A/N: This is what I get for watching too much House. Main Warning: This is a long, long, very long nonsensical rambling. The plot holes are many and the humor is barely there. This is me trying to get as many punch lines as I can out of my always sleeping brain. So yeah. Read on. Clearly, I can't stop you. ^^

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Of Surprise Seizures and Early Afternoon Confessions

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"He's having a seizure, turn him on his side---"

"Hokage-sama, his blood pressure is way up---"

"I know that! Where's the antidote I asked for?"

"Hokage-sama, we've already informed his ANBU captain of his current condition."

"Tell the captain I need to see him after I pull his subordinate back from the brink of death."

"Hokage-sama, his blood pressure---"

"I know, goddammit! And where is the fucking antid---"

A glass vial filled with green liquid was shoved right under Sakura's nose at her words. She took it with one hand, while the other chakra-infused one held the patient down on her wooden table. Why, why do these things happen on her office table of all places?

"What took you so long, Shizune?" She spat angrily, now forcing the antidote down into the ANBU's throat. "I told you the paperwork can come after we find out if he's dead or alive."

"Well yes, but there was this little kitten..."

Sakura didn't have to turn around to know who that was. If she had a third hand, it would've been pinching her aching temples by now.

"Why are you here, Kakashi?"

"Oh I just wanted to talk to you about my upcoming mission." There was a creaking sound behind her as Kakashi took a seat on the Hokage chair. Her Hokage chair. "But I didn't know you use the office as an operating room now. My mistake."

Sakura swiped sweat from her brow with her forearm. "Yeah well. I didn't get the memo, too." It had also shocked Sakura when there came a knocking sound at her window. First instinct told her it was Kakashi, since it had been two weeks without any word from the annoying Copy-nin. She had started thinking he took the whole hurling-the-table-at-him scenario a little too personally because even when she purposefully summoned him to the tower, he never showed. Sakura had admitted to herself that it made her guilty. On top of that, she had to also recently accept the fact that the feelings she had been harboring for the man the past few years was not misplaced concern, but (to her horror) love. And not being able to see or hear him for fourteen days was making her... unpleasant. To everyone. Thus, she had been planning to apologize to him the moment he finally decided to reappear.

So imagine Sakura's surprise when she found not Kakashi, but an unknown ANBU tapping on the glass pane. And from the specks of red he left on the window, Sakura guessed he wasn't just trying to say hi.

Sure enough, the moment she slid the pane open, he proceeded to vomit blood on the carpet. Then had a seizure. The rest is Hokage Tower history.

"Hokage-sama, I think his air passages are blocked," one of her aides pointed out.

"It must be all the blood he regurgitated. Prepare for an emergency tracheotomy."

Her aides bustled at her command, preparing the tubes, knives, and oxygen bags need for the operation. She had almost forgotten about the Sharingan user in her office when he cleared his throat.

"What?"

"You have vomit on your dress."

"...They're robes."

"Okay. You have vomit on your robes."

Sakura clenched her eyes shut. Kami help her, she was two seconds away from killing her former teacher.

"Can't this mission briefing wait?" Sakura turned to give Kakashi a frightful glare. He gave her one of those eye-closed smiles in return.

"Sure. I'll just sit here and watch you slit that man's throat open."

Sakura opened her mouth to retort but her aides had come back and she had to resume saving the ANBU's life. Kakashi and his utter lack of good timing can wait.

Her steady hand cut an incision below the man's Adam's apple; blood flowed slowly out of the gash, staining her gloves.

"Where's the tube?" Sakura was handed the plastic tube, which she inserted into the man's trachea. "Akane, watch his vitals for me please. I need to look at the gash on his abdomen to see if it's been made by a poisoned blade,"

The patient had stopped seizing momentarily so they were able to make him lie on his back as Sakura wrenched his shirt up. The wound was wide and deep, and there was blood everywhere.

Kakashi cleared his throat again.

"On second thought, I think I'll go down to the cafeteria. All this blood-letting is making me thirsty."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Fine. This won't take long," she said.

***

Three hours of operation and two and a half hours of disinfecting later, Sakura trudged her tired body down to the cafeteria. She had almost no chakra left, but she was glad the ANBU made it through. It was a miracle, actually, seeing that they had to lose a lot of precious time getting all the paraphernalia from the hospital up to the office. If Sakura didn't know any better, she'd say Kakashi was teaching his subordinates much more than infiltrating tactics.

