Chapter Eighteen

The ship and her crew were severely damaged by the battle. The warp core burnt out escaping the newly formed black hole, leaving only the reserve dilithium. To ease off the already strained systems, Jim decided to set a course back to Earth using just the impulse engines. In the heat of battle the hyperjump was mere seconds, but limping back to Earth stretched out to several hours. Jim took the opportunity to organize a skeleton crew to relieve the primary crew, giving much needed rest to the alpha crew who manned the battle stations. Even Jim retired from the deck, giving the con to Sulu, who refused to leave the helm. Jim tried to insist the pilot should sleep, but Sulu gave a weak smile.

'This might be the last chance I get behind the consol of a ship like this, sir. I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts.'

Jim travelled through the decks to the infirmary, giving tired smiles and a few words of encouragement and instruction to crewmembers along the way. While the rest of the ship felt the sharp relief of victory, the medical crew's battle was just beginning.

The infirmary was packed. The loss of Deck Six and the primary infirmary, along with many crew members left the team short staffed and under supplied. Doctor McCoy was barking out orders to the nursing staff, instructing the less injured crew to hold bandages on each other's wounds. He had probably just got out of surgery, he was still wearing the surgery scrubs under his smock. Jim hung back at the entrance and keyed the comm., sending out a notification to crew members who weren't on shift or asleep to rend assistance to the infirmary where possible. Taking another look at the medical equipment, he sent a message to Scotty to divert more power to the sickbay, even if it slowed down the journey.

When Jim entered the infirmary, McCoy paused his duties, allowing the infirmary to spin on by itself while he saw to its Captain and his friend. Bones got a firm hold of both his shoulders and scrutinized him, one dark eyebrow raised. 'You gotta get some rest, kid.'

Jim's shoulder raised and lowered under the heavy hand.

'I want to talk to my mom.' Jim said quietly.

McCoy brought him to the intensive care unit. Held up under Bones' arms, just as he was when he first boarded the Enterprise, Jim found himself shrinking, the air of the Captain wasting away until he was just a weary boy again, standing at the end of his mother's bed.

Amanda was pale and fragile. The intubation machine forcing air into her lungs mechanically raising and lowering her chest was her only movement.

A patient two beds down went critical, convulsing on the bed. Nurses held him down and called for assistance. McCoy hesitated for a split second before Jim pushed him towards the patient.

'Keep saving my crew, Bones.' Jim ordered.

Split loyalties reconciled, McCoy sprang into action. The flurry of movement blurred for Jim, becoming a dull roar in the background has he stared at his mother's pale skin. He sank into the chair by her head, his muscles quivering from exhaustion.

'We, uh, we saved it, Mom. We saved the Earth.' He stared at his hands for a long time, before reaching out and gently brushing taking her hand in his. 'I killed Nero. I got revenge for my Mom and Dad. I thought I'd feel better about it, but I just feel tired.' His throat felt dry and Amanda was unresponsive. 'I wish you were awake. I wish you could talk to me. We have so much to talk about. You know, Spock and I, we, we're talking again. I think. It's, so much has changed.' Jim brushed his fingers across her knuckles. 'And I met someone, Mom. It was Spock, but he was so old, from the future. He had these laugh lines. What happened in his life that could give Spock laugh lines? God, I miss you, Mommy.'

'She cannot hear you.' Spock's voice intoned from the foot of Amanda's bed. Jim jerked in his chair, his mother's hand falling from his hands, lifelessly hanging over the side of the bed.

'Jesus, Spock.' He whispered, not having heard the Vulcan's approach.

'The fine bones of her inner ear and hair cells did not survive the transporter. Even if she were awake, she would be unable to hear.' Spock wasn't looking at Jim as he spoke, his eyes focused somewhere on the corner of Amanda's pillow.

Jim didn't know how to respond to that. He got to his feet slowly and took in the gray pallor of Spock's skin, his sunken eyes, and decided to let the comment go.

'We saved the Earth.' Jim said, forcing a smile with the words.

'Indeed we did.'

'You doubted us for a minute there. I just wanted to say it out loud, because we did it. We make a good team, you and I.'

'You have an excellent crew.'

Jim noted Spock purposefully excluding himself. 'Yeah, we do.'

Spock took a breath in and squared his shoulders, finally meeting Jim's gaze. 'Jim, I have a confession to make. I never intended to tell you the truth, however Doctor McCoy and I had a slight altercation while you were offship, and caused me to reconsider.'

