Why Parseltongue Is Not Used For Sex More Often

"SALAZAAAAAAAAAR!!!"

While Slytherin did so enjoy hearing his wife scream his name, hearing it tinted in anger rather than...anything else, marred his enjoyment.

"Yes, dear?" Being a Slytherin, after all, meant that unlike Gryffindor, he at least had some measure of prudence. Best to play it safe.

"You never mentioned THAT HUSSY!"

"That who?"

"That WOMAN that you SLEPT with--"

"--before I met you--" Slytherin added, feeling the need to run damage control, even if it may have been less than prudent; a calculated distraction, rather.

"--HAS JUST INSINUATED TO ME THAT YOU USED PARSELTONGUE ON HER!"

"I, er, what?"

"And now god knows HOW many people are going to start pounding on our door trying to get the secret of Parseltongue out of you - out of us - and you've never ONCE used it on me so that is completely unfair," she trailed off, mumbling the last two words.

"Oh?" Slytherin raised a silver eyebrow, his lips pursing in amusement. "Is that why?"

"SALAZAAAAAAAAAR!!!"

Slytherin did so enjoy hearing his wife scream his name.

"Yes, dear?"

"After...after we silence that hussy, we are NEVER letting this secret out again--"

"--yes, dear--"

"--more precisely, YOU are NEVER using it on anyone else but ME again, is that CLEAR?!"

"Perfectly, my dear."