"What just happened?"

Through my still-erratic breathing I answer him. "I think we just had sex."

I'm trying not to look at him because if I do I'll fall apart.

"Oh," he replies, and I hear him shifting a little next to me. "This floor is really cold."

I nod, but I couldn't care less. I sit up, avoiding his gaze, and pick up my clothes.

"Carly? What's the matter?"

Damn his perceptiveness.

"Nothing; I'm fine."

I'm so in tune to him, even after all these years, that I can sense him raising an eyebrow.

"You're upset," he says.

"So are you. What, you can be upset and I can't? We can't be upset in the same way?"

My eyes widen. Oh, holy crap.

"You're not serious. Tell me you're not serious."

Tears start to pool in my eyes, and I hurry into his bathroom. He follows me and I slam the door in his face.

"Carly, please, talk to me," he begs through the door. "I'm sorry, OK? I can't really remember how we started kissing or anything. I just...."

He trails off.

"I feel stupid," I say to the door, through blurred vision. "I can't believe that I thought it would mean something to you."

There is silence, and then he's angry.

"What the hell? Carly, you had sex with me. Even though I'm still hung up on Sam and you knew that. You knew I needed comfort and you gave it to me. All forms of it. That means a lot to me."

"That's not what I mean! You kissed me back! You kissed me back..."

I've sunk to the floor, my head in my hands. There is a thump near my level and I think he's done the same thing.

"Carly, I – I'm sorry," he whispers. "Please, please don't cry, it kills me when you cry..."

"What do you expect?" I answer harshly. "This is so screwed up."

"Her hair changed colour," he blurts randomly.

"What?"

"Sam's hair went brown when I thought about her."

"Oh."

"It was weird."

"Thanks."

"No, no, not the sex, that was amazing, I mean that I should be thinking about Sam, but I was thinking about you."

"You do know," I tell him, "That it's wrong to think about somebody else whilst having sex."

"I'm trying to make you feel better," he whines.

I bite back a grin.

"Carly?"

I make a non-committal noise and wipe my eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot," he murmurs. "I really messed this whole thing up. Now you're going to leave me, just like Sam."

I can hear his voice thickening and I pull my underwear on and tug my shirt over my head. I open the door and he falls back into my lap.

"Wow, that was co-ordinated," I mutter as tears slip out from under his eyes once more. I ignore the fact that he's naked and try not to notice how toned his chest is and stroke his hair.

"I'm not going to leave you," I promise. "Even though it hurts, I won't."

He curls up by my legs and, silently, his tears drip onto my skin.

Later, we get up and dress properly and I visit Spencer. My brother squeals in a not-quite-so-manly way and jigs about for five minutes when he opens the door to see me.

We're sitting and drinking iced tea when he says the worst thing.

"You had sex today."

He's grinning at me and I am suddenly reminded of finding some scarring pictures of him in a box.

I bite my lip. He lets out a shout of laughter and hugs me.

"I'm not really happy with that," he admits when he pulls back. "But you're going to make him feel better, I promise."

"How did you know?"

"Well, considering my past history, I know what a girl looks like after sleeping with someone. And you look like that."

He shrugs, and I'm so glad to see my older brother.

I come back to find that Freddie has found an old photo of him and Sam and he's not taking it well.

As I hold him gently for the tenth time, I compare him to a lost ship – abandoned by its crew and being tossed about by huge waves and the wind.

I let a couple of my own tears fall into his hair when he cries himself to sleep, because it hurts, really hurts, to see him so sad and broken like this.

And I love him.

I love his brown eyes, his dark hair and his way of charming girls with his sweetness. I love how he treats girls like gemstones, and he loves his mom, and he's grateful for everything.

And I miss his love-poem, fierce, endearing crush on me that burn out with a bang when I left and made me feel beautiful and special.

I fall asleep on the couch, too, and when I wake up our positions are reversed. I'm tucked in his embrace, nestling into his chest. His head rests near mine and his breath fans out on my shoulder. I breathe in his scent and close my eyes again.

I don't ever want to move.

I love him.

In his sleep he mumbles my name. I press my hand to his chest and feel his heartbeat – strong, steady. With that wonderful mantra playing, I am lulled back to sleep.

I wake again to his voice.

"Carly," he whispers. "Carly, wake up."

I don't want to wake up, or move.

I blearily open my eyes and scowl at him. He smirks at my expression.

"What's up?" I ask, yawning.

"I just – I – I'm not sure," he stammers, suddenly nervous. "I mean, you're going to – oh man."

Why is he staring at my legs?

Freddie's face is suddenly very close to mine, and his gaze flickers to my mouth. I inhale sharply, but I can't look away.

"How long has it been since I told you," he asks, "that you're beautiful?"

"Don't," I plead. "I'm not. You love Sam."

"You are. You've always been beautiful," he murmurs nonchalantly, pushing my hair off my face. "And I don't know if I do."

My head is spinning. This cannot be happening, he loves her, and last night he was sobbing into my neck because of her-

He smells like clean clothes and honey. I can't see anything else but him. What is he doing to me?

"I never forgot you," he breathes against my mouth. "You're still there, in a box I locked away."

My heart is beating so fast and his eyes are so deep and I swear he's going to kill me.

"And I just opened it," he says, before his mouth collides with mine.

Something huge explodes inside me, and I'm clutching at him. His lips are so soft and warm. I can't feel my legs...

He's pushing me down into the couch. His tongue is doing incredible things, and I've already half-tugged his shirt off and my zipper is down.

My body lights up under his touch, and when he finally, finally slides into me, it's even better than yesterday.

"Oh, Freddie," I breathe, my back arching. "What are you doing to me?"

He groans into my skin, our hips moving in this beautiful, terrifying dance. "I could ask you the same question," he replies, his sweat trickling down his forehead.

I kiss the droplet away, and slide my lips over his jaw and down his neck and across his chest. He moans in my ear just before he takes the earlobe between his teeth.

The familiar sensation starts to build, and a little cry escapes me as he hits something inside me. He captures my mouth again and stifles his groans in feverish kisses.

"Carly," he chokes. "I'm so close."

"M-me too," I gasp, my breath hitching in my throat. "Freddie – Freddie, I love you-"

And I'm tumbling over the edge, our gazes locked. His eyes widen and his deep, deep groan indicates his release. I make a sort of whimpering mew sound and my head falls back, hair splayed over my sweaty back.

My ability to breathe returns five seconds later. We stare at each other until he traces my cheek with his finger and kisses me gently.

"I love you, too," he replies huskily when he draws back. "And that was incredible."

"Yeah, it was," I agree quietly. I sling my arms around his neck and we grin at each other.

"Is it weird to fall in love with someone just two days after your girlfriend left you?" He inquires.

I shrug. "Do you care?"

His answering kiss is enough to give me his answer.