes had closed Squall's lids fluttered open at the loss of contact with Edea's warm and gentle hand.

"Matron?" He cursed himself for how lost his voice sounded and hoped the older woman hadn't noticed. His heart twisted at the sight of the sad resignation on the woman's pale face.

"You have friends who care for you, and now a family in Esthar," she whispered as if to herself, her dark eyes filling with tears. With a sad smile she said, "My only regret is that I couldn't be your confidant like Ellone could."

"Matron," Squall uttered, suddenly not caring how small his voice sounded. Edea looked up into his gray eyes and smiled at the determination she saw in those steely orbs. Even as a child he was always so determined. "You will always be my mother," Squall stated firmly. He wasn't exactly sure why he said that, he just knew it was something he had to make sure she knew.

A single tear of happiness slipped down Edea's pale cheek as the first rays of the sun peeked over the horizon. Edea wrapped her arms around her son and poured every ounce of love into that warm embrace. Squall was surprised at how easy it was to return the loving hug that she had caught him up in. There was no numb feeling seeping into his bones or cold chill sweeping through his body, just the feeling of being held by his mother. It filled him with a warmth he had forgotten, a warmth he was loathe to let go but he gave no resistance when Edea pulled back from the embrace.

"Silly old woman," Edea chuckled as she wiped her hand across her moist eyes. A genuine smile graced her lips and Edea said, "Happy birthday Squall." She gently kissed Squall on the forehead and graced him with another smile before turning and heading back into Garden. Squall watched her walk away with a look of confused longing in his stormy eyes. Had she come all this way simply to wish him a happy birthday? A part of him told himself not to be so foolish, but another part of him secretly wished it was true.

An icy chill ran down his spine, making the memory of the warmth from Edea's embrace that much stronger. Still, he couldn't waste the day away standing there thinking. Turning towards the distant forests, Squall walked into the wilderness as the morning sun bathed the world in a golden glow.

~o0o~

Squall's entire body ached and his stomach growled as he slowly trudged through the front gates. Walking up the large marble steps, Squall silently sighed in relief when the cool air of the air conditioned Garden kissed his heated skin. A single bead of sweat trickled down his back and Squall shivered involuntarily as he walked down the curved hallway towards his dorm room.

Ignoring the stares of the few students that passed him by Squall entered his tidy room and carelessly tossed his leather bomber onto his bed. After shedding his gloves Squall kicked off his boots and began to remove his white shirt as he padded into the small bathroom. Tossing the sweat drenched shirt aside; Squall undid his many belts and let his black jeans fall unceremoniously to the floor before kicking the discarded pants to the side. Hooking his thumbs into the elastic waistband, Squall slid off his underpants and tossed the discarded garment onto the pile of clothes in the corner of the confined bathroom before stepping into the narrow shower.

Squall twisted the silver knobs and let a moan of pleasure rattle his throat as the hot water cascaded down his worn out body, the warm water slowly relaxing his sore muscles. Placing his palms on the slick wall, Squall let his head sink between his shoulders as he leaned forward; the weight of the silver chain around his neck seeming to drag his head down further as the hot water rained down his back. Squall inhaled the curling steam and let his gray eyes slide shut as the warmth of the hot shower seeped into his tired bones.

As he let the water beat down on his slick skin, the young man's mind wandered to his encounter with Edea earlier that morning. Her sudden appearance was a surprise and threw him off balance. Why had she acted so sad? A slight frown marred his otherwise peaceful face as he continued to ponder the woman's countenance. It was almost like she was saying goodbye. Squall's frown deepened as he pushed off the wall and slicked his hair back while letting his head roll back, allowing the hot water to rush down his arched neck and down his muscled chest. Edea had acted like she would never see him again. Did she know something bad was about to happen? Was she ill?

Squall's gray eyes stared into nothingness, the comfort of the warm water momentarily forgotten at the thought of losing her. It didn't seem fair that she be taken away from him so soon after finally finding her again.

(Do not fear Selds'zar, it was merely the ramblings of an aging mother,) an icy voice chimed inside his mind. Shiva's fey voice shook him from his apathy and Squall began to scrub his body with an ivory bar of soap. The fear, however, of losing Edea forever was rooted in the back of his mind as he rinsed off the foaming lather that coated his toned body. After washing out his hair Squall cut off the hot spray and stepped out of the steaming shower, drying himself off with a white towel as he continued to brood over his dark thoughts. Shiva's bell like laughter filled his mind and she said, (Is it so uncommon for a mother to visit her son on his eighteenth birthday?)