When she swung the door open, Sakura blinked to find the place empty. Kakashi had said he'd wait for her until she was done. Sighing, she walked towards the coffee maker. It looked like she had to wait for him to show up another time.

"I'll take mine with two sugars and no creamer, please."

Sakura's jaw tightened. It looked like she didn't have to wait long.

"Where have you been?" she asked, carelessly grabbing another mug from the dispenser and banging it on the tiles.

"Out. I figured I'd walk around for two hours."

She turned to him, her gaze seething. "It's been five hours."

"Oh?" Kakashi scratched his head. "But see, there was this puppy---"

"Can it," interrupted Sakura, setting the mug full of hot coffee in front of him. "I've already heard that one."

The cafeteria enjoyed a few seconds of silence as the two gulped the hot beverage down with gusto. Surprisingly, Kakashi was the first one to break it.

"So how's my favorite stu-- err, human in the whole wide world?"

Sakura could feel a nerve tick at the corner of her left eye. He knew she hated it when he called her his favorite. It was an outright lie and he was an asshole for saying it.

"Just peachy," she replied dryly. "An ANBU almost died on my newly replaced table this morning. He said he mistook my office for the hospital. I wonder where he got that excuse from."

Kakashi shrugged. "It's hard to think when you can feel your intestines slipping out of your stomach."

"---That and his ANBU Captain has the same annoying habit," Sakura retorted accusingly. She leaned closer to her former teacher. "Tell them to do that again and I'll have you on laundry missions for the rest of the month."

"Now you just made me miss Tsunade-sama all the more," said Kakashi, placing a hand on his chest. "Do you know when she'd be back?"

"Nobody knows." Sakura took another sip from her cup. "When she said it was top secret, I didn't know it was this top secret."

"For all we know she's just gambling all her retirement money away in some casino in Waterfall---" Kakashi stopped when he sensed Sakura's glowering stare. "--Or she could be saving Konoha and all its innocent residents with her uncanny shinobi prowess. The latter is more likely."

Sakura shook her head. It was truly hopeless to have a pleasant conversation with the man. "If you're done insulting the Hokage, we can talk about your mission now." She wiggled in her seat to get comfortable. Mission talks with Hatake Kakashi were usually two-hour contests on who has the greater verbal arsenal, and although she was pretty much spent, she still had to try her best not to let the Jounin get to her nerves. That and she kind of missed bantering with him.

"I'm assuming you got the mission details?"

Kakashi slurped his coffee. "Mhm. Akamaru sent it to me. Bright dog, that one. Smells better than his master, too."

"And you've read it?"

"Like my favorite Icha-Icha," he announced triumphantly. "I had a hard time with the first fifty seven pages but after that, the remaining three hundred and six went by like a breeze."

Sakura's fingers traced the mouth of her cup. "Good. Your equipment is being prepared at the quartermaster's. You can probably get it at the end of the week."

"You did tell them not to give me flannel pajamas, right?"

Sakura bit back an angry retort. "Yes."

"Good, coz they take too much space. That, and they itch in places I can't scratch without pulling out---"

"Any more valid concerns that you'd like to raise before I pass out?" Sakura interrupted, not wanting to hear anything about that part of her teacher's anatomy. At least, not in this context.

"Nope. I'm good to go."

"Good," she sighed. "Now just tell me who your team members are and I'll have them informed immediately." Kakashi blinked at her. "Don't tell me you haven't decided on your team members yet?"

The Copy-nin flicked at a passing mosquito. "Haven't you fumigated this place recently?"

"Don't answer a question with another question," said Sakura in a terse voice. Impatient, her leg had started rocking back and forth under the table. "If you don't pick by tomorrow morning, I'm gonna have to do the job for you."

"I just don't know why you have to insist on a team," Kakashi drawled. His lone eye observed her in passive interest. "You know I can do it alone."

"My belief in your abilities has nothing to do with this."

"So I can go solo then?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Sakura exhaled. "No. Things might look easy at this point, but we don't know what those goons are planning for sure. They're security measures, Kakashi-sensei."

"I call them added expense, but that just goes to show we use different dictionaries." He smiled patronizingly at her. Sakura felt her temper slowly rise.

"This is non-negotiable. Konoha can't risk losing you because of poorly made decisions."

"It's not a poorly made decision," Kakashi corrected her. "In fact, it's of the more practical kind."

"If by practical you mean one less Konoha shinobi to feed because he's dead, then yes I'd have to agree."

