A/N: I'm continuing the bloopers after a tiresome hiatus. I'm trying to finish up Bittersweet. So, laugh at the antics and pranks the cast members get into.
'Out there' scene
Frollo: Remember Quasimodo…this is your sanctuary. (Does the whole graceful wave of his hand and begins walking down the stairs. However, he is ignorant to the banana peel on one of the steps and he slips and tumbles down the stone steps!) Ouch!...Ow!...Oh, that hurts!...Ooh…Ok, I twisted something back there…Owee!...THUD! Ugh…that's going to hurt in the morning. (Looks at the incriminating banana peel and holds it up in anger.) Whomever this banana peel belongs to is going to get smited by the business end of my sword!
Clopin: (Walks on camera, a bunch of bananas in hand and chomping on one.) Hey, Frollo, want a banana?
Frollo: (Growls scarily.)
Clopin: Uh, are you okay? You look like you just fell down twelve flights of stone stairs.
Frollo: That's because I DID! (Begins chasing Clopin around, with a sword raised. Clopin is running around, screaming for help.)
Director: Guys, stop…oh forget it. Ugh, someone hand me my aspirins.
'Battle of Notre Dame' scene
Quasimodo: SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY! (Accidentally drops Esmeralda.) Aw crap.
Esmeralda: Quasi, that's the fifth time you dropped me today!
Quasimodo: I'm sorry! Heights make me nervous and I drop stuff when I'm nervous!
'Frollo and Esmeralda' scene
Esmeralda: What are you doing?
Frollo: I'm just imagining a rope…around that beautiful neck. Ok, seriously, cut, please! Why…why do I have to sound like some sex-crazed pervert in this movie? Aren't I supposed to be pure and pious and what not?
Esmeralda: You are…lust just overpowered you. That's how your character is supposed to act like anyway. Just be happy we're not exactly following the book.
Director: Look, we can discuss plot holes and characterization later. Now, we have a movie to make!
Frollo: (Whispers.) With the way you're directing, it's becoming a medieval porno reject.
Director: What was that?
Frollo: Nothing.
'Catacombs' scene
Phoebus: You know…there should be something like a booby trap or…(Light ominously goes out.) An ambush.
(Light comes back on but there's no one in sight.)
Director: What the? Where'd the Hell everybody go?
Somewhere in the Bahamas…
Clopin: (Lounging in deck chair while sipping pineapple cocktail.) Will he ever figure out that secret passageway?
Phoebus: (Lounging on separate deck chair with flower garland around neck and sipping from a coconut cocktail.) If he ever had enough brain cells to, we're screwed but hey, it's his fault for taking away our vacation pay! So, I say forget the bastard and cheers! (Toasts Clopin.)
'Esmeralda and Helmet' scene
(Esmeralda flings the helmet but Phoebus doesn't duck in time. Ouch.)
Phoebus: OWWWWWW! MY HEAD! MY POOR HEAD! IT F**KING HURTS! YOU B***H! WHY'D YOU THROW SO FAST! GOD, IT BURNS!
Esmeralda: Well, you're the slowpoke that didn't duck in time!
Director: Someone get the medics! Phoebus' leaking brain fluid!
Frollo: Wait, Phoebus had a brain?
Everybody: (Cracks up and starts laughing.)
Phoebus: It's not funny! Wow, look at all the pretty stars.
Director: Medic…stat!
'Battle Atop Notre Dame' scene
(Frollo is brandishing the sword and swinging it at Quasimodo and Esmeralda whom are leaping away for dear life. He slams the sword into the gargoyle and it awakens.)
Gargoyle: Watch it, buster! (Snatches sword from Frollo.) Listen, you're liable to hurt somebody with this thing. (Glares and breaks sword in half.) You crazy. (Spits at him and goes back to being inanimate.)
Frollo: (Blink, blink.)
Director: Uh, what just happened?
'Opening' scene
Take 1
(Quasimodo pulls on the bell rope but it ends up breaking.)
Quasimodo: Damn
Take 2
(Quasimodo pulls on bell rope but all the bells come crashing down!)
Director: Aaaaaahhhhhhh! It's raining iron bells!
'Final Confrontation' scene
(Frollo swings up atop gargoyle but jumps onto the platform where Esmeralda is.)
