Disclaimer : Ianto's not dying, nor are Tosh and Owen(he's not living but dead either), Jack doesn't give a damn about Gwen - Obvious proofs that I don't own Torchwood. (And it's not possible to mistake me for RTD 'cause really, even if you're blind, you can't mistake a 17 year old girl for a man)
Warnings :
Slash(of course, since I'm writing it)
Swearing
Graphic blowjob
Gwen bashing(definitely not for Gwen lovers)
Unbeta'd
An experiment - first attempt at humour.
Pairings : Jack/Ianto, slight Owen/Tosh, Gwen pinning on Jack
A/N:
1. For the record, when this story was originally thought of, it was a serious fic but then I decided to add in some humour. So the theme is serious but it has been presented in a light manner. I don't do much humour so please review and let me know if it's fine. Cause if it's not good, I'll do it the serious way.
2. The story has nothing to do with the novel, Paradise Lost. I have not even read that.
3. In the middle of the chapter, you'll be told of a report which Jack and Ianto consider. For that I want to make clear that the words in bold and italics are Jack's handwriting and only italics are Ianto's
4. I love reviews
5. Anyone who'd like to beta this, please shot me message
So now on with the story
"Ianto!!"
"You called Gwen?"
"Uhmm yeah, actually I've got a date with Rhys and I don't wanna be late. So could you do those reports on the weevil sighting yesterday? Please sweetie?"
Ianto tried not to think that this was the fifth day in a row that Gwen was asking him to do so and that he too had a date. He tried to ignore the fact that this was Gwen, who was always pinning on his boyfriend; Gwen, who regarded him no more as a liability in field; Gwen, who thought him fit only to make coffee and file up reports. And like a good employee he was, he smiled and said "Oh sure, why not. Enjoy your date"
Jack noticed Ianto, still working. The archivist should have left long before this, they had a date in fifteen minutes! Yet here he was, still at the hub. Jack got up, deciding to put an end to his boyfriend's habit of overworking.
"Yan, I was supposed to be picking you up from your flat after fifteen minutes and you're still here?"
"Just ten more minutes Jack."
"Fine but what is this report that you're doing?"
"Yesterday's weevils."
"But I'd told Gwen to do that. Why the hell are you doing it?"
"Uh - she had to go out with Rhys so -"
"Ianto! You don't have to do other people's reports. And even you had a date today!" Jack knew Gwen very well and he knew how she treated Ianto. He also knew that it hurt Ianto, more because she was always trying to make Jack think that he loved her. And yet, the archivist said nothing and continued it all silently, not even complaining once. But then that was his Ianto, that was why Jack loved him so much, not that he said it to the other man, but he did.
"That's my job, Jack" Ianto replied, bringing Jack back from his thought world.
"That bloody well is not in your job description, Ianto Jones and -"
"Hey listen, let's not talk all this right now, lemme finish this up. The sooner this is done, the sooner we can leave."
"Fine, but we need to talk about this tomorrow. Ok?"
"Ok. Now help me out with this."
----------------------XxX----------------------
"Hey Tosh, nice top you're wearing," said Gwen as she passed Toshiko's station before moving on to her own. Definitely better than that yesterday's garage sale kinda piece, she added to herself.
"Hi Gwen. Thanks," Tosh replied with a smile, wondering what Gwen would want today. She couldn't be wasting a compliment without any reason.
"By the way Tosh I was wondering if you could check on that hospital record for me. Jack told me to do it but I just forgot." Why should I do such small jobs when I can tell you to. As long as Jack didn't know about it, it was the best arrangement for her. And even if Jack found out, it ain't as if he'd say something to her. Poor guy, she knew he loved her and he had to fuck a coffee boy to keep away from her as she was already engaged. Not for long, she thought, smiling.
"Gwen, your coffee"
"Thanks Ianto. Hey did you do that report for me, honey? 'cause if you have then I'd better give that to Jack, he must be waiting."
Before Ianto could answer, Jack strolled in and replied on his behalf.
