WEEK 1

Hizashi was less than a week old when he first puked on Gaara. Felling vaguely disgusted, Gaara cleaned the miniature red head up before he started to bawl and woke Neji up, who would instantly decide that something was drastically wrong. As he wiped away the remnants of Hizashi's last bottle, Gaara mused that it was a good thing that he had his sand armour, or he would have had actual baby sick on his skin. Immediately after, he pondered the damage his reputation would suffer if his enemies found out that his sand wasn't saturated with the blood of enemies so much as baby sick, courtesy of his week old son.

He had been burping Hizashi when the incident had happened. The little tyke, mid belch, had opened his tiny mouth and out had spurted a cart-load of sick, which vaguely resembled porridge. Gaara had glanced, bemused, at the trail of sick on his Kazakage robe, and, after a moment, shuddered in disgust. He almost hoped that they would be ruined, so he wouldn't have to wear the cumbersome things again. He imagined the looks on the elders' faces when he told them that his robes were ruined because his son wasn't yet at that stage where he had stopped puking every few hours and smirked to himself.

Unfortunately, Hizashi was a bit of a mama's boy at the moment, and chose that moment to let out a terrific cry. Neji was in the room in an instant, leaving Gaara to wonder whether Neji was channelling the spirit of Konoha's Yellow Flash, because he was pretty sure that the Hyuuga hadn't been able to move that fast before Hizashi came into their lives.

"What's wrong?" Neji asked, his face deathly white.

"He's puked," Gaara said shortly, "Don't worry. He's not dying,"

"I've cleaned him up," Gaara continued, over Hizashi's ear-splitting cries as he cradled Hizashi's head against his shoulder, "So he's not crying because of that,"

Neji took the squirming, screaming child from Gaara, who gladly relinquished the little menace. Gaara loved the kid like only a parent could, but sometimes Hizashi was just a bit of a pussy.

"Could you get the diapers and things?" Neji asked as he lay Hizashi down on a changing mat, "I think he needs changing,"

Gaara nodded and, rather than waste energy fetching it, used his sand to snake into the next room and drag in the bag which contained all of the stuff that Neji needed to return Hizashi into something vaguely sweet-smelling.

Luckily, he has only pissed. Gaara had been disgusted the first time Neji had removed Hizashi's diaper to find a sludge-like greenish black deposit. It looked like something that had been left to rot. Come to think of it, it had smelled like it too. Neji had freaked out for a full five minutes before Gaara was able to calm him down enough to state that, no, Hizashi was not dying, and that it was just meconium. Had Neji fainted with relief, Gaara wouldn't have been surprised.

It was quite sickening how maternal the fearsome Hyuuga had become. Yet Neji may have been a mother (although he despised that term more than he despised the seal he had on his forehead), but he was the toughest mother Gaara had ever known of. Even Temari, who had a year old son, was taken aback by the ferocious way Neji had tortured his son's would-be kidnapper just three days after leaving the hospital. It had taken all of Gaara's persuasive powers (which were admittedly lacking; he normally got his way be looking menacing) to get Neji to let the whimpering man down from the tree for a proper trial. He was stuck full of senbon and spilling his secrets to the pitiless Hyuuga. It was slightly creepy, the way Neji had been cradling Hizashi and feeding him a bottle of warm milk while he threw senbon with unerring accuracy into the man's groin area, revelling in his screams.

Gaara smirked to himself. He had chosen a winner that day he had randomly proposed to Neji. The village elders had wanted him to hurry up and settle down into a politically advantageous marriage. Not one to do things by halves, Gaara had left for Konoha and had asked Neji to marry him the moment he had arrived. The shocked expression and the attractive blush plastered across Neji's face as the women giggled and the men wolf-whistled was rather funny. Neji had spluttered for a moment before Hiashi, sensing his nephew's plight, had surged forward and had accepted Gaara's proposal on Neji's behalf.

But, to Gaara's immense frustration, it was two months before anything sexual happened. In that time, he had to sign several contracts, for the village, the Hyuuga Clan, the Suna elders, the marriage office itself and all manner of other contracts. Sometimes, he just signed them without asking what they were. There had been Neji's kimono to organise, the guest list to be drawn up, the location to be decided, whether Neji's kimono should match the flowers, and much more bullshit that Gaara really couldn't give a damn about, as he was too busy watching his balls turn progressively bluer. The slightest thing became a turn on, and he was tempted to frot against a door.

Finally, the wedding night had arrived. Gaara hadn't even been able to wait to get past the door before he was on Neji like a fat kid on cake. Neji had lost his virginity in the hall, his face pressed into the floor and his ass in the air as Gaara pounded into him. His kimono was hiked up around his waist and hung off one shoulder, and the obi had slipped off. In complete disarray, Neji was a sight to behold. Gaara would have had him again that night, but Neji was pissed that he hadn't been taken in the bedroom and wouldn't let Gaara lay a finger on him. But, the next day, the memories of the pleasure Gaara had given him forced him back into Gaara's arms and onto Gaara's cock.