Maybe Shiva was right. Maybe Edea really had come just to visit for his birthday. Surely that couldn't be the only reason though. She must have had a more important reason than just that to come all the way from Centra. That's when he remembered that she had said Cid was with her. Maybe Cid had finally come back to take back control of the Garden.

(Forget this train of thought my love, you have more important things to attend to at the moment,) Shiva gently urged, Squall's stomach growling loudly as soon as the words had escaped her frozen lips. Wrapping the towel around his waist, Squall left the bathroom and quickly donned a fresh set of clothing before heading to the cafeteria. About halfway down the red striped hallway Squall's stomach growled again as the smell of fresh gravy and warm biscuits assaulted his nose. It was still fairly early in the morning so there were very few people in the cafeteria which was a great source of relief for Squall.

After making his way through the breakfast line, crystal blue collided with steel gray. Squall acknowledged the blonde woman smiling at him and sat in the empty chair across from her at her table.

"Good morning Squall," Quistis greeted smoothly before taking another sip of her black coffee.

"Hn," Squall greeted as he poured copious amounts of pepper onto his gravy drenched biscuits. Quistis watched as Squall began to eat his morning meal and opened her mouth to say something but she changed her mind and shut her mouth when she realized she didn't really have anything important to say. Squall was never one for small talk. A disappointed sigh escaped Quistis' lips as she bowed her head and returned her focus to grading her students papers. After the defeat of Ultimecia Squall had been given control of Balamb Garden and one of his first acts as Commander/Headmaster was to reinstate her as an instructor. Quistis smiled at the memory. Being stripped of her status as an instructor had been a serious blow to Quistis' self confidence and at the time her worries had fallen on deaf ears. (Well, maybe not so deaf,) Quistis mentally laughed as she continued to reminisce. During their adventures, Squall had often put Quistis in charge when it was necessary for them to split up into three-man teams and had frequently asked for her advice throughout their travels. In his own way Squall had helped rebuild Quistis' self confidence.

"Quistis…"

Squall's voice startled Quistis from her thoughts. The young blonde looked up at the man sitting across from her and she was surprised by the pensive look on Squall's face as he stared at the plate in front of him. Belatedly, she realized he had uttered her name in an almost pleading tone and she wondered why he seemed so hesitant.

"Yesterday, when you came into my office…" Squall began, cursing himself for how unsure he sounded and praying that Quistis wouldn't notice. He took a deep breath and continued, "When you asked me to go to the picnic… I… that is…" (Damn it! Why is this so hard!) Squall mentally cursed. "What I mean to say… is…"

Quistis' eyebrows nearly collided with her hairline when it dawned on her what Squall was trying to say. Squall Leonhart, lone wolf and Ice Prince of Balamb Garden, was apologizing! Quistis could have jumped for joy, she was so happy. Unable to contain her excitement Quistis quickly stood up and collected her papers before she did anything embarrassing. Squall finally tore his eyes from his breakfast and looked at the woman standing before him, a hint of panic in his eyes and voice.

"Quistis! I'm… I'm…" (What the hell! Just spit it out already before she leaves! I'm sorry. See! Not that hard! Although I'm still a little pissed that I was caught making out…) The fey laughter ringing in the back of Squall's mind was not helping the situation at all. Quistis raised her hand in a calming gesture and gazed down at Squall with a brilliant smile.

"It's alright, Squall," Quistis assured him. Squall opened his mouth to protest but Quistis interrupted him saying, "Apology accepted." Quistis' heart beat a little faster when she saw the pale shade of pink that stained Squall's cheeks as he looked back down to his breakfast. "Well, I need to get to class. Happy Birthday Squall!" Quistis said cheerfully as she left the cafeteria.

"Hn," Squall nodded without looking up.

(Is my little prince developing a crush on his former teacher?) Shiva giggled teasingly. Squall mentally scoffed as he went back to eating his breakfast.

(You know she's like a sister to me,) Squall berated the frozen sprite while chewing his meal.

(Is that what you feel for the Raven?) Shiva asked, a hint of disdain in her fey voice. Squall froze at the sudden question, his fork suspended halfway to his open mouth. Squall shut his mouth and lowered his bite of breakfast back down to his plate, his brow creasing as a small frown tugged at the corners of his lips.

Did he see Rinoa as a sister? He didn't think so. He knew that he did not feel the same way about Rinoa as he did Quistis; and he knew that he didn't feel the same way about her as he did Shiva. So, what was she to him? A friend? Maybe; but he had almost kissed her! Squall's frown deepened when he remembered that night on the balcony.

