DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ICARLY.

It's been six years since I distanced myself from her, the love of my life. Some said it was just a normal crush, an infatuation for the girl living next door. They believed it would eventually die out. To be honest, I thought so too but at some point in life, me and every body else were proven wrong. Carly Shay was not just my puppy love, as they called it. She was my true love. Perhaps, even my greatest love.

So why did I leave Carly? It was as simple as a one plus one equals two equation. I wanted her to be happy. Martyr? Probably. But when you love a person as much I loved Carly, you would understand why I did it. I always knew I could never give her the happiness she deserved. I could never give her the adventure she was seeking. Because for her, Freddie Benson was just a typical best friend. Yes, I know she loved me and she made that clear thousands of times. But she was not in love with me.

I thought I could live with it – Carly dating guys who would eventually dump her in the end. I didn't know what was up with her dating those stupid bad boys. Even Sam and Spencer didn't understand but I was patient. I have always hoped that someday, Carly would find me as more than just her nerdy tech-producer. I prayed that someday, Carly would see me in a different light. I chose to wait for her and just let her date those boys because somehow, at the back of my mind, I knew that Carly would always come back to me.

"Oh Freddie!" she crushed herself against me the moment I opened our apartment door.

I sighed. Of course, I knew what happened. Carly was dumped by some freaking idiot who thought she wasn't good enough for him. What else was new?

I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "Don't cry Carls." I whispered.

"He dumped me." she sobbed against my shirt.

"Carls…" I paused, "That's his loss. Not yours."

"I don't get it." She whispered to herself. "What do those girls have that I don't? They just keep leaving me for them."

What do those idiots have that I don't?

"Shhh. Don't cry over those morons. You're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You're smart, you're pretty, and you're famous. You're just too good for all of them!"

"You think so?" she asked as she lifted her head to meet my gaze.

"I know so." I smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks Freddie. You always know what to say." She smiled back and gave me one quick hug before we said goodnight to each other.

Much to my dismay, things were not the same when Nat came into Carly's life. He wasn't like Griffin who couldn't keep his hands to himself. He wasn't like Jake either because he could sing very well without needing to edit his voice. He was far from Jonah who would try to kiss your girlfriend's best friend. Nat was a very sensitive guy and everyone else could see that he was head over heels for Carly.

I never thought I would find a guy who could love her as much as I did. But I witnessed it myself. It was just so impossible to loathe the guy. Sam and Spencer liked him and even I couldn't say anything bad about him. The worst part is, Carly was in love with him too and the fact that they were both in love with each other crushed my little hoping heart.

When Carly talked about Nat, I felt something I didn't feel before when she was dating the bad boys. I knew it wasn't about Nat being totally different from Griffin and the likes because there was something more. I just shrugged the thought off and did what I would normally do. I waited for their relationship to end just like her previous relationships so I could have the chance to let Carly know how much she meant to me.

Two weeks… A month… Three… Six… One year… I waited. Nothing. Carly and Nat never broke up like I wished they would. Sure they did fight like a normal couple would but at the end of the day, they would eventually realize that what they have was truly for keeps. I could only hope but I was well aware that the love my Carly and Nat was sharing was just growing stronger every single day.

"You still hope Carly's gonna love you someday? Oh puh-lease Benson!" Sam rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her smoothie.

"There's still hope." I told her coolly before glancing at Carly and Nat who were sitting at another table not too far from us. They were laughing to themselves, like little lovebirds falling in love for the first time.

"Wake up Dude! They've been dating for a year!" she exclaimed loud enough to capture my attention back.

"So?"

"That means they're completely compatible, idiot! Carly has never dated a guy for more than two months!"

"It's not like they're getting married or anything." I reasoned. I mean, there's still hope right?

Sam rolled her eyes. "What if they eventually get married? You'll just sit down on her wedding day alone, still praying that they soon get a divorce so that you can be her second husband?"

That night, Sam's words echoed in my mind. They're completely compatible… Sit down on her wedding day alone… Sam was right. One year was enough. I thought I'd never see the day when I would let her go but that time, I bitterly admitted to myself that I was never meant to win that battle. So when my mom found a more promising job in Florida, it was the perfect opportunity to escape. I willingly came with her.

My mom and I left immediately after graduation. Even Sam was depressed when I told them I'd be leaving. Carly tried to talk to me and make me stay and I almost did. But there was no turning back. I wanted to move on and try a new life far from the pain this feeling was causing me.

The first two years I'd been away, the foundation of the friendship we built was still strong. I would call Carly almost every week to know what was up. I used to call Sam too on rare occasions. I even e-mailed them photos of me and my mom in our new home and they would do the same. I was thankful that Carly was kind enough not to send pictures of her and Nat together. Instead, she would send me pictures of her and Sam, the two of them with Spencer and his wacko sculptures, and some with Gibby and my other friends back in Seattle.

But as time passed by, everything seemed to change. I eventually stopped calling her on a weekly basis until Carly was the one calling me. I answered her calls twice but that was it. I couldn't bear to hear her voice because it hurt me like hell, knowing that the person owning that sweet voice could never be mine no matter what I did. She was torturing me because after all, my love for her never went away.

Slowly, I pushed her out of my life together with Sam, Spencer, and everything that reminded me of her. I was determined to forget about Carly Shay and the love I strongly felt for her. However, Carly tried to keep in touch with me. She would still send me e-mails every once in a while and leave me voice mails. I found the courage not to answer anything and soon enough, she got tired and I never heard from her again.

I devoted my time to my studies and soon after, work. I would spend a day in my office for eight hours and then come home to my apartment to work on my laptop with a cup of coffee resting on my study table until I was tired enough to think or even dream of her. I lived every single day of my life trying to pretend that I was happy.

My mother eventually got sick of me that she finally let me live my own life. She would always check up on me though, like a loving mother would once in a while. I can safely say I had no friends since Carly and Sam. Every girl I tried to go out with lost their interest in me after our first date. They hated the fact that I intentionally ignore them and I was just using them to kill time, to forget about the reason of my very existence. I was far from the boy I used to be and that was what I wanted all along. People not so close to me would think I was living a normal life but only those who truly cared for me could feel that I had become a lifeless person.

I was like a dead star, shining for the people who were far from me but if you looked at me closely, if you searched deep within my very soul, you'd never find a single ray of light. Because the truth is, I was still breathing but without a certain Carly Shay in my life, I was living for nothing.

A/N:

I wanted to try something different from the ones I usually write.

What do you think? I might post another chapter in Carly's POV soon.