Confessions Caused By Cactus Juice

I shouldn't have written this… I have far too much other things to do. Like my projects, and my Biology notes that I'm FAR behind on… But Ash, who read Anthology of Attraction, PMd me and asked if I could write a oneshot where Zuko is the one to get juiced up, for a change. My muse went into overdrive, and I had it all planned out in my head by the time 30 minutes had passed.

So I decided to write it out and post it. Just beware, that this fic is as horrible as the rest of my fics. and Zuko might be very OOC. Because he's juiced or because of my cruddy writing… I don't know myself. Oh and it's kinda cliché, all of it. Sorry for that.

The only other thing that I must say is that the reason Sokka went completely high on the juice is because his personality is already dramatic and funny. Zuko, more… well, 'angsty' (for want of a better word. Sorry, Zuko.) will not react as strongly as Sokka. Which means no giant mushrooms, sorry. The other reason for that is the juice Zuko drinks is diluted.

The above paragraph is my excuses to why I couldn't make Zuko as cool on cactus juice as Sokka. I need some form of excuse because otherwise all that people will think when they read this is: FAIL. Sigh. Anyway, enjoy if you can.

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or anything to do with it. Nor do I own Zutara week, sadly.

The setting sun turned the sky to a million shades of pink and orange, and the girl could not help but stop to admire it. A smile played across her lips as the breeze ruffled her short brunette hair. Looking at the city she could see stretched out below her, she had to admit the Fire Nation was very beautiful.

"Suki."

She turned and her smile became one of welcome as the other figure approached her.

"Hey, Katara. How's he doing?" she added, seeing the armful of bandages the Waterbender was carrying.

A wince crossed Katara's face, and Suki felt a slight pang.

"I can tell it's still really hurting him, even though he's too stubborn to really say anything." She sighed in frustration. "I wish I could heal it properly in one shot. Then he wouldn't be exhausted after only an hour-long treaty signing…"

"I saw him wincing afterwards," Suki said sympathetically. "Do you want me to find Iroh so he can stay with Zuko for the evening?"

"Thanks, but Iroh's going to busy the whole evening with the finer points of the new treaty. Zuko wanted to go along, but between the two of us we managed to get him to listen to us. For once." There was a pause. "Could you excuse me from Sokka's party, please? He won't get mad if you ask. And Zuko really shouldn't be left alone…"

The Kyoshi Warrior looked at the pleading blue eyes and wondered, for about the millionth time, what had happened in the battle with Azula. Zuko and Katara both refused to talk about it, and all the information the rest had was that Zuko had been too late deflecting Azula's lightning and had as a result gotten quite severely wounded. The look Katara got on her face every time somebody brought the battle up and the fact that she was almost devoted to healing Zuko made Suki sure that there was something huge the two were leaving out.

"I'll excuse you," she assured, and Katara beamed at her. "But just remember that Zuko is going to be healed soon."

Katara's face became very confused.

"What do you…?"

"I mean that when he doesn't need somebody around to keep him from stubbornly refusing to rest you won't be able to use him as an excuse any more. Then you'll have to face Aang."

Katara's face flushed bright red and she looked away quickly so she did not have to look into Suki's knowing eyes. An image of Aang's hurt expression swam before her and her chest felt tight with guilt.

"Just tell him." Suki's voice was gentle. "He'll understand… eventually. Just tell him."

"He's like my little brother…" Katara whispered softly. "But he really… During the interval at the Ember Island Players' show… And a week ago when we were at the Earth Kingdom… I just didn't feel…" She broke off miserably.

Suki squeezed her shoulder comfortingly. The Waterbender managed a small smile at her friend. Everything was so complicated between her and Aang right then, and she doubted he noticed it at all. She knew it was wrong, but she needed to use Zuko as an excuse until she could figure out what to say to the Avatar. And so, avoiding the other girl's gaze so she wouldn't see the understanding there, she said another thanks to Suki and then hurried to the infirmary to drop off her load of bandages. On her way back to Zuko's room she was surprised to run into her brother. When asked what he was doing Sokka looked guilty and mumbled that he was visiting his friend, before he hastily took off again. Katara was still suspicious as she pushed open the great doors leading to Zuko's chambers, but she found no destruction within.

"Hey," she smiled. "How you feeling?"

Zuko looked rather fed-up as he lay propped up in his massive bed. She could see he really hated having to lie still and be quiet, even though the grey tinge to his face told her how much the wound hurt him still.

"Very bored," he scowled. "I'm considering asking Uncle if I can have his room, because I already know every dust particle in this one."