"Actually Gwen, Ianto was doing that report when I came to take him out for dinner, so we completed the report together."
"Oh. Actually I had to go out with Rhys, you know what he's like when I miss a date for Torchwood stuff"
"Oh yeah, I know. So now team, get down to work. Owen, check the reports of that accident, it wasn't just a car that killed the guy. Tosh, I want CCTV footage from the hospital where he was admitted. Gwen, see if there has been any other such case before, which you should have done earlier. And Ianto, get to my office, NOW."
"Jack, you said we all have to get to work. I don't understand why the tea-boy always gets away without any stuff to do," smirked Owen.
"Well, if you must know, he does the most important job here, he keeps your Captain sane, satisfied and sated, and trust me, he works hard," replied Jack, making Ianto blush. "And he does the job of looking good and desirable all the time, which I must say none of you could do better than him." Owen and Tosh shared a laugh at this, Ianto blushed furthermore and Gwen rolled her eyes and thought - Poor Jack, he has to do praise a petty tea boy to get the wanker to keep him company but soon, I'll leave Rhys and Jack won't need him anymore.
"Anything else you need to know Owen, I could give you the details if you wish." Jack said, grinning.
"Oh spare me the horrors"
"Actually, I think you all have a right to know, after all everyone needs to know their team member's working style. So I'd say he's the best in mornings, when we've just arrived and -" Ianto turned around wishing the ground would swallow him.
"Shut up Jack!" cried Tosh. "I'm not hearing any of that."
"Well since the lady insists, I think I must agree to her. Anyways, we're getting late. Let's go Ianto"
"Sorry sir, but I think Owen would like his coffee ready after he's done checking the reports. And sir, I also have to feed Myfanwy and Janet. Also, there's some stuff to file in the archives. So I'll be there in two hours, if that's fine with you sir." Ianto stressed on every 'sir' knowing the effect it'd have on his boss.
"Yan!" Jack pouted and made the best puppy eyes he could but all he succeeded in doing was making the team giggle hysterically.
----------------------XxX----------------------
"Tosh could I have a word?" asked Jack leaning on the Japanese girl's workstation.
"Oh sure, what's it Jack? About the accident case?"
"Uh no, it's about me, no more about Ianto, actually."
Gwen's ears perked at Ianto's name and she tuned all the attention to the conversation. The gears started turning in her little brain.
"Jack, you're not -"started Tosh, with a worried look.
"Of course not Toshiko, how can you think so?"
"I'm sorry but then what is it?"
"Uhm - I was wondering if you know any good shop for rings..."
"What? Do you mean it Jack?"
"Yes." Jack's answer was full of confidence and truthfulness.
Gwen was disgusted, fucking for pleasure was one thing but Jack couldn't possibly marry Ianto! He's surely under a lot of stress, I haven't been giving him much attention lately but now I'll put it right.
----------------------XxX----------------------
The next day, as soon as Owen saw Gwen enter, he smirked and went to Jack's office.
"Did you tell Gwen about your plan?"
"Which plan exactly?"
"The one that involves a Captain, a Teaboy and a ring?" Owen had already been told about it.
"No! You think I would?"
"Then either she overheard it or she's finally left Rhys."
"Why do you say so?"
"Have a look at her."
Jack looked through his office window and saw Gwen at her workstation, wearing a deep cut green top with a dangerously low waist jeans.
"Harkness, she's desperate!"
"Well who wouldn't be. But she doesn't realize that it takes more than that to get me desperate"
"I would rather not know your fetishes Jack. But I was thinking, she's so meant for green"
"Definitely. But keep her away from Ianto, ok?"
"I'm sure you can manage that better than me, what with his job that requires his constant presence in your office"
"Aha, you gave me a great idea Doctor Harper. Do me a favour, send my teaboy here and then get an urgent craving for coffee."
"Sure thing boss. But do you think it'd be safe to drink it if she's made it?"
"Take that risk for me Owen, please," Jack said as both of them laughed non-stop.
