Wow...I haven't written a lemon in like ages....How did I survive?

Anyway, this fanfic came from my pervertedness for another story from a totally different anime and it wasn't even yaoi!

Surprising, isn't it?

But...I'll let you get to the story. I think this is one of my longest, and I hope it's funny and smexy. Becuase those are the best stories. ^.^

Naruto hated his life.

Well, not really his whole life. Just this particular day.

Stupid Kiba. Stupid bet. Stupid vibrator up his ass.

Yes, that's right. You didn't read wrong. Naruto had a vibrator up his ass.

And no, you can't laugh.

It all started a few days ago. Naruto was grumbling about work, and about his non-existent love life, and his pretty much never going to exist sex life. Ever since the teme had left him for another man, he'd been a lonely bachelor. His friends tried to set him up, but after a few failures (ex: Sai, Deidara, etc, etc.) they had given up on him.

Thanks guys, no really, I mean it.

But back to the retelling of Naruto's problem.

Kiba had shown up to drive him home from work because Sasuke had taken the car, and Naruto had just never bought another one. He usually walked, but he had to work late on a project so Tsunade wouldn't bitch his out. That was the last thing he needed. Or so he had so innocently thought.

Now, Kiba worked with his sister and mother in their home-run vet service, so he could use the van whenever the brunette pleased. He usually used it to con dates from innocent girls. I mean, who could resist those big puppies' eyes, cute scruffy bangs, and adorable little fangs? Kiba, I mean, not the dogs he drove around.

So, Naruto had invited his friend in for a beer, and Kiba offered to pay for half the pizza. And thus Naruto's usual Saturday night began. A few others, Gaara, Shikamaru, Kankouro, and Neji, stopped by to join the fun and con Naruto in to a game of poker.

Naruto can't play poker. He doesn't have a poker face. In fact, he the closest he gets to having one is playing Poker Face while he sings in his shower.

Naruto can't sing either, so, you get the picture.

After losing thirty bucks, and drinking till his head was fuzzy, he started mumbling about his miseries, about how Sakura, his boss's assistant, hated him, about how this creepy guy at work named Orochimaru kept trying to grab his ass. He complained about how he hadn't got laid in nearly two years, and how he hadn't had a date in about one. And his friends did the friendly thing. They told him 'Shut the fuck up, Naruto, American Idol is on!' Or even more encouraging 'who gives a fuck about your non-existent sex life, asshole? I just got laid three times in a row yesterday!'.

You guys are so fucken sweet, really, I mean it.

Finally, after crying for a little while, Kiba decided to cheer him up. He jibed and jabbed at Naruto till the poor drunk agreed to something he didn't even comprehend. Later the next day when Kiba showed up with a strap on vibrator and a cock ring, Naruto knew he was in deep shit. Very, very deep shit.

The bet was simple, Kiba soothed. Naruto would wear this vibrator and cock ring for the whole day, and if he made it with out exploding in his pants, Kiba and the others would buy him whatever he wanted. With a limit of 200 bucks, of course. Naruto could possibly lose his job, but if he won he technically got 200 bucks. Naruto being the stupid, stupid, naive blond that he was, he accepted the challenge again.

So Monday morning, he had put on the strap on at exactly 6:00 a.m. and then he text Neji saying that yes, the bet was on. Neji, who worked in the office next to his, had the remote. He was to turn it on and off as he pleased, wither Naruto wanted him to not.

That is the reason Naruto hated his life. As soon as he walked in that morning and greeted Neji, the vibrator had been turned on, and Naruto had crumbled to the floor, gasping in pain and pleasure. Neji's smug look didn't help either. After a few minutes of Naruto writhing on his floor, Neji turned it off.

"Just seeing if it worked." The long haired man had said. Naruto had glared and grumbled, but went to his office and started his work. The morning hadn't been too bad. Neji had turned the vibrator off occasionally, Naruto writhing and shuddering in his work chair, the vibrator right against his prostate. The first couple of times, he made noises. Loud noises that Neji must of heard. Hell, Naruto was surprised Sakura didn't come in and demand why he was having a jerk-off session in the middle of work.