And this was the result of their frequent coupling: a week old child that seemed to be a perfect miniature copy of Gaara, right down to the way that Hizashi constantly tried to latch onto Neji's nipples.

Hizashi's diaper had not been fastened yet when Gaara wrapped his arms around Neji from behind. Neji was perhaps an inch or two taller than him, but Gaara was stockier and was wearing sandals while Neji was slimmer (when he hadn't recently given birth) and barefoot, so the height difference was negligible. With a sigh, Gaara nuzzled Neji's neck cautiously, but he smelled of talcum powder and peach shower gel rather than baby sick like Gaara had been expecting.

Turning in his grasp, Neji faced Gaara and slowly brought his arms up to Gaara's shoulders, while Gaara's hands snuck down his back to squeeze his ass. Neji gasped and let his head fall back, baring his throat. Gaara leapt on the unintentional invitation and began to lick at Neji's pale throat, which, like the rest of him, hadn't darkened under the relentless Suna sun. With a whimper, Neji's fingers dug in, and Gaara was beginning to think that he was actually going to get some for the first night in more than a week.

It was Hizashi who ruined the moment. There was a sound of liquid splashing against material and Neji jerked back, appearing both embarrassed and dumb-founded.

Hizashi's diaper had not been closed, and the baby hadn't been able to control the urge to urinate.

He had pissed on Neji.

Gaara stared for a moment or two, then let out a snigger which he cleverly disguised as a cough. Or so he thought. Apparently, Neji was not so easily fooled, and Gaara had to endure three days of blue balls. Gaara didn't know why. It wasn't as though he had pissed on Neji.

WEEK 12

Colic. The bane of all parents.

Gaara leaned against the wall, his head pounding from the constant screaming. Maybe this could be used as a new breed of interrogation: throw a colic-y screaming baby at the prisoner and leave it there until said prisoner was ready to talk. Gaara was tempted to rip his own ears off and plug the bloody wounds with the left over flesh, just to get a little peace. He almost felt that all of Naruto's hard work was going to go down that toilet, as he was inches from regressing back to the blood-thirsty lunatic he had once been.

Neji came in, cradling Hizashi gently as the baby screamed and squirmed in discomfort. It had been like this for three nights now. Gaara may have resented Hizashi's presence at times (always when the baby cried just as he and Neji were about to do something decidedly X-Rated), but he was his son, and Gaara cared for him in his own special way. He hated to see Hizashi suffering.

Neji must have seen his stormy expression, because, as he settled down with a small bottle with a little gripe water inside and pushed it into the baby's shrieking mouth, he sent Gaara a concerned look.

"I'm just having dark thoughts," Gaara responded, correctly reading Neji's expression.

"He'll be alright soon," Neji said, "I think he's improving,"

Gaara looked into Hizashi's face, but he couldn't see any difference. The baby was still red faced and bawling, his mouth open wide to show toothless gums. Tears swam down his face, and his little fists were screwed up as he wriggled in Neji's grip.

Gaara was actually a little insulted that people seriously saw a resemblance between himself and Hizashi.

"How much longer?" he asked, wishing his sand wouldn't stop him from hacking off his own head with a meat cleaver.

"I'm not sure," Neji responded after a moment of shushing his son, "I hope it is over soon,"

"How can you not have a head ache?" Gaara asked, ramming his palms into his eyes until little stars blinked in the darkness of his vision.

Neji gave Gaara a small, indulgent smile.

"The fearsome Sabaku no Gaara, Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure...defeated by a crying baby?" he asked.

"Don't underestimate him," Gaara said coolly, "I've already thought about using colic-y babies as an interrogation technique,"

"Is colic-y even a word?" Neji asked, sounding amused. Gaara didn't know and merely shrugged in response.

"Does it matter?" he grunted, "The point is that I've sired a demon spawn,"

"Don't be so dramatic," Neji snorted, "He's just a crying baby, not an evil creature,"

"I see no difference," Gaara declared, and he didn't know whether he was joking, because the baby couldn't possibly be evil, yet Gaara never joked.

"Dramatic," Neji repeated. Gaara sent Neji a deadpanned stare.

"You're the one who permanently thinks Hizashi's dying," he muttered, pleased by the embarrassment in Neji's pale eyes.

Neji was saved the trouble of thinking up a decent retort by the entrance of Kankuro, who came in with ear plugs firmly rammed in, scratching his backside with one hand while he opened the fridge with the other.

