I feel like a terrible person. It's been more than two years. Two fucking years, holy shit I am the worst author in the history of the world. I should just go throw myself into a hole that goes down to the center of the Earth and have the heat exterminate any little molecule of me that remains. That's how badly I have screwed you guys over. I apologize.

Anyways, it's the long awaited babysitter Tyki chapter!

Um, copious amounts of Tyki abuse, blasphemy of the highest order, and Road. Its Road, of course she comes with her own warning.

"Tyki, I need you to babysit Allen today for a few hours!" The Earl's voice sounded through out the house. Tyki Kamelot, who was in fact trying to have a nap on the couch in the living room of the mansion, ignored him.

"Tyki!" The Earl sounded closer, Tyki noticed, as he lay still on the couch, much too comfortable to move at all. Then the stupid pink umbrella with the pumpkin on top came crashing onto his face.

"OW! What the hell, Earl? That hurt!" Tyki whimpered as he held his face tightly in his hands.

"You weren't responding, Tyki~pon, so I had to make sure you heard me." The Millennium Earl, creator of Akuma, enemy to the Black Order, reluctant helper to the freaking God of the world, etc. grinned widely as he swung Lero the Umbrella around. Yes, Tyki did name the idiotic umbrella. Now he just had to make everyone else call the stupid thing Lero and not Umbrella or Pumpkin-head. It got rather confusing one Halloween celebration when the Noah family went to America for a vacation from Europe.

"But why do I have to babysit Allen?" Tyki grumbled as he finally sat up, and pushed his hair away from his face. "And where are you going?"

"I need to meet with Cross and his new acquaintance. He is another magician and wanted to share some theories with me. As for your first question, there is no one else to babysit. And besides, Allen loves it when you babysit."

"What about Lulubell?"

"Mission."

"Skin?"

"I don't want Allen getting cavities before he turns four."

"Sheryl?"

"You should know he's busy."

"Right. Wisely?"

"Never. He is not the babysitting type."

"Harsh. Jasdevi?"

"If those two are ever left alone with Allen again, I will skin them alive. And if you left Allen with them, you will be joining the list of skinned people."

"Oh come on. That was only one time where they were playing a game of Dodge the Bullets. It was rather fun."

"..Tyki…" The Earl said threatening.

"But of course playing in the library was pretty stupid and Allen was only two at the time and really couldn't dodge well, so it will never happen again."

"Good boy. Now, you are not allowed to swear in front of Allen or perform any rude gestures, got it? And not too much junk food, and make sure he gets to bed by nine."

"I know, I know. This isn't the first time I've babysat the boy." Tyki muttered. He just wanted to get back to his nap.

"Oh, and Road will be coming over after her after school activities are done."

"FUCK!"

"TYKI!" and the Umbrella, no Lero came crashing back down on Tyki. Hard.

"OW! What was that for?"

"Watch your language. Allen should grow up to be a gentleman. Not a boy who curses like a sailor." The Earl waved Lero the Umbrella around and Tyki could swear there was a murderous glint in his eyes, just begging Tyki to tempt the Earl in hitting him again. He sighed, once again giving up his precious time and sanity to watch over his second family members. (His friends at the mines were still his first family.)

"So where is the little brat?" Tyki ran a hand through his dark hair in exasperation.

"…Tyki…" The Earl drawled out his name threateningly. Instinctively, Tyki's arms went to protect his poor abused head.

"I'm sorry! Please don't hit me again, Mr. Way-To-Over-Protective-Father! I meant, where is the little innocent angel?"

"You know, considering I am viewed as the devil, that could be really offensive."

"Are you really going claim that those stupid biblical stories are true?"

"Shut up and go watch Allen. He's in the dining room." With that, the Earl turned on his heel dramatically (although not as dramatic as Sheryl, that man was a born drama queen.) With a groan, Tyki stood up from the couch and headed to the dinning room.

"So am I allowed to give the kid pizza this time, or is there going to end up being another food war of rejected vegetables?" He called, knowing the Earl would be spending time trying to figure out which pair of boots to put on. Honestly, Tyki's employer, and technically father through genes and all or something, would have picked up on the fact that the two pairs of boots that he owned were exactly the same after seven thousand years.

"Allen needs to eat healthy food to grow nicely! Not pizza!" There was a slam as the door was closed, the Earl probably using the Lero the Umbrella to pull the door shut. Or maybe he just wanted to play a game of see if the door will last another year. With Jasdevi around, there was a high chance of the door seeing the inside of a furniture morgue within four months.

