A/N: Hello, darling readers! Guess what I've got for you guys? Drumroll please... A NEW MULTICHAPTER OURAN STORY. This is the sequel to OTNK that I've long promised you guys. I've been meaning to write it since forever! I put it off in favor of sorting out my manga collection--and that's a lot harder than it sounds, I swear. This story is for those asking for a TamakixHikaru, with me giving a two-finger salute in particular to Koorimechick, a regular reviewer and someone who requested them. Will these two actually get together though? We'll see.

See, this month is my birthday month, so this is something of a birthday present to myself and to my readers! If I waited until my actual birthday to post it I'd have to deal with the hellish academic load. I have exams on my birthday. Isn't that absolutely horrid? Then if I got reviews I wouldn't be able to read and reply to them.

Anyway. Unbeta'd, and I've been out of practice with prose, so go easy on me! Also, warnings: this fic will probably contain more mature language than OTNK, thanks largely to Hikaru and his potty mouth. This chapter is for someone extra-special. I hope you guys enjoy it. :)

Prologue: Substitution

They hadn't done it in a long, long time. Too long, in Hikaru's opinion. He wasn't quite sure what the reason was—well, to be fair, there were a lot of other things happening, but then again, that had never stopped them before. At first it had disquieted him, but he'd brushed it off. There were bigger things to think of, like chaining Tamaki to the door of the Black Magic club. But today he finally said it.

"Hey Kaoru, let's play the 'Which one is Hikaru' game."

Kaoru looked up from his position beside Kyouya, who had an arm around him (Get away from my little brother, you man-hungry shark!). "Huh?"

"I'm bored," Hikaru whined. "And as we all know…"

"A bored Hitachiin is a dangerous Hitachiin," chorused all the Host Club members together from their respective tables. The customers giggled.

"I don't recommend that you play that game anymore, Hikaru," Kyouya said, pushing up his glasses. "I hate to say it, but it's too easy now."

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "Sure, just because you can tell who's who using the powers you gained from signing a blood contract with the forces of hell…" He was cut off by Kaoru throwing his eraser at him, and it hit him squarely on the nose. "Damn it, Kaoru! Stop shielding that demon spawn already!"

Kyouya shrugged. He was already so used to getting insulted every time Hikaru opened his mouth that he rarely bothered to object anymore. "All right, I won't participate. I didn't intend to in the first place. And for this trial's sake, Haruhi, please don't either. I want Hikaru to see my point clearly." The natural rookie host gave a nod. "Don't say I didn't warn you," Kyouya murmured, gently drawing away from Kaoru and opening his ever-present notebook to scribble something in it.

"Just do it before he decides to set the room on fire or something," Haruhi put in.

"Fine, fine," Kaoru muttered, rolling his eyes and standing up. They moved quickly, becoming two red-headed blurs, before coming to a stop and saying in unison, "Which one is Hikaru?"

There was a brief silence before one girl piped up, "That one's Hikaru-kun, isn't it?"

"Nope! Nice try," they both said, grinning like Cheshire cats. This was their usual trick: whenever someone got it right by chance, they would always say that they had it wrong. But to their surprise, the girl shook her head.

"That's definitely Hikaru-kun. Kaoru-kun's a little bit more slender than he is now."

They stared at her. "Are you saying I'm fat?" Hikaru blurted out.

"Well, he did stop eating for a while when he and Kyouya-sempai were all torn up about each other, remember?" Haruhi pointed out. Hikaru frowned. He hated being reminded of how badly he had hurt his brother back in those days.

"Now that you mention it, Kaoru-kun's cheekbones are a little bit more pronounced now," agreed another girl.

"Kao-chan smells different, too," added Hunny, blissfully unaware of the bombshell he was dropping on the fangirls. "He smells like Kyou-chan!"

Kaoru blushed to the roots of his hair. "I don't—we aren't—Hunny-sempai!" He shot them a pleading glance as squeals filled the club room. Kyouya permitted himself a single amused chuckle. Hikaru gaped at them before leaning in and sniffing his brother. Normally he smelled like honey and that lemon body wash that they both liked. But now Kaoru smelled like…

"Peppermint," Hikaru said accusingly.