She grinned, half amused and half sympathetic.

"Well then, I guess I'm your saviour. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep and save you from dying of boredom."

"Ugh… I think I prefer the dying of boredom…"

She gave him a withering glare, and the corners of his mouth twitched in response. With a derisive sniff she grabbed a chair and plonked it beside his bed before seating herself firmly in it. Then she fixed Zuko with a fierce stare to show him she was going nowhere. Zuko's shoulders began to shake and then he suddenly let out a snort of laughter. She narrowed her eyes and was about to yell at him when his face twisted in pain. She winced with him and wished again that she could do something to help.

"You okay?" Her voice was worried.

He nodded, looking like he wished he could take the facial expression back. Then his face lightened as his eyes fell on a goblet on the table next to bed. He picked it up and gave it a curious sniff.

"What is it?" Katara asked curiously, intrigued by his actions.

"I have no clue," Zuko said, swirling the contents of the goblet around. "Sokka gave it to me. He said it will help with… the pain."

Zuko forced the last bit out like he was admitting a great weakness but Katara wasn't paying attention to him any more. She was instead thinking back to her brother's guilty behaviour, now understanding it. She was about to wonder out loud what Sokka brought when Zuko took a large sip.

"Uh maybe you should have let me take a look at that first…"

"He won't poison me."

"Maybe not intentionally, but given Sokka's knowledge of plants…" Zuko took another sip. "How does it taste?"

Zuko contemplated a while before answering, "It tastes… weird. Neither good nor bad… Like flavoured water…"

"Huh…" Katara was frowning.

"It's very thirst-quenching, though," Zuko said with a mild look at the goblet.

The phrase sounded familiar, and her frown deepened as she tried to place it. Zuko's rather goofy expression as he looked at the goblet made comprehension dawn on her, and she took the goblet away and sniffed it.

"He gave you cactus juice! When I get my hands on him…"

"Is that bad?" Zuko blinked at her, looking very innocent.

"Well… It depends how you look at it… It's not harmful but… Now I definitely need to stay with you. Just to make sure you don't start seeing giant mushrooms."

"A giant mushroom?" Zuko looked thoughtful. "That would need really big chopsticks to eat… Unless it landed in the sea, then we'd have to fight the fish… And have to learn how to breathe and eat underwater…"

"Err… Right…"

Katara looked at him closely. He appeared to be alright, and she was very relieved to see that the juice was not affecting him as badly as it had affected Sokka. He still had a rather dazed expression on his face, like he wasn't altogether there. On the other hand, the colour had returned to his face and he seemed to be breathing easier. If it helped him, then she could handle the weirdness. For a while he just made some strange comments about people's clothes and eating habits, sometimes with noises to demonstrate. Katara was mercifully able to keep a straight face through most of it, reminding herself she hadn't laughed at Sokka and that Zuko would probably feel bad enough when he woke up in the morning and remembered what he'd said without her laughing at him. That is, if he remembered anything at all.

After about twenty minutes, however, she noticed his eyelids beginning to droop a bit. When she asked if he was tired, however, he stubbornly denied the fact and she rolled her eyes, thinking that not even cactus juice could change some things. She suddenly had an idea that she never would have seriously considered if Zuko had been fully there.

"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby? Maybe that will make you tired; you need your rest."

"Are you a better singer than Uncle?" He looked a little weary, but Katara noted with surprise that he had not dismissed the idea at once as she had expected.

"Err… I don't know. And I don't really know any good lullabies either…" she admitted sheepishly.

"I know one. Want to hear it?"

She smiled and nodded, realizing the situation she was in was less likely to occur than the desert freezing over. Even though he was a bit drugged, Zuko still looked a little embarrassed and shifted, blushed and fidgeted before he actually began.

"Leaves from the vine, falling so slow, like fragile, tiny shells drifting in the foam. Little soldier boy, come marching home. Brave soldier boy, comes marching home."

Katara managed not to giggle, even though Zuko did not really sing very well. It was sweet, actually.

"That was very nice," she complimented.

"Uncle used to sing it to me all the time." Zuko was quiet for a while. "He used to sing it to my cousin. It's more Lu Ten's song than mine. I never had a song. If I did, it would probably been of Tuleducks"

"You have a cousin?" Katara was utterly thrown.

"I had one." Zuko's voice was still quiet, and his eyes stared at her without really seeing her. "He died in the war. He was a solider prince. He was going to be next in line after Uncle took the throne but then he died and Uncle..."

