I unfortunatly do not own twilight the wonderful stephnie meyer does (i envy her) I just like playing with them

Tell him he is not a gentleman for sleeping in Bella's room.

tell him if he is a lion, he should roar.

Tell him if he is a lion, he should eat the lamb.

Tell him he should see a therapist for attempted suicide

Tell him he is old.

Tell him he is a pivot for watching Bella sleep

Tell him mind reading is uncool.

Tell him, he should not pick the answers in class out of the teachers head.

Tell him he should be gay because he sparkles.

Tell him he is a hard cold rock.

Tell him he should go to therapy because he calls himself a monster.

Tell him he does not have a soul.

Tell him dogs are now cool.

Tell him he is old fashioned and Carlisle is more modern.

give him a voucher for Spur and give offended when he tells you he can't eat.

Buy him a dog.

Name it Jacob.

Train it to follow him around.

Make sure he does not eat it.

Call him Eddie all the time.

Visualize yourself naked.

Drive very slow.

Continually say he is better of eating Bella than dating her.

Give him a list of ways saying werewolves are better than vampires.

Act offended when he gets mad.

Poke him.

When he talks about how much he loves Bella, say aren't you a little young to know what love is. Maybe you should wait a few years.

Laugh when Bella trips very loudly.

Point out the circles under his eyes; tell him to get more sleep.

Offer to lend him your concealed.

Withdraw the offer, tell him he is too pale for the shade.

Give him llama when he asks why say why not.

Suggest putting on a coat and say wow your skin is freezing.

Tell him you think his piano playing is horrible and say he is tone deaf.

Scold him for marrying Bella because she is so young.

Throw holy water at him and scream 'VAMPIRE'

Tell him he is not legally married to Bella because he is 17.

Constantly remind him that Jacob is his son-in-law.

Show him the picture of Rob Patterson and say wow is that you.

Ask how Tanya is in front of Bella.

Tie Bella to a train track and when he gets mad say who aren't you little protective.

End every argument saying "bite me Edward".

Give his number to Jessica and say he is interested.

Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a dog.

Think about how Mike Newton is sexier than him.

same as Jacob

When you 'discover' he doesn't have pulse call 911

call him a weakling for dying of flu

' accidently' leave a porn magazine in his room when Bella is around

tell Rosalie Edward called her ugly

A/n Please r/r and them add your own in the reviews and i will make another chapter