Blame It On Me

'I think you have strength, of a different kind.' -- Peregrin 'Pippin' Took

oOo

He collapsed just a few mere steps outside of the mine's great doors. Merry fell behind him, his hand a vice on his shoulder. Pippin sucked in a sharp breath as the reality of what had just happened began to sink in. Gandalf was gone. Dead.

It couldn't be true...

But, by the shire it was.

It was all too true.

The first of many hoarse cries broke from behind Pippin's lips, bringing with it a veil of muffled silence to settle over his ears. He could hear nothing, see nothing save the tears gathering in his eyes and spilling over his cheeks. Behind him, Merry tried to whisper words of comfort, but Pippin's ears were deaf to the meaningless noise.

Grief flooded into every vein in his body and he shuddered, helpless to its power. His face became soaked with his tears, his chest ached, clenching with every heaving breath he took.

It was all his fault.

I caused this. He died because of me.

He cried out in pain once more, the knowledge of it bringing a raw heat to his head, searing the back of his eyes, his throat and chest down to his fingertips and toes.

If he hadn't touched anything, Gandalf would be with them, scolding him like always. Why did he always touch things? Why couldn't he just keep his hands to himself?

Is this what it feels like to die, Gandalf? He hoped the wizard did not feel too much pain.

Merry's hand trembled on his shoulder, and Pippin knew through the fog of his grief that Merry was crying too. They were all crying, in their own ways. Silent or out loud, each Man, Hobbit, Elf and Dwarf were mourning.

Pippin felt as if his heart was being ripped to pieces as Aragorn's rough voice commanded them leave. How could they leave, when Gandalf wouldn't be with them? How could they take one step away, when Gandalf was not at the front of their group, guiding them as always?

Boromir's reproach did little to lessen the pain settling inside Pippin, but he felt grateful that someone understood that they couldn't just go.

But go they did, for to stay surely meant death.

Gandalf, forgive me...

Boromir's strong arms lifted him to his feet, his gray eyes all but spilling shock, sadness, anger, confusion and compassion. Pippin swallowed and shut his own eyes, trying to block everything out even as he felt Merry being pulled to his feet beside him.

It is all my fault.

A/N: Was watching Fellowship Of The Ring and about cried my eyes out when I saw Pip screaming and Merry holding his shoulder after Gandalf died. And then I got to thinking, "Jeez, Pip must be taking this really hard, what with him starting it with touching things," and that's where this came from! I was actually looking for Legolas/Aragorn moments that I could use to my advantage, but that didn't work out too well, no did it? Ah, well. I have a soft spot for Pip, so I'm glad I wrote this. Let me know what you thought!

NOTE: The quote from above really is from Pip, I just can't remember where or to whom XD.