A/N: Another de-anoned kink for you here just for fun! Probably 4 chapters in length.

WARNINGS: sticky, oral (LOT OF ORAL), dub con, bouts of humour (oh yes it does happen).

Dedicated to my friend and beta ^__^

For Science Chapter 1

Perceptor mused over his hypothesis once more. Despite numerous tests of probability, population extrapolations and subsequent calculations of breeding and mating patterns since leaving Cybertron generations ago; his conclusion was still the same.

He stared dispassionately at the computer monitor, annoyance creeping quietly through his CPU. All the statistical analysis in the world would keep yielding the same results. Narrowing his optics Perceptor let out a sigh, the conclusion flashing incessantly at him.

'Additional data required.'

He had hoped that it wasn't going to be necessary to take his study to the next obvious level.

//Ratchet may I have a word with you for a moment?//

//Is this for another one of your blasted experiments?//

Perceptor raised a brow. //No.// He answered truthfully. After all it was merely a study, research. Not quite an experiment, not yet anyway.

//I'll be there shortly.//

Perceptor cut the comm. Now to think of a way to tactfully ask the medic how to go about collecting practical, physical data for his study, preferably without receiving a wrench to the helm. He quite liked his helm and his study would be much simpler with it intact.

****

"You want to do WHAT?!" Ratchet balked at the red scientist, caught between absolute disbelief and vague disgust.

"It's the only way to accurately determine whether my hypothesis is correct."

"Why do you even care whether the 'cons are genetically dissimilar to us?" Ratchet rubbed the back of his helm. He was baffled.

"Think of it Ratchet." Perceptor buzzed around his little lab, excitedly gathering up equipment he was going to need. "Just think how it could help revolutionise medical treatments, the weapons we could create."

"Weapons? Have you heard yourself?"

"It's not my responsibility as to how my discovery will be utilised Ratchet. I am a scientist it is my duty to gain knowledge that will benefit us in the long term."

Ratchet shook his head and groaned at the typical Perceptor response. Logical and to the point.

"It would be invaluable knowledge to have when we eventually return to Cybertron, if we ever hope to repopulate our species and..." He practically bounced with glee.

"And?" Ratchet drawled.

"It would prove my theory that we are evolving by being here on this planet." He smiled an innocent, excited smile at the medic. "Wouldn't that be an amazing discovery?"

"Hmm fabulous, I'm sure." Ratchet sighed. "Look Percy, I know you're excited and I must admit any potential results would be of great interest from my point of view but..." He rubbed his hand over his face. "You're talking about collecting genetic samples from Decepticons."

"I know." Perceptor replied. "It's necessary."

"But they're 'cons Percy! They're not just going to let you stroll up to them and ask for a sample of their..." The medic rolled his optics in exasperation. "Their transfluid."

"Has anyone ever tried?"

"No! Of course they haven't!"

"Then how do you know they wouldn't?"

"I... ah..." Ratchet stammered.

"Hm." Perceptor shot the medic a small victorious smile, rushing from his lab.

"Hey where are you going?" Ratchet chased after the eager red mech.

"To ask Prowl."

"He's not going to give you permission!"

"Don't need it, just need locations of the Decepticons."

"You're serious about this aren't you?"

The smaller mech glanced up at him. "Ratchet I'm serious about everything."

Optics rolling once more Ratchet sighed. "That's what I was afraid of."

****

Perceptor burst into Prowl's office eagerly not bothering to knock. Ratchet followed sheepishly behind as Prowl glared at the interruption. "Don't look at me. I'm not the one with the faulty processor."

"Perceptor?"

"Prowl, yes! I require the locations of the Decepticons, not all of them mind you. Just the ones scouting around closest to our base will be adequate for my needs."

"Your needs?"

"Yes, I am conducting a study to ascertain whether or not we Autobots have evolved as a species to become genetically different to the Decepticons, thus making us a separate species."

Prowl remained impassive, unreadable. "Ok and you plan to do what when you find them?"

"Collect samples."

Prowl did not like where this was going. "Samples?"

"Transfluid."