"Yeah, that's Kyouya-sempai, definitely," Haruhi said, remembering the time at Karuizawa when she'd caught a whiff of that same clean, sharp smell as he'd pinned her to the bed.

"And how would you know about that?" Tamaki asked, all innocence. "He doesn't exactly emanate the scent, I think you'd have to get very close to be able to tell."

Haruhi turned as red as Kaoru, suddenly uncomfortably aware of Mori standing right beside her. She had already told him about the incident (thanks to him overhearing a little exchange between Kaoru and Kyouya one day at club…) but it still made her uneasy to talk about it near her boyfriend."Just… nothing. Erm, wow, Hunny-sempai has a really keen nose," she said, changing the subject as best as she could—not good enough, apparently, judging by the barely suppressed delight of the girls who were already whispering about 'an epic new doujinshi!'.

Renge smirked. "And if my fangirl eyes don't betray me… Kaoru-kun has a hickey."

"What the hell?" Hikaru roared as Kaoru clapped a hand to his neck. "That leech was sucking your blood?"

"No, just nibbling on that lovely collarbone," Kyouya deadpanned. Hikaru dived for him, but Kaoru quickly blocked his path as the girls squealed.

"Everyone would have been able to tell anyway even without all that," Tamaki interjected.

"What? Why?" Hikaru demanded.

"The ring," Mori said, causing the girls to dissolve into floods of giggles. It was Kyouya's Christmas present to Kaoru, a fiery opal that caught the light on his left ring finger. Kaoru blushed even harder.

"Don't even try asking me to take it off," he warned Hikaru. "Not even for the game."

"You've… been marking my brother like he's your territory. Like you're some kind of dog," said Hikaru, scowling.

"I meant to warn you that nearly everyone can tell the difference between the two of you now," Kyouya replied with a shrug. "I thought you wanted people to be able to distinguish which is which. I didn't think that you would take it this hard."

"The reason I'm taking it hard is because every single reason they can tell us apart is because of you."

"Well, what's done is done. There's nothing you can do about it, so quit your whining, Hikaru," Kaoru said, reclaiming his seat. He peeked at the notes that his boyfriend was making and was amused to see a doodle of an angry chibi Hikaru alongside some statistics. How very uncharacteristic of him. Kyouya noticed him looking and made a slight face as he closed it.

Hikaru scowled. "Look… I accepted that I had to share you with that piranha, but this is going too far. He stole my partner-in-crime!"

Tamaki shrugged. "So find a new one."

It was never good when Tamaki opened his mouth, really. And even worse when it was Hikaru listening. "That's it!" said Hikaru, perking up. "All I need to do is find a new Kaoru!" He stood up and struck a victorious pose as the customers applauded.

Kyouya groaned. "Tamaki… what have you done, you fool?"

Later that night, Kaoru came knocking at Hikaru's door. "Oi, Hikaru, give me back my math textbook. You didn't return it the last time." He heard a muffled go-away sort of noise, so naturally he pushed the door open and breezed in.

"Wow, writing?" he said, throwing himself onto Hikaru's bed. His twin was sitting at his desk and scribbling feverishly. "What's that? The English essay? Don't tell me you haven't finished yet. It's due tomorrow."

Hikaru raised his head. "We have an English essay?"

Kaoru scowled and threw a pillow at him. "You idiot, it was assigned a week ago! What the hell were you doing?" He crossed the room in two bounds and grabbed the sheaf of papers his brother had been working on so busily. "The search for the next Kaoru? What the hell is this, American Idol?" He shuffled through the pages. "I take it back—winning American Idol would be a thousand times easier than fulfilling all these criteria."

"You're exaggerating. There's no Simon Cowell here. But you know, we should introduce him to Kyouya-sempai sometime. They'd really hit it off."

"Stop picking on him already," Kaoru said, rolling his eyes. "How many conditions are you planning to write?"

"I don't actually plan on them. They just write themselves, really. So far we've got about… four hundred and eight."

"This is stupid. You're not losing me, so you don't have to replace me. And I hate to break it to you, but no one's going to be able to fit all these requirements anyway. They're completely unreasonable."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "I just have exacting standards! They're not unreasonable!"

