A/N: Hi OHSHC lovers! I mean, halo Hika/Kao fanatics! Wew. This is my first attempt writing fanfic for this couple. My first fanfic ever under OHSHC category. I am hoping this would entertain you. But I guess, it's the opposite, you see—It's ANGST. If you're a crybaby well, I warn yah. But anyway, it may be angst but it's also a ROMANCE.

By the way, I was influenced to write a fanfic for Hikaru/KaoruCOUPLE since I read this wonderful-heartwarming-touchy-angst fanfic, titled, "Dirty Little Secret." It's Hikaru and Kaoru fanfic. The story was awesome. I was crying all the way as I read it. Check it out. Believe me.

This is an edited chapter. Some chapters are still not edited, I'll edit them when I have time, so please bear with me!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from this ANIME.

We're twins. Identical.

No one can change the fact that we're twins. I don't want it in any other way because it's the only claim I can brag about. It's the only connection I have with him. We have a reason to stay together. A reason to be happy.

I believe we should stay together no matter what happens in the future. We've been together for seventeen years. We saw each other's smiles and cries. And because we grew up together I believe we know each other very well.

I was confident I could read his mind. He made me believe he could read mine, too. We are twins, so of course we do. We are connected in every single thing.

We are different. We have our own world. In that world there was only him and me. It was a happy world where no one was to enter, supposedly. We relied to each other alone ever since we were kids. I believed it was going to be like that until the day we die. I was too confident. And I thought I was right.

But I was wrong.

Haruhi came. And I was all wrong. She entered my twin brother's world. Ever since she came the world that was exclusively for us was not exclusive anymore. Our world was slowly weakening. It wasn't for us now. Because an intruder came.

Ever since my world began I thought he was mine alone. But I was wrong. I thought I was his most important person because we're twins. I was mistaken. I was confident we didn't need anyone else other than each other. But it was all wrong. Too much, too wrong.

Twins, huh?

I smiled pathetically as I scribbled down on my notes.

"What are you writing, Kaoru?" Hikaru asked while he tried to peek on my notes but I closed it. He was my twin brother. His hair was lightly pink and he liked it tousled. His locks fell on his brows and his beautiful face was always shimmering under the heat of the sun. When I look at him, it's like I'm looking at myself.

I stared at him in my usual way. Our identical eyes met and I said, "Nothing valuable. I'm just trying to kill boredom."

I saw him knit his brows. But I wasn't alarmed. He started frowning at me ever since Haruhi came. It became his habit. I wonder if he has realized it.

"Boredom?" He repeated. "Since when did you feel bored when you're with me, Kaoru?" His voice suddenly became petulant.

'Since you started dating Haruhi. Every time you're with her you always bring me with you—forcibly. What do you think I am, your pet? I'm your brother!'

He stared awkwardly at me and it was killing me. I sighed. I decided to disregard his question. I opened my notes again. I scribbled down random things. But I was careful he would not see it. I scribbled and scribbled just to get away from those alien eyes. Those familiar yet alien eyes. He grew distant from me when Haruhi came to his life—our life.

"I don't know. I'm just bored right now." In the end, I answered Hikaru. He peeked into my notes and I covered it with my other hand. It added more curiosity in him. But that's what I really wanted—to get his full attention.

I was expecting that he would insist. But I was wrong.

"Fine. If you don't want to share it with me, who cares?" He raised his voice at me. I think it was the hundredth time just this day. I counted it, really. I'm such a freak.

I have a sickness. It's what you call a brother complex. I think I'm obsessed with Hikaru. I grew up in a thought that he's the only person I could rely on. He made me this way. But when he fell in love with Haruhi, he wasn't the same person anymore.

"Kaoru! Come over here—look!" Haruhi shouted at me, waving her hands from the shore. Whenever I looked at her what I always see was an intruder. Because of her Hikaru has forgotten how to read my thoughts. His was now filled with Haruhi, Haruhi and Haruhi.