Prowl's intakes made a noise akin to a spluttering cough. His optics rested on the smiling scientist. "Transfluid?" He repeated.

"Yes of course, what else would I be collecting for such a study?" Perceptor let out a small chuckle. "I will of course also be collecting samples from various mechs throughout our base so I will be requesting volunteers. I would very much appreciate it if you could put out an announcement."

Prowl stared at Perceptor, jaw slack. He looked at Ratchet who shrugged. Blinking Prowl took a moment before responding. "Let me get this straight. You want to find a Decepticon to collect his transfluid?"

Perceptor nodded.

"And you want me to put out an announcement for volunteers to have their transfluid collected?"

"Yes. Thank you Prowl." Perceptor's smile widened. "I knew you'd understand." With that he swiftly left the office, clearly on a mission.

"I... what?" Prowl stared after him gawping in disbelief.

"You couldn't have just said no." Ratchet groaned slumping into the free chair with a heavy sigh.

****

Wheeljack banged the back of his helm against the underneath of the work top at the sudden interruption. Glaring up at the red mech standing over him he hoisted himself to his feet, rubbing the back of his head.

"Perceptor you really shouldn't sneak up on a 'bot you know. What if I'd gotten hurt?"

"It would be no different from the numerous times you have injured yourself Wheeljack."

"Fair point." The mech grumbled. "What can I do for you?"

"I want you to make something for me." Perceptor spread out a small blueprint on the work top.

"What is that?"

"It's a collection pod."

Wheeljack blinked. "A what?"

"It is a pod designed to adhere to the back of the oral cavity of a 'bot with the sole purpose of collecting transfluid."

Wheeljack stared at Perceptor, his fins glowing bright blue.

"Wheeljack?" Perceptor frowned as the mech continued to stare at him. After a little while the engineer frowned.

"Why in Primus would you want something like this Perceptor?"

"I told you. To coll..."

"Yes I gathered that." Wheeljack interrupted quickly. "But why?"

"For my study."

"Your study." Wheeljack nodded, turning slowly back to the workbench not really getting the urge to pry any further. "Sooo... how do you intend this to work?"

Perceptor grinned. "Well I designed the pod so it would fit comfortably at the back of the throat and it is flexible for easy removal."

"Aha... and how do you intend on preventing it from slipping down the throat and being swallowed?" Wheeljack asked, not quite believing he was having this particular discussion.

"I have created a flexible adhesive polymer that creates a seal along the oral cavity. It will be located as such to not be an interference to air intakes and will allow for 100% collection of the fluid. It will expand and self seal when full and the polymer is flexible enough to allow for continued swallowing without impediment, once it has sealed." Perceptor looked distinctly pleased with himself and his design.

Wheeljack stared incredulously at the plans, processing the information slowly. "Percy, not that I'm questioning your methods but, why can't you collect manually as opposed to orally?"

Perceptor gasped in genuine shock at the suggestion. "Wheeljack to collect DNA the method has to be sterile. To collect manually will expose the sample to airborne bacteria and it is impossible to create any kind of air tight seal around the spike and..."

"Aa-aAHH..." Wheeljack held up his hands. "I'm sorry I asked." He frowned. "What about oral fluids?"

Perceptor pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Our oral fluids do not contain genetic material; they are a water based lubricant which by its very nature is sterile and will if anything help to prevent contamination of the sample." He cast Wheeljack a smug grin folding his arms across his chest.

"So can you make it, if I provide you materials?"

Wheeljack hesitated. "You have permission right?"

"Of course."

"Alright, how many do you need?"

"Ten."

"What?"

"I require an even number to collect enough samples to validate the test results. Five Autobots, five Decepticons." He nodded gratefully. "Thank you Wheeljack you've been a great help."

Wheeljack pinched the plates between his optics after Perceptor had left. "Yeah just not the kind of help you need Percy."

****

Perceptor was practically giddy with excitement. Wheeljack had done an impressive job creating the ten pods; he'd even sealed them to keep them sterile. Step one was complete. Now all Perceptor needed was donors. Unfortunately Prowl hadn't been as open to the idea as he'd first thought. There had been no announcements and the tactician had out rightly refused to give him the last known locations of any Decepticons. Perceptor was going to have to do this the hard way. He was going to need help.

