I would like to explain why I write and read non-con child abuse fanfiction, so no one gets the wrong idea. I hate rape and child abuse, but reading about how someone can make it past the hardships and make it through their life is very inspiring to me. If anyone is offended by this type of story, then please do not read. Thank you.

Spoilers for episode 1.22: Devil's Trap. AU. Reference to child abuse/non-con.

"Sam, you want to kill this thing, you gotta trust me." Seeing Sam's hesitation, demon-john looks over to him and repeats, "Sam."

Sam looks once more between the two not knowing what to do, before making his decision. Walking over to Dean and hoping he made the right decision, he says quietly. "No. No."

Then the demon-john asks them to kill him and suddenly Sam isn't so sure anymore and Dean is lowering the gun, before the demon says, "I thought so." And they are both thrown against the wall.

For a moment the demon taunts them with how holy water doesn't affect it and urges Sam to use his psychic powers. Sam throws a few remarks about how he will kill it, but then it says something that Sam makes Sam glance over nervously. "Your dad, he's in here with me…" The demon goes on, but that's all Sam hears. Your dad, he's in here with me. He's in here with me. With me.

(This is where it goes AU!!!!!)

When he finally tunes back in, the demon is saying "This is justice" and explaining how the demons they killed earlier in the day were his children. Sam can see Dean getting angry and decides to say something before the demon takes his anger out on Dean.

"I want to know why." It's the only thing he can think to say, but it works. The demon smirks and makes his way back over to Sam.

"But Sammy, you know why. Your daddy's been telling you for years. It was all your fault. I wanted you. I still do. My little psychic boy. So, they had to be out of the way." The demon approaches and grabs Sam's chin. "Oh, this is going to be fun. You have no idea all the things I've learned from your father's mind boy." Sam closes his eyes and turns his head away because this is what he had been afraid of the moment he heard the demon say 'Your dad, he's in here with me.'

"Sam, don't listen to him. It's not your fault." Dean says, noticing Sam's defeated expression.

The demon eyes Dean with a smirk. "Oh Dean, Dean, Dean. Don't you understand? Sammy knows it's his fault. Your dad made sure of that. The moment he used him as a replacement."

"Don't." Sam pleads quietly and the demon turns back to him.

"Don't?" The demon says maliciously. "Now, why should I listen to a thing you say? Hmmm? Why would I do you any favors? And anyway, don't you think your brother deserves the truth after all these years? I mean, why does he think you hate daddy so much?"

"Sam? What's this evil son of a bitch talking about?" Dean growls angrily.

Sam ignores him and begs. "Please?"

"Don't plead with this asshole Sam. What the hell is going on?!"

"I'll tell you Dean, but no more interruptions from Sammy boy here." The demon says happily and suddenly the only protests Sam can make are muffled as his mouth is sealed shut. "Don't worry he can still breath through his nose. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Well, Dean, the reason Sam knows it's his fault is because your father told him every night. Fucked it into him in fact." Sam's not even trying to protest anymore. He just turns his head away from Dean, avoiding his gaze as his tears fall.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dean shouts, not even glancing at Sam. "You think you can tell me perverted lies and I'll just believe you? Well, go to hell. My father would never do that."

"You think I'm making this up?" The demon laughed. "Your daddy would take little Sammy into his motel room and fuck him hard and long, every night he was home. And you just slept through it. You just ignored the way your brother flinched when your dad was around. You ignored the weight he lost and the scars on his wrists after he couldn't handle it anymore. You just didn't care. Look at your brother Dean. Just look at him and tell me I'm lying." And Dean looked and suddenly he could no longer be so sure.

Sam was shaking, his head still turned away. "Sammy?" Dean said quietly. "Sam. Look at me."

Unable to ignore his brother's stern commanding voice, Sam looked up. And Dean's world fell apart. Sam had tears running down his face and the shakes that racked his body were his silent sobs. Anger filled Dean's face and Sam looked away agin, unable to face it.