Tyki sighed, his hand rubbing his forehead as he passed the table, heading to the living room to find his new charge. He doubted that the brat was still there though.

"Oi, kid! Where did ya get to?" Tyki peered towards the corner that had been dubbed Allen's Drawing Corner by the kid; he even had a sign taped on the wall. Just as he thought, the kid had scrambled somewhere else, leaving a mess of ripped out pages from coloring pages, crayons all over the floor and a nice giant smiley face taking up the entire bottom half of the wall.

"Oh fucking hell." Tyki felt like smashing his own head in before the Earl or worse, Lulubell came back. At least he could count on himself on making his death quick. He lost the kid barely a minute after his far-too-overprotective-demon-of-a-father left and already had a vandalized wall on his hands.

"I hate everyone." Tyki pinched his nose, trying to dispel a headache. Giggling from the other room reached his ears, and it was with great caution that he opened the door and peeked his head in.

"Road! You were supposed to be in school for another two hours and sixteen minutes!"

"Uncle Tyki!" Two voices shrieked and the next thing Tyki saw was the ceiling being obscured by brown and black hair. Tyki raised his hand in a half salute.

"Yo." Two heavy bodies (not really) sat on his chest, both shouting their excitement.

"Today is going to be the best, Allen! You'll see!" Road's voice was far too close to his ears for comfort and Tyki groaned loudly and started pushing himself off the floor to get the two midgets he had the unfortunate luck of watching over.

"Road…. you were supposed to give me an easier time for another two hours." Road, in the form of a seven-year-old little angel of a girl (even Sheryl had to snort at that image), grinned widely, twirling around in her school uniform.

"I heard that you were babysitting Allen for the day, so I just had to come to play!"

"What did you tell your teachers this time and is your dear daddy going to be yelling at me about it?"

"I got a sudden case of malaria and had to leave immediately before everyone would get infected at the school and turn into rampaging cannibals starting a world wide infection of mayhem and death and misery."

"But there isn't any malaria where we are, that would be in Africa."

Road shrugged. "Teachers are stupid."

"Why are you even going to school again?"

"To flaunt my superiority over the ignorant apes called humans?"

"No, I got it. Its so I can relax for a few hours without having to worry about you doing something." Tyki felt a tugging on his pants, and looked down to see Allen demanding attention.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Tyki, I wanna play! Come play house with Road and me?" Allen's eyes went wide, into the most pitiable puppy dog expression that Tyki had ever seen. It would melt even the stoniest, cold, and uncaring samurai's heart if they had the opportunity to gaze upon the three year old. How could Tyki ever resist such a face?

"Nope, you two can entertain yourselves with that game. I'm going to go read." With practice, that's how. Road and Allen shared a look and both grinned in a way that had Tyki feeling more than just uneasy.

"Hey, what are…? Oi! Get off already! Come on, do you really-!"

It was barely a minute later that Tyki found himself half in a pink frilly dress, sitting on a little plastic chair with a table with a tea set all nicely laid out in front of him. Allen and Road were smiling innocently from their own seats, Road having changed from her school uniform to one of her gothic dresses and Allen dressed smartly in a jacket and formal pants with a ribbon tied around his neck. Both were handing out tea to the mutilated stuffed animals sitting around the table.

"More tea for you, Sir Blo DeEars?" Road said sweetly, tipping the tea pot onto the poor stuffed rabbit's head, the stuffing from the gaping holes were its ears once were getting soggy from the boiling tea. Allen was carefully scooping sugar into the missing eyeholes of King Albertnosee. Tyki sighed and awkwardly stuck his hand out from the dress, picking up the teacup placed in front of him and pouring himself some tea from an extra pot sitting on the table. Managing to free his other hand, the Noah of Pleasure fished around in his pocket for a book that he had stashed to read later on, before he knew that he was to be watching the midgets from hell. He tuned out the cackles that normal children wouldn't be making over a tea party and focused on Elizabeth and the failed attempts of wooing by Mr. Darcy.

It wasn't until he snapped the book closed nearly a quarter hour later that he realized something was wrong.

The table in front of him was completely cleaned up, the stuffed animals still sitting around looking as miserable as he felt, and empty of two hellions. He struggled to get out of the dress, as he stood, nearly falling over as he unsuccessfully pulled the dress over his head. There was skin tearing painfully at his neckline and shoulders and Tyki looked down to see the fabric of the dress clinging stubbornly to his skin by a white paste.