They're dating for two months already. They're not really a couple—just dating. It was more like friendly dates, I guess. Hikaru was courting her a year after she joined our eccentric club in school. In a way I felt bad for my twin brother because Haruhi could not commit yet. But I think they're getting there. After all, I would not blame Haruhi if she falls in love with Hikaru.

Whatever.

Whether they're dating or not wasn't a big deal to me. Hikaru could date any girl he wanted. I would not stop him. If he wanted to marry then I would support him. I would be happy for him. But why does he have to become so distant? I wouldn't mind if he ended up with Haruhi, but I hated it whenever he chooses Haruhi first over me. I hated it when I felt like he was slowly abandoning me. I always think it was not fair.

He doesn't need to ignore me whenever she's around. He mustn't yell at me whenever he feels grumpy because Haruhi refuses to see him. He should not throw his tantrums at me just because Haruhi smiles at Tono. More importantly, he doesn't need to pretend he needs me all the time. Because I could not really feel it from him now. He's just frustrated because Haruhi hasn't returned his feelings yet.

Every time he would take Haruhi to places, Hikaru always wanted me to go with them. Always dragging me along. He wouldn't know what to do without me, he would say. He wanted my advises and help. As his younger brother, I would always end up abiding his wants. I hated myself because I could not refuse Hikaru.

When they're dating—going to cinemas, eating pancakes at home, dining at restaurants, you name it—I was always out of place. I could not catch up to their lovey-dovey mode.

I was with them but I felt like I wasn't with them. Hikaru would not even glance at me. He was head over heels on Haruhi. When they date, sometimes they forgot that I was with them. Sometimes I thought Hikaru was an idiot. He always looked like he didn't need me. So I always wonder why he wanted my presence.

Sometimes I wonder—does he purposely do that to make me jealous? To make me understand that he doesn't need me anymore? And he just doesn't have the courage to say it himself? So he's just showing it to me?

If that's the case then he's cruel. Because I needed Hikaru. I need my twin brother and I need him to consider my feelings—just like before.

Perhaps he doesn't need me anymore. He might think I'm annoying now. But I desperately needed him. Because he's my only brother. My beloved twin brother.

If he could live without me, I couldn't. Even if he would hate me, I wouldn't hate him. I promised him that I would stay at his side no matter what. So I would never leave his side unless if…he would push me away.

I don't want to hate Haruhi. She's actually nice and smart. Haruhi was the only person who could tell which was Hikaru and which was Kaoru. Ah. Sometimes Tono, too. But we always tricked him and he ended up confused. He would scream inside the music room and he'd pull out his hair in frustration. He would run to Kyoya and cry, "Mommy! What kind of father I am! I couldn't tell who's Kaoru and Hikaru anymore! Haruhi~ Daddy needs your comfort!"

He was a funny, easy guy.

Tono was an important person in our family. They owned the prestigious university that Hikaru and I were attending. We've known Tono ever since we were ten. We became acquainted with him because of his family. Hikaru and I considered him as someone we were acquainted to—he was not really a friend to us. Although it might appear that way.

He was older than us. His neat hair was blonde and his eyes were blue. He was handsome and elegant and he was really tall. But he was stupid most of the time. He had a crazy character hiding on his sleeves. Sometimes Hikaru and I liked him. Sometimes we don't.

Hikaru and I entered the club because we're both majoring in fashion design. We thought it was the best club for us because they do costume playing and photo shoots.

"Kaoru!" I jerked in surprise when I heard Haruhi's voice. I almost forgot that we're on the beach. Why were we on the beach, by the way? Ah…because Hikaru and Haruhi decided to have fun on the beach. And I was dragged along.

I lifted my face up to look where she was. She was actually sitting next to me. I hated her. She stole my brother from me. But when she smiled at me, I was defeated. I hated her. But I also couldn't hate her. Because she was such a nice person.

Sometimes I thought she casted a magic spell on me. I hated her but it would soon disappear when she would smile at me. She would call my name the way Hikaru called me years ago. No matter where I looked at it, she was nothing but friendly. If she wasn't the apple of Hikaru's eyes, we could have been best of friends. As a matter of fact, I liked Haruhi first.