~o0o~

Squall watched as Rinoa leaned against the marble railing, her heart shaped face turned to the heavens as her raven black hair danced in the wind. They had finally done it. They'd defeated Ultimecia and survived Time Compression. A ghost of a smile curved Squall's lips as he turned his gray eyes to the stars above. He would still be lost if it weren't for Rinoa. When Squall had been trapped in that barren wasteland Shiva had gone completely silent. Not once did she utter a single word to him as he tried to find his way home, or the week after.

Now, here he was standing side by side with Rinoa gazing at the midnight sky. This was real, not some frozen chamber inside his mind. A shooting star blazed across the darkened sky and the young couple looked at each other with a smile. Squall's smile grew when Rinoa pointed up, just like she had the first time they met. She was so beautiful in the moonlight. Rinoa was so happy she seemed to glow. She looked like an angel.

Squall's heart pounded as he stepped closer to the raven beauty, her doe eyes staring at him adoringly. On impulse Squall leaned in towards the petite sorceress. His heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest as Rinoa's eyes fluttered close, the tips of her long lashes brushing against her pale cheeks. His breath ghosted across her rosy lips, his lips mere centimeters away from her own.

"Squall!" Shiva screamed her ecstasy as her tight muscles clamped down on his hard member. Squall growled Shiva's name as he emptied his seed inside of her in sweet release. Squall collapsed onto the bed next to Shiva, his body spent and their limbs intertwined. "I love you," Shiva softly panted, still trying to regain her breath.

"I love you too," Squall replied just as breathless.

The memory flashed before Squall's eyes and he reeled, quickly backing away from Rinoa with a scowl of self-loathing and disgust. What was he doing!

"Squall?" Rinoa asked a little shakily, her brown eyes filled with concern. A deep frown creased his brow and Squall's entire face turned bright red as images of him and Shiva flashed through his mind.

"I'm sorry Rinoa, I-I…" Squall stuttered, unsure of what he should say. He was slightly confused by the sudden look of relief that washed over Rinoa before she smiled brightly at him.

"It's okay, Squall. I understand," Rinoa beamed reassuringly.

~o0o~

Squall sighed as he picked at the last of his breakfast. He had felt like such an asshole the next day. Shiva had finally recovered enough strength to speak to him again and told him that she had used every ounce of her power just to keep him alive as he wandered aimlessly in Time Compression. Time Compression was a distorted dimension where normal humans couldn't survive and yet he had. He felt like a total jerk for not believing in Shiva and thinking she had abandoned him like everyone else in his life.

"Man, what's eating you?" an obnoxiously loud voice practically boomed in Squall's ear, startling him from his brooding as an all too familiar cowboy unceremoniously plopped down into the chair next to him.

"Hello Irvine," Squall frowned. Irvine barked a hearty laugh as he slung his arm around Squall's shoulders.

"You need to lighten up buddy! It is your birthday after all," Irvine drawled with a huge grin. Squall tensed under Irvine's strong arm and half-heartedly glared at the tall gunner.

"Happy Birthday Squall!" Selphie chirped before planting a kiss on his right cheek. Squall blushed and muttered a shy thank you as the hyper girl sat down next to him on his right.

"Hahaha! You look so cute when you're embarrassed," Irvine laughed.

"I'm not embarrassed!" Squall rebuked, his entire face turning bright red.

"Uh huh," Irvine chuckled disbelievingly, giving Squall's shoulders a tight squeeze.

"I know what we should do!" Selphie exclaimed excitedly, her curly brown hair bouncing as she practically jumped up and down in her seat. "We should have a birthday party with balloons and cake!" Squall blanched, his entire body going rigid and looked at Selphie as if she had just grown a second head.

"Chill," Irvine chuckled in a hushed, deep and soothing tone of voice, his lips brushing against the shell of Squall's left ear. He moved his hand to the nape of Squall's neck and began massaging the tense flesh with his strong fingers, eliciting a short moan of pleasure from the brunette as Squall fought to keep his eyes open. A wicked grin spread across Selphie's face as she watched Squall melt into Irvine's touch. "Does that feel good?" Irvine cooed into Squall's ear.

"Mhmmm," Squall moaned his eyelids drooping as Irvine continued to knead his neck.

"So, we should have the party in the Quad around seven, right?" Selphie chirped with a mischievous grin.

"Mhmm," Squall moaned, his eyes nearly closed. Suddenly Irvine removed his hand from Squall's neck and stood up, a huge grin on his face.

"Great! The party's at seven! See ya then Squall!" Selphie exclaimed merrily as she bounced out of her seat and into Irvine's arms.

"Huh?" Squall uttered intelligently, his mind still a little fogged. Selphie gave Irvine a quick kiss and a sugary thank you before skipping out of the cafeteria. After recovering from his daze Squall glared at the smiling cowboy standing next to him.