"He never… mentioned he was supposed to be Fire Lord," Katara all but whispered.

"My f… Ozai… he told my grandfather Uncle was unfit to rule. Apparently Lu Ten dying really… really hit him hard…Like a landslide of falling rocks…" Zuko whispered. "Azulon didn't like Ozai's ruthlessness and threatened to show him what it felt like to lose a son." Katara's intake of breath was ignored. "My mother… To save me…" Zuko broke off and for a long time was silent. Then he added, "Uncle came to live here, in the palace, two days after my mother left."

Understanding hit her with the force of a boulder. She had always been slightly puzzled at the bond between Iroh and his nephew; there had always seemed to be something there she could not place a finger on. Now she saw what it was: Iroh had been utterly shattered and was in need of a son. He had come back to the palace to find Zuko, who was left utterly alone and who was in need of a parent seeing as the only one who had ever cared had just left. The two had healed each other, filling the gaps life had made. And no matter what Zuko did or said, he would love Iroh more than anybody would ever really know.

"Was he a lot like Iroh?" Katara found herself asking, genuinely curious about the son of one of the nicest people she'd ever met.

"I don't really remember him… He was a lot older than me… A lot hairier too… But I do remember he always listened to Uncle." A slightly self-mocking smile played across Zuko's face. "That made him a really great man. Even though I know that, I never bothered learning from him…" Zuko's voice was soft again, like he was talking to himself and had completely forgotten Katara was in the room. "If I had listened to Uncle… A lot of things would be different. Aang would have learned Firebending quicker, the pirates would never have destroyed my ship…" His face turned utterly blank. "That day wouldn't have happened at all… I wouldn't have been…"

His fingers absently touched his scar, his face still blank and his eyes seeing something from many years back. Katara was barely daring to breathe; he had never spoken about his scar before. She took a deep breath but did not say anything as guilt engulfed her. If Zuko was totally sober he wouldn't be saying such things. To take advantage of his state would be beyond wrong… But she could not stop herself. This was the only opportunity she would probably ever get, and she couldn't let it go.

"What happened that day?" she asked him gently, pushing her guilt away.

Zuko was quiet for a while, staring at his hands twisting together. Even in his befuddled state he still shut her out of that particular memory. And she wouldn't push any more, no matter how curious she was. Finally Zuko began to tell her, in a monotone like he was reading something boring out loud.

"Ozai was having a war meeting and I wanted to attend. The guards wouldn't let me in and Uncle heard me arguing with them. He told me it wasn't a good idea, that I'd be bored with all the war talk. But I wanted to go in. I wanted to learn, because if I didn't how was I supposed to rule right? In the meeting they talked about sending inexperienced troops… Well, the gist of it is that an entire division of soldiers would die for no reason. I couldn't help but think about all those families that would lose a son or father or brother… I stood up and told them they couldn't just slaughter good Fire Nation people like they're animals. The council had an uproar, saying that I challenged the general and so had to fight him."

He fell silent again, his hands balling into fists and his face twisting. Then he shut his eyes and his expression became neutral again before he continued emotionlessly.

"The general was old and with Uncle's Firebending training… I was sure I could take him. But when I stood in the arena with most of the nobles and some of the citizens watching… It wasn't the general who faced me, though. It was my… my father. Apparently I had challenged his rule when I spoke out. I didn't want to fight him… I was thirteen and he was powerful… Also fighting him would just bring on problems, more arguments, more reason for him to hate me. So I begged. I begged him not to fight me. I literally… got down on my hands and knees and begged. He told me I had dishonoured myself by refusing to fight. For that I was banished from the Fire Nation and I could only return when I captured the Avatar. He also wanted to give me a reminder, something to make sure I never forgot. So he…"

He trailed off and gestured to his eye. Then, for the first time in a long while he looked at Katara. She wanted to say something, but she had forgotten how to talk. She felt like she was glued to her seat in utter, earth-shattering shock. Zuko frowned.

"Katara? Are you… Are you leaking?"

She raised a shaking hand to wipe away her tears, knowing he didn't understand the reaction. He had spoken without any emotion or elaboration at all, but she did not need either to imagine it. She could almost see the fear on his face, almost taste his humiliation. She remembered his expression once when he was yelling at Aang, telling him Ozai was ruthless and could not be underestimated, and she suddenly understood it. He had known, all along, what his father was capable of and he'd tried so hard to protect them. She saw his scar and remembered touching it at Ba Sing Se, wondering then what he had done to himself. She couldn't even begin to imagine how much it had hurt. She suddenly felt so terribly sorry for Zuko, and was left wondering what he'd ever done to deserve the life he had been forced to live.

