AUTHOR'S NOTES!

This story was inspired by this hideous doodle of Vash with a beard I drew at school a few months ago. It's been kicking around in my head for a while and I'm finally getting it in to words, thank goodness!

The title is from the They Might Be Giants song, "Why Did You Grow A Beard?", since the lyrics are hysterical and could easily go with the story.

Just to make sure everyone knows, I have nothing against beards, I think they are very awesome but they just don't look good on Vash!
ENJOY!!!!!!!!

WHY DID YOU GROW A BEARD?

CHAPTER 1

The Planet Gunsmoke: a barren, sandy planet where humans live, aided by plants who provide them with the necessities they need to survive. Along with the humans and plants live countless bands of outlaws and ne'er-do-wells, who are constantly chased after by sheriffs and bounty hunters alike. A rather chaotic planet, if you think about it.

Our story takes place on this planet of sand, in a somewhat small, rather peaceful town in-between the larger cities of April and May. Around noontime is where the real action begins...

"My god, you'd think it'd be easier to pick that man out of a crowd," complained a short, dark-haired agent of the Bernadelli Insurance Society by the name of Meryl Stryfe.

Because of its convenient location between the two larger cities, the lively town of Corning made for a good halfway stop for the sand-steamer line. Unfortunately, this also caused the formation of large crowds around the station, and made it rather difficult to get in to the town itself.

"I'm sure he's around here somewhere," reassured Millie Thompson, Meryl's much taller co-worker. "Mr. Vash promised us he'd meet us here."

"I know, but its Vash." Meryl stressed the syllable of the outlaw's name. "You never know with him. Do you see him anywhere?"

The taller insurance girl clearly had the advantage of height in this situation. "Nope, but there are so many people, so I'm sure he's nearby!" Millie replied optimistically.

"He'd better be," Meryl grumbled, frustrated that she could barely see above the shoulders of the majority of people. Either they were all growing up to be taller, or she was just really short. The second was probably true.

In the confusion of the mess of people, the girls did not notice, the tall, mysterious-looking man who approached them from behind.

"Hey, you two!"

Meryl and Millie whipped around at the voice. A strange man with a scraggly blond beard and ragged red coat smiled cheerily at them, arms outstretched.

The girls took this as a threat. In a heartbeat, Millie had her giant stun-gun aimed at the alleged attacker's face and Meryl wielded both one of her various Derringers and a small, yet menacing, canister of pepper spray.

"Get away, you creeper!" Meryl shrieked, finger pressing threateningly on the trigger of the small gun and the lid of the canister. She was not in the mood to deal with yet another perverted outlaw. There were so many of them lurking around on this planet…

The man instantly wilted. "Oh please oh please, don't shoot me, or spray that pepper spray in my eyes! I'll do anything!" he wailed, falling to his knees with hands clasped together pleadingly.

Only one man the girls knew would break down sobbing like that in the face of danger. One man, whose blond hair stuck up like a broom, wore a long red coat, and was wanted for sixty billion double dollars: Vash the Stampede.

"Mr. Vash, is that you?" Millie inquired, lowering her enormous gun.

The bearded man nodded, fingers laced across his eyes. "Yes, it's me. Please tell Meryl to get the pepper spray away from my face!" the Humanoid Typhoon whimpered.

Cautiously, Meryl slid both the malevolent can and Derringer back inside her coat. "Sorry, we didn't recognize you…" She stared at the fuzziness on Vash's face. "Why did you grow a beard?"

The gunman ran his hand over his stubbly chin as if he'd forgotten about it. "Oh yeah, I did," Vash grinned and his aqua-blue eyes sparkled roguishly. "I thought it'd make me look even more handsome!" Millie giggled and Meryl sighed in exasperation, yet the gunman took no notice of the second's reaction and continued. "Plus, it'll keep people from recognizing me as quickly! No one will know I'm the most wanted outlaw on the entire planet!" He posed proudly.

A few people turned to stare at Vash, who then giggled nervously. "Just kidding."

The onlookers turned away again, although now mumbling amongst themselves.

"Smooth, Vash. Smooth." Meryl grumbled with her palm cupped over her face.

"Maybe we should get out of this crowd," Millie suggested.

"Great idea!" Vash's furry face crinkled into a smile as he scooped up the girls' bags. "Come on, I reserved you two a room at one of the nicer hotels around here!"

"Aw, thanks, Mr. Vash!" Millie said, taking up pace alongside the outlaw and making conversation with him.

Meryl just stood there for a moment, watching them go. Vash could be so unpredictable, but at least he hadn't trashed the town… yet. With another exasperated sigh, the insurance girl followed after her cheerful friend and the bizarre gunman.