A/N: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. Also, OTL. What have I done?

Based on an article about a new world record set.

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"Just… just once more… c-come on…!"

Three.

Two.

One.

Time up.

His face was glued to the screen.

"…Wait for it…" He said to himself, breathing hard.

Sirens. Confetti. Disco lights.

Oh, the pain! The pain and the orgasmic pleasure!

Gilbert raised his clenched hands in the air. "Yes! I did it!" Such a victory distracted him from the intense burning over his chaffed skin. "I win! I win! Aha ha! Suck it Francis, SUCK IT!"

There was a polite knock at the door. "Gilbert?" Asked the voice. "Is… is everything alright in there?"

"Aha ha! Fuck yeah! I'm so awesome!"

The door opened, revealing a sliver of Ludwig, peering into the room. "What are you…?"

His eyes connected with Gilbert's rather naked and sweaty body. "Oh. OH. I'm so sorry." Ludwig's face flushed red, and he closed the door. "I'm sorry, you should have said that you needed some… ahem… alone time."

Gilbert stood up (cringing menacingly), and rushed to the door, pulling it open with a wide grin. "Bro! Be happy!"

"My god! Put on some pa…" Ludwig trailed away, his light of sight drifting lower and lower. He quickly turned around. "What the hell happened to your… ahem… your…"

"Victory scars, brüder! VICTORY SCARS!" Gilbert exclaimed, thrusting his hands into the air, obviously unaware that he was still aroused and that his vital regions were flaming red.

"Over what?"

"Over Francis! I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records now!"

Ludwig could not look away from the floor. "For …masturbating?" He knew he was going to regret asking.

"Ja! 36 times, brüder! 36!" Gilbert grinned madly. "And that's only in 24 hours! I am SO awesome!"

"I… I think I should go now." Ludwig moved towards his room, trying to hide the bright red blush of his cheeks and the rising bulge in his pants. "…Far away…"

"Whatever! I'm going to party so fucking hard! Bring out the beer, score a few chicks, do manly stuff!" Called Gilbert. "…and maybe put some ice on this… maybe."

"That's… that's nice." At this point, Ludwig was almost into his room, the door slowly closing upon his brother.

"Wait! Ludwig!"

Ludwig stopped, allowing himself a quick peek. "What?"

Gilbert placed his hands on his hips. "…Chicks dig this kind of shit, right?"

So inviting… so entrancing…

NO.

Ludwig opened his mouth, and then he closed it, speechless.

"Oh, what the fuck, of course they dig this stuff! No one can say no to awesome sexy me!"

"Ja..." Ludwig closed the door. He pressed his back against it, a sigh escaping his lips.

"I wish I could."