A/N: Okay, this is a longer one (for me), and a weird one. It's based on another prompt from Boris Yeltsin, who requested a "Can You Dig It?" alternate ending story where Bailey needs an exorcism to free her from Princess Zaria. (It's weird because it's a vaguely uncomfortable mixture of a Suite Life episode and Roman Catholic dogma/ritual- a rather solemn topic...) Anyway, it took me forever to write it, so I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own and am not making any profit from the use of these characters.

It was midnight when Zack Martin was rudely awoken by pounding on his cabin door. The pounding stopped for a second, then continued twice as loud and fast as before. Groaning, he swung his legs out of bed and stumbled to the door, tripping over shoes, clothes, and other assorted debris in the darkened cabin. He opened the door, squinting in the bright light of the hallway. "London? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night!"

London wasn't looking too happy herself. She was dressed in a fuzzy bathrobe over silken leopard print pajamas and slippers, carrying a pillow and a sleep mask, and wearing an angry frown. "Bailey kicked me out."

Zack couldn't believe his ears. "Bailey kicked you out?" he repeated skeptically. The Kansas farmgirl had a perpetually sweet disposition and always tried her hardest to get along with London, which wasn't always easy. To say that London was a high-maintenance roommate would be a severe understatement.

"Well, she told me if I didn't get out and leave her alone she was going to tie my arms and legs together with my own intestines and throw me overboard!" London pouted. "I don't know what 'intestines' are, but she made them sound gross."

"Wow." Zack said. "You must really have ticked her off. You weren't showcasing her underwear on the Internet again, were you?"

"Not even!" London said. "She's just been in a really bad mood ever since we left that... dirt-digging place." Reaching out a hand, she pushed Zack aside and stepped into his room. "Anyway, I'm moving in."

"What?" Zack said incredulously. "But you can't-"

"Marcus is still in the infirmary with that spider bite. You have an extra bed." London pointed out. "Now get out of the way, I need my beauty sleep."

"But-"

London leveled a glare at him as he tried to protest. "My Daddy owns the boat. If you can't share this room, one of us is leaving and it ain't me."

Zack snapped his mouth shut and moved aside. "Fine. But if I get in trouble for this..." he grumbled.

"Great. And would you bring in my overnight bag?" London said, smiling sweetly and making for the extra bed.

Zack looked into the hallway and saw a huge suitcase sitting in the middle of the corridor. His eyes widened- she was seriously planning on moving into his room! Looking back, he saw that London was already curled up in Marcus's bed, sleep mask pulled over her eyes, snoring softly.

"Yeah... this isn't gonna end well."

"Dude, you have got to do something about your girlfriend." Zack hissed to his brother the next day before class. Less than 24 hours of having London as a roommate and she was already driving him nuts.

Cody turned around and glared at him. "First of all, Bailey is her own person and I don't control her. Second of all, why should I do anything to help you?"

Zack winced. "You're mad." Obviously Cody was still sore about the way Zack had taken credit for his archomological find. Well, Zack had still technically found the Crown of Zaria, even if Cody had been the one who knew where to look. Besides, the crown was sitting in a glass case in some boring museum by now, and who cared whose name was on the exhibit plaque? That had happened a full two days ago, wasn't it time to let bygones be bygones?

"Did you reach that conclusion by yourself or did someone else figure it out for you?" Cody said sarcastically.

"Geez, I said I was sorry." Zack reminded him. "Besides, who cares about some dumb old crown? That thing was ugly as sin."

"It was a priceless artifact of immense historical value!" Cody hissed back. "You're getting the credit for it and you don't even appreciate its importance!"

Zack knew he needed to calm his brother down if he wanted his help. He held out his hands in a placating manner. "You're right." he said calmly. "...But this isn't about me, it's about Bailey."

Cody frowned at him suspiciously. "What about her?"

"Really?" Zack deadpanned. "You seriously haven't noticed anything off about her in the past couple days?"

Cody shrugged. "So she's been acting a little moody lately."

"Sure, if by 'a little moody' you mean 'criminally insane'..." Zack pointed out.

"Hey!" Cody began defensively, then sighed. "The truth is, I'm worried about her too. Something is obviously bothering her, but she won't talk to me, believe me, I tried." he nodded at Bailey's empty seat. "She hasn't even been showing up for classes. It's not like her."

"So say something to her." Zack urged.

"Uh, no thanks." Cody said. "I think we both know that suggesting to a woman that her attitude is anything less than pleasant is just asking for it. You say something to her. She can't dump you."

"Not gonna happen." Zack said. "I like my intestines where they are. Besides, you're the sensitive, caring one. And her boyfriend. I'm sure she'll open up to you."

"Yeah, or maybe she'll open up my chest and twist my lungs into balloon animals." Cody said.