A half hour after lunch, Tsunade called him in. He could feel Neji watch him as he walked past, and knew that evil bastard was cooking up something that was going to get Naruto fired. Or worse, stuck in Tsunade's office for a lecture.

Now, Naruto loved his aunt/boss dearly. She took care of Naruto for a long time after his parents died in a plane crash when he was a young child. But when Naruto became a rebellious teen, she had sent him to her 'old friend', and Naruto's godfather, Jiraiya. Naruto blamed that man for everything that was wrong with Naruto today. Even his horrible singing. Especially his horrible singing. He never forgave Jiraiya for that one accident.

Stupid super-pervert, I'll get you back one day.

Getting back to his story, Tsunade was great. When she wasn't in 'boss-mode'. Or 'bitch-mode' as Naruto fondly and fearfully calls it. She just loved giving Naruto these long-winded, pointless lectures over and over again. Sometimes, he wonders if she rights these down and reads off of her computer or something. Because seriously, how can she remember a two hour long lecture on punctuality when she can't even remember his birthday?

Naruto had been actually good lately. His self-pity party of one had kept his mind from trying to play tricks on the workers, and half-assing his assignments. He was instead crying of his sex-less life, and his horrible love experiences.

Naruto wasn't bitter about Sasuke. He was pissed that Sasuke had left him for Sasuke's best friend and assistant creeper, Suigetsu. But no, Naruto was not bitter. He was defiantly not bitter.

Okay, so he was a little bitter. But, I mean, have you seen Suigetsu?

Anyway, back to his point. Not the one about him being bitter…he was not being bitter!

The one about how his day was horrible.

Tsunade gestured him down in the seat, and Naruto was comfortable, readying himself for the worse, when the vibrator started up. Naruto made a quiet groan, squeezing his thighs together, and trying not to make a face. Neji was sooo going to get.

"Naruto, I wanted to talk to you about the project you handed in last night."

Naruto nodded, shifting in his seat in pleasure. She took it for discomfort.

"There's nothing wrong with it." She said after a moment. "But while I have you, I wanted to give you talk about the rewards of hard work. She turned to her view of the city, and began the rant about pleasure...wait a sec…not about pleasure, about hard work. Hard. Oh god.

He hated that damn pervert.

Naruto squeezed his legs together, shifting and pressing a hand to his crotch in an effort to ease some of the tension in his growing hard on.

Just focus on what's she's saying. That'll make you go down real fast.

Naruto tried to listen to Tsunade's words. For the first time, he really tried to grasp what the blonde woman was trying to say. And what did he get for his efforts?

Absolutely nothing.

Finally, Neji turned it off just as Tsunade finished, Naruto sagging in relief.

"I know you hate my lectures, Naruto. You can go. Good job on your work." She smiled at him motherly. He accepted the pat on the shoulder, and when her back was to him, raced out of the room like he was on fire. Neji was smirking like a crazy man in his office, Naruto slamming the door shut, a dark glare on his face.

"You bastard! I could have just lost my job! What were you thinking!?" Naruto shouted, slamming his hands on the brunette's desk, panting in his anger, and the pleasure still tickling his body. Neji flicked the switch, and Naruto spasmed, falling in the guest chair. It was turned off, and Neji sighed.

"What's the point of doing this if it isn't a challenge?" He asked. Naruto glared, huffing.

"Whatever. When does this stupid thing end, anyway?" He grumbled. Neji glanced at the clock.

"A few hours." The smirking male replied. "Kiba is supposed to text me." Naruto

"Fine." The blond agreed in a growl, getting up and going back to his office. Sakura had visited, dropping off another load of paperwork for him to do.

Oh, joy. Naruto lived for paperwork.

So, Naruto set to work. Neji flipped the switch a few more times. And Naruto bet that bastard smirked every time he heard Naruto yelp, or moan. Sick little pervert.

