Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy franchise.

All Shantotto wanted to do that day was have a nice, peaceful lunch without anyone attacking her or threatening her. Of course, even that was far too much to ask for. She had barely even placed her lips upon her tuna fish sandwich when the tip of a ridiculously long sword was brought inches near her face.

"I have come to challenge you," Sephiroth stated in a calm monotone.

"Excuse me, you idiot, but I was just about to start eating! I'll fight you another time, you moldy old piece of brime!" Shantotto fumed. Sephiroth brought his blade down, slicing the Tarutaru's sandwich clean in half.

Shantotto's agitation steadily began to rise. "W-What in the world did you do that for, you bloody git?!"

"I want you to fight me."

"CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I FINISH MY LUNCH?!!"

"...No."

Closing her eyes shut, Shantotto took in a deep breath, most likely trying to calm herself down. "Look," she spoke slowly and calmly, "All I'm asking is that you just wait a little while longer while I eat my lunch, and then we can fight as much as you want, okay? What's so difficult about that? It'll take...about 20 minutes at the least!"

"No. We're fighting now."

"...I am not fighting a total loser like you..." Shantotto clenched her tiny fists so tightly that they nearly drew blood. Sephiroth knew he only needed to push her buttons one more time. He had to choose his next words carefully.

"I think I see why you are still single now; you could never find a man that would willingly put up with your stubbornness..."

That was the final straw for Shantotto. Placing her sandwich off to the side, she immediately jumped to her feet and fired a powerful spell at point-blank range. "FLARE!!!"

Sephiroth had little time to react, and he was sent hurtling several feet through the air before crashing back down with a loud thud. He bounced back up within seconds, and chuckled softly to himself. Despite the huge, searing burn in the middle of his chest, he seemed perfectly fine.

"YOU'LL REGRET MOCKING ME AND MY NON-EXISTENT LOVE LIFE, YOU SILVER-HAIRED PANSY!! YOU COULDN'T BEAT ME IN A MILLION YEARS!!!" Shantotto screamed at the top of her lungs. Steam was practically spewing out of her pointy ears. Her entire body became engulfed in a powerful, magical aura that made the very grass at her feet set ablaze.

"Well, we can't say that for sure..." Sephiroth murmured as he got into his fighting stance. His expression was solemn, yet fierce with determination. His elongated blade gleamed brightly in the sunlight that shone down upon their heads. Shantotto raised both of her hands high into the air, and created a large sphere of pure energy. Finally, Sephiroth charged.

"CLASS IS NOW IN SESSION!!!"

-----------------

About two hours of relentless fighting later...

Blood spewed from the thin gaps between Sephiroth's clenched teeth as he fell to his knees, utterly defeated. The shattered remains of his beloved sword laid a few feet away. His body was covered in fresh scars and burning sores. Shantotto gracefully floated down in front of him, smirking haughtily at the defeated warrior. The rage she was expressing earlier was now replaced with the smug, high-and-mighty attitude she usually possessed.

"Ha! How do ya like that? You're half-dead and I don't even have a scratch on me! You're a total loser!" Shantotto stuck her tongue out at Sephiroth, mocking him.

Sephiroth, who found it painful to perform even the slightest movements, simply sat there.

"You're pathetic! A nobody! A worthless son of a gun!!"

Sephiroth remained still. Blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. He never looked so utterly pathetic as he did right now.

"You're a disgrace to all human life, and you know what else? You're...you're...you're..." As she stared deeply into Sephiroth's glassy sky-blue eyes, Shantotto found herself losing her train of thought, and her harsh words were reduced to mere stuttering. For a split moment, she thought she could see into the young man's very soul. There was an immense amount of darkness inside, as expected, but there was some light too, looking for a way out. Even more so than that, he was very lonely, just like she was. In a way, the two of them were very similar while also very different. She also couldn't deny that Sephiroth was incredibly handsome either.

A bright, scarlet flush formed on Shantotto's furry cheeks, and her heart began to pound excitedly. "Uhh...umm...huh..." she nitpicked her brain to think up of a witty rhyme to spout out, but she was at a loss. She hungrily eyed Sephiroth's bloodstained lips, and it seemed to fuel these desires inside of her. She actually wanted...to kiss him...to make him feel happy and wanted...

"Huh." Sephiroth blinked, and that brought the Tarutaru was forcibly back to reality. Her temperature had returned to normal, and her heart beat was back at a calm pace. The whirlwind of emotions forming in her bosom just then disappeared without a trace. Everything seemed to be back to normal.

Shaking her head, Shantotto sighed and placed a hand upon the silver-haired man's charred shoulder. "...Curaga!"

A shining, emerald-green light wrapped itself around Sephiroth's body, and soon all of his wounds evaporated away. He was even able to move again.

"You..." Sephiroth stared at his own two palms, feeling slightly bewildered, "You healed me...? That's a first..."

"Y-Yeah, well...well, I didn't wanna have to deal with picking up your dead corpse and everything!" Shantotto replied curtly, belying the fact that she actually felt SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to him for a short time.

Sephiroth mumbled something under his breath that sounded strangely similar to "thank you", and he proceeded to pick up the broken pieces of his sword off the ground as Shantotto watched. The thought of helping did occur to her, but she decided against it. It was the man's own damn fault that he let his sword get blown apart anyway.

"So, do you plan on challenging me again someday?" Shantotto sneered. Surprisingly, Sephiroth smirked back at her.

"Of course."

Shantotto let out a high-pitched laugh. "Hah hah hah!! I'll be waiting, then! Of course, don't expect me to be as generous as I was this time!"

"Hmph. You? Generous? That's a total impossibility..."

Later that day, the two of them had lunch together, although Sephiroth did not enjoy his half of the tuna fish sandwich at all. Nevertheless, he ate the whole thing so as to not look even more pitiful in front of the little mage. He was seen throwing up behind the bushes a half-hour later. Shantotto was laughing her ass off the whole time. As thanks for being so entertaining, Shantotto used her magic to repair Sephiroth's sword.

This lunch get-together eventually became a little tradition of theirs after every confrontation, and by the tenth battle, Sephiroth realized that they were basically dating now...not that he really cared or anything.

In fact, he thought it was better this way.