"I won't die, Sakura-chan." Kakashi grinned. "But I can't say the same for the other two you'll be assigning me with."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a warning." Kakashi stretched his limbs after taking another sip from his cup. "The less people you send, the less the probability of being spotted becomes. You can't put our men in danger just because you love me too much."

Sakura sputtered. "Excuse me?"

It was the Jounin's turn to sigh dramatically. "I know it's hard, but you should never put emotions first. It's in the code."

"What are you talking about?" screeched Sakura. "This is a purely rational decision and has nothing to do with what I feel for you--- which by the way, is not love in any form or degree!" Her words had sounded convincing but the medic knew she was damned the moment color stained her cheeks in a fierce blush. Stupid Kakashi and his stupid psychic powers.

"Well, you don't sound rational to me."

"I am the substitute Hokage," hissed Sakura, pointing to herself. "I am bound by oath to do what's best for this country. How dare you insinuate otherwise!"

Kakashi raised both hands in surrender. "Not insinuating anything...just pointing it out,"

By then, the medic was doubting her mental state. Who in their right mind would fall in love with a lecher like him?

"So what are you saying? That I can't do anything right?"

"No, of course not." soothed the Copy-nin. "You can do things right. This, for example. It's the best coffee I've ever tasted, Sakura-chan. What's in it?"

"Rat poison," Sakura spat wryly.

"You know what they say," Kakashi began, swallowing a big gulp of the beverage. "Nothing says I love you like rat poison in your coffee."

"Like I said, Sensei, it's not supposed to be a one-man mission!" insisted Sakura, attempting to steer the conversation back on track. "It's espionage, yes, but whatever happens, you have to have back-up---"

"You know what I think? I think you should get a manicure." Kakashi pointed to her hands. "Look at those nails. Your boyfriend won't appreciate cuticles like that---"

"I told you I don't have a boyfriend! And you're not listening to me!"

"I am! And you should get one of those diamond peel things, too. Kurenai told me the salon's offering it on discount---"

"Kakashi-sensei!"

"Sakura!"

"Why aren't you taking me seriously?"

"Because everyone else is?"

Sakura slapped her hands to cover her face. "I hate you."

Kakashi smiled under his mask. "And you know nothing says I love you like 'I hate you'."

"This mission is important. If we can secure the territory, it'll mean that we don't have to send more ANBU to their deaths." Sakura sent him a half-pleading look. "Don't you understand?"

"I do," replied Kakashi solemnly. "But I still think you should tend to your nails. Bloody aquamarine doesn't suit you."

"Aaargh!" Sakura wanted to tear her hair out. She banged a hand down the table, causing a crack to appear under her palm. "I swear to Kami, I'm this close to strangling you with a stethoscope!"

"And we all know nothing says I love--- Hey!" Kakashi flinched as Sakura threw the remaining contents of her mug at his face, drenching his mask and hair.

She stood up, breathing deeply through her nose and inviting calm to possess her anger-filled brain. She did not know what Kakashi could get from pissing the hell off of her and to an extent, she didn't even care. It might be payback, who knew? But that wasn't going to stop her from making her point. Puffing her chest out, she prepared herself for another tirade.

"Wanna go out with me, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura felt the air in her throat stop midway. "What?"

"Don't answer a question with another question," Kakashi mimicked her. He began to tap his fingers on the table coolly, like his chin wasn't dripping brewed coffee.

Every fiber in Sakura's body wanted to say yes. Of course. Duh. But then again, saying yes would be like betraying the code of ethics. And the code of intraoffice dating. And a bunch of whole other codes she swore she had a copy of in the Hokage office. There was also the fact that Kakashi was probably just pulling her leg. Yes, he might not have asked Naruto out on a date when he wanted to get his way, but still. It was unlike him to just vanish for two weeks and then reappear only to ask his former student (who also happened to be the substitute Hokage) out to God knows where. He clearly was up to something.

"Okay, spill it. What do you want?"

"I want to go out with you."

Sakura fought another blush. "No, what do you really want?" She flopped back down on the plastic hair, suddenly weak. "Just tell me so we can get this over with."

"I'm pretty sure I made it clear a second ago." Kakashi wiped his eyes with a sleeve. "Or is it you who's not been listening to me?"

"Let me get this straight. You. Wanna go out. With me."

"Yes."

"But why?" cried Sakura.

"Because it's obvious that you're head over heels in love with me."

"…"

"Either that or you're coming up with a fever because you have no idea how red you are right now," continued Kakashi nonchalantly.