A sob shuddered through her body and Zuko's face became even more bewildered. Then he suddenly leaned forward, wincing a bit, and pulled her by her arm off her chair and towards his bed.

"Hey…" Gentle fingers brushed away her tears. "There's no need to cry… I'm… I'm sorry I told you that…"

"How could you want to come back to him?" she sniffed, her voice thick with tears. "You actually wanted to come back to him…"

Zuko looked away from her, as though he was thinking hard or struggling with words.

"My mom loved him… I know she did. And if she did, there had to be something in him that could be loved. That and this place, this throne…" He took a deep breath. "It was where she was. Not so much her body, but… her. Her memory. And I wanted to make her proud. I wanted the throne so I'd continue her legacy, make this country right again… That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Like flying Pi Sho tiles." His smile was crooked.

"No, it doesn't. I understand what you mean. Well, not about the flying tiles…" Their eyes met and he absently brushed some of her hair back that was stuck to the tear-tracks on her cheeks. "That's why you did what you did at Ba Sing Se?"

He flinched like he'd been hit and she immediately opened her mouth to apologise but he beat her to it.

"Yes. That and Azula… She's always been able to manipulate me into doing things. I just wanted to belong here so much… I'm sorry," he mumbled.

She shook her head, brushing aside his millionth apology. She shifted her hand slightly to the left and suddenly found it was touching his hand. Both of them stared at their touching hands and then they looked up into each other's face. The candlelight made Zuko's eyes dance slightly, like they were tiny bits of fire themselves. She had realized recently, especially since she had started healing him, how attractive he was. Not only physically, even though the training with Aang had really made him fill out. There was also something about him, about his arrogance and his pride that drew her in. He was free, yet caged and had the air around him that he could beat the whole world even though she could see that, deep down, he knew just how cruel life could be.

He was looking at her now with a slightly dazed look, and she realized that the cactus juice and his tiredness was making him slowly slip into sleep. She smiled at the unusual child-like look to his face, glad that the juice had not made him start hallucinating strange things in his room. He noticed her smile and his hand started to raise, like he wanted to stroke the corners of her mouth, but he suddenly stopped and something in his eyes closed off.

"Why do you do that?" Katara whispered, her brow furrowing. "You did that every time the topic of your past came up, and now I can understand why. But I still don't get what you could possibly find the need to hide when we're just talking." He looked like he was contemplating opening up. "Please? Just tell me what you want to say."

"You're…" He swallowed. "You're really, really beautiful." Shock hit her full on, and she could feel herself start to blush. "And you have really pretty eyes." With a touch so light she could barely feel his fingers he stroked the corners of one of her eyes. "I liked the sea when I first set off to look for Aang. After two years I hated it but the colour of your eyes remind me of the early days… And I love how they turn icey when you get mad." He chuckled slightly, a soft look she had never seen him wear coming to his face. "Actually I find you extremely cute when you're angry; your inner fire comes out. If I didn't know any better I'd think you were a Firebender when you fight."

She swallowed, again forgetting how to talk. A part of her brain wondered if it was only the juice that was making him say all that stuff. But she ignored that part; she didn't like it at all. Zuko had fallen silent and she egged him on with her eyes. He seemed hesitant but carried on anyway.

"I hid what I feel because we had to focus on the war. But I was so jealous of Aang sometimes, because he was able to look at you in such a devoted way. He was allowed to love you. And I, the traitor, the outsider… I had Mai, but I was able to forget about her kissing me every time you smiled at me."

She occupied her thoughts by reminding herself how to breathe properly and not pass out from shock. Her gaze never left his, though, and she could see the alertness in his eyes underneath the layer of haze the cactus juice and tiredness created.

"You should go to bed," she finally said.

Gently she helped him to lie down, purposefully looking away so she wouldn't have to see him grimace. Her mind was in a turmoil and her hands were actually shaking. Zuko noticed and a bitter smile suddenly crossed his face, making her look at him again.

"I shouldn't have said that. Now things are going to be reeeeeally awkward in the morning."

A slightly hysterical giggle escaped her throat, but Zuko didn't seem to notice. Already his eyelids were drooping and she suspected it would only take a few minutes for him to be out like a light. She decided to leave right then and headed towards the door. She touched the door and then hesitated, looking back at a peacefully sleeping Zuko. She smiled and pushed the door open. She would wait until he was sober and awake before she told him she felt the same way about him.

EPIC FAIL