They had glued the dress to his skin. Those shitheads. Heaving a sigh of frustration, Tyki slipped his hands properly through the sleeves and pulled down, expertly patting the dress down to get rid of any wrinkles. If he was going to get stuck wearing a dress, he was going to look damm good while doing it. He could tear it off later with help from his beautiful butterflies.

He walked gracefully to the kitchen where he could hear sounds of pots clattering and children yelling.

"Road, I think we put this in here!"

"Nuh uh, Allen! We need to put more of the lollipops in first!"

"Children!" Tyki called in a high-pitched voice as he opened the door, his dress swishing fabulously along his knees. "Just what do you think you are doing?"

"Making dinner!" Allen was beaming, his face, no scratch that, his entire body, covered with white powder, bits of some green vegetable, chocolate, eggs, tomatoes, pieces of bread, and mustard. Road and the state of the kitchen didn't look much cleaner.

"You're really rocking that dress, Uncle Tyk." Road commented, sitting on the counter, talking around a lollipop in her mouth.

"Yes, I really am. Rather fetching choice you picked out, Road. Allen's idea for the glue?"

Road nodded. "Course it was. We have a little artist in our hands!" She bent over to pinch at Allen's cheeks, who swatted her away with a wooden spoon.

"Away, you witch! You ate all the candy!"

"As adorable as this is," Tyki drawled, fingers twitching to grab a cigarette, Earl's rules be dammed. "Is there any food that you two haven't contaminated?"

"I wanted to mix everything together and make the biggest lasagna." Allen said solemnly. "Its in the oven." Road cackled. "It's a beautiful creation too!"

Tyki just stared in the corner where the oven was spewing something from the cracks in the door. He didn't even want to know what it looked like; it would be sure to cause anyone, even that Leverrier bastard, nightmares.

"Fine, we'll go get pizza." Tyki sighed. "Go get your coats or something."

"But we're all messy and you're still in a dress!" Allen laughed. Tyki just sighed theatrically.

"Well, considering that I would rather not have to walk with half of my upper body ripped out, as pleasant as it sounds, I'm just going to have to make people jealous by my ability to wear dresses in public and look gorgeous while I'm at it. Plus I don't feel like waiting for the two of you to clean yourselves so you can go as your true monstrous selves."

"You're so silly, Tyki. This is nothing like my actual monstrous self."

"Don't I know it, doll face." Road giggled and jumped off of the counter grabbing Allen's hand and taking him to get his shoes and coat. Tyki used this time to write a quick note for the Earl, a handy set of pens and paper in the room next door. He grabbed some tape to make it stick to the front door.

The three of them left, two midgets skipping along happily, leaving a trail of something dripping behind them and a tall Portuguese man in a top hat and pink dress to match his dress shoes.

The Earl came back after his dinner, feeling rather impressed with the extent of this Mana's knowledge. But he was sick of being around Cross in close quarters for longer than seven minutes without attempting to set the man on fire. Humming a tune that he had stuck in his head, the Millennium Earl swung his umbrella around, passing the time away as he walked up to the front door of his house. There was a strange trail leading away from his front door, but the Earl paid it no mind (Road was over, what else could he expect?) until he saw a piece of paper taped to the wood of the door. The Earl deftly pulled it off the door, quickly scanning the contents.

Dear Earl,

I've taken the chibis for pizza and ice cream and call dibs on not cleaning the kitchen. I also need to borrow some cash to buy a new jacket. This one doesn't match my new dress.

- Tyki

The Earl found himself running into the kitchen. They better not have touched his cabinets with the alcohol in it. He had a feeling he would need a copious amount once the trio got back from eating food that they shouldn't have been eating in the first place.

He pushed open the kitchen door and his jaw dropped.

"TYKI!"

Wow, that was an utter piece of shit. Can you tell where I picked up after two years? It seems like my writing has degraded a bit. Damm. And I guess I just love Tyki since I wrote everything from his perspective… whatever! I finally managed to finish this up, even though it kind of sucks.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Wait, wait, wait! Can anyone do me a huge favor? After writing this, and rereading, yes I do that, I now have a great urge to see Tyki in a dress. I'm going to attempt to draw it, but my artistic skills, to put it bluntly, suck ass. Whatever. I shall figure out a way to see my precious Tyki in a dress! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!