'Alright.' The hesitation was evident in Jim's voice.

'Your accusations during the hearing were correct. My position as programmer for the Kobyashi Maru was no accident. I requested the responsibility so I could screen all Command track students. I designed the Kobyashi Maru to be unwinnable for all students, but you were right, I programmed the test specifically against your particular style of strategy. Beyond that, I had hoped... I had hoped the simulation would remind you of the dangers of Starfleet, that you would recognise the trauma experienced by your biological parents in their death. I had hoped it would cause you to reconsider your decision to serve in Starfleet.'

Jim's gut recoiled throughout Spock's confession, and he made no attempt to hide the disgust on his face.

'You're such a piece of shit.' He spat.

'I did not want you serving in space.' Spock said in a small voice.

'You could have talked to me!' Jim exploded.

'And would you have listened?'

Jim had to concede that point. His computer held countless missed commlinks from Spock over the years, beginning with when he first left Jim on Vulcan with only their mother for company. Jim had refused to hear any messages from Spock during that time, still furious that Spock would join Starfleet knowing how much it would hurt Jim to do so. In his final year on Vulcan, still burning with anger, Jim had told his mother that he never wanted to talk to Spock again. The message must have gotten through to Spock, either directly through their mother or from the unanswered messages, because he never made another attempt, despite knowing Jim's move to Earth, then finally his enrolment to Starfleet. The first words actually exchanged between the brothers in seven years were the tense accusations of cheating before Admiral and the student body. Insulting and short.

Unwilling to accept his own responsibility for their separation, Jim yelled, an accusing finger close to Spock's face. 'You had no right to make those decisions for me!'

Spock was unshaken. 'I have always done what is best for you. Whether you want it or not. Space is dangerous and you are not invincible.'

'No, Spock. You always did what you thought was best, but you never stopped to ask me anything. Oh, you sacrifice well enough, jump in front of the bullet and call that love, but it isn't, Spock.'

A shrill alert from Amanda's biobed sounded, causing a nurse to push between the brothers make adjustments to her bedside computer. Jim rested his knuckles on the soft bedding until the nurse was called to another patient, one that was more likely to recover.

'You know, what I said on the Bridge was true too. Mom and I, we've never known for sure if you loved us.'

Spock was silent in the face of Jim's scathing remarks. With the spiteful cruelness of a little brother, Jim twisted the knife.

'Tell her now. Oh wait, you can't, she won't be able to hear you.' Jim turned his face away. 'You're dismissed, Commander.'

From the corner of his eye, the tall line of science blue left in silence.

After that, they kept their distance from one another. It was surprisingly simple to do; they worked to keep the Enterprise from falling apart on the slow trek back to Earth. They may have interacted as much as would be expected by a Captain and his First Officer, but the space between them wasn't tense or familiar. It was cool, detached, and efficient. Spock provided his First Officer reports, and presented plans for the allocation of the specialised Science officers to provide relief to the exhausted Engineering and medical crew. Jim selected a handful of personnel from under Spock's command to take assigned jobs of the command crew. They exchanged no more words than necessary, but there was no bitterness or hostility between them. They both had ample training in hiding their emotions.

Jim was asleep for only 20 minutes when he received the message from Sulu that they were approaching Earth's defences and being hailed by the admiralty. His limbs felt slow and clumsy, but he parted his hair in an attempt to look respectable and made his way to the Bridge.

He felt too tired to be surprised by the suspicion levelled at him by the Admiral on screen. The Admiral demanded to speak to Captain Pike, and when informed Pike was in a medically induced coma, Spock. With Scotty's help, Spock was programming emergency subroutines to let the engines continue to run, but he arrived on the Bridge quickly.

Jim focused much of his attention on sitting up straight and looking authoritative, so only some of the discussion penetrated the fog of his tiredness. It seemed Starfleet was extremely suspicious of the Enterprise, having lost long range communication in the first encounter with the Nerada and survived an unwitnessed battle with an immensely powerful enemy. They suspected foul play, or that the ship had been invaded and forced to return. The situation was not helped by the incapacitation of Captain Pike, and Jim's place as Captain despite not being suspended from active duty.

Spock got angry, in the same way Amanda does, still diplomatic, but a little sharper, more defensive. Eventually the Admiralty conceded to the medical emergencies on board and gave permission to dock in the orbiting station, provided Spock left with the triaged crew to be held accountable to the Admiralty.

