Disclaimer: Yeah, I own it. If by 'it' you mean the tender crook of my elbow.

Beta-ed by: Debraelq

AN: In Pucks's POV. 'Cause Kurt is hardly in Mash-up but the episode is important to the plot. Also it's long :D

Timeline: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

-Chapter 38: Stud-

He had just had the most horrible dream in the history of the universe.

Rachel had climbed through his window and molested him.

Puck liked girls, a lot, but Rachel was like a demon child. When she had clambered through his window, she had looked all innocent with her white nightgown and all, but she'd had red eyes, fangs and bloodied claws. He had a bad feeling that someone was dead.

This dream demon Rachel thing had then went on to begin to shred his clothes, coming way to close to his dick, thank you very much. The demon had then leant in, looking just about ready to eat his face off.

He had been so relieved when he had awoken.

But then he had a great idea that didn't exactly make him feel so secure any more...

-Breaking the Rules-

Okay, so he'd just brought the bint a slushie. Like he cared about her, as if. The money had been some dorks.

So, his plan wasn't the best. But if he could distract Rachel from Kurt and Finn for a week or so then the plan had served its purpose well.

Kurt reminded him of his little sister, fragile but with a hard exterior. Kind of like himself at times. Now Kurt was just broken, like the shells of the eggs that Puck had used to throw at his house.

He'd said some bullshit about her licking her lips the last time he'd thrown a grape slushie at her, too. Personally Puck thought it was when Kurt had been walking past that she had licked her lips.

She blinked up at him dumbly. Or, maybe she was fluttering her eyelashes.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to work together on some mash-up ideas."

She was doing that eyelash thing again. Oh god. Someone please kill him right now.

-Breaking the Rules-

They were making out, which wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. At least she didn't seem to have any demon teeth?

She pulled back, panting.

"I can't do this."

He had to keep her attention. "Why? We're a couple of good looking Jews." Plus, maybe his mom would see how crazy the bint was so he didn't have to date a Jewish girl. "It's natural."

"I can't give myself to someone who isn't... brave enough to sing a solo." Her eyes were crazed, super scary. "If you have the guts to do that then how are you going to be bold enough to deal with the ups and downs of loving an admittedly high maintenance girl like me?"

He had not understood like ten things in that sentence… and Puck had a feeling that after she went to a mental hospital, or wherever she was destined to go, that he would be getting some much needed counseling. Why had he done this again?

Oh yeah, being selfless. Finn and Kurt, hooray.

Well, he was sick of the bitch already. Puck so did not feel like getting into Rachel's pants. She probably had a snake down there or something.

"Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?" He started rolling up his shirt sleeve. His guns were amazing. He'd shown them to that Brittany chick, and she had stared, for five hours!

But Berry-psycho-demon actually stopped him. What the hell was wrong with her?

Right, loving a gay guy, got it.

"Noah, I'm sorry. Your arms are lovely, but I just don't see us working out."

The Puckersaurus had just been rejected. Today was so not his day, especially when the girl was a crazed maniac who loved a guy who was king of the gays, and another who was super tall, and… dumb.

-Breaking the Rules—

He was singing 'Sweet Caroline' to crazy bitch.

Santana was mad, surprise surprise. Kurt had figured it out after about two bars and was now gazing at him incredulously like he was a split end or something. Finn was confused as all hell, but that could have just been his default face. Rachel looked just about to fall out of the seat.

But, Quinn was looking so damn hopeful it hurt.

He needed to do this dammit. Even though he hadn't talked to either Kurt or Finn about his amazing plan.

Now he was taking notice of the other members of the club. Brittany was swinging around on her chair, but at the same time staring at his arms, maybe drooling. Matt and Mike were kinda swaying. That goth Tina chick was smiling and the Artie kid was kinda checking the chick out.

Schuester was smiling like an idiot. Urgh, there was creepy smiling Rachel again. Wish she'd implode. Now Kurt and Aretha were kind of swaying. He wasn't sure if Kurt had forgiven him or was trying to look normalish for bestie.

Finn was still confused. Santana was still looking like she'd key his truck – not that you could notice with all the scratches on the darn thing already.

But there was Quinn again. Why did she have to look at him that way? He knew he was her baby's daddy and all but all her staring was getting very distracting.

Done finally. Now Puck wanted to run. Before Rachel tried to eat him.

-Breaking the Rules—

Puck watched as Finn and Quinn got slushied by the other jocks. Too bad really, Sylvester would not be happy about sending Quinn's uniform away for dry cleaning. On the plus side, Finn really did need to get rid of some of those stripped shirts. He could start an invasion with the amount of those things he has.

Azimo said something about how Finn should come to the practice, or he'd be slushied every day. They haven't come after him yet. They must be too scared.

Some dork slipped over on the slushie they'd just thrown. He thinks that's called irony or something like that.

-Breaking the Rules—

Puck wasn't yet certain whether to choose Football or Glee. Football was away from Rachel, but Glee was probably better for his brain cells. Not to mention it would be easier to keep an eye on Mr. Queen Diva.

He had been innocently walking along with Rachel - who looked like she was wearing a pajama top – when he was hit in the face with ice-cold pain.

Not a good feeling. They were aiming for Rachel, right? ... Right? Oh god, his life must be over. No more MILFs or skanky cheerleaders. He was so screwed.

-Breaking the Rules—

Rachel Demon had been washing the slushie off, and he told her he was choosing football. She wasn't as emotional as he thought she would have been.

Puck thought she would have chucked toilet paper and soap on him until he was some weird voodoo sacrifice to make him stick with Glee.

Oh well, he was still a stud.

Everyone, I may need to take a break from this story like I did with 'When the Storm Breaks'. I have had a lot of people tell me that this story has started to go downhill and I want to try and perfect it. I've also run out of ideas; which is why I'm just following the basic Glee storyline. I have an idea for a possible sequel though so with some patience I can turn this story around into something I can be proud of.