The demon laughed and brought Dean back to the present. The demon ignored him and approached Sam. "Now, the real fun begins Sammy."

He released his demonic hold on Sam's mouth and Sam cried. "Get the fuck away from me."

"Aw now. Is that any way to speak to your father? I think we should give your brother a little reenactment, don't you?" The demon asked, approaching Sam and running a hand down his face to caress his neck.

"Get off!" Both Dean and Sam screamed at the demon, but he only laughed.

The demon pressed fully against Sam and said "Sammy, you can't tell Dean about this. It has to be our secret. He'll hate you if he finds out. He'll know that you're evil, that you killed Mary, that you killed your own mother. Do you want that?"

"Stop. Please!" Sam begged trying to squirm away as the demon undid the buttons on his shirt.

"Ignore him Sam. He's not dad."

"Oh, but Dean. These are your father's words. This is exactly what John thinks of little Sammy." The demon glances at Dean with a snicker.

"No." Sam says quietly, but his voice wavers.

"Be quiet boy. No crying you weak little whore. Don't deny that you like it." The demon taunts and suddenly Sam isn't there anymore. He's lost somewhere in his memories as his eyes glaze over.

The little boy cowers on the bed, dressed only in his underwear. "Please, daddy. I don't want to do this. Please!"

"I said be quiet." John growls pulling off his belt. He approached Sam quickly and mounts him, shoving his hand over Sam's mouth as the boy cries out. After pinning him down, he wraps the belt around the boy's neck and removes his hand. "Be quiet or I'll make you be quiet." He says as he tightens the belt around Sam's throat.

Five-year-old Sam sputters for a few seconds before managing to say. "'Kay. Sry daddy." The belt loosens and Sam takes a few large deep breaths while John undoes his own pants.

Sam whimpers when his father's hands move to pull down his boxers. "Whine all you want boy. You deserve this, you little whore. You killed my wife, my Mary. Now, you can make up for it." John roughly grabs Sam's limp member and rubs viciously. "And I know you'll like it the whole time. You always do."

Not wanting to be chocked again, Sam whispers. "I don't. Please daddy. I'm sorry."

"You'll never be sorry enough." John growls. Seeing that Sam is at least somewhat hard from his attentions, he throws the boy onto his stomach and pulls him up by the waist until he's on his knees. Without preparation, John thrusts in, tightening the belt, so that Sam's scream of pain can't escape. He continues at a hard pace, reaching around to rub at Sam's once again limp penis. John makes sure to hit Sam's small prostate every time, so the boy has no choice but to respond. Sam eventually cums, silently crying the whole time. John cums shortly after and pulls out.

Sam, nearly unconscious from the pain of the rape and the belt that was around his neck, gasps for air, murmuring over and over. "M'sry. I'm sry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Sam." Dean's voice rings out with concern. "Sammy, answer me."

"Dean?" Sam asked confused, opening his eyes. They are back in the shed. Correction, they never left the shed. Suddenly it dawns on Sam and he mumbles, "flashback." Then everything else comes back to him as well. "The demon? Dad? What happened?" Sam asks urgently, trying to stand up.

Dean holds him down firmly and sits in front of him. "Dead."

"What? How?"

"Right after you spaced out, the demon decided to come over to me. He punched me a few times before John decided to fight back. He fought for a few seconds to free us and you slumped to the floor. While the demon was trying to regain control, I got control. Right about then, the demon came back and taunted me. Said I wouldn't shoot my own father. I shot him in the head. The demon's gone. John's gone. It's over." Dean said firmly.

"I'm sorry." Sam said looking down. "You shouldn't have had to shoot dad. I-"

Dean interrupted harshly. "Don't call him that."

"You're right. I don't deserve to call him that. I'm sorry." Sam agreed lowering his head even more, so his hair fell in front of his eyes.

Dean sat shocked for a few seconds, before stammering, "What?"

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll go. You can go to Bobby's. I'll find somewhere else. I know you won't want me around. I'm sorry. I-" Sam started to stand again and Dean held him down.