"I hate you," Squall seethed indignantly.

"Hahahaha! I love you too buddy," Irvine laughed. Squall rolled his eyes and looked down at his empty plate with a heavy sigh. All laughter left the cowboy when he saw the serious look on Squall's face. "Hey, what's wrong? What's bothering you?" asked Irvine.

"Nothing," Squall muttered dismissively without looking up from his plate.

Irvine sat back down, wrapping his arm around Squall's shoulders like before and said, "It's not nothing pal. I've seen you when you're brooding about nothing and this is different. What's up?" Squall really didn't feel like talking about what he was thinking. He also knew that Irvine could be extremely persistent when he wanted to be. He'd been thinking about a lot of things lately, mostly about Rinoa. Squall's frown deepened as the young woman filled his thoughts.

"Hey," Irvine cooed soothingly. "You can talk to me." Squall sighed and leaned into Irvine's embrace as he collected his thoughts. Could he tell Irvine the truth? Could he trust the cowboy with his darkest secret? Would Irvine laugh at him and call him crazy or would he believe him?

With a heavy sigh Squall said, "I've been thinking a lot about……"

"About?" Irvine gently prompted after a long pause. Squall sighed. (Forget it,) Squall thought bitterly. (I can't tell him about Shiva. He won't believe me anyway. He'll just think I've gone insane.) "Hey," Irvine whispered, his breath tickling Squall's ear. "Whatever it is you can tell me. I won't judge, I promise." Squall finally turned his gaze towards the tall cowboy and resisted the urge to flinch away when he saw how close Irvine was. The gunman's face was mere inches from his own and he could feel Irvine's warm breath on his cheeks. He was so close that Squall could see the flecks of violet in his deep blue eyes.

Squall searched those blue eyes, looking for even a hint of mockery or disbelief. All he found was genuine concern and the promise of understanding, no matter what his problem was. A painful chill jolted down Squall's spine, warning him against revealing secrets better left unspoken, and felt Irvine's hand squeeze his shoulder when he shivered.

"Shiva," Squall blurted.

"What?" Irvine asked, not understanding what Squall was talking about.

"I've been thinking. About Shiva. And Rinoa," Squall replied haltingly, his mouth unable to keep up with the millions of thoughts racing through his mind. This was the first time he had ever deliberately disobeyed Shiva. He knew that she didn't want anyone else to know about them, but was it really so wrong? The years of secrecy and of bending the truth, it was wearing him down. The pressure of not getting caught; it was too much for him to bare anymore. Squall had stumbled upon the most amazing thing in his life and he couldn't tell anyone. And then there was Rinoa. The girl confused him to no end.

"About Shiva, and Rinoa?" Irvine asked in confusion. "What about them?"

Squall's cheeks turned pink as he muttered, "Stuff…." Irvine really struggled not to grin when he saw the blush tainting Squall's pale cheeks.

"What kind of stuff?" Irvine asked in a neutral tone as much as possible. Squall's entire face turned beet red. What was he doing! Irvine was the playboy of Garden! Heck, he was the playboy of Gaia! He couldn't talk to Irvine about this kind of thing! "Like, fantasies, kind of stuff?" Irvine asked a little unsure of where Squall was going with the conversation.

"What? No!" Squall replied, Irvine's voice dragging him from his thoughts. Squall took a deep breath. He had come this far, he might as well tell him the truth. "I… talk… to her," Squall muttered as he turned his face away from Irvine. He didn't want to see Irvine looking at him like he was nuts.

"To Rinoa?" Irvine asked confused. Squall just shook his head, still refusing to make eye contact. "To Shiva?" Irvine asked a little skeptically. Squall nodded slowly. He knew it; Irvine thought he was insane. "What kind of things does she say?" Irvine asked after a long pause. Squall locked his suspicious gaze on to Irvine's face.

"You believe me?" he asked cautiously.

"Should I not?" Irvine asked bluntly. Squall studied the cowboy's face for a moment. There were no signs of mockery or judgment. Just patient curiosity. Maybe it would be okay if Squall told him his secret. "This is just between you and me Squall. I'll take whatever you say to my grave," Irvine swore, sensing Squall's hesitation. Squall searched Irvine's eyes and saw the truth of his words. Ignoring the stinging needles of ice stabbing the back of his mind, Squall took a deep breath and told Irvine his most guarded secret.

Woo! The cat's out of the bag! Haha, poor Irvine. Poor Squall for that matter, I'm so mean. _

So, how will Irvine handle finding out that Squall is just as much a lover boy as he is? heeheehee! Even I don't know!

We'll find out together! ....eventually... Reviews help! Until next chapter, bye-bye!