I'd Rather Hear Silence (Than the Bell of New Love)

Mukuro lay content when he found out. He rolled onto his back, stretched, stared out of the tinted car windows, and smiled. Warmth set in him, unfamiliar, giving him inexplicable heartburn, pulling something taut in his chest. It wasn't the worst feeling in the world anyway, that was certain.

And Gokudera - he unbuckled his seatbelt, threw the door open and heaved his stomach all over his shoes when he found out. "Fuck," he hissed, exasperated, scowling and undoing his tie anxiously, "Fuck."

A slender hand pressed soothingly on his back and he almost instantly started throwing up again.

X

Bianchi had taken him to help her pick the dress for her first date. He'd trailed after her the whole day, clutching more bags and boxes than his tiny hands would allow, making idle comments about the worrying expression on his sister's face. She would blink at him, absent-mindedly, and return to her dreamy state, handing him another shoebox, another dress to try on and another innocent, "Little brother, you're just too young to understand."

Gokudera still was.

X

The Tenth would take his wife out dancing. He took her to see American movies, even though only she knew the language; bought her gifts; met her parents. The Tenth sat with her sometimes in the base kitchen, long after the rest of the family had gone to bed, with his chin on her shoulder and a book spread on the tabletop. Ryohei would cancel runs and gym trips for Hana, and she'd began buying parenting books for his sake, after many years of pestering. Bianchi would do anything at all for Reborn; she moved to another continent, another family just to sleep in the room next to his. Gokudera had even seen Hibari handing Squalo tea and quietly joining him on the sitting room couch - and sometimes, he'd swear Squalo smiles.

Generally speaking, the most romantic moment of Gokudera's life up to this point was coming home to find Mukuro passed out on the couch after escaping from jail - the third time - with a pair of Gokudera's obscenely too small pyjamas on and a post-it on the coffee table next to him saying, Sorry for being late.

"You can't compare us - yes, us - " Gokudera scowled and clutched his stomach, both actions which Mukuro pointedly ignored, "To them. We didn't meet in high school, or working together."

Gokudera stared at him. "You got you friend to poison me, then stole my body and tried to make me cut my boss to start a war," he stated, monotonously, and Mukuro shrugged, the vaguest smirk on his face softened by tiredness. He yawned wide and leant over the table to kiss Gokudera's temple.

"Forgive and forget," he mumbled, and Gokudera flared with anger as he watched him nonchalantly sip his milk - mostly because he already had.

X

There were many misfortunes in Gokudera's life. Countless. Infinite. Mukuro had probably been the biggest, at least to start with. He wasn't exactly certain how to deal with an impromptu companion, or association with a former nemesis at all. The bastard had charm, and Gokudera - though it was a secret to decompose with him in the grave - quite liked older men, which explained why he hated them so much. He'd had a day long attraction to Dino on a trip to Italy and the strangest thing for his old, greyed butler from childhood, and Mukuro invaded his life like a disease - harrowing, time-consuming and often promising fatalities.

In the smallest possible sense, he was just a little like Gokudera. Minus the charm, of course.

X

It was Scrabble the first night Gokudera acknowledged his existence. A long night, embarrassingly long, but Mukuro was four times as literate as the rest of Gokudera's friends combined, which could never really count as a bad thing.

Filling the board had been an uneventful process, until Mukuro spelt out the words 'BEL RAGAZZO', and Gokudera hadn't even cursed him or took a fit, just blushed profusely and attempted to make no eye contact; Mukuro could make himself look inviting when he wanted with bedroom eyes and Gokudera couldn't take any chances.

Not that it stopped him later.

X

Out of precaution, they've only been on one mission together to this day. This is for three reasons: 1. Risks appeal to Mukuro in the worst sense imaginable. 2. Gokudera appeals to Mukuro in the worst sense imaginable, ever. 3. Both are relatively distracted when frisky.

In that one mission, they didn't even make it out of the base.

X

Before realization struck that fateful night stranded in a broken down car together, Gokudera had been admittedly happy with what they were doing. It normally came as rhythmic as the tide; one week he was calm and the next he was cursing Mukuro with every breath he took. This day threw the balance off. This day wrecked Mukuro's theory and threw it out a five-story window.

Gokudera woke up in the morning, sleepy eyes blinking out of order, and Mukuro could have sworn he'd smiled straight at him, right before he said, "Are you still here?" Mukuro could have sworn when he slipped into the shower with him, Gokudera didn't call his mother a bitch or even try to push him back out. Long white fingers started lathering his hair and Mukuro stared, blankly, in disbelief.

"This needs cut," Gokudera muttered with a frown and Mukuro hesitated briefly before he pressed Gokudera against the tiles and kissed him, soft. Gokudera turned his face away, a little, warning him belatedly, "Watch your eyes."

"Ow," Mukuro breathed, then he had to pull away.

X

Gokudera sat sifting fingers through his hair after, absentminded and terrifyingly affectionate. Mukuro should have said something, asked something, but Gokudera was relatively distracting like that.

They'd been driving back into Namimori, to the Tenth's house. The car stopped in the middle of a country road and Gokudera called Yamamoto for help, who hadn't even left yet. Gokudera didn't appreciate the situation much at all; it left him alone with all his problems, all his inconceivable emotions.

X

When he turned, Mukuro was holding their hands together and fumbling with his rings, a faint smile playing on his face, and - Gokudera understood, Gokudera knew.

Gokudera had so many problems it didn't make sense for him to still be breathing. Love - the bastard - had taken up the top spot, leaving him dizzy and nauseas and dear god he hoped he got the door open in time.

X

When Yamamoto showed up, Mukuro was sitting at Gokudera's side, head lolling on his shoulder and hand rubbing his shoulder and stomach, and Gokudera is saying, "Fuck," over and over again.

Disclaimer: Not mines. Title from the She & Him song Change is Hard.

AN: This fic was brought on by I Love You Philip Morris, written after three exams and reading a ton of old KHR fic, and I think it's just passable. I'd appreciate something about Mukuro's characterisation because it felt seriously off to me.