Summary: Wonderland has the ability to drive the most sensible person insane. But on the other side is a place guaranteed to drive you positively sane. Hatter X OC (Depp version)

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"You're late for tea!"

That was the impromptu hello and how'd you do as Fidget barely dodged the porcelain cup that went sailing over her head. Then she found herself sitting crosslegged and a part of the most delightfully unstiff tea party known to man.

"Everything stank like starch," Mr. Hatter went on, embellishing his tale of adventure with occasional iron pressed sock or two, "And so stiff you'd think it'd slept on a bed of iron."

"Well that is mandatory.." admitted Fidget, sipping at a piping hot cup of Darjeeling, "Everyone's concerned about the rigidity of spines."

"And the colors! Only four and more strictly put together than anything I've seen." Mr. Hatter sighed dramatically, drinking as if he'd just returned from a four year mission to a war infested swamp. "Suffocating."

"Mr. Spoon says smash the curling iron fish-face!" squealed Mr. Hare in his deep Scottish timbre, throwing a bent spoon at Mr. Hatter who sensibly ducked. "Rigidity?" Miss Dormouse perked her little ears in disbelief, "Starch and iron beds? What kind of madhouse do you hail from Fidget?"

"Dnalrednow." she replied, nibbling at a scone in between words, "I didn't mind it before but I think I like this world better. I can't exactly leave it now."

"What for?"

"Step back through those caves-" she pointed at the general direction of her and Mr. Hatter's approach, "And I'd be hauled to a court lickety-split. Eee.." she giggled to herself, "I always wanted to say that! But yes...I'd get my fair trial; my horrible, unnecessarily long, boring trial, and then they'd chop my head off. Wham, splat!" she punctuated with a sharp smack on table. Mr. Hare immediately jumped up, throwing a cake platter with a half-eaten cake still on it in the air. "The Bloody Red Queen took a trip to the law firm!" he yelped, and Fidget covered her head to keep most of the raining cake out of her hair. In the short time she'd been here, it was growing and curling like mad. It was still a basic bob...but now it began to fluff over her eyes like a furry sheepdog, tickling her eyelashes.

"Nasty business," Miss Dormouse shook her head agreeingly to a drink.

"Ah, that reminds me," Mr. Hatter looked unusually stern at Fidget. "What did take you so long trying to get my hat?" Fidget looked up sheepishly as she flicked off icing from her tunic.

"Some kitty just tried to make off with it. So I was delayed a bit....Mister...Cheshire I think..." she thought back. Mr. Hatter looked extremely unhappy. "What was that cat doing with my hat?" he grumbled, slumping angrily in his seat.

"He said he liked it...but I managed to distract him with the tassels on my belt." Fidget looked down at her waist in disappointment, "Only now I don't have a belt anymore." Mr. Hatter imeediately began dusting off his hat self-consciously, arousing various sniggers around the table. Fidget stifled a giggle and slurped at her tea. The table was creaky and absolutely overflowing with china dishes and cakes, pot upon pot of teas, but the disorder was comforting. It made Fidget want to upset the table in eagerness and then dance on top the broken pieces it was so nice.

The group was distracted from Mr. Hatter's distress by a rustling in the bushes. A pair of very round twin boys and a rabbit came out of the brush, approaching the tea party. The rabbit was not very much like Mr. Hare, he was much tidier and white...reminding Fidget with a shudder of her home realm. The boys wore matching trousers held up by suspenders, and waddled a bit as they walked.

"Ah, Hightopp. Just in for tea," Mr. Hatter invited. "Then again its always teatime here." Fidget looked to the clock, and sure enough, the hands were frozen at 6 pm exactly; tea-time forever. Mr. Rabbit (considering he was most certainly not a hare) shook his head, brushing back his whiskers in slight exhaustion.

"Tea time will have to wait Tarrant, I'm here on official business."

"And us too!" Mr. Twin #1 exclaimed. Mr. #2 jostled his brother, "No Dum its you and me not 'us'."

"You and me is also an 'us' Dee," Mr. Dum (Fidget was quick to correct herself) argued back with a jostle.

"But we're not an 'us', we're a 'you and me'!"

"You're both wrong," Fidget declared. The entire group went quiet, waiting for her correct answer, "You're a 'collective persons'." Mr. Dee and Mr. Dum nodded in agreement with a slight applause. "Aye that's right, and that's an important title too miss."

"We're important, 'collective persons' indeedy."

"Enough," Mr. Rabbit shushed them. He pulled out a sheet of paper, a seal of a white crown circled by roses on the edge. "We are here to formally greet a Miss....Fidget Quigly?"

"That's me!" Fidget raised her hand, before looking at the clock, "But you're a bit late. I got here an hour ago." Mr. Rabbit immediately went into a panic as he checked his clock to discover that he indeed had been late, had hurriedly yanked Fidget from the table, sending her tea cup flying with the force of the pull. "We're late! We're late!" Fidget waved goodbye to the tea party.

