Waiting

It is dark. And so cold. I used to wonder how I could feel cold when I no longer had a physical body. I stopped wondering after a while. The cold is easier to ignore when you do not think of it.

How long has it been? Ten years? A hundred? A thousand? I cannot tell. It is certainly a long enough time to unhinge the mind, to cloud one's memories. Sometimes I think I hear others, other spirits that have been sealed here—though whether they are truly there or simply illusions, created by my mind to fill the empty void, I do not know. Roars, clashes of swords, wordless chanting, timid squeaks. The more I listen, the more I feel the shadows eating away any sanity that remains out there, taking away the names and the memories of being human, leaving behind only beasts and soulless creatures with no selves of their own, nothing to direct them, no purpose to exist. Now, they just are there, with no understanding of why or how or who. They are afraid.

I am afraid, too.

The only way to survive that I can think of is to cling to my memories and never let go, never let them fade. Never forget.

I cannot bear to forget. I am no longer a living human, but as long as I can remember, I can still be at least partially myself…

The blazing heat of the sun. The warm desert wind brushing against my cheek. The feel of soft linen clothes on my skin. The scent of fresh parchment and incense. Hours spent learning incantations and rituals. A sigh of relief escapes my lips, barely audible in the abyss; I have not forgotten.

Is my home still standing? Or has it crumbled as the time has passed, existing only as a vague image in my heart? Is the smell of the earth still the same as it was back then, when I was alive? Do people still worship the same gods as I do? Do they smile the same way when they love?

I wish I had smiled more.

I am not sure if they ever really understood how much they meant to me. Did you know, my Pharaoh? Did you know, Mana? That the two of you were my greatest treasures? If not, I cannot blame you. I never told you—I always put my duties first. Especially with you, my Pharaoh. There was always the line I could not cross… Or rather, I told myself I could not. You were the heir of Horus, a god walking among us. How could I be presumptuous enough to hold myself as your equal? And yet, I know you wanted me to be more than your servant. And in my heart, that was what I wanted as well.

I wish I had been the friend you needed.

For all I scolded her for her behavior, I think I was jealous of Mana. No power in the world ever stopped her from leaping on your back and dragging you to play when she thought you looked too solemn. She could lighten you heart in a way I never could, even at the darkest times.

I wish I had told her how proud I was of her.

Now… I may never get another chance. I do not know whether I will ever see you again. Even if I do, I am still only a spirit. Will I be able to speak when I see you? Will you even remember me after all this time?

But then again… It does not really matter even if you do not, does it? As long as I can see you again… As long as I can keep my Pharaoh safe… That is enough.

I can survive the shadows. As long as I have my memories of you… I will never fade.

I will wait for you, my Pharaoh.

My soul is your eternal servant.

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Author's note

This is the first fanfic I've ever published. Comments, reviews and constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

I'm also not a native English-speaker, so please let me know if I made any mistakes. I'd like to learn to write the language fluently.