Kaoru snorted. "Oh really… Number 236: must have been my constant companion throughout childhood and worn identical clothing, usually in different colors, especially when we were cross-dressing because our mom forced us to." He bonked him on the head. "I'm the only one who fits that rule anyway! Who the hell else do you think would have the same mom?"

"Erm… well, then we'll take that one off. But the rest are completely sane!"

"Number fourteen: must be able to consume a gallon of maple syrup in thirty seconds. Yeah, that's sane, all right." Kaoru sighed. "I know you like our brand of weirdness, but the whole reason why it's called weirdness is because not everyone else can do it!"

Hikaru deflated. "Okay, okay. I get your point." He pouted. "I spent the best part of the last two hours writing all those!"

"I'm confiscating these," Kaoru said. "And you had better get to work on that essay, or sensei will have your head."

"I hate English," the older twin grumbled. He turned Bambi eyes on Kaoru. "Kaoru, my beloved twin… light of my life…"

"Don't even bother trying that on me. I invented those Bambi eyes," Kaoru said with a laugh. "And besides, I already did your last one, and you don't hear me asking you to do my math homework, now do you?" He grabbed the algebra textbook at Hikaru's elbow. "Tell you what, do your essay and I'll help you choose my successor. Not that I want you to put anyone in my place, but I guess that's all I can do."

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "No one's taking your place, Kaoru. It's just a temporary fill-in until the day you come to your senses and snap out of whatever brainwashing that demon lord subjected you to—ow! Damn it, you have seriously become violent because of that bat out of hell!"

"I'm only violent because it seems to be the only thing that'll pound some sense into you," Kaoru replied, setting down the ruler he had grabbed from Hikaru's desk to hit him with. "Look, sempai and I are set for life, and that means that we've already talked about stuff like getting married and having kids. Like it or not, we're together for the long haul, okay?"

"Yeah, I know," grumbled the other Hitachiin. "Stupid brainwashing four-eyed little—ow! Okay, okay! I'm sorry already! Put down the ruler!"

"Maybe that'll teach you not to insult my boyfriend when there are so many choice weapons nearby. Do the stupid essay already, Hikaru," Kaoru said, laughing. "It's late. If you don't get any sleep, people will be able to tell us apart by your eyebags."

"Fine," Hikaru muttered. Then he lit up. "Say, you don't think mom and dad would be up for making Kaoru version 2.0, do you?"

Kaoru paused, then snickered. "After having hellions like us? Don't even go there."

"Tell me again why we have to consult with… it for this," Hikaru said, glaring at his brother.

"First of all, he's not it, and if you don't play nice I'm going to get really, really mad," Kaoru said, glaring right back at him. "And second, it's because he's smarter than you and will probably save us a lot of time instead of you running around causing mayhem for everyone. Actually, the others kind of requested this too, since they really don't want to be caught in the crossfire." Haruhi, Mori and Hunny all nodded in confirmation. They had sent Tamaki off to entertain the girls while they called a meeting in the club room.

"Sorry, Hikaru, but talking to Kyouya-sempai is for your own good anyway," Haruhi said with a shrug. "And besides, after reading your list, we all decided that it was for the welfare of society that sempai be the buffer for whatever you're about to do."

Kyouya gave him a little smile. "This isn't Chinese water-torture, Hikaru. You can take that look off your face." He ignored the muttered comment that sounded like "I'd prefer Chinese water-torture any day" but Kaoru certainly didn't; the next thing they knew Hikaru was holding his foot and groaning.

"Behave," Kaoru said sweetly.

"In any case," Kyouya said, pulling out his notebook, "I did a little study on your situation. It's true that you do need a partner. Unlike most of us, your appeal lies more in interaction… the devil type is distinguished almost purely by his attitude towards others rather than his own personality."

"What's that supposed to mean? I need some kind of crutch to draw in the customers?"

"I'm not a crutch," Kaoru protested.

"No, you're not," Kyouya assured him. "I mean that while Tamaki can emit a 'prince' aura simply by standing still, the devil type needs action to display his rebellious nature. You show off your personality through pranks, words… the easiest way to do this without offending the customers is by pairing you with someone. That was Kaoru."