"Bye, bye! Thanks for the tea!" she called, for it was good and proper to say thank you after tea. She then hurried her pace to keep up with Mr. Rabbit's fast pace as Misters Dee and Dum hurried further behind. Miss. Dormouse had shouted something as she ran, but Fidget couldn't quite hear it as Mr. Hare had thrown another teacup which promptly smashed against the wood of a tree. The tinkling sound of breaking china and Miss. Dormouse's squeaks were all she heard before running out of sight.

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Fidget felt as though her realm had violently thrust itself back at her when she finally arrived at the castle; everything gleamed a pure, snowy white. There was some difference; pink blossoms fell gently from the trees, and other colors could be seen from the garden. But the faded scent of starch came crawling up her nose as she walked in, and she felt compelled to apply hair gel to her now completely mussed hair. It flopped over her face like a blue veil, completely hiding her eyes from sight. But it felt more comfy this way; like a soft fur hat. She liked her hairstyle better when she wasn't in a place where such messiness could get her arrested.

The queen however, made up for the violent reminder of Dnalrednow. She was positively regal, far surpassing the extreme tidiness of Fidget's former king. She seemed to float over the floor, her feet unseen beneath the folds of her white gown. A crown was placed perfectly atop her head, and Fidget felt extremely mangy...like a blue coyote wandered in from the wasteland.

"Miss Quigly," she called in a musical voice. Fidget squeaked. She'd never spoken to anyone with a rank higher than Captain and fell to the floor in a eagle spread, clumsy bow, arms splayed ungracefully. "Oh no please, none of that." she waved a hand delicately. Immediately Fidget snapped up in the best impersonation of a salute she could muster. "Err...yes, your Highness ma'am!"

"Simply, ma'am will do Miss Quigly."

"Yes ma'am!"

The queen smiled before waltzing to a long scroll on a table. Fidget pulled back some hair from her face to look. It was an enormous scroll, and looked as though it would go on forever. Mirana pulled it open and beckoned Fidget forward. Timid in the prescence of royalty, she crept forth and looked over. On the scroll was, amazingly so, Tarrant and Fidget leaving the mouth of the Upside-Down Cave. Below the words, Tegdif Day; the arrival of the first other-sider, was written in neat little words below. Fidget looked politely confused.

"Its, a nice drawing ma'am." she said awkwardly, "But I'm confused still as to why I am here." The queen merely nodded before leading her to a wide balcony. The delicate touch of her hand on Fidget's shoulder made her even more nervous than before...she was pretty sure Queens didn't do that back home.

"We, that is to say all of Underland, once were connected to the 'other-side' as it is referred. But the cave appeared just as the last of them vanished, and ne'er did an other-sider step into our lands until today."

"Well yes ma'am," Fidget replied, "Crossing over here is the death penalty."

"Death penalty? Why I-" she shook her head, "No, I suppose I should have forseen this. They were very secretive when they were alive, the other-siders. But nonetheless," she looked extremely curious. "What is it like now?"

"Very proper ma'am," Fidget explained, "We're only allowed two colors with black and white, and balance and perfection is the order. You could get arrested for an untucked shirt if you're caught. No one on this side is allowed in either, they'd be subjected to the death penalty too if they snuck in."

"And I suppose Tarrant and yourself were lucky to evade capture?"

"Oh well Mr. Hatter was a bit curious and I-" she gulped. She didn't want to bad-mouth her own country, but she couldn't lie to a queen either, "Well I suppose I needed a permanent change of scenery."

"But this is a marvelous opportunity," the queen flourished with her hands, "To reunite our lost friends once more. Think of all the good that would come of it."

"Oh no please ma'am," Fidget began to sweat with panic, "They wouldn't even let me have a hearsay if I went back, they'd just give me my trial and I'd be excuted. And the army is nothing to sneer at either."

"But why all the strictness against their fellow Underlandians?"

"They...they merely feel it is wrong ma'am," winced Fidget. "Ever since I was a little blue baby I was told that this place was the worst. That going here was a sure-fire way to ruin my future. I already know its not true but...but if you met the king, the people who believe this thing, you'd understand."

"They really taught you such things as a baby?" The queen looked shocked at the news. Apparently peace was the last thing on everyone else's mind over there.

"They also told me you all have beasts that gobble up every blue-haired babe that gets lost in the woods," she looked a little anxious at this, "There isn't really such a thing right?"

"Oh only on the occasional orange moon."

Fidget was violently reminded of Mr. Hatter's neon carrot top and shivered. "Ma'am, with all due respect, I just doubt the people in Dnalrednow will want to cooperate with this peace project. They're too insistent on their own culture, it'll be like...like..." Fidget racked her brains for all her lessons on proper rebuttals and descriptions. "Like making soup out of a stone."

"Well that's not a problem. We make soup stone all the time."

"But ma'am that's not the point! If you take so much as one foot over the line that divides Dnalrednow from here, they won't care who you are or what you have to say. Unfortunately we're an extremely fair people; as in we treat anyone who's on trial like a crimnal." The Queen drew her lips into a thin line of distress.

"Sounds...democratic."

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You gotta love that last line. Enjoy and excuse my lateness in postage.