If You Push The Wrong Way

Disclaimer: I do not own or am any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected in to the show's cast and crew. This is written out of enjoyment and I am not making any money off of it. So please do not sue.

Summary: It was the key that led to him finally breaking, it was the key that also led to the first step in his healing. Can be seen as either father/son or slash your choice really.

A/N 1: Oddly enough this piece came to me at 1.50am on a Wednesday morning while I was working up the energy to edit chapter 3 of One Step At A Time. At first I thought this would be better as a Dark Angel Logan fic, maybe even one of my New World (Dis)Order chapters, but this idea hit me instead. It amazes me what inspires the muse... she is a weird one that's for sure.

A/N 2: Also sorry again to TansNZ for still not finishing chapter 9 of 'The Dark Side Of Tiva' now this is out of the way I may be able to get it sent to you... and get chapter 5 of the NCIS/Dark Angel crossover out for everyone to read.

If You Push The Wrong Way

It was the first time in months that he'd come home after work and not seen the younger man sitting on the sofa in front of the TV, staring at the screen, even though more often than not, it wasn't even turned on. He thought nothing could get worse then seeing the unnaturally thin Italian in a faded NIS tee, blue-green eyes glued to the black reflective glass screen, silent and unmoving. Little did he realise that what he'd at first dreaded seeing everyday had come to provide some strange sense of comfort after a long day.

The older man started to panic when his house mate wasn't seated in his usual spot, his mind ran over every way this could end, every worse case scenario. Visions of the man out cold on the bathroom floor, scarlet blood seeping from deep gashes in each wrist danced through his mind. He didn't even want to think of the alternative, that someone had taken him. If that had happened a second time he knew that there would be no coming back for either of them. Neither of them could live through that ordeal again.

Resisting the urge to vomit at the images his mind had conjured up, he started screaming the man's name running from room to room in search of the absent man when no reply was heard. He was about to pull out his cell phone to call for help when he noticed the door to his spare bedroom was slightly ajar, a golden beam of light streaming out through the crack. Pushing open the door further he was relieved to see the man he thought had disappeared sitting Indian style on the freshly made bed, looking the same as when the ex-marine had left for work that morning.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he took a moment to himself to bask in the fact that his agent was safe and right there in front of him. It didn't go unnoticed by Gibbs that Tony was still trying to hide the slowly fading scars on his arms and neck by wearing a thick black turtle neck underneath the grey Ohio State tshirt, and by keeping his head down and tilted upwards to the left, the deep, thick slice that ran from forehead to chin on the right side of the younger man's face was barely visible due to the shadows the angle of the tilt cast. Only a hint of an outline could still be seen from his position at the door.

While the plastic surgeon Tony had been assigned to after the kidnapping had said he would be able to lessen the obviousness of the marks left on his neck and arms, the majority of the scars the marred his entire body; legs, back, torso and that gut wrenching one on his face, were all too deep and too jagged to make invisible. Gibbs had seen many times what a hunting knife could do to a person thanks to in line of work, however seeing it done to someone as close to him as Tony was made Gibbs want to re-evaluate rule number nine.

Looking at the silent ex-cop it was almost as if he didn't notice the presence of one Jethro Gibbs. He sat there, as still as he was when he placed himself down in the living room, locked on the object placed in his lap, not touching just staring. Tony was always staring since he had been rescued. His eye line was always aimed at an object, never a person or living thing, and the look in his eyes wasn't focused on what he was facing, instead it seemed to go beyond that and into a world only he could see.

Gibbs heart broke everyday when he woke up and went about his life, knowing Tony was still trapped in the warehouse where they had taken him, though now it was only in his mind. The once fun loving, loud and athletic young man had been transformed into a shell that never smiled, barely ate or moved and rarely uttered a word apart from the pleas for help that accompanied the recurring nightmares.

This new life was one gigantic nightmare for the silver haired special agent, a nightmare that started just under seven months ago when DiNozzo was abducted from outside his apartment late one night after getting off work. There had been no clues, no nothing for eight weeks. Gibbs spent almost every second of those fifty-eight days running down every possible lead, turning up one dead end after another. He refused to take on any other case and in the end he had had to be suspend for hitting the agent Vance had sent to replace Tony who was presumed dead.

Ziva, McGee and Gibbs had come into work one day only to find the stupid idiot, who had been reassigned from being agent afloat on the Eisenhower, throwing the items from Tony's desk into a box like they didn't even matter. Gibbs hadn't been the only one to punch so called Special Agent Nick Dennison in the face. While Ziva and McGee both succeeded in restraining themselves, though Ziva only barely managed, it was Abby and Jimmy Palmer that both took swings at the younger agent. The whole office was shocked when the ME's assistant not only knocked the unsuspecting replacement out cold but also knocked out two of the man's teeth.