'You are clear to dock at primary station.' The ensign on the station sounded incredibly young, probably some second year student grossly underprepared for the events of the last two days.

Sulu manoeuvred the Enterprise into position with precision and one last lingering touch, connected to the station.

The ensign at the station communicated once more to battered ship. 'Congratulations and welcome back, Enterprise.'

The recognition after so much pain and struggle washed over Jim. It felt like a key had unlocked the tension of all of his joints in a single twist. 'It's good to be home.'

The next thing he knew, Jim was being startled by a warm hand on his arm. Bones was at his side, the familiar frown of concern creasing his brow.

'Go to bed, kid.'

He must have dozed in the Captain's chair; lulled by the beeping machines no longer blaring they were under strain. Jim rubbed a hand on his face. 'I gotta talk to the Admiralty.'

'Spock's going to handle it. You need to sleep.'

Jim tried to glare at his friend, but the several slow blinks ruined the illusion and the doctor laughed and helped him back to his quarters.

The next few weeks passed with a dizzying blur of pressing responsibilities, media releases, and recovery. Jim made a deliberate effort to see to each of the surviving crew in their hospital beds, wishing them a speedy recovery, and promising them he would fight to give them the recognition and position in Starfleet that they deserved. He visited Captain Pike when the man woke from his coma and they talked for long hours as a father and son should.

Most gruelling of all were the endless sessions of interrogation by the Admiralty. They wanted to know everything: times, locations, motivations, reasoning for every decision. They grilled him with questions about his background, his field promotion, the knowledge that helped him survive and predict Nero's next move. It ought to have been impossible for Jim to protect the secrets of the older version of Spock, but when he was still sleeping, the older Vulcan had arrived on Earth, already prepared with a believable story.

Coming out of one of those long and painful meetings, Jim stopped. His brother was standing in the hallway, preparing for his own court hearing.

They stared at each other, both stricken by the stress of the last few weeks.

Jim broke the silence.

'I'm sorry, Spock. I shouldn't have said those things.'

'They were true.' Spock admitted, with an incline of his head.

'I still shouldn't have said them.' The weight of his sincerity hung between them.

Spock nodded, grateful that the braver of the brothers had spoken first. 'I also hope that one day you will accept my apology.'

A pained look crossed Jim's face. 'You didn't apologise, Spock, you confessed. There's a difference.'

Spock mentally reviewed their last altercation at their mother's bedside and found his brother correct. As always happened when he dealt with matters of the heart, he phrased his words carefully.

'I cannot apologise for trying to protect you, Jim. Even now, I still consider it to be my primary responsibility. I will, however, apologise for this. I am sorry, Jim. I am sorry that my actions ever caused you harm. While I intended to protect you, I now see I have wounded you deeply with my callous disregard for your being. My actions were at best manipulative, and at worst, unloving. I will alw- I will try to-'

His words failed him when Jim gripped him by the shoulder.

'Please know that I love you.' Spock said in a small voice.

The hand moved from his shoulder to his neck, drawing him in until their foreheads touched.

'I love you too, Spock.'

They held each other for a long moment, until the beep of Spock's communicator interrupted them. He glanced down to read the message. 'The Admiralty are ready to continue my interrogation.'

'Knock them dead, Spock.' Still, the younger brother hesitated, and did not release him. 'We haven't had the best run up til now, but I think we could do better, don't you think?' He nodded to the closed door, behind which the Admirals were discussing the future of the Enterprise. 'You know, they're clearing me of all charges.'

'I had a small hand in that.' Spock said.

'Figured. Pike must have helped though, because they're thinking of giving me the Enterprise. I could be a Captain.'

Fully aware of Jim's conflicted feelings about the rank, Spock merely cocked and eyebrow and allowed him to continue.

'No, it's, it's okay, I've thought about it for a while now. I want to be a Captain. I want to be like my Dad, like Captain Pike. I don't want to run from it anymore.'

Jim's eyes fell to the ground in uncharacteristic shyness.

'You could come with me. I'd need a First Officer. Someone I could trust. I mean, I know we've had our difficulties, and those wounds aren't going to heal over night, but. I want you there. By my side.'

