"May I present Butler and Juliet. At some point in time, they have been employed as bodyguards for the Fowl family. More importantly, they are dear and close friends of ours," introduced Angeline Fowl. She seemed to be a lovely woman, gracious and warm. No resemblance at all to the hellspawn. (Apollo didn't how a person could exude arrogance and "thou art below my station, peasant" vibes without moving a millimeter, but Artemis Fowl accomplished it. The dark-haired boy had even wiped off the smirk and put on a suitably bland, coldly polite smile. He wasn't fooling anyone.)

The biggest man Apollo had ever seen and an attractive (he supposed, for some) young blonde bowed slightly. An odd pair for sure. They were sort of like a comedy duo, only Apollo couldn't laugh - his mouth had dried up at the faint outline of a gun under Butler's shirt. However, while the first made Apollo gulp and step back, the second wouldn't have been out of place in a preppy sorority.

"Aren't you a little young to be guarding lives?" Apollo asked skeptically. (He was very lucky that he had only brought up Juliet's age as a point of contention. If he had challenged her gender, he may have lost the ability to reproduce. Not that he would need it, but I've heard the experience is painful nonetheless.)

She gave a sweet smile and then said, "I've been training since I was ten years old. I am currently taking a break from my career as a professional female wrestler in an American troupe. I was employed for almost six years before that by Madame Fowl. And I'm not a day over twenty, young master."

He flushed beet-red, then glared at Artemis whose lips were twitching. Sensing an awkward situation about to arise, the hostess said quickly, "Arty, be a dear and show Apollo around the house. He'll be sleeping in the Daffodil Suite."

"Of course, Mother," answered Artemis obediently, with barely a flicker of displeasure.

Apollo found a few things off about the exchange. One, how unexpected that the stuck-up Fowl would answer to a moniker as plebeian as "Arty." Then again, probably anything was an improvement over "Artemis." The virgin goddess of the hunt and moon? Granted, Apollo was also named after a Greek deity, but at least it was a dude. That couldn't have been a fun childhood.

Two, it was clearly against nature for Artemis Fowl to "be a dear." He had seen friendlier expressions on frigging tigers before they pounced than on the sour teen. And three, Apollo decided rather hypocritically, Artemis Fowl definitely had a mother complex.

"Come with me," ordered Fowl, without even a glance back to see if he was following. Even arrogant prats loved their mums, it seemed.

"...and this is Lord Hugo Fowl, the Fowls' ancestor dating back to the fifteenth century," Artemis droned on as he gestured towards a constipated-looking bronze bust. "This was his study. In fact, that very table you are so casually leaning on was where he worked."

"Yeah?" said Apollo, who had not requested a history lecture and did not appreciate being given one. "Tell me, where did old Hugo take a leak?"

He had a moment of satisfaction in seeing the pale boy's lips tighten before a saccharine, "I had no idea you needed to relieve yourself so urgently, forgive me. You only have to ask where the bathroom is. Down the hallway, three doors to the right."

Apollo scowled, but he actually did have to go. He felt a little better when he slammed the door and the statue almost wobbled off its pedestal.

Artemis waited till he could no longer hear footsteps before speaking. "Charming fellow, isn't he," he addressed the bust, where he knew for a fact Foaly was monitoring him from. The centaur may have removed the Fowl Manor from his surveillance system after the Arctic Incident, but he had never promised not to put new wiretaps in. Just one of the many hazards of inviting Fairy Folk into his home on a semi-regular basis, he supposed. Silence and then a staticky voice crackled from the unmoving lips of Hugo de Fole.

"...there's no point in bugging your castle if you try to converse with me through the wiretap," grumbled the centaur.

Artemis simply chuckled, "Then why, pray tell, did you make it two-way?"

A disgruntled "hmph!" followed, but there were no further complaints. Changing the subject, Foaly inquired, "So who's the blond?" Fowl Manor had seen its fair share of visitors since the return of Artemis Senior but never any humans of Artemis' age, the anti-social bugger.

"My distantly related cousin, Apollo Wells. To be honest, I am not even certain if we are related. His mother and he will be staying here for an indeterminate period until they find suitable housing," Artemis allowed some of his dislike to seep through.

"Gotta admit, the kid has spunk. He reminds me a little of you, actually. Only tanner with less subtlety," said Foaly, only half-joking.

The dark-haired teen said reproachfully, "And here I thought we had agreed to get along. There's no need to insult me."

It was true. The Fairy Folk and Artemis had been on almost congenial terms after the Opal Deception. Well, some of them. You could only save each other from life-threatening situations so many times before bonds inevitably formed. In fact, the whole Anti-Mindwipe-Artemis group came over annually. He had to store the valuables in an even more than usual state-of-the-art safe because of Mulch, but that was the price he paid for good (?) company.

The centaur snorted, "Got it. I'll tell Holly to postpone the visit."

Over the past few years, Holly Short had become more than just a friend. Although it wasn't an official arrangement, they both acknowledged that they would meet every three months, by hook or by crook (this one was him). If commented on, however, the two would be horribly embarrassed. It was one thing to be comrades and a another thing entirely to admit to enjoying each other's presence.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Artemis said with immense dignity.

"Riiight," replied Foaly, stretching out the syllable. "Good luck with the kid, Mud Boy. I think you'll need it."

Author's Note: I, like, actually researched for this chapter to find Juliet's age and abilities and more about the Fowl Manor. I spotted a mistake by the way, it's actually a castle. Yeaaah. If you see anything wrong or funky about anything, PLEASE inform me. Thanks. I hope you enjoy, this was one monster of a chapter.

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