However it was on day fifty nine that Fornell had shown up in Gibbs basement with a piece of information that eventually led to the discovery of Tony's whereabouts.

Gibbs involuntarily shuddered as he thought about the rescue. Pushing the images of how they'd found Tony out of his mind the older man slowly approached the still silent form of his now easily spooked, second in command. Neither said a word as Gibbs sat down on the wicker chair opposite Tony.

When he finally spoke, Tony didn't even bother to avert his eyes from the laptop in front of him, something McGee and Abby had loaded with Tony's favourite games and brought over to keep him entertained while recovering physically. Gibbs wasn't even sure whether Tony had even bothered turning it on once since it had been delivered.

"It looks so normal, doesn't it boss..." Tony's voice sounded slightly rougher than it usually did due to the combination of recent disuse and from the damaged caused during the kidnapping. He fingered the keyboard, gently stroking the left shift key.

Gibbs honestly had no idea where Tony's train of thought was going to lead, he was too happy to finally hear the other man speak without being prompted first, that he had agreed without a second thought. "Yeah, yeah it does."

Still intently focused on the same shift key Tony continued "But if you look closer, I mean really closer, you notice something just isn't right about it... hasn't been right with it for a long time now..."

Now realising where this topic may be headed, Gibbs wanted to put a stop to it right away before DiNozzo got hurt again. Somehow though he just couldn't bring himself to do it, knowing it probably had a lot to do with the conversation he'd had with Ducky earlier that day, the old Scotsman's words still stuck in his mind "If Tony brings it up listen to him Jethro, encourage him to talk about it, but only if he is the one to bring it up. He doesn't need you pushing him to discuss something he isn't ready, or doesn't know how, to voice. It could do more harm than good and young Anthony is already in such a vulnerable place right now. If he wants to talk let him talk but if he doesn't just be there for him however he needs you."

Gibbs was brought back to the moment and as Tony began to speak again he could feel the stabbing pain in his chest, the hidden meaning behind the younger man's words hurting him deep inside.

"But if you just glance at it, take a passing look and don't bother to look deeper, then it appears completely normal. It's just placed there, masking the fact that there is something drastically wrong underneath the surface." Tony sighed heavily, the conversation obviously beginning to take it's toll on him, and the finger that had been ghosting over the shift key began to slowly fiddle with it, rocking it back and forth in it's place on the keyboard

"I took a deeper look and you know what I found boss?" Tony didn't bother to wait for a reply to the question. "I found that if you push it the wrong way then it breaks... it just comes off, the mask that was in place suddenly disappears and you get to see what it is really hiding. Look, see?" pressing down on the top of the key with his index finger, he slipped his thumb underneath the raised bottom, flicking the entire cover off of the key and holding it up with one swift flick.

"You push it like that and it just comes right off. Sure, you can place it back on and it looks as though it fits in with all the others, but the reality is that it's still broken and I don't think it can be fixed boss..." The damaged man was becoming more distressed by the second as he tried and failed to get the computer key back in place, his breathing was increasingly shallow and his right hand roughly swiped away the tears which Tony refused to let drop "I really want it too be fixed but I think it may just be impossible this time boss, it's now broken beyond repair..." Quickly moving over to his side, Gibbs took the broken key out of Tony's grasp and pulled him into a firm hug, the man's emotional mask finally slipping away.

For the first time since being rescued four and a half months ago Tony let his guard down. His body trembled with sobs as he hungrily gasped for air "Why'd... why'd they have... have to do that to me Gibbs? Why'd they have to break me beyond repair?"

The man seemed so small and fragile in his strong arms. Gibbs let a single tear fall from his eye and he couldn't stop his mind from going back to the moment they had found Tony. Gibbs, Ziva, McGee and Fornell had burst through the door of the warehouse, only to come face to face with a large, hulking marine straddling Tony's backside, violently thrusting himself in and out of the already bruised and bloodied, barely conscious and completely naked body of kidnapped agent. A man whom at first they didn't even recognise, face down on a filth covered old mattress, arms and legs bound tight to the corners of the steel framed bed.

Both men sat there for a long time, rocking back and forth in their embrace and there was no doubt in Gibbs' mind that what Tony said was true; if you pushed something the wrong way it was bound to break.

A/N: This was a really bizarre one to write. Not only because it was inspired by my broken shift key on my laptop, but also because it's really unsettling to write about a character breaking down as a result of rape and torture when all you have stuck in your head is this idea and the theme song for Full House. I think it may be time I sought some professional help don't you think?

Thoughts? On the fic that is, not on my obvious mental problems. :D