"Is he still crying?" he asked above the baby's wails. Gaara nodded with a grunt, not bothering to hide his pissed off expression.

"That's parenthood for you, Gaara," Kankuro said with a smirk, taking out some left over rice balls that Neji had made the night before.

"How would you know?" Gaara glowered, taking one off the plate and throwing it at his brother's forehead.

"I wouldn't, thankfully," Kankuro responded wryly, rubbing away the grains of rice that were stuck in his hair. Gaara glared at him enviously, blood-lust rising within him. Whom it was directed at, he didn't know.

"Take it from somebody that knows, Kankuro," he growled, "Never have children,"

Kankuro winced.

"That bad, huh?" he asked, looking as though he was taking Gaara's advice seriously.

"Gaara's been up with him for the past three nights," Neji said, appearing guilty and annoyed in equal measure, "I wanted to look after him too, but Gaara said that I'm not used to sleepless nights and I'd probably fall asleep and drop Hizashi or something. Not that I'd ever be so stupid,"

"That's why he's pissed?" Kankuro asked, sounding suitably bemused. Afterall, Gaara hadn't slept once for the first 16 years of his life, and he still hadn't gotten used to sleeping, normally grabbing about four hours every now and again. Why would sleep deprivation bother him?

"He's got a headache," Neji said, sounding embarrassed, as though pleading Gaara not to say it.

"I need sex," Gaara said. It was only through extreme force of will that Neji restrained the impulse to groan and slam his head into the table as Kankuro sniggered.

"I'd admire you if I wasn't so jealous," he said, shaking his head, "You get so much sex already. How could you want anymore?"

"I haven't had any for over a week," he growled.

"Personal record?" Kankuro asked, managing to look both amused and envious.

"He's perpetually horny," Neji groaned, "I can't keep up. And-" He looked at the baby screaming in his arms, "-stop talking about adult topics in front of Hizashi right now ,"

Both Gaara and Kankuro levelled him with a blank stare.

"He doesn't understand," Gaara said, "Or he would have granted my plea for silence long ago,"

"He could just be a sadistic kind of baby," Kankuro put in helpfully, "He's your son, afterall,"

Gaara conceded that, yes, if anyone's baby was going to be malicious and evil, it would be his.

Hizashi let out a scream that even Kankuro heard through the ear plugs, if his wince was anything to go by.

Gaara sincerely hoped that his son would be nowhere near as evil and demented as he was as a child.

YEAR 1

It was Naruto who bought Hizashi his first kunai at the age of 1. It was a rubber one, made for the smallest of children, but, in the hands of a small child, anything can be deadly.

It was Hizashi's 1st birthday, and it looked as though half of the shinobi world had turned up to wish Hizashi a happy day, including much of Neji's Clan, although Gaara suspected that the majority had less than pure intentions. The baby was gleefully lapping up the attention, and Gaara could have sworn that the child was deliberately being extra cute just to get Ino's and Sakura's attention. 1 years old, and already charming the women. Gaara was proud.

Neji had left Hizashi in the care of several women, who were cooing at him and promising him all manners of presents, and was talking to an elder from his Clan. Gaara couldn't hear what they were saying from so far away, but he could tell that Neji was displeased, judging by the flash of anger in those pale eyes. Concerned (although he would never admit it unless somebody had the intelligence to put him under torture by colic-y baby), he walked straight up to the pair of men.

"Ah, Kazekage-sama," the elder greeted respectfully, "I was just asking Neji if Hizashi has displayed any signs of possessing the Byukagan yet,"

"He doesn't have it," Gaara said shortly. The elder sighed.

"A great shame," he said, "A great shame indeed. I speak for my Clan when I say that I was expecting more from the child, coming from such breeding,"

Had Gaara been any less unflappable, he would have punched this man in the face here and now. He didn't care that using his sand would be far more refined. He would rip this man's face off with his bare hands and shove it up his wrinkly ass for daring to insult his son.

...Woah, wait, what? Where did that random piece of paternal protectiveness come from? Ah, he really was slipping into madness again. Well, sanity was good while it had lasted.

He returned his cool gaze to the elder, making certain to communicate his contempt through his icy blue eyes.

"Yes, isn't it disappointing that this is one less child that you will be allowed to brand?" he said coolly. Neji closed his eyes with a groan while the elder reeled with shock.

"What are you implying?" the elder asked, making a show of appearing wounded. Gaara would have sneered, but he had been told that, from him, an expressive face was a scary one, and he didn't want to send the old man into cardiac arrest. Well, he did, but Neji wouldn't be too pleased with him, so he refrained...just.