"Did she really threaten to do that to you?" Zack asked in disbelief.

Cody winced, rubbing his chest subconsciously. "Essentially. Look, I'm sure she just needs some time to cool down. From... whatever it is she's upset about. What's it to you anyway? You don't even care about the feelings of the girls you date."

"Hey, I resent that." Zack said. "Bailey is my friend, and she's upset about something, and- oh, what the heck. London decided that she needs a new roommate until Bailey snaps out of it, and I'm the lucky winner. She's already 'made over' my room, so I really need the old Bailey back."

Cody burst out laughing. "London moved in with you? Marcus is going to be sorry he missed this..."

They quieted down as Miss Tutweiller entered and began the lesson. When the bell rang to signal the end of the school day, the class began to file out. "Cody, can I speak with you for a minute?" Miss Tutweiller called over the heads of the exiting students.

Cody looked startled but approached her desk. As soon as everyone else had left, Miss Tutweiller rubbed the back of her neck, as if wondering where to begin. "Cody... I don't like to pry into my students' personal lives, but... has something happened between you and Bailey?"

Cody raised his eyebrows. "Uh, no, I don't think so." he said unsurely. "Why... did she say something about me?"

"Oh, no, no." Miss Tutweiller smiled, waving him off. "It's just..." her smile faltered. "That I was worried about her when she wasn't in class yesterday, so on my way to my cabin I decided to slip her homework packet under her cabin door."

"That was nice of you." Cody said slowly, not seeing where this was going. "She does hate it when being sick gets in the way of her schoolwork."

"Yes, that's what I thought." Miss Tutweiller said. "Anyway, I slid it under her door and walked away, and before I took three steps she slid this back." From her desk drawer she removed a plastic sandwich bag filled with the ashy remains of charred paper. "It was still smoldering..." she finished lamely, at a loss for words.

"Well that's not like Bailey." Cody said, stunned.

"No, it isn't." Miss Tutweiller agreed, her tone concerned, bordering on anxious. "I just thought maybe you might have an idea of what's wrong."

Cody shrugged helplessly. "I've tried to talk to her, Miss Tutweiller, but she's been acting weird ever since we visited the Temple of Zaria. I don't know what else to do."

Miss Tutweiller bit her lip. "I'm afraid school protocol dictates that I set up a session for Bailey with the school counselor."

"Mr. Blanket?" Cody protested. "He's probably the craziest person on the ship! How is he going to help her?"

"I know, I know. Believe me, I know." Miss Tutweiller fretted. "But it's school policy to assign mandatory counseling to any student displaying random acts of violence or aggression. Which includes setting one's homework aflame." she noted, waving the baggie of flaky ash.

"I understand." Cody said. "What if I try to talk to her one more time, and if I can't get through to her, then we can call in Mr. Blanket?"

Miss Tutweiller smiled at him. "I was hoping you would suggest that. When should we talk to her?"

Cody looked uncomfortable. "I was hoping to try to talk to her alone..." The look in Tutweiller's eyes told him she had no intention of letting him confront Bailey by himself.

"Now? Great." Miss Tutweiller said. She pulled a fire extinguisher from underneath her desk. "Let's go."

Cody rapped gently on Bailey's cabin door. "Bailey? Sweetie?" He tried to ignore Miss Tutweiller, who was standing a few steps back wielding a fire extinguisher. It was difficult to try sweet-talking his girlfriend in front of a teacher, but it was what he had to do. He pressed his body to the door and pretended he was talking directly to Bailey. "Bails, it's Cody. Can we just talk?" There was no answer from inside. "Bailey, I know you're upset about something. Please, just let me in. I can help you." This time a distinct snarling came from inside the room and Cody and Miss Tutweiller looked at each other nervously. "Sweetie, if you don't talk to me you're going to get written up and have to talk to Mr. Blanket. You can trust me. Please."

The door swung open suddenly and Cody, who had been leaning his weight against the door, toppled into the room. He was prevented from hitting the floor when a strong hand grabbed the front of his collar and hoisted him up. "Who is Mr. Blanket?" Bailey questioned in a deep, commanding voice that was not hers. She was wearing unusual clothes made of fur and leather, and her dark-toned makeup and wild hair gave her a feral, animalistic look.

"Buh, B- Bailey..." Cody stuttered, "You know Mr. Blanket. The school counselor. The one who handcuffed Zack and Moseby together." His face was turning red from lack of oxygen as she kept her grasp on his collar. "Please, baby, just talk to me. What's wrong?" His eyes were watering now as he looked to Miss Tutweiller for help. "Can't breathe... Call Mr. Blanket..."

"Stop it! You're hurting him!" Bailey suddenly cried, in her usual voice. She loosened her hold on Cody for a moment before her grip became choking once more. "Silence, fool!"