"Where's Hikaru?" She asked.

"I think he went to buy some drinks." I said and she curled her tiny arms around her knees. She looked at me and asked, "You always bring a notebook with you. But even Hikaru is not allowed to look at it, right?"

I returned her stares with mine. "I use it to dispatch boredom." I tapped my pen on my blue notebook.

"You're bored?" She gasped. "I thought you like it here with us!"

I don't like it at all. They're dating and having fun in front of me! Sometimes I felt like I was just ruining their lovey-dovey dates! And I always hated Hikaru for tagging me along because he wouldn't even look at me when Haruhi's talking to him.

I was getting bored of it.

I have my limitations, too. If Hikaru planned to keep it like this, how would I find my future girlfriend then? He was so unfair.

"I love it, but you know," I started, she was waiting at my next words. When she stared at me innocently, I had a small thought. She was like Tono. She was innocently stupid at times. This thought made me smile. And when I think of Tono, screaming and pulling out his hair inside the music room, I couldn't help but laugh.

I composed myself and said to her, "Well, I'm just ruining your dates with Hikaru, you know. I don't have to be here. I'm afraid you might mistaken this for being so possessive over him." In a way, I was possessive over Hikaru. I don't like it if people steal his time from me. But if Hikaru's happy, I wouldn't argue.

I could hide my emotions, anyway.

This kind of setup wasn't my fault. It was Hikaru who insisted that I should go with him. Ever since Haruhi came there were times that I couldn't read Hikaru's mind. She disturbed both of us—a lot.

"Hikaru said you wanted to join with us." She said and I was agape. I widened my eyes at her. She added, "Don't tell me he forced you? Is he possessive over you?" She caught my hands and enclosed them with hers. She looked like a worried friend and I didn't know why. We're not friends. We just happen to know each other.

"It wasn't like that, Haruhi!" I pulled my hands from her grasp. Then I laughed to ease the sudden tension. I didn't want her to think that way of Hikaru.

"Haruhi." Hikaru intervened and we turned to him. He was standing in front of us. In his hands there were three cans of cold drinks. It was strange but I felt suddenly nervous. He handed a can to Haruhi but his glaring eyes didn't left mine. I felt like crying. Why would he glare at me like that? I didn't do anything wrong.

I lowered my head to focus myself on the beach sand. I felt like crying but I had to suppress it. He was torturing me recently. If he wouldn't yell at me, he would stare at me angrily. I don't even know why. Ever since he fell in love with Haruhi he became a different person.

"Vanilla! Thanks, Hikaru." Haruhi said and it was her who handed me my share. Hikaru sat beside her. And he was smiling at her.

I felt pang in my chest. He was smiling at her the way he did to me when we still had our own world. He changed. He wouldn't smile at me like that anymore unless we're in school.

Why was Hikaru acting this way?

He doesn't need me anymore, does he? But I needed him.

I need you Hikaru. You're the only treasure that I have. You're the only one who understands me. You're my twin brother. But ever since Haruhi came…you started to grew apart from me.

I saw them laughing. I lowered my head and let my curly bangs cover my eyes. I didn't want them to see the jealousy in my eyes. I moved a little to distance myself from Haruhi. Just a little farther. Just a small space that would separate me from them. Then I opened my notebook and started scribbling down. Yes, I just wanted to ease the pain. And I wanted to let go of this jealousy.

I was getting bored.

I wanted to believe I was bored.

Don't mind them. Just don't mind them. You're doing good, Kaoru.

I stood by the massive glass windows. I was staring at the setting sun. I didn't know how I managed to get here. Ahh. I remembered. They were laughing. They were talking. And I was there scribbling on my notes. The next thing I knew, they were gone at my side. I didn't notice them walking away.

Hikaru was such a fool. It wasn't like him to forget about me. It wasn't like him to leave me behind. He hadn't done that before. We were always together. But today was different. Hikaru didn't care about my existence, they left me in pain. Even Haruhi forgot that I was with them. Seriously.