"Implying?" Gaara said in a voice of controlled boredom, "I wasn't implying anything. I think I speak plainly enough when I tell you that, in the possession of the Byukagan or not, my son will not be used like a shield for your worthless Main Household,"

Everything stopped. All eyes were on them, the old man staring at Gaara with silent shock and indignation, and Gaara staring back evenly. Somewhere, somebody coughed. Even Hizashi seemed to understand that something of significance had happened and was no longer giggling happily, instead staring at his father with wide blue eyes.

There was outrage among the Hyuugas. Gaara could see it plainly. Only Hiashi, Hinata and Hanabi hid silent smiles as they watched the proceedings.

"Do you realise what you are saying?" the elder asked, trying to take on a reasonable tone but merely sounding livid. He drew in a sharp breath.

"Yes," Gaara said blandly. The elder puffed himself up like an outraged porcupine. If he was attempting to appear threatening or impressive, it didn't work. While Gaara wasn't exactly huge, he was far from short. He stood at a decent height, just under six feet. The elder barely topped five feet. He was a midget in comparison. Gaara would have laughed, but he had a feeling that it would send the guests into panic.

"My Clan," the elder began tremulously, his voice permeated with anger, "Is ancient and noble. We are respectful, and honourable, and it is through us that Konohagakure if here today,"

"It's not here though," Gaara said, pointing to the ground. Naruto sniggered but was silenced by an elbow jab in the ribs from Sasuke. The elder, apparently, wasn't amused.

"You know what I mean," he said, after letting out a long breath through his nose. It made a whistling sound. Gaara was tempted to ask him if he knew any good songs, but held back. That would not make him look like the good guy at all.

"We, the Hyuuga Clan, allowed Senju Hashirama to build the village on our land, and we have defended it whole-heartedly for seventy years," the elder continued, almost radiating a sense of pride. Gaara had to hold back the part of him that wanted to remind the man that it was not he who had out his life on the line for the village, but, rather, the Branch Family who were sent to die one after another at their superior's whim. But he couldn't speak those thoughts. It would only lead to him looking petty, and a long while without sex because Neji would be embarrassed by Gaara's immaturity.

"You also brand four year olds with seals that cause them unimaginable pain should they disobey or dishonour you and use these people as human shields to protect those you perceive to be more important," Gaara said, letting his contempt show through his eyes. Beside him, he sensed Neji stiffening. The elder looked, if possible, more bewildered and more irate.

"This is all for the good of-" the elder began, but Gaara cut across him.

"-the Main Household," he said, millimetres from letting his true feelings show, "People you believe to be superior. I personally find it very fitting that the strongest Hyuuga your Clan has ever known was born into the Branch Family. It must be the ultimate insult. And after centuries of trampling on them, you people deserve a good kick in the ass,"

It had to be the most Gaara had ever spoken, even in private. He was a quiet man for the most part, and he was aware that his strangely gravely voice unsettled many people. That was why he normally spoke little. Yet here he was, pointing out all of the flaws of the Hyuuga Clan that everybody was aware of but hadn't thought to point them out. This man thought himself superior. This man had insulted Hizashi. This man would leave with his tail between his legs, licking his wounds.

This man was staring back at Gaara with something close to shock on his face.

"If you have nothing to say, then, clearly, I was right, and you can't contest it," Gaara said as silence continued to reign. It had been a while since anybody other than himself or this elder had spoken. The air was heavy with tension.

"We allowed you to marry one of our own," the elder said finally, letting his fury show through, "We let you marry and bed the pride of our Clan. And this is your response?"

Gaara stared at the man coolly for one long moment as the crowd held its collective breath. Then he smirked. Slowly, so that the full effect was felt. Fear flashed in the elder's eyes.

"You allowed me to?" he asked with a short laugh of pure menace, "Do you seriously believe that your Clan would be able to stop me from taking Neji for my own if he desired me? The sun will fall out of the sky and hell will rain down before you so much as order Neji to make you tea. For too long have you controlled him like a slave,"

He hadn't been aware that he was hissing his words like a great snake, a poisonous cobra poised to strike. But it had an effect that he was pleased with. The man took a step back.

"You sound as though you believe that my Clan are barbaric!" the elder gasped, his eyes darting around the room at every single face, taking in their expressions. Some were afraid, others gleeful.

"How else would you describe the painful branding of an innocent child?" Gaara asked, "I wouldn't care if Hizashi had the Byukagan from birth. You will not do this to him,"

The elder stared into his eyes, and Gaara stared back. Finally, the man swallowed, his neck muscles working.

"My Clan could activate Neji's seal in order to get him to hand over the ch-"

He did not get to finish that sentence. Gaara snapped. His eyes filled with bloodlust, his white teeth showing as he drew back his lips in a snarl.