"Haha, okay kids." Miss Tutweiller laughed nervously. "That's enough of that." she said, turning the nozzle on Bailey and spraying the extinguisher.

"Now, Miss Pickett. Bailey. Can I call you Bailey?" Mr. Blanket began cordially, as if his patient was not snarling at him and being forcibly restrained by Cody and Miss Tutweiller.

"Release me, you lowlife peasantry!" Bailey was shouting in a low, rough voice. "Your heads will roll for this indignity!"

Cody looked at his girlfriend with wide eyes as she fought to tear her wrist from his hold. "Bailey, don't do this." he pleaded quietly.

Mr. Blanket cleared his throat and looked at Cody and Miss Tutweiller expectantly. "Cody? Emma?" his voice took on a leery tone which made Miss Tutweiller very uneasy, but he promptly continued in a normal voice. "These sessions are confidential."

"This might have to be a special case, Mr. Blanket." Miss Tutweiller ground out, trying to keep her grip on Bailey's other wrist. "She's the slightest bit... violent."

"Nonsense, I'm sure she'll be cooperative." Mr. Blanket said blithely. "We're all friends here, aren't we, Bailey?"

Growling, Bailey strained against Cody and Miss Tutweiller's holds. "You imbecile. Make them release me!"

"Release her!" Mr. Blanket smiled gleefully, throwing his hands into the air.

Cody and Miss Tutweiller looked at each other helplessly before simultaneously letting go of her hands. Bailey immediately leaped forward, her hands reaching for Mr. Blanket's throat. Before she could touch him, Mr. Blanket slapped her face, hard. Bailey spun around, looking stunned and docile, and Cody caught her as she teetered off balance.

"Mr. Blanket!" Miss Tutweiller cried, horrified. "Hitting a student is unacceptable!"

Cody's mouth had dropped open in rage as he gently examined the red mark on Bailey's cheek. He glared at Mr. Blanket. "How dare you?"

"That's the Blanket Method." Mr. Blanket shrugged.

"It's Zaria!" Bailey gasped in a normal voice, beginning to shake in Cody's arms. "Help me! She's inside-" Suddenly she stiffened and straightened up, turning an icy glare on Cody. "How dare YOU touch your princess! You will show some respect to the throne, lowly knave, and BOW to me!" She struck out and slapped Cody's face, the force of the blow driving him to his knees.

"Okay, ow." Cody mumbled, testing his jaw with his hand. Not daring to stand back up, he rocked back on his heels, confused. Why was Bailey acting crazy one minute and fine the next? Why was her voice changing like that? What did she mean about Zaria? The pieces came together for him in an instant. He took a deep breath. "I have a theory."

Mr. Blanket looked affronted. "I have tons of theories." he said petulantly.

"Did you hear what she just called herself?" Cody said. "She thinks she's a princess. Princess Zaria!"

"Split-personality. That was one of my theories." Mr. Blanket said.

"Oh, thank goodness you have a scientific explanation." Miss Tutweiller said. "For a minute there I was afraid Cody meant she was possessed!"

Cody pursed his lips thoughtfully. It went against all of his instincts to propose a supernatural explanation for Bailey's condition, but he had to admit that the lore of Zaria's culture was filled with tales of spirits, witchcraft, and otherworldly phenomena. "Actually, that's what I did mean." Cody admitted. "The legend stated that Zaria would rise again to reclaim her crown... Maybe once the crown was rediscovered, Zaria's ghost was reawakened, and she chose Bailey to be her vessel!"

"Hmm, yesss." Mr. Blanket murmured, stroking his chin. "Possession. That was my next theory."

Miss Tutweiller looked back and forth between Cody and Mr. Blanket incredulously. "Seriously? Ghostly possession? Do you realize how crazy you sound?" Looking at Mr. Blanket, she realized who she was talking to and rolled her eyes.

"Cody's right! It's her!" Bailey exclaimed suddenly. "Get her out-" She was cut off again by the deep voice of Zaria. "Be silent, slave!" Bailey's arm reached around and yanked roughly on her own hair. "Ow! Stop it!" "Continue your foolish outbursts and I will strip the flesh from your bones!" Zaria raged. "You can't! You need me!" Bailey cried triumphantly. "You are expendable." Zaria proclaimed threateningly. "I can always choose a new vessel!"

Cody, Mr. Blanket, and Miss Tutweiller, who were watching the exchange in horror and bewilderment, each jumped back a few feet at the threat.

Cody took a hesitant step forward and looked Bailey/Zaria in the eyes. "Bailey, if you're in there, and you can hear me, I'll find a way to free you." he vowed solemnly. "I promise. Just hold on."

Bailey smiled a cruel smile and took a step forward, coming nose to nose with Cody. "That's where you're wrong, boy. She's mine now."

A/N: It's about to get weirder. Please review and tell me what you thought!