Director: Frollo, what are you doing? You're supposed to stand on the gargoyle and drop!
Frollo: But that's stupid! I could die!
Director: Precisely why you should do it! You're supposed to die.
Frollo: Oh, and have Disney rid the world of the best Disney villain ever? (Everyone stares at him.) Oh, come on. You know it's true.
Director: Villains…always wanting the limelight.
'Alphabet' scene
(Frollo sips the wine and swallows. Soon, his eye starts twitching and he starts having a minor convulsion.)
Quasimodo: Master, are you…okay?
(Frollo stands up and dashes straight for Esmeralda and drags her into one of the dressing rooms with a really libidinous look on his face. Loud pleasured moans and shrieks of ecstasy are soon emitted from said room, leaving the others disgusted as hell.)
Director: What the? (Goes and picks up wine bottle and examines its contents.) Ok, who slipped a really powerful gypsy aphrodisiac in here?
Clopin: (Innocently tapping fingers together.)
Esmeralda: (Staggers out, trembling, flushed and her costume in tatters. Runs to Clopin.) Thank you! Thank you! Oh God, thank you so very much!
Clopin: No problem. Frollo paid me fifty pieces of gold for this. (Struts off, humming 'I'm in the money' while juggling the coins.)
'Crowned the Wrong Fool' scene
Take 1
Esmeralda: (Flings crown but it hits Frollo in the face.) Oops! Sorry.
Director: Cut! Let's try that again.
Take 2
Esmeralda: (Throws crown but it sails way past everybody.)
Frollo: (While pointing.) That was so off.
Director: Ok, we'll try this one last time.
Take 3
Esmeralda: (Tosses crown and it ends up breaking something off camera.) Oh, s**t!
Director: Please God, don't let it be that really expensive camera we just purchased.
'Ending' scene
(Everybody is rejoicing until they all notice Frollo's there with them.)
Quasimodo: You didn't die?
Frollo: Uh, there's this thing called 'special effects'? Research on them for a change.
Off-camera scenes
Me: Now, let us see what the HOND characters are up to after shooting is done. (Goes to Quasimodo's dressing room. Opens door to reveal Quasimodo burning all his figurines in a trashcan.)
Quasimodo: Burn, beautiful people, burn! See who's ugly now, melted face!
Me: Ok…I'm guessing Quasimodo has already hit his emo, angst phase.
Quasimodo: (Applies eyeliner and then proceeds to slash his wrists.) I knew those 'How to be Emo?' tapes worked.
Me: Ok, let's go see Esmeralda. (Goes to Esmeralda's room where she is currently popping a few pills.) Uh, Esmeralda?
Esmeralda: Oh, hi! Didn't know you'd guys would come right now! Just let clean all this up.
Me: (Catches a glimpse at the pill box.) 'Slim Fast'? Ooh, I have a hot story for the tabloids now. I can see it now, 'Curvaceous Gypsy Longs to Be Skinny Twig'.
'Groping' scene
(Frollo strokes Esmeralda's neck and sniffs her hair when a clap of thunder is heard and green smoke appears behind them. They turn around and gasp at the sight of an elegant, green-skinned, black-cloaked woman with a raven on her shoulder and a staff in her hand.)
Frollo: M…M…Maleficent?
Maleficent: Oh, so this is what you're up to when my back is turned? Frolicking and fooling around with some loose, slutty Egyptian skank? While I'm languishing in my dreary home, alone, vengeful and not getting any!
Frollo: Now, Mal…I can explain…
Maleficent: All this while you told me you were busy with the 'execution of some gypsy heathens' and I understood; it's your career after all. But no! You were off chasing some saucy little witch who's half your age!
Frollo: Mal…I assure you, it's completely innocent!
(Maleficent turns her attention to Esmeralda whom is scared s**tless.)
Maleficent: And what's this I hear about you kissing my man on the nose? Don't you make me cursed you into dreamless, eternal slumber like what I did with Aurora! You young whores all think you can steal boyfriends with your collagen lips and pert breasts! Come, Frollo! (Another clap of thunder is heard and green smoke fills the room again, leaving Esmeralda all alone.)
Director: What…just…***king…happened?
A/N: Haha, I'm a fan of Frollo/Maleficent. Review, please.