****

Sunstreaker was impatient. He only ever came to Perceptor's lab once a week to collect a special wax that the wayward scientist formulated just for him. He idly gave himself the once over as he peered into a nearby mirrored surface. Well he had to do everything he could to keep a paint job as sexy as his; pristine and looking good. He gave himself a wink as he brushed his fingers over his golden figure, jumping as Perceptor coughed softly behind him.

"Frag it Percy! Why'd you sneak up on me?!"

"I did no such thing, you were distracted."

Sunstreaker snorted dismissively. "Whatever. Do you have my wax?"

"No."

"What d'you mean no?!"

"No tends to just mean no Sunstreaker."

"But I need it!"

The red scientist approached slowly a small, yet devious smile growing on his face. "You can't possibly require it that much." The scientist feigned disinterest at Sunstreaker's horror stricken expression, turning instead to focus intently on some fabricated work on his work bench.

"Are you kidding me?! You think a chassis that looks THIS good is just made? It takes work and that special wax you make. C'mon you gotta have some!"

"Why must I have some?"

Sunstreaker let out a frustrated whine. "Because I don't want to have a dull frame, it'll ruin my whole image. I can't afford to hide away like you Perceptor."

"Charmed." The red mech quirked an optic ridge at Sunstreaker's desperation.

"Please Perceptor, c'mon." The golden mech buried his face in his hands and groaned loudly.

Perceptor finally turned to address him. "As much as your overreaction is amusing, you can relax. I have your wax."

Before Perceptor could continue Sunstreaker had engulfed him in a tight embrace.

"So where is it?" He asked eagerly.

"I need you to do something for me first."

Sunstreaker drew back and frowned. "Like?"

"You're a popular mech around the base. I have heard rumours that you get to interface quite often."

"I…umm…yeah…" Sunstreaker rubbed the back of his neck, frown deepening. "Percy look I like you n'all but… I'm just here for the wax. Not sure how keen I am on having to 'face you for it every week."

Perceptor recoiled with a snort. "Not me you idiot. I wouldn't with you unless it was an experiment."

"Hey, that's just nasty!"

Perceptor ignored Sunstreaker's bruised ego. "I need you to interface three different mechs for me. Specifically with your mouth."

Sunstreaker's jaw dropped in astonishment. "Seriously?"

Perceptor nodded and handed him a datapad with a list of names. "These are the mechs that I wish to collect samples from."

Sunstreaker stared at the datapad, his optics growing wider. "Ironhide! He'll kick the slag out of me!"

"You're resourceful I'm sure that won't happen."

"Are you playing a prank on me?! Prowl?! Seriously?! That prude aint gonna let me anywhere near him, you sure you need his?"

Perceptor shrugged. "He owes me. He delayed my investigation in its initial stages, it's only fair that I gain some recompense for my troubles."

Sunstreaker stared at the scientist with fresh optics. "His transfluid? You're cold."

"So I'm told." Perceptor replied proudly.

"Uh Percy, you're aware that a seeker is a 'con right?"

"Yes is that going to be a problem?"

Sunstreaker heaved a sigh. "I think I can appeal to his ego. He'll be less of a problem than Prowl or Ironhide though, are you sure you need them. There's plenty of mechs that would be willing with me."

Perceptor shook his head. "I require samples from a variety of classes of mech. This way I can be certain that I have the right balance."

"Alright what do I do?"

Perceptor promptly handed him three sealed pods. "Place these at the back of the throat, when you're done remove it and place it straight back into the container. It self seals when full, so you shouldn't have any problems."

Sunstreaker frowned once more and pursed his lips. "Can I get some wax as advance payment?"

Perceptor laughed shortly. "I'm no fool; you get the wax, when I get the samples. Now if you don't mind I have work to do."

Sunstreaker left the lab still staring at the pods, his processor whirling with too much information. In his distraction he noticed a scuff of paint on his arm. "Awww slag!" He pouted. "Right easy one first. I need to get me some wax."

****