At that point, Sakura wanted to punch a hole in the ground, jump in it, and disappear from the face of the earth. The only reprieve she got was that the cafeteria's hidden cameras were being repaired and other people wouldn't have to witness the most embarrassing moment of her life. But other than that, she felt like melting in humiliation.

"Did Ino---"

"No.

"Or was it Shikamaru---"

Kakashi shook his head again.

Sakura swallowed. "Then how did you know?"

He stood up and took both of their empty mugs from the table. "I didn't. Well, not until this very moment." Sakura's jaw dropped as he watched him refill the containers with coffee.

She couldn't believe it. He actually made her admit her feelings without even knowing she had these feelings.

Look underneath the underneath, she could hear the imaginary Kakashi whisper in her head. Burying her head in her arms, Sakura wanted to go home and cry.

"Don't feel so bad, Sakura-chan," said Kakashi. A dull thunk told her he'd deposited the newly refilled cup by her head. "Took me some time to figure it out, too. Two weeks, in fact."

She raised her head slightly. "So you took two weeks off to figure out if I was in love with you."

"Pretty much." Kakashi propped his legs on the table. "It's not like I had better things to do."

Sakura stared at him. "I assigned you a B-class mission."

"Like I said, no better things to do," he replied, eye crinkled in mirth. "Relax. The mission was a success. Didn't even have to come knocking on your window pane for help."

"About that---"

"So are we on Friday night?"

Sakura tried to steady the beating of her poor, tired heart. "Kakashi-sensei, please---"

"All right, all right. I can tell when the girl doesn't want me,"

"It's not like that!" Sakura blurted before she could stop herself.

"So you do want me."

"That's not the point!" Rubbing her already reddened eyes, she willed herself to keep it together. "Just listen to me. You need back-up. I'm already giving you the opportunity to choose whomever you want. You can pick the least annoying---"

"Everyone's annoying---"

"The one who doesn't snore---"

"Kurenai swore she'd never sleep in the same room with me ever again---"

"The strongest---"

"Tsunade-sama still isn't back---"

"You can have Naruto if it makes you feel any better---"

"Go out with me and I'll get a team."

"Or Gai-sensei can---What?"

Kakashi removed his legs from the table, replacing it with his elbow, and then resting his head on the palm of his hand. Sakura knew that pose. It was the I-could-charm-your-pants-off-of-you-if-you're-not-careful no jutsu. "I said, go out with me and I'll do what you want. You can even choose the team, I don't care."

Her eyes dropped to her mug then back to her former teacher's face. "You're serious?"

"Very."

"Like 100%, Uchiha-type of serious?"

"I don't know about the Uchiha reference but if it'll make you sleep better at night, then yes."

Sakura had to blink a couple more times before she figured she could trust him. After all, who could doubt someone who looked you in the eye like that, sincerity almost beaming through his lone pupil, silver hair softly falling on the curve of his brow, and fingers gently curled around---Oh crap. The pose was definitely working.

"Fine," said Sakura, standing up again and pulling a handkerchief out of her robes. "Friday. Lunch. Here, wipe your face."

"Lunch?" Kakashi took the piece of cloth, slyly brushing his fingers against hers. "That's probably the most unromantic time of day you could ever pick, Sakura-chan."

"Take it or leave it."

"Very well," sighed Kakashi. "Be grateful that I like you so much,"

"Shut up," snapped the green-haired medic. It was a good thing that she had already turned away that Kakashi wouldn't be able to see her redden again. "Go home and take a bath. You stink."

"Yes, Ma'am!" he saluted.

"And please, for the love of all that is merciful and just, be on time on Friday." Sakura gathered their glasses and strode towards the sink. "Don't make me wait."

She heard Kakashi laugh and then there was the sound of the door opening, then silence. For about three seconds until the door creaked open again.

"What is it this tmmmh---"

Kakashi's clothed lips landed on hers, hard and fast. So fast, Sakura didn't even have the chance to hold her breath. Then she felt, rather than saw, the tip of Kakashi's thumb swipe her lower lip in a gentle caress.

"You don't know how much I love fighting with you," he whispered, before disappearing in a cloud of coffee-scented smoke and leaving Sakura craving more of the addictive beverage. Smiling, she grabbed the mug Kakashi used. It looked like she just had to settle for drinking the afternoon away.

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A/N: Told you. Haven't written in a long time so I'm a bit rusty. Anyways, a Jigoku Shoujo fic is in the works. Hopefully, I'll be able to spew it out within the coming week. Thanks for reading, guys, and please do comment 3