Then the world exploded. Or so it seemed. In actuality, Gaara's sand had risen up around him, forming into phantom figures of demonic warriors with fantastic weapons and huge slathering animals with teeth like kunai. And still more sand swirled around, shimmering into the forms of clawed hands and grinning faces before dissolving and forming again.

Gaara's Kazekage robes billowed as though in a gale. His hat, upon his head at Neji's insistence, cast a shadow over his face so that his eyes seemed to burn in the darkness. He had never, in all his years on earth, hated somebody as much as he hated this man who cowered in front of him now. Even Deidara, who had tricked him and then killed him, did not inspire half the amount of abhorrence as this Hyuuga Clan elder, who had threatened both Neji and Hizashi in the same sentence.

"You," Gaara said slowly, his voice rough and brutal and promising murder, "will do no such thing,"

The Hyuuga Clan was, quite clearly, shellshocked. Gaara would have taken advantage of their silence and killed this man here and now if he wasn't so concerned about his reputation, and the consequences of his actions. Not only would hostilities arise between Konoha and Suna, but Neji would ban him from their bed for a week, and that was just torture.

He returned his expression to the detached coolness of a few moments ago. The creatures and men dissolved and, once again, Gaara looked, if not entirely harmless, then nowhere near capable of using such an incredible jutsu. His chakra had caused the wind to pick up until everything was blasted around. And still the elder looked completely blown over. Pun not intended.

"I suggest that you leave," Gaara said icily. Looking bewildered, the elder returned to his Clan, many of whom were eyeing Gaara as though he were a rabid animal that needed to be put down. He met their gazes head-on until they looked away. He'd had practice at staring into a Hyuuga's eyes, so they didn't freak him out like they did most people.

When Gaara's eyes caught Hiashi's, Gaara saw in the Clan Head's gaze, not contempt or fear or even anger, but pride and respect. And, in that instant, Gaara knew that he had showed Hiashi that he was worthy of Neji, because he had stood by Neji, defending him steadfastedly.

If that didn't convince Hiashi...there was sudden cry of "Daddy!" as a little red blur toddled up to Gaara and held its arms out: a signal for "Lift me up, you big idiot". Or that's what Gaara thought, anyway.

Gaara lifted Hizashi and, in full view of everyone, the little boy stuck his thumb in his mouth, laid his head down on Gaara's shoulder, and drifted off to sleep. His podgy fingers were clutching the back of Gaara's flaming hair like a comfort blanket. But Gaara didn't realise. He was too busy getting a kiss from Neji. He smirked. He was definitely getting laid tonight.

YEAR 2

"Hizashi,"

Neji had spoken warningly. It was a tone of voice normally reserved only for Gaara when he was doing something that Neji didn't like all that much. Or, in the case of sex, something he liked very much but was pissed because it was neither the time nor the place.

"Hizashi," Neji spoke again. Gaara looked up from the scroll he was studying and fixed his son with a warning look. Immediately, Hizashi surrendered and Neji breathed a sigh of relief, returning to his katas.

Who had bought Hizashi crayons again? Because Gaara was going to kill them.

Oh. It was Kakashi. Predictably. He was probably sitting home in Konoha, sniggering to himself as he imagined the great time Neji and Gaara muct have been having with Hizashi in the possession of drawing utensils when he had just entered the stage in life known by parents as the terrible twos.

"Hizashi," Gaara said without looking up from his scroll.

"Daaaaddyyyyy," Hizashi whined, "I wanna draw!"

"Not on the walls," Gaara said firmly, "There are colouring books there. Use those instead of ruining my house,"

"But Daaaaddyyyyy!" Hizashi said, his eyes filling with tears. Gaara couldn't see, but he could tell. Neji had spoiled the little brat.

"Don't," Gaara said, cutting across him before he could talk. Hizashi fell silent, and Gaara could tell that the brat was glaring at him sullenly.

This was getting ridiculous.

"Hizashi," he said again, raising his voice slightly and slamming his scroll down. Hizashi paused, his hand poised centimetres from the wall. The crayon of choice was a lovely pink. The colour Hizashi's ass would be if he didn't stop being an annoyance. Or maybe Gaara would punish Neji, because it was his fault that the kid was such a whiny, sheltered, little...

In some ways, Gaara was proud that his son was such a little terror. When he was six, he was going to live in Konoha with Naruto so that he could attend the academy and make friends, and Gaara was looking forward to Hizashi tipping Naruto off the deep end. Especially if it pissed off Uchiha Sasuke in the process.

Gaara beckoned his son over. Hizashi's lower lip trembled, but Gaara's gaze remained cool and impassive. He was not fazed by Hizashi's childish whinging, a fact that Hizashi picked up on, although that didn't stop him from trying to twist Gaara around his little finger.

