A/N: Boq and Nessa weren't being cooperative, so I locked them in a closet for a week (don't worry, I let them come out to shower and all of that jazz, plus I gave them food), and this is what they granted me with. (No, I didn't actually, it's a joke. Just thought I'd clear that up…I'm not that crazy…I have an overactive mind :P)
Thanks to: ElianaMargalit, whom helped me with this fanfiction by looking over it and put up with my rant about how I was afraid it was cliché or copying something.
Dedicated to: ElianaMargalit :) I had thought about making her a birthday fic but didn't want to sound creeperish (or else I would've wrote her one), but she wrote me one and I think she deserves one because she's awesome like that. However, since this is nearly two months late, it's up to her to decide whether this is a late birthday present or a late Hanukkah present (because then that'll only be about a month late). Or a New Year's present…early Ground Hog's day…up to her what it's for. But I was thinking really, really late birthday fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked.
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Yawn, blink, breathe, turn a page.
Nessarose Thropp couldn't get to sleep.
Breathe, read a line, blink, breathe.
So she was reading to try to help herself feel tired.
Lick lips, read a line, breathe, blink.
It wasn't working.
She sighed and closed the book, placing it onto her nightstand. This wouldn't do; it was two in the morning and she had been reading for the past three hours.
Maybe writing will help, she thought, and she opened the drawer of her nightstand, clumsily getting the soft-covered black book.
This is what she referred to as her journal. Except for Elphaba, nobody knew she had it. She didn't write in it regularly; only when the mood struck her to. In fact, she had had the journal since she was 13-years old (now she was 19-years old)
Opening it up to the page where a sewn in ribbon bookmark was placed, she realized her last entry was written when her father had died, expressing her sadness. She hastily turned the page, not wanting to relive it.
Grabbing the pencil that was also conveniently located on the nightstand, she began to write.
Dear journal,
I can't get to sleep, and I thought writing might help, but I'm not sure what to write about.
I feel so very lonely these days. Depressed sometimes, even…
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Boq, though he would never straight forwardly admit it, still cared about Nessa. Even if it wasn't the kind of love she wanted from him (well, that's what he told himself), it was a fact.
When he couldn't get to sleep at night or woke up in the middle of the night, one of the things he would do was check on Nessa just to make sure she was okay. She usually was, but this was one of the few ways he could show he cared without actually letting her know he cared.
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…in fact, at this point, I wonder why Boq hasn't added poison to my tea. It would make things easier for the both of us, and for the rest of Munchkinland.
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Boq poked his head into her room soundlessly, and nearly jumped when he saw that Nessa was awake. He hadn't seen the light from outside of the door; she was only using a small lamp.
She nearly jumped too when she saw him. "Boq?" She slammed the little black book she was holding shut.
"Madame. I, um, came in to, um…" he stuttered, but Nessa cut him off.
"Come in, please."
"Yes, Madame." He walked into the room. Nessa bit her lip and thumbed the pages of the book she was holding.
"What's that?" Boq asked his Madame Governor.
"Oh, it's my, um…" she blushed. Boq walked over to her and gently took the book from her hands, and made sure it was-for the most part-okay. She let him and ducked her head, allowing her hair to cover her face.
It was amazing how much power he had over her.
He opened the book and turned to the page she was just writing and began to read it.
Dear journal,
I can't get to sleep, and I thought writing might help, but I'm not sure what to write about.
Logical.
I feel so very lonely these days. Depressed sometimes, even. And I've been very selfish.
Boq concluded guiltily this was partially his fault.
With my father dead and my sister considered an enemy of all of Oz), I became governor of Munchkinland. Boq
stayed with me until I was mostly better, and then wanted to leave. But I just couldn't let him.
Boq vainly tried to comfort himself with the thought that at least he wasn't a total git.
So I signed a law making him my servant. I don't even know if it was worth it; I still feel so alone, and I know it makes him terribly upset. I've thought about terminating the law more than once, but I just can't.
He never knew she had thought of getting rid of the law, and he had only hoped that she felt at least a bit of sympathy for him. Maybe he was blinded.
I think he hates me. Well, I know he hates me. He avoids looking at me at all costs and refuses to call me my name. He's not the only one; everyone in Munchkinland hates me. If I were them, I'd probably hate me as well. Actually, I hate myself.
He didn't hate her…and she shouldn't hate herself. Even now Boq acknowledged she was a great woman. She was sweet, kind, beautiful…
At this point I think I might just be better off dead. But I can't bring myself to do it. I've brought myself to do other stuff, but this one I just can't. Not yet, at least.
Oh sweet Lurline, maybe this is why she wore long sleeves on those warm days…
In fact, I wonder why Boq hasn't added poison to my tea. It would make things easier for the both of us, and for the rest of Munchkinland.
Because he loved her too much to poison her tea. True, she wasn't a great governor, but she was a great person.
I didn't intend for this entry to make myself feel miserab
That's where it stopped.
At first he just stood there awkwardly, not sure what to say, when he realized that Nessa's body was shaking and he heard a sniffle.
In five seconds a lot of emotions came to him. Guilt, regret, sadness…he would not say that it was all of his fault, but rather divided between the two of them. It wasn't in the five seconds he realized this, though; it had taken awhile. It was just in these five seconds that he embraced it.
"Oh, Nessa…" he said, and then he sat down on the bed, pulled Nessa onto his lap, and held her in his arms. She started to cry harder, resting her head on his shoulder, crying into it. She gripped onto his shirt with one hand, the other arm loosely around him. He started rubbing her back, and hoped she was being somewhat soothed.
They continued this dance until Nessa calmed down. She lifted her head from his shoulder, let go of his shirt, and pulled away her arm. Boq let go, and Nessa grabbed onto his hand. Boq couldn't help but to notice that her grip was a bit tight.
"What made you change your mind?" Nessa asked. Her eyes were pink from her previous crying and her face was stained with the tears.
"I…" Boq began, trailing off. "I realized you were a wonderful woman and I made a mistake." He squeezed her hand, and Nessa smiled guiltily.
"I'm not wonderful, but thank you. You really are a wonderful man, Boq, and I too made mistakes…I'm so sorry." Nessa looked down and bit her lip. "I'll terminate the law in the morning." Then came the hardest part. "You'll be able to find Glinda and tell her how you feel." She held back the tears. "I always knew deep down inside I wasn't the one. I could see it in the way you looked at her… "
"When you get rid of the law, I'm not leaving." His own words partially shocked him.
Nessa was shocked, too. Her eyes widened. "Really? How come?"
"I…I can't say I love you the way you love me yet, but I can grow to. In fact, I feel it right now." He smiled.
"But…I thought you loved Glinda?"
"I used to, but it faded away. She couldn't even get my name right, and you had always known it. You were the one who offered to help me study, who was there for me when I went through hard times…you were always there. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you." He moved that bit of stray hair that had gotten into Nessa's face.
In turn, Nessa smiled, and then said, "Don't stay here because you feel pity for me."
"I'm not. I'm staying because, in all honesty, I believe I love you."