It was around 6ish that Naruto was beginning to get angry again. His last hard-on was refusing to go away, and the stupid cock ring hurt really bad. Most of the people had gone home, but Neji, like him, had a lot of work to do. Naruto, be a kind spirit, brought him coffee, setting his own on the edge of the desk.

"When do I get to take this thing off?" Naruto demanded. Neji flicked the switch. Naruto squirmed and squealed, twisting and writhing on the chair as Neji watched with a blank expression. But Naruto could feel the heat of his gaze over his desk.

After about five minutes of this, Neji turned it off.

"Kiba said you can take it off at seven. And each time you ask, I have to turn it on." Neji shrugged, and returned to his work. Naruto panted in the chair for a while, sipping the cooling coffee, and staring at Neji searchingly.

Sure, He had noticed how hot the male was. What guy couldn't, straight or gay? With long hair, long limbs, long lashes, Neji had an effeminate body that was unmistakable male at the same time. Naruto dwarfed him by a good five inches, but that wasn't much. And with Neji's long legs, and long arms, he looked taller unless he was standing near someone taller then him. And was it just him, or did Neji get better looking the more Naruto looked at him?

Before he was thinking, he was reaching over the desk, brushing back a bang from the brunette's face, fingers touching the oh-so-soft skin of his cheek.

"Naruto?" Neji asked, confusion falling on his face. But in the dark depths of his white eyes, Naruto saw it. Saw the need written so neatly for Naruto to read.

"You're so such a bad boy, Neji." He murmured with a dirty grin, before he grabbed the boy's face and pressed his lips to the paler pair. Neji gasped, eyes fluttering close once Naruto's tongue darted inside his mouth. Naruto pushed the papers out of his way, climbing over the desk. Neji slide back in his wheeled chair, Naruto ending up kneeled before the brunette as he plundered Neji's mouth like a greedy pirate.

And what a nice booty Neji was.

Neji's hands gripped his hair, the silent tongue finally coming out to bully Naruto's back in his mouth so Neji could do some exploring of his own. Neji eventually slide off the chair, falling Naruto's lap with a grunt. The chair went back in to the wall, forgotten as Naruto took advantage of the moment to lay the brunette out on the soft carpeted floor.

"That's a rather nice shirt." Neji muttered in to his lips. "Get rid of it. Now." Naruto grinned, pressing Neji back in to silence with his tongue, but dutifully unbuttoning his shirt, tossing it to the side. He broke apart to rip off his undershirt, Neji quickly discarding his own shirt and under shirt, leaving Naruto's free hands to caress his milky skin. Neji gasped, shivering.

"Sorry, my hands are cold." Naruto said sheepishly, pressing his lips to the male's neck. Neji's hands were not idle, coming up to pinch and press Naruto's nipples, skimming his abs, massaging his sides. Naruto returned the favor with his mouth, soft moans and sighs pouring out of Neji.

"Why are your pants still on?" Neji demanded when his senses righted again.

"You haven't taken them off yet." Naruto chuckled, hands already groping at the lovely fleshy area that was Neji's ass. Soon to be Naruto's. Very soon if Neji would hurry it up with the stupid belt.

"Why do you were such complicated clothes!?" The brunette demanded, yanking the belt off of Naruto and tugging his pants open. Naruto was about to answer when hands were shoved down his pants, and Neji grasped his hard-on.

"Oh fuck." Naruto muttered. "Please take that fucken cock ring off!" Naruto pleased, forehead pressed to the male's chest in pleasure.

"Five more minutes." Neji promised, drawing his hands back and discarding his on pants. Naruto groaned, but did the same. Once naked, they took a moment to take the other in. Naruto slide his fingers over the milky thigh, up the toned chest, griping long brown hair with a grin, before pulling Neji in to his kiss. "That looks painful." He soothed Naruto's dick with cool fingers. Naruto hissed in to his lips.

"You have no idea." He moaned softly, nipping at the male's lower lip. He glanced around, grabbing the hand lotion that fallen off the desk, lathering his fingers.

"If Hinata knew what we were doing with her Christmas gift…"Neji said with a guilty sigh.

"She'd die of blood loss. Now, open'em up, baby." Neji flushed.