"Daddy," Hizashi said, quieter this time. He scrambled onto Gaara's knee and sat there, as though he was waiting for a bedtime story. And maybe he was.

"Yes?" Gaara responded. Hizashi bit his lip.

"I'm sowwee," he said. He still couldn't pronounce his "r"s properly, although he knew some pretty long words already, such as "imbecile". But Gaara suspected that Hizashi had picked them up from Neji shouting them at Kankuro.

"Do you know what for?" Gaara asked. The child bowed his head, tufts of red hair hiding his face.

"I tried to dwaw on the walls an' I know I'm not meant to," he said slowly, "An' I upset you an' mommy an' now yow mad with me an' I won't be allowed to go to Nawu's when I'm six 'cause I'm naughty,"

As he spoke the word six, he held up seven pudgy little fingers. Gaara smiled slightly. Even he wasn't hard-ass enough to resist this kid's charms.

"Mad at you, Hizashi," Neji put in, correcting Hizashi's grammer, "And I'm not a mommy,"

"You are too!" Hizashi said indignantly, his eyes flashing as he stood up on Gaara's knee, "Daddy's my daddy, an you is my mommy!"

Neji smiled fondly at his son, reaching out to Hizashi to pick him up. But Hizashi sat back down on Gaara's lap and folded his arms, turning his head away. Gaara was amused...until he saw Neji's smile disappear. Gaara's expression darkened. Nobody, not even his son, was going to upset Neji.

"Ow!" Hizashi yelped as Gaara poked him in the side until he slid off Gaara's lap. He looked confused and upset. But Gaara wasn't fazed.

He grasped Neji's hand and guided him into his lap, taking Hizashi's place. Neji leaned back as Gaara buried his nose in his neck.

"I think I like Neji more than I like you now," Gaara said musingly, hiding a smile. Hizashi's lip wibbled.

"Daaaaaddy!" he whined. Gaara twitched. How could this child really be his son?

"You know I don't like people who are mean to your mommy," Gaara said solemnly, ignoring Neji's infuriated hiss of I'm not a mommy! Hizashi bowed his fiery head, looking ashamed.

"I'm sorry, mommy," he said to Neji, sniffling. He clambered up onto Gaara's lap and wriggled his way between Neji's and Gaara's bodies, wedging himself there.

"And are you going to draw on the walls?" Gaara asked, drawing back to look into his son's watery eyes.

"No, daddy," Hizashi said in a wavering tone. Gaara gave him a satisfied look, at which he promptly brightened, grinning from ear to ear. He hugged Neji for good measure, watching his father's reaction blatantly. Gaara made sure to look proud. Hizashi grinned even wider, a feat which Gaara had previously thought was impossible. Then he climbed off their laps and scampered out of the room.

Gaara waited for a moment. Sensing that the coast was clear, he looked up at Neji seriously.

"What?" Neji asked, frowning.

"Are we having sex tonight?" Gaara asked seriously.

"No," Neji retorted, "You need to learn to go without,"

"I already do that when you're on missions,"

Despite the logic of that statement (or so Gaara believed), Neji was adamant.

However, they put that new mango and banana flavoured lube to use that night. Gaara would have had another go, but Hizashi came in, crying because of the noise and clutching one of Neji's kunai. He'd thought his mommy was being attacked by bad men. Gaara smirked. Neji was being attacked by a bad man, but he wasn't about to tell Hizashi that.

YEAR 6

Neji was upset. He was hiding it well, but he was obviously hating the fact that they were leaving Hizashi in another village and would be seeing him only sporadically for the next two years. After that, he'd be returning to Suna, where he would be taught ninja arts by Jiraiya. The old man owed Naruto a favour, and Naruto was collecting. Jiraiya had complained about being away from the hot springs and the women of Konoha...until Gaara had informed him that, at the end of the gorge where the village was situated, there was a small underground cave which was filled with a little underground lake. The Suna people did not use it as a water supply unless there was a drought, so it was mainly used by young women (or sluts, as Gaara called them) looking to cool off. To seal the deal, he'd also said that there were many beautiful exotic dancers within the village that would be happy to show an old man their many talents.

Jiraiya had asked whether he could start right away, his eyes gleaming and drool on his chin. He'd been disappointed when Gaara had said he had to wait for two years.

Hizashi was 6 now, and he still clung to Neji like a tic when Gaara wasn't around. Hizashi knew that Gaara didn't approve of him always trailing after his mother. It wasn't that Gaara was depriving Hizashi of the affection every child needed. He just didn't want assimilating to ninja life to be a huge shock to Hizashi's system. Gaara and Neji had trained him a little, but he was hardly fully educated. He could use a kunai, knew some of the more basic jutsu, knew a couple of katas and could manipulate sand to a limited extent (which was a trait he had picked up from Gaara). But that was all.