Dean firmly grabbed his chin and forced him to look into his eyes. "Sammy. I don't hate you."

Sam pulled his face away. "Of course you do."

"No I don't."

"But everything, it's all my fault."

"No! It's not!" Dean growled angrily. Sam flinched and Dean paled. "Sam, Sammy look at me, please." Hesitantly, Sam obeyed. "It was not your fault. It's John's fault. He should never have hurt you. I'm so sorry I never realized what was going on. I would have killed him a long time ago. Mom and Jessica were the demon's fault, what John did to you was John's fault. None of it was your fault. Do you hear me?"

In a small voice, Sam answered. "Yes."

Dean sighed. "Do you believe me?"

"I-Not really. No." Sam said looking up as tears streamed down his face. Dean pulled Sam into a fierce hug and studiously ignored the sobs racking Sam's body, trying to let Sam keep some of his pride.

When the sobs had subsided, Dean pulled away slightly. "Let's go."

"Where?" Sam asked quietly, starring at the ground again.

Dean looked at him worriedly. "Bobby's." Sam nodded slightly and they stood up. Dean consciously blocked Sam's view of John's body as he led him out the door. Suddenly Dean stopped and faced Sam. "Did Bobby know what John did?"

"You keep calling dad, John."

"He stopped being a father the second he touched you. If I had known then, I would have been calling him John all along. Now, answer me question. Did Bobby know?"

"Yea. He walked in on it while we were staying there once. That's why they had their falling out. He beat the shit out of dad and tried to take me away from him, but dad knocked him out and took me away. Bobby tried to help, but he couldn't do anything after that. Dad was too good at covering his trac-" Sam stopped at the look on Dean's face. "What?"

Dean was pale again. "You were fifteen when that fight happened."

"I know." Sam said confused.

"How long did this go on Sam?" Dean asked firmly.

"Dean, I don't want to talk about it." Sam said, turning away and heading towards the car. Dean let him go and glanced back at the house, suddenly remembering something.

Sam reached the car and realized Dean wasn't behind him anymore. He glanced back as the house burst into flame, understanding that they needed to burn the body. Finally Dean returned to the car and drove away in silence.

When they reached Bobby's house, Sam got out immediately, not wanting to be in the silence for another minute after their three hour drive.

He approached the house quickly as Bobby came out, shotgun in hand. "Sam!?" He asked surprised. "What the hell are you boys doing here?"

"Shit. Sorry, Bobby. We should have called. I-We-I-Dad-Dean-" Sam trailed off wondering how to continue, but found he didn't need to.

"I killed the demon. It was in John. He's dead too. The bastard." Dean said with menace.

Suddenly Sam felt sick and overwhelmed, so he ran. He jumped in the Impala with his spare key and took off before Dean or Bobby could do a thing.

"Sam! Wait!" Dean screamed after him, but he was gone.

"What in the samhell is going on?"

Dean spun around with anger filling his eyes. "You knew! You knew what that bastard did to Sam and you never fucking told me. I would have stopped it. I could have ended it."

Bobby backed up in the face of Dean's anger. "Dean what?"

"He raped him." Suddenly Dean paled again and sat down hard on the porch, all anger draining and being replaced by sorrow. "Oh God. My baby brother. That bastard fucking raped him."

Suddenly Bobby found himself with a sobbing Dean in his arms wondering what the hell had happened.

It was hours before Sam came back. He was drunk and he was driving and both Dean and Bobby had to practically carry him inside. Dean had filled Bobby in on what had happened after he had stopped crying. Then they had sat in silence waiting for Sam to come back.

"Sammy, why would you drive like this? We could have come and gotten you." Dean asked in a hushed tone.

"Didn't want to bother you." Sam replied, slurring his words as he dropped to the couch and passed out.

Dean pushed the hair out of his unconscious brother's face. "You never bother me Sammy." He whispered. "I will make you understand that. I swear I will."

That's the end of Chapter 1. There will be another chapter, but probably only one. Not sure when though. Please review. Comments make me feel special.