"Don't use pet names." He protested, but opened his legs. Naruto grinned, circling the twitching hole, before slipping one finger in. Neji groaned, falling on his back in pleasure. Naruto returned to kissing and licking his chest and stomach, stretching Neji's hole as slowly as he could with this pounding hard-on. "N-Naruto!" Neji gasped, arching when the blond sucked lighting on the side of his erection.

"Hm? What is it, baby?" He asked. He grinned when Neji's teeth grinded.

"Don't use pet names!" He growled. Naruto licked at his erection, pressing open mouth kisses there as Neji writhed and whimpered.

"Why not, dear?" Naruto murmured.

"It's…I-It's too girly!" Neji cried out, Naruto sucking on his tip. Naruto lowered himself down over the male's erection, licking and sucking, before coming back up.

"But you blush so cutely when I call baby!" Naruto teased lightly. Neji went to sit up and protest. Naruto crooked his finger, Neji banging on the floor in a spasm of pleasure.

"F-fuck…"He gasped, gripping Naruto's hair and the carpeting. "It's 7:02. Take off that stupid cock ring and fuck me, Naruto." He commanded. Naruto hissed, withdrawing his fingers from the twitching cavern. He carefully rolled off the cock ring, his dick weeping in gratitude.

"Holy shit." He breathed.

"Naruto."

"I'm moving, I'm moving." The blond said, grabbing the pale hips. Neji gave him an urging look, and with a deep breath, Naruto slammed in. Both males let out a deep, heavy moan of pleasure as they joined as one. Naruto regained his breath, before pulling out and slamming back in. The pace was set, hard and fast, and Neji matched it with eager moans and bucks of his hips. Naruto set one hand next to his head, his other gripping the weeping erection, pumping with his thrust. Neji flailed his arms, smacking the desk. Something fell over, hitting the switch of the remote. Naruto nearly screamed, lurching forward, brutally pounding in to Neji's prostate as the vibrator stabbed in to his own. Neji did scream, a hoarse cry that echoed in Naruto's ears as the brunette came, squeezing Naruto in his orgasm.

"Oh god." Neji groaned when Naruto collapsed on him, gasping for breath.

"What…What the hell are you two doing in here!?" A sharp scream pierced their ears a moment later. Both boys snapped their heads to the door, Sakura red and shocked, papers strewn all over the floor at her feet. Neji blushed, ducking his head behind Naruto's arm, and Naruto sheepishly scratched his neck.

"It's...It's a really long story, Sakura. If you could kee-"

"Tsunade! Tsunade!" Sakura turned and fled to tattle tale on them.

"She hates me." Naruto groaned, sagging in exhaustion. He reached back, blindly undoing the straps, and sliding the vibrator out, the thing running out of battery.

"We are so dead." Neji groaned, scrambling to put on his clothes. He flinched in pain.

"Whoa, there." Naruto eased him in to the chair. "First off, we are not dead. I'm dead. I attacked you. Secondly, don't hurt yourself." Naruto scolded lightly. Neji sighed closing his eyes in exhaustion. Naruto pressed a soft kiss to his lips. It was returned tiredly. "Let me help you, baby." He said lightly.

"Stop calling me that." Neji blushed, but allowed Naruto to helped him back in to his pants after cleaning his stomach and thighs. Then Naruto dressed himself while Neji buttoned up his shirt.

"Sakura, you don't have to come running to me every time Naruto does something stupid." Tsunade walked threw the door with a still pissed Sakura. She glanced Naruto and Neji, then shrugged. "After work hours and they didn't destroy company property." Tsunade said, starting to leave.

"They were having…having sex on the floor!" Sakura cried out in disbelief.

"Next time, bring a futon or something so you don't get rug burns." Tsunade advised, pushing the still shouting girl from the office. Neji gave Naruto a surprised look.

"She loves me." Naruto shrugged non-chalantly. Neji smirked, shaking his head.

"Let's just go home."

So, maybe it wasn't the worst he's ever had. He was wrong.

But he is so not bitter.