Out of the Ditch

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

Here is the last chapter to "It's a Ditch "I know it's been a long time coming, but here it is.

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction we are loved. Loved for ourselves. Loved in spite of ourselves," Victor Hugo

XX

Reid wasn't sure if he was ready to go back to work, he just knew he needed to. He wanted normalcy again, routines, and the sooner he got back the better. He was certain there was going to be that first initial awkwardness, and people walking on eggshells.

His first week home was rough. He attended meetings every day. He didn't speak at them; he sat and listened and occasionally he would be surprised to find he was learning something too.

Spencer felt stronger, fitter and probably more tanned than he had ever been in his entire life. His apartment had been scrubbed clean and he wondered if Rossi had hired drug dogs to sniff out the place.

He thought of his stay at the rehab home. He missed his garden, and entertained the idea of having his own house one day with a back yard to grow things. That might be something that could be in his future. Stanley often occupied his thoughts as well and wondered if he was still there in that small attic room. For some reason thoughts of Stanley sent a chill up his spine. Stanley was becoming less real to him and he didn't know why. He remembered his mother had told him Stanley was his father's first choice for a name for him.

He had a lot of time to think. He was an addict and had accepted he would remain one for the rest of his life. He didn't blame Rossi anymore for his relapse. He would follow the twelve steps and eventually he would get around to making amends to all the people he had hurt. He hoped for their forgiveness but deep down inside he didn't know if he could ever forgive himself. He tried to push his dark thoughts aside and concentrate on the here and now 'one day at a time' as the literature said.

XXXX

It was just after 8 am on a Monday morning when he heard a knock on his door. He was dressed and ready to go and was finishing his third cup of coffee. Decafe be damned.

"Reid are you there?" called a familiar voice. It was Prentiss.

He felt his heart do a flip and quickly opened the door.

"Hi" she said as she sauntered in. "thought I'd give you a ride into work today"

"You don't have to do that." Reid told her, even though he was pleased at seeing her.

"I know, but I wanted to, first day jitters and all that" she shrugged.

She stood there smiling at him.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" he said.

"No, you just look good, great actually."

Reid frowned. "You've seen me before". He wondered if she were teasing him.

Prentiss grinned and strode over and wrapped her arms around him, this took him by surprise. He just wanted to melt into her arms and stay there, instead he carefully hugged her back and he was the first one to pull away.

She laughed. "You look like you, just better. I'm happy we're getting you back"

"Thanks" he mumbled, he was at a loss for words.

Dilaudid had been blunting his feelings for so long, he barely recognized the emotions that came cascading over him, happiness, fear, and strangely enough even a bit of sexual arousal. Though Prentiss's warm breath against his ear during their hug might have caused that.

"C'mon genius, we don't want to be late and I know you want to buy me a cup of coffee."

Spencer exhaled "Yes ma'am." Whatever came next, good or bad he was just going to have to feel it.

XXXXX

His first day at work was uneventful. Hotch apparently forbade Garcia from making a fuss, although nothing could stop her from baking him cookies and later hugging him until he thought his ribs would crack. JJ and Morgan did their best to act normal and Hotch said a quick welcome back.

There was only one person Reid hadn't seen. Rossi had remained holed up in his office the entire day. Spencer waited till most of the office left. He walked up to Rossi's door and knocked.

"Come in kid" said a gruff voice.

Reid walked in. Rossi was sitting at his desk, case files piled up on one side.

"May we talk David?"

Rossi raised his eyebrows. "David huh, must be serious "he joked.

Spencer stood staring at him, suddenly feeling very self-conscious and unsure of what to say. Rossi abruptly stood up, his hands apart.

"Look Spencer, I'm sorry if I am to blame, I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry." The words came out in a rush.

Reid's jaw practically dropped.

"No. Dave, I'm here to apologize to you. You didn't make me a drug addict. I want to thank you. For getting me into rehab, for not pretending I was ok when I wasn't, both you and Prentiss, all of you. I realize how lucky I was… "

He stopped when he saw Rossi's face. His eyes were moist.

"Thanks kid" he said. His voice starting to break.

"So, are we ok?"

He saw Rossi take a deep breath and fight for a little control.

"Yes yes, now for christs sake go home" He quickly turned away.

Reid left Rossi's office feeling lighter than he had in years.

XXXXXX

The world didn't change , but Spencer did. He couldn't deny he had feelings for Prentiss, there was a heat between them and he suspected she felt it too. He forced himself to stamp out these embers before they could develop into anything bigger. It was not what he wanted to do. His program said he needed a full year clean and sober before he even considered a new romantic relationship.

He and Rossi became closer friends, but within that year Prentiss would leave for London.

Still, he was proud when he received his coin for being clean for two years. He wished Strauss could have been there.

There were difficult times when Dilaudid still called to him, when his thoughts would stray and he would remember his dealer with her small hands and bright green eyes, sometimes the temptation was nearly unbearable.

One early fall evening, Spencer stood in the parking lot of Quantico. He stared up at the night sky. The moon was bigger and brighter than usual, it was a harvest moon. He stood there enjoying the sight and the brief respite from all the horrors he saw on an almost daily basis.

He closed his eyes, people came and went in his life and that he had no control over. The only thing he could control was how he lived each day.

"Hey kid, kid, you in there?"

He started; Morgan was calling him from the other side of the parking lot.

"We're gonna grab a bite to eat, you wanna come?"

Garcia waved at him. Spencer smiled

"Yeah sure." He hurried over, his friends were waiting for him.

XXXXXXX

Epilogue.

One would like to say there was a happy ending. Reid never did get to tell Emily how he felt about her. Garcia told him about a man named Mark; Prentiss had fallen in love with. He had missed his chance.

Then one warm summer day, a bad decomposed body was found buried in a shallow grave in the woods of West Virginia. It barely made the newspapers. Dental records eventually produced an identity. She was a long missing med student .Her former landlord had gotten rid of most of her things yet kept a small box of personal item she had found in a dresser drawer just in case her former tenant ever showed back.

The police would later go through these effects. There were many items of interest, pictures, condoms, pieces of paper with phone numbers written on them and the business card of a Dr. Spencer Reid, but that is a story for another day.

Fin

Please read and review.