"Dad," Hizashi said, frowning down at the view from Hokage Monument, "I don't want to stay here,"

They were alone. Neji was talking with Sasuke and Naruto inside their beautiful house, which sat on the cliff above Yondaime Hokage's head, while Gaara was showing Hizashi his home for the next two years.

"It's so...green," Hizashi said, sounding bewildered.

"It's the Village Hidden in The Leaves," Gaara said helpfully.

"It's not like home," Hizashi said sadly, "I miss the desert. I miss Suna,"

"You've only just gotten here," Gaara pointed out, "In future missions, you might have to be away from home for months,"

"And I'm going to be here for years," the little boy said sadly, seeking his father's hand. For once, Gaara allowed it. Hizashi was upset and needed reassurance.

"That's why you should get used to it," Gaara told his son. Hizashi visibly slumped.

"Naruto can't be that bad," Gaara said awkwardly, not used to comforting people, "And Sasuke's a dick but you'll get used to it,"

"Sasuke is not a dick!" Hizashi said, outraged, "And I'm telling Mom that you're swearing in front of me!"

He looked smug for a second.

"You can tell him, but you swore too," Gaara said uncaringly. Hizashi flushed, his satisfied look leaving his face. That would teach the little brat to try to blackmail his father.

"Dad!" Hizashi said. Changing tactics, he lay on the ground and wrapped himself around one of Gaara's legs like a faithful puppy. Or the around the sand swirling around Gaara's leg, protecting it from Hizashi's unexpected touch, at any rate. Gaara could have easily detached him, despite the fact that Hizashi was large for his age. Yet they were right near the edge of the monument. He didn't want to accidentally knock his son over the edge. Gaara wouldn't be able to live without him, and with the knowledge that he'd killed his son.

His brow twitched.

No matter how annoying that son was.

"Hizashi," Gaara said calmly, "Let go,"

"No!" Hizashi said, "You can't leave me here! You can't!"

Gaara stared down at the leech that was his son, considering pitching the child over the monument. But it was a bad idea. Neji would kill him and he'd kind of miss the brat. Even if he was a brat. And the brattiest little brat Gaara had ever-

"Dad?" Hizashi asked uncertainly. Gaara sighed. And then started walking towards Naruto's and Sasuke's house, Hizashi dragging along the floor as he continued to clutch at Gaara's leg.

"Daaaaaaaad!" Hizashi whined. After all these years...Gaara stifled a growl. Hizashi must have been exposed to Temari too often, because he whinged like a girl. Certainly Neji and Gaara had never been so clingy and babyish.

"Stop whining," Gaara said shortly, "I thought you were a boy,"

They had reached the house, and Hizashi conceded defeat..for now. He always came back again and again until he got his own way or Neji punished him. Or Gaara sent him that look. The one normally reserved for hardened criminals.

"I am a boy!" Hizashi said, glaring as he walked into the house after toeing off his sandles.

"Then why are you acting like a little girl?"

Hizashi didn't answer, except to puff out his cheeks and scamper into the kitchen where an exasperated Neji was showing Naruto how to make chum salmon onigiri. Naruto's face was screwed up with concertration as Neji explained everything to him while they worked.

"Mom!" Hizashi shouted, interrupting Neji's instructions. He hurled himself at Neji's legs and hugged them both.

"What's wrong, Hizashi?" Neji sighed. He still hated being referred to as mom, but he had realised that Hizashi wasn't going to stop calling him that.

"Dad said I'm a little girl!" Hizashi shouted.

"I said he's acting like a little girl," Gaara said, stealing a fresh onigiri. Neji glowered at him but ignored it.

"Why did you say that?" Neji asked. Hizashi was looking to Neji for support.

"He's whining again. Said he doesn't want to stay here,"

"Did he say why?" Neji asked, glancing at his son before returning his gaze to Gaara. However, Neji was able to prevent him from snatching an onigiri, much to the little brat's disappointment. Gaara smirked. He needed a lot more practice.

"He misses Suna," Gaara said in response to Neji's question, nearly rolling his eyes. Hizashi sniffled and buried his face in Neji's leg. Neji was dressed in the customary clothing of the Kazekage's consort, which didn't look all that different from a belly dancer's outfit. It was floaty and silver-white, with puffy pants and bells around the cuffs of the top and pants. Neji's delectable midriff was hidden from view, but he had taken off the veil. Normally, he looked sexy in the outfit. But, when he had an apron on over it, the look was more...cute.

Gaara was just thankful that his mother had never formally been the Kazekage's consort and so hadn't worn the same outfit. He did not want to see pictures of his mother dressed like that.