I was thinking that perhaps…perhaps Hikaru's feelings were finally accepted. Maybe they're an official couple now. If that wasn't the case I didn't know what other reasons would they have to forget about me.

When I realized that they're gone, I left the beach and went home. I didn't even bother to call our driver to pick me up. I just walked and walked until I found myself at the gate of our house. My feet were hurting.

"Kaoru!" I flinched at the sudden bang on my door. It was Hikaru.

I walked to him and smiled. "Oniisan, you were so mean. You left me behind."

We had separate rooms now. And whenever he would enter my room, he would wear a happy, excited smile. He would have this enthusiastic face and he would hug me then. He would always tell me how happy his day was. How Haruhi smiled at him and how he loved her. He would thankfully tell me that he's happy I was his brother. Because I could understand his rumblings and so on.

Today was different. I couldn't see those emotions on his face now. He looked furious and I think I know why. See. I know him very well. I know his expressions and moods. However, I wonder and wonder—could Hikaru still read my own facial expressions?

"You told Haruhi, why?" he raised a brow and he grabbed my left arm. It hurts. Hikaru…it hurts.

"Tell what?" I pretended I didn't know. I pulled my arm back but he wouldn't let me.

"You told her that I was forcing you to come with us! You want to ruin my image to her, do you, Kaoru?" His grip was tightening on my arm. I wanted to tell him that it was hurting me. But I couldn't say it because I know I would regret it later. Hikaru was really bad at controlling his emotions. He was insensitive that it was almost stupid. He might now know that he was already hurting me. But he's Hikaru. He's my older brother so I wouldn't mind if I get hurt because of him.

I think he didn't mean to hurt me, anyway. He's just insensitive.

"I didn't tell her, Hikaru. She figured it out herself. That's all." I said, staring back at his fiery eyes. When I didn't avert my eyes from him, he did.

"I—is that so?" He gasped. His grip was loosening. "But you must take it back, Kaoru. Tell her that you really wanted to come with us. Tell her anything—just don't make her blame herself just because you're feeling bored!"

Ah. So that was it. He didn't want Haruhi to feel bad. How could I miss it? I thought I knew the reason. But I was again wrong. Everything now between Hikaru and I became difficult because of Haruhi. It shouldn't have been like this.

We were supposed to understand each other because we're twins. Why did it turn out this way? I might be the only one who felt bad about this.

But Hikaru was cruel. He could at least consider my own feelings, too. He was the older one, he should be more careful and keener than I. He could at least show it to me that I was important, too.

What happened to him? He was always caring and loving before. He was always protective of me. In a glimpse, it was all gone. Why? Just because he liked Haruhi would it necessarily mean that he must ignore me?

"Kaoru!" he snapped and I blinked. "Promise me that you'll tell Haruhi tomorrow!"

Honestly, I couldn't find a reason why I should. I didn't say anything wrong to her. But I didn't want Hikaru to get mad at me. I didn't want to see him frustrated. So I replied, "I will, Hikaru. Don't worry. Haruhi won't dump you just because of that simple matter."

"Ah, Kaoru! Thanks." He snapped and he hugged me tight. But it wasn't long enough. He pulled out from his embrace and patted my head, "Sorry that I grabbed your hand. I'm sorry that I left you earlier. And I swear I will not do it again."

His apology was enough. He was dating Haruhi for two months, and during those days he couldn't even pat my head the way he did now. Unless we do our lovey-dovey act inside the music room, Hikaru wouldn't even touch me. I missed his hand on my head. I really wanted him back. I wanted his caring stares again.

I stuck my tongue out at him, then I winked, "Hey, it's okay. We're twins remember?"

He looked down and his bangs covered his eyes and said, "Yeah. Anyway, that's all." He turned around and hurried his way out to the door.

I felt the familiar pain again in my chest. Why did it hurt me every time he walked away?

I think that…I was always afraid he might never return.

Hey, YOU, yes you. You know, I would be happy if you leave me comments! I'll send you lots of mymwaa-hugs! - FIREFLYMOONCAKE