The offer made Spock feel dizzy, unprepared. A wave of anxiety washed over him, fear and pain, reliving the worst parts of the mission to destroy Nero. In his mind's eye, he saw Jim putting himself in harm's way constantly throughout their childhood, from antagonising bullies to standing at a cliff edge. Just recently, he had fought hand-to-hand with Romulans and plummeted towards the ground with only a slim chance of rescue. He looked ahead and saw himself seated in the Captain's seat with Commander stripes on his uniform, watching as his brother on screen fought desperately against aliens or crying out in pain over a comlink. He saw himself arguing with his brother, his Captain, time and time again to stop him from rushing headfirst into danger. He saw himself failing and his brother returning to him, a little bit more damaged, more broken than before, until one day he wouldn't return at all.

Spock's thoughts must have partially been displayed on his face, because Jim drew back slightly and waited patiently for an answer.

'When you space-jumped onto that platform, I felt... I can't live five years like that.'

The gentle refusal was clear. Jim dry swallowed. 'Right. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I get it.'

'I cannot be your First Officer, Jim.' Spock said. 'But, I would like to be your brother again.'

'We'll always be brothers, Spock. Whether we like it or not.' Jim said. 'We haven't talked much in seven years. I'm sorry. I was just so angry and confused I just didn't want to talk to you, and that was stupid of me. I won't do that anymore. I'll answer every damn com and then annoy you until you finally tell me about your thing with Uhura.'

That drew a small smile from Spock.

'Hey, she promised the conversation once we saved the Earth.' Jim stretched out his arm towards the window overlooking San Francisco. 'I think we did a pretty good job.'

'Indeed.'

Spock's communicator sounded again, demanding his presence.

'I have to go.' He said reluctantly.

'I'll see you around, Spock.'

'I'll see you, Jimmy.'

Just before the door closed behind him, Spock could hear a snort of laughter.

They communicated a little more after that. It wasn't perfect, still strained by the years and harsh words thrown like weapons between them. Mostly it was short messages straight to the point, though they did meet twice for lunch to discuss the bigger things, such as the relationship with Uhura and why the futuristic ship recognised Spock's voice and named him "Ambassador Spock". That particular revelation was met with a slack jawed Spock who immediately demanded to meet with his Otherself. The meeting was organised so they could meet privately at the Vulcan's refugee quarters, without Jim's presence.

Meeting the older Vulcan face to face was something of a surreal experience for Spock. He could see his own features there, masked by the aged skin and curved back.

'Come in, Spock. We have much to talk about.'

It was the most logical conversation Spock had ever had the pleasure of having. Each topic was explored in detail and the connecting links never needed to be explained. The elder Spock explained his current theory of how their universes are connected.

'Having met the Jim of this world and seeing the distinct differences,' he said in his grave voice, 'I believe I better understand the black hole created by the red matter. At first, I believed Nero had been transported back to the time of the Kelvin's destruction, however it is clear that our universes diverged long before that point.'

'I had understood it to be the same.' The younger Spock said. 'I see. You believe the wormhole burrowed through the multiverse, as well as through time, entering into this universe, distinct from your own.'

'Of course.' The Otherself said. 'It is the only thing that can account for the differences between our universes, most of them small.'

'A close relation, then.' Spock concluded.

'Indeed.' The Ambassador nodded. 'My own experiences with alternate universes have been, shall we say, less ideal.'

The casual mention of his explorations as the Enterprise's First Officer caught Spock off guard. 'Why didn't you come aboard the Enterprise with Jim and Montgomery Scott? You could have explained the truth.'

'Because yours is a relationship that I cannot fathom.' The elder Spock leant forward and clasped his hands together. 'My time exploring the galaxy has come to an end, Spock. The universe has been good to me, and I have done much good in it. I have lived a very long and happy life, and I would not change one moment of it. But now I give that life to you. It is time for me to place my feet on the ground and stay there. The stars are at your feet now, Spock. There are many worlds that need exploring. You must seek out new life and civilisations. There are many that need your help, your wisdom, and your care. I have been there before, now you must be bold and go there as well.'

Spock looked down at his own hands, curled naturally into the same shape as his counterparts. 'I knew you would convince me to go with Jim.'

'It is your life, Spock. I would not convince you to do anything but that which you wished. There was much that James T. Krik and I accomplished together, but we got there by walking a certain path. Your life, your brotherhood with Jim, this strange new universe, it all holds new possibilities for you. I can see greatness in you, Spock. I urge you to discover it.'