Normally, Neji didn't wear an apron as he cooked. This time, he was, as the oufit was ceremonial and made from the finest silk. Not that Hizashi cared. He was too busy putting his grubby little hands all over it and complaining about having to stay in this village.

"What's wrong with Konoha?" Gaara asked suddenly. Hizashi bit his lip.

"Nothing," he whispered, "I just...want to stay with you and mom,"

An awkward silence fell. Hizashi stared at the ground, shoulders hunched, looking tiny and helpless. Gaara saw a flicker in Neji's eyes. He was about to give in. Gaara couldn't let that happen. If Hizashi didn't learn to be away from home now, he would never be able to leave. He'd cling for the rest of his life.

Just as Neji opened his mouth, Gaara cut across.

"Is there anything that we could give you that would make you want to stay?"

"You could make me Kazekage!" he said eagerly. Gaara sent him a flat look.

"Anything other than that," he said, "If I'm capable of it, I'll give it to you,"

Neji looked stricken. Gaara stared at him strangely for a moment, becoming worried when Neji started making gestures at him, which he didn't understand at all. He only grew more frantic as Hizashi's face lit up like a sky full of fireworks.

"Wairudo said that having a little brother is fun!" Hizashi chirped, "Could you send a message to the crane and order one?"

Ah. So that was why Neji had been spazzing like a chicken having its head cut off. Gaara looked between their two faces. Hizashi looked hopeful, Neji looked resigned. With a grimace, Neji nodded.

"Alright," Gaara said carefully, "We'll give you a younger sibling,"

Hizashi brightened immediately. He began bouncing around the room, whooping. Neji's expression soured just as Naruto entered the room.

"Jeez, I leave for two minutes and you hate me?" Naruto said, "What did I do?"

"Nothing," Neji sighed, "Gaara just thought that it would be a great idea to promise Hizashi anything he wants if he stays here for the next two years,"

Naruto sniggered.

"That's my boy," he chirped as Hizashi continued to announce his happiness to the world.

"That's my line," Gaara said flatly. Neji groaned, laying his head on Gaara's shoulder.

"What did he ask for?" Naruto asked, frowning intensely as Hizashi bounded up to Sasuke, who was standing by the door bemusedly, and proceeded to tell him everything in one long breath.

"A brother," Gaara said.

"A..." Naruto said slowly before he burst into laughter, "You guys had better get practicing, then,"

He offered them a broad wink, causing Neji to scowl and blush. The scowl only deepened when Gaara pulled Neji flush against himself.

"I need to make sure I can strike the right target again," Gaara said seriously. Neji rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched. He swallowed his amusement as Gaara leaned in and stole a heated kiss from him.

Just as Gaara was thinking that maybe they could take this upstairs, they were reminded of the responsibility they shared in the worst possible way.

"Ew!" Hizashi said, sticking his tongue out with a disgusted grimace.

Gaara's eyes closed. Don't kill him, don't kill him, don't mangle him into tiny little pieces, he's your son, he's your son...

YEAR 7

They heard Hizashi before they saw him. It had been more than six months since their last visit, and Neji's belly had swelled enormously. They hadn't told Hizashi that Neji was expecting another brat, wanted it to be a surprise.

Standing by the entrance of Konoha, they watched as Sasuke chased after their son, who was carrying two empty paint tins and wearing a grin. Gaara was worried.

"You little fucking brat!" Sasuke roared as he sprinted after the little helion, who'd had one hell of a head-start if Sasuke hadn't caught up to him yet, "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Hizashi's grin slid off his face like ice cream on glass when he was lifted up by the collar.

"Is this your's?" Itachi asked Sasuke, holding the squirming child at arm's length.

"Thanks," Sasuke grunted, slinging Hizashi over his shoulder.

"Uncle Itachiiiiiiii!" Hizashi whined, squirming frantically, "No fair!"

"Was it fair of you to deface Hokage monument, Hizashi?" Itachi asked rhetorically.

"No," Hizashi said, shamefaced.

"He's a second Naruto!" Neji hissed to Gaara, watching his son being reprimanded by the tall shinobi.

"He's a fucking brat," Gaara nodded in agreement. Neji glared, and Gaara sighed.

"What do you expect me to do?" he asked.

"I have no idea," Neji said, "Beat the shit out of Naruto if you must, but make sure my son reverts to the perfect child he once was!"

"Hizashi was never sunshine and roses to begin with," Gaara pointed out, "I think this was probably a long time coming, anyway,"

He glanced at Neji speculatively.

"Are you sure you didn't have a secret affair with Naruto before you married me, and this was the result?" he asked, "I hear Naruto's mother was a red head,"

If the glare and attempt on his life weren't enough to convince him that he shouldn't have doubted Neji, the night on the couch was.

End Part 1/2