"Yeah, but then you stole him away," pointed out Hikaru.

"It's not stealing if he comes willingly," the Shadow King replied with a smirk. "Your ratings have dropped for the last few months, compared to before he and I became a couple."

"So break up and I'll hold him in my loving arms instead," Hikaru deadpanned. Kaoru stomped on him again, eliciting an even louder howl of pain this time.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Kyouya said, a shadow of irritation showing on his face for the first time in the conversation. "Kaoru presented me with your little… list." He handed the stack of papers back to Hikaru. I eliminated all but the two that we deemed acceptable."

"Two? Out of… hey, I put so much effort into compiling that, and you took only two?"

"Hika-chan, I don't think that anyone would want to be the next Kaoru if 'should look like me, or is willing to have plastic surgery to look like me' is on the list," Hunny piped up.

"Why not? Then at least that person would become hot."

"You should be grateful we even decided to keep any at all," Kaoru said. "The only good thing about your list is that it's so ludicrous, it makes a great humor piece."

"In any case, your list is as follows: firstly, you like to take the lead, but the person is regarded as your partner, not subordinate; and that means that he is your companion, not someone else's. And second, this person is in the Host Club." Kyouya gave a little cough. "Actually, by process of elimination, only one person really fits the bill."

"Only one?" Hikaru repeated. "Those are only two conditions! There are seven of us in the Host Club, and then there's Renge…" He turned white. "Actually, never mind Renge."

"Yes. Actually, she technically fits the bill, but for the sake of your sanity and ours we decided against her as a possibility." Kyouya leafed through his notebook. "First of all she may be a part-time manager, but her main draw is as a fangirl; her purpose is more to point out things than serve as a real character in the proceedings. And secondly… there is a 98% chance that you would cease to be the devil type and become the 'victim' type. The other two percent accounts for such incidentals as you deciding to kill her, eventually falling in love with her, etcetera."

"Falling in love with her?" Hikaru echoed, going from white to green.

"We all decided that your offspring would likely cause the end of the world, so again, Renge is off the list of possibilities."

"Too bad, though. If you guys walked down the aisle Renge would be the groom; she'd definitely wear the pants in the marriage," Kaoru said with a grin. "And you'd fight over her trying to pair you up with your butler… and the driver… and the gardener…"

"Kaoru…" the older twin warned in a strangled voice.

"Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai are already partners, of sorts," Kyouya said. "To break up that duo would be counterproductive. Besides, you can't keep up with Hunny-sempai… and if you were with Mori-sempai you wouldn't be a devil type, you'd be the funny man of a comedy duo, with Mori-sempai as the straight man." The others smothered a laugh. "I doubt that you'd want to partner with me—"

"I'd rather have Renge."

"And to have Kaoru as the next Kaoru completely defeats the purpose of your little search. Besides, Kaoru and I are already taken as a set, much like Mori-sempai and Hunny-sempai."

"So Haruhi, then?" Hikaru asked hopefully.

"No," Mori said.

The others looked at him. He simply shrugged.

Kyouya smiled. "Actually, yes, Haruhi is off my list. I already foresaw this."

"Huh?" Haruhi said, cocking her head to one side. She still had no idea that Hikaru used to be crazy about her—she was the only one who still didn't know, though. "What are you talking about?"

Hunny patted her head. "We'll explain when you're older, Haru-chan."

"And so, the only one left is, of course, Tamaki."

The blonde looked up from where he was pouring tea for the girls. "What?" he squawked.

"Congratulations, milord," Kaoru said with a laugh. "You're the next Kaoru."

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed it. :) Loved it? Hated it? I don't mind criticism, and I'm happy to get compliments as well. How about making my 18th birthday extra happy and leave lots of reviews? Just kidding guys! More reviews, faster updates though, so if you want Chapter 1 up in a jiffy, click that button!

God, I'm so hyper right now. Oh yes, please vote in the poll on my profile page. I want to know whether you guys want me to start putting in... um, mature scenes for the OTNK-verse. Ahem. I warn you guys, I've never written explicit scenes before. Anyway, please vote! Thanks for reading this far.