----------------------XxX----------------------
"Hey Gwen, looking good," said Owen as he came back to his workstation.
"Thanks." Oh Owen, I know you love me but I'm so meant for Jack, and even without him, who'd want you as a boyfriend.
"Oi teaboy, Jack wants you in his office."
"What for now?"
"You'd know that better now, you know keeping him sane satisfied and sated. But you sound like you're already bored of him. Careful, don't let him out of your grip, wolves are quick but vixens are quicker." Owen cast a meaningful glance at Gwen.
"Ah, I'm afraid that Jack's not much fond of vixens. He'd prefer Janet more." Ianto was a bit apprehensive about it but he tried to push it away.
----------------------XxX----------------------
"You called for me sir?"
"Yeah Ianto, I was wondering if you could have a look at this report," Jack said pointing to a set of papers lying in front of him. Rolling his eyes, Ianto walked to stand behind Jack, bending to see the papers.
"It seems to be a bit vague sir" Ianto whispered, his warm breath caressing Jack's earlobe. The said report was a list with Jack's handwriting saying -
Blowjob
Coffee
Hot table sex
Lunch
Sex in my bunk
Dinner
Movie
Make love in your bedroom
?????
The last one made Ianto's heart skip a beat - make love? That was the first time Jack used the term, it was always sex or shagging otherwise. He glanced at Jack who was smiling nervously. Responding with a smile of his own, Ianto took a pen from Jack and wrote something on the list and handed it back to Jack a few minutes later.
Blowjob - always a good exercise for the mouth to take something in and lick until it explodes, a bonus when it tastes good
Coffee - Decaf for the explaining the teaboy's job description to a medic who never keeps his mouth shut
Hot table sex - Only if I get to wear your coat while doing it
Lunch - With a snickering doctor, giggling computer genius and a jealous vixen
Sex in my bunk - Would love to see you writhe in the little space
Dinner - A proper one, no take away.
Movie - No horror, back row seats, vacant cinema hall
Make love in your bed - Waiting desperately
"Seriously, vixen?"
"Well Owen was saying something about vixens being quicker than wolves"
"And what did you say?" Jack said raising an eyebrow.
"That you'd rather have Janet"
"I'm pretty happy with the present arrangements, you know, we don't need to bring poor Janet into it"
"Good for you, now if you wouldn't mind, my mouth wants a bit of exercise"
----------------------XxX----------------------
"Hey Gwen, I was wondering if you could get me some coffee, I'm really busy or I'd have done it myself"
"Whatever Owen, I'll get it."
As Gwen had a look at the coffee beans, she was struck with a brilliant idea. She quickly got Owen's coffee and rushed to the archives.
----------------------XxX----------------------
Ianto licked the tip of Jack's cock slightly, as he knelt before the Captain, the look in whose eyes made it clear that he was presently in a blissful trance. The archivist then licked the already weeping cock so lightly that it made Jack shiver and arch his back.
"Yan, stop teasing me, just take it in!"
Ianto smiled at his lover's need. "Your wish is my command sir" The way the word 'sir' rolled down the Welshman's tongue made Jack's cock twitch. The Welshman took the entire length in his mouth and moved his tongue in ways that only he could. Jack's hands came around Ianto's neck, one of them grabbing a fistful of his hair as the Captain made obscene sounds. It didn't take Jack too long to come and Ianto swallowed all of him, licking off the last drop from his cock.
"Ianto Jones, I don't know what I'd do without you"
"Probably die from the dust you generate here"
"Or maybe die of sexual frustration?" Jack offered as Ianto got up.
"Oh no, you'd have the vixen for that or maybe Janet" Ianto grinned as he walked out.
"And Yan?"
"Yeah?"
"Coffee please"
"Sure, your decaf coffee will be here in ten minutes"
"Oh please! You didn't really mean it!"
----------------------XxX----------------------
So, should I continue it? And if yes then should I do it in the same humourous way or go back to serious storytelling?