Spock studied the man in front of him, his eyes drawn to the creases around his eyes, his forehead, his mouth, creases that suggested movement, suggested smiles.

'I will consider it.' Spock said at last.

'I expect no more than that.'

The elder Spock stood and led his younger counterpart to the door. 'I do not think my customary farewell is fitting in this instance. So I shall simply say, farewell.' He raised his hand in traditional farewell.

Something moved deep within Spock and caused him to raise his own hand. 'Live long and prosper.'

The old man smiled warmly. 'I did, Spock. I did.'

Jim was promoted and awarded Captaincy of the Enterprise. He handpicked his own crew and, once the repairs were done, received orders within a month. Spock took a temporary leave of absence from Starfleet to care for Amanda, ensure she had the best medical care, and also assist his father and the rest of the Vulcan council in rebuilding the Vulcan colony. Amanda was stable, healing, but very slowly. It took time for her cells to knit together, and the medical staff at Mercy Hospital kept her comfortable, not expecting recovery for many months. Sarek stayed with her every day and promised to send updates to his sons every week. There was nothing more they could do for her, and so they continued at their posts at Starfleet.

And so Jim boarded the Enterprise as Captain for the first time, not an illegal stow away as he was the previous time. Or twice, more truthfully.

The Bridge was gleaming, bright and clean, ready for adventure. Sulu and Chekov, side by side and seated at the helm called out status reports as the ship prepared to disembark. Uhura even turned to him and called him Captain. She smiled when she saw him standing at the entrance, just staring at the Bridge and in awe of how far they'd come and how much was ahead of them.

Jim strode forward and clapped McCoy on the back. 'Bones! Buckle up.' His old friend rolled his eyes but stayed on the Bridge and by his side.

Jim sat in his rightful place in the Captain's chair and crossed his legs, setting his arms down on the rests. He marvelled at the three silver stripes on his sleeves as he keyed the comms to Engineering. 'Scotty, how's my First Officer doing?'

'Drunk as a skunk and in no condition to fly.' Came the cheerful voice.

'Scotty...' he admonished.

The Scotsman laughed. 'Dilithium chambers at maximum, Captain. We're ready for your orders.'

Jim glanced over his shoulder at the turbolift doors once, then again as he received another report from his crew preparing to launch. Mc Coy noticed and stepped closer, touching his arm.

'Jim...'

'He'll be here, Bones.' Jim said confidently. 'He always is.'

They both stared at the doors to the lift. They remained traitorously shut.

'He's not coming.' McCoy said gently.

Jim straightened in his chair and turned his head away and towards his navigator. 'Chekov.'

'Shuttle bay doors are locked, sir, all crew are onboard and ready for launch.' Chekov reported.

'I'm sorry, Jim.' McCoy squeezed his arm gently then moved his hand to the back of the Captain's chair.

'Manoeuvring thrusters, Mister Sulu. Take us out.'

The graceful starship disengaged from the space dock, red impulse engines pulsing and arranging it into position. She drifted out away from Earth, pointing towards the stars and the great unknown. Not a scar could be seen from the terrible battle she had endured, only the crew inside who had witnessed and achieved so much.

The impulse engines faded and the warp drives powered up. The Enterprise shot into the stars.

Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms and new civilisations. To boldly go where no one has gone before.

Dedicated to Leonard Nimoy. Rest in Peace.

This mammoth story has finally reached the end of (this!) movie! It only took five years, two months and twelve days, an entire Bachelors and half a Master's, a sequel and a dropped computer wiping everything (including the almost finished final chapter) to get it finished. This story has been part of me for so long I almost don't want to edit it from the start now, because it's almost a chronicle of my writing skills over the last five years.

That's also five years that I have relied on your support, encouragement, constructive criticism, excitement and love. You really have fuelled me, through far more than I deserve, given how erratic I've been with writing this. It has been your constant words of encouragement that caused me to continue working at Surrogate, long after I would have given up as being a lost cause. Thank you so much for every single review.

I hope you review and tell me what you thought of this doozy of a final chapter and the story as a whole. I'm sure you have at least something to say about that ending, keeping the brothers separated. I definitely have hopes to do Into Darkness (I received a lot of very convincing reviews!) and bring them together on the Enterprise finally. What do you want to see in the sequel? I've uploaded a preview already. The link is below, so you can subscribe to that and get updates as soon as I start writing.

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