~A/N – Here's a one shot I just had to get out of my head before I lost it. Kinda sad actually. Based off a soundtrack from the Titantic.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters
Another note: Listen to the song for the best effects!!!
Come Josephine, In My Flying Machine
Come Josephine, in my flying machine…
I kneeled there before my mother's grave, wishing, not for the first time, that I was in the grave next to hers. Is it wrong to want something so terrible? Is it wrong to want to be in heaven where your mother lies? Because that's where I want to be. But she had other plans. When she asked Carlisle to bite me, she wanted me to be happy. But what about her? Is she happy where she is? Does she even remember the name of her own son? No, I'm sure she does. I will not think of my mother so poorly. Not like this. not in the pouring rain.
Going up she goes…
I looked at the carvings in the tomb, silently sobbing. Here lies Elizabeth Maria Masen. Born 1885-1918. R.I.P. blessed angel. may you hold your head high and sing through the heavens.
Up she goes…
I read the tomb over and over again, crying harder each time. I have held in my sadness for far too long. all the buildup is making each loud sob filled with pain and agony. Pain that I'll never see my beautiful mother again. Agony at how much she's given for me to be happy.
Balance yourself, like a bird on a beam
She's suffered through the abuse of my father, just so I can stay in school. She trudged her way to my school plays, even when she was sick. Even when her life was exploding, she smiled down at me and sang to me as if I were worth it. Am I worth it? Am I really that worthy? I was so selfish. I should of given her the world. I shouldn't have surrounded myself with lies so that my world could be okay. I should have stopped putting my pillow over my head whenever I heard her scream or yelp. I should have done so many things to at least give her a helping hand…. But I didn't.
In the air she goes…
"Edward?" someone said from behind me. I stopped sobbing and turned around to see Rosalie looking down at me with sad eyes. She was being kept dry by the large umbrella she sported.
"Hey…" my voice cracked. I could feel another round of sobs coming on, and I guess she could too. She dropped the umbrella, walked over and knelt down next to me. She took me into her arms and started humming to me.
"R-Rosalie," I protested weakly, "you're going to get all wet. You're clothes are going to be ruined─"
"Hush," she crooned in my ear. "Clothes are replaceable. My little brother isn't. The last thing I want to do is to leave you here all alone."
"What I want to be alone?" I growled into her shirt. "What if I want people to stop sacrificing their time for me? I'm not worth it, Rose! Please, just leave me alone…"
I felt her shake her head. "I don't know how Bella deals with you and your martyr ways." After a moment, she whispered, "You know Bella's worried about you, right? Nessie is, too…"
I winced and shook my head, trying as best as I could to not start bawling again. "I'm fine, Rose─"
"No, you're not. Stop lying to me. I heard you crying, Eddie. You're in pain. You miss your mom."
"I'm fine─" I began again.
"You're blaming yourself for her death." she interrupted. I winced and clenched my fists into the back of her shirt. "Edward… I know you. You're my little brother, and no matter how bitchy I act towards you… I love you, and I can't just let you sit here and blame yourself for everything that happened to Elizabeth─"
"She gave her life for me!" I growled. I jerked myself out of her arms and glared at her. "She gave her flipping life for some selfish asshole like me! It was my fault she got sick! It was my fault she was unhappy. It was all my fault! She could of easily asked Carlisle to bite her too, but she didn't! Why, Rose! Why!" By the end of my screaming rant, I was crying again. I bent over and pressed my face against the wet ground.
There she goes…
Rosalie hugged me again, murmuring things in my ear that seemed to blend in with the sound of the rain against the ground and the crackling thunder above. I kept shaking my head, wanting to just die. No one can ever replace my mother, not even Esme. I wanted my mom to sing to me again. I wanted her to dance with me again. I wanted to curl up with her, but this time, I want to be the one to cradle her and tell her that everything was going to be alright.
Up, up a little bit higher…
"Edward," a new voice whispered into my ear. Carlisle. "You're mother saved you instead of her because she wanted you to have the life you deserved. She wanted you to have the father you never had. She wanted you to be happy. Your happiness was her happiness…"
I looked up and into Carlisle's butterscotch eyes. "W-Why…?"
"Because she loves you," he whispered, "just as I do. Just as Rose does. Just as all of us do." He knelt down and cradled me with Rosalie rubbing my back and singing strange words. It took me a while to realize what she was singing.
"Rose," I whimpered through my sobs, "are you singing…. what I think you're singing?"
Oh, my, the moon is on fire…
"Yes," she giggled, "I remember you telling me how your mom sang this to you whenever you felt sad."
Come Josephine in my flying machine…
Going up, all on…
Good-bye…
"I love that song…" Carlisle smiled against my head. "Come Josephine, in my flying machine."
"Going up, she goes. Up she goes." I sang with him.
Oh say, let us fly girl…
Where? To the sky, girl…
Good-bye…
"I love you guys…" I whispered through my silent tears.
Good-bye…