I never cry, never. But for some reason I could feel tears cascading down my face, and could not seem to hold back sobs that were now wracking my body.

So this is what despair feels like.

The emotion is new to me, and I can feel it mix in with several other feelings right now including guilt, and even anger.

Guilt. If asked, I would define it as a monster clawing at the inside my stomach, trying to pry its way out. It's fueled by regret, by the knowledge of doing something wrong. And I know I did the worst thing imaginable, I killed a man. And now guilt is tearing me to pieces, and I can't seem to do anything to ease it. Even if the action is a justifiable one, I took away a life, one that can never be replaced.

Anger. I've had some experience with anger, usually trying to contain it so I don't lash out at others, but this is a different kind of anger. Instead of feeling this way towards someone else, I feel it towards myself. I'm angry that I lost control. I'm angry that I'm so weak that I couldn't find another way. I'm angry for putting my team through this, and for putting myself through this.

And despair. This is by-far the worst of the emotions raging inside me now. It's a combination of everything horrible, it's a sense of hopelessness. It clutches at my heart and chest, making it difficult to breath, and now I'm almost convulsing in an effort to inhale. It makes me feel... empty. Never before have I felt so horrible, not even when Trigon used me as his portal to bring destruction to Earth; my home. This is a feeling I hope none of my friends ever have to experience, but I suspect at least one of them have.

Robin.

I don't detect him until he puts a gloved hand on my shoulder and kneels down beside me. I refuse to look at him, afraid of his reaction, but to my surprise he doesn't yell at me, doesn't kick me off the team, instead he says:

"You did what you had to Raven, and none of us think any less of you, if anything- we respect you even more."

My sobs multiply in power, and my lungs are burning for air, but somehow I manage out,"I-I killed someone."

And then Robin's there, because Robin is always there, and he is wrapping his arms around me. I'm not usually one for hugs, but I can't seem to pull away from him, in fact, I burrow closer. My head nestles in the crook of his shoulder, and I can feel my tears soaking his uniform, but he doesn't seem to mind.

He holds me tightly, and whispers," I know Raven, I know. But there was no other choice, he was going to kill them."

My mind instantly remembers those three children, two girls and a boy. Fear reflecting in identical sets of brown eyes, the only thing they all seemed to have in common. Flames were licking at the bottom of their pants, and I could smell their low-grade tennis shoes melting. They were just kids, and this man was using them for his own sadistic purposes. He was someone we had never encountered before, with the ability to manipulate fire, and the only way to save those kids was to break his concentration. There was no time for a distraction, and my mind was rushing on pure adrenaline, so I lifted a piece of shrapnel from the ground and used a wave of black magic to send it to him. My only intention was to injure him, but he moved last second, and the shrapnel fatally wounded him.

All because of me.

"I could have thought of another way," I choke out," I could have done something."

"You can't live on 'could-haves', I know that from experience," he replies, and I remove my head from his shoulder to look up at his mask-covered face. I suddenly feel the burning in my lungs begin to subside and my hyperventilating calm; all because of him.

"Thank you Robin,"I say honestly, and repeat," thanks."

A smile appears on his face. It's not his usual smirk, but a genuine, caring smile.

"That's what friends are for."

I sit with him like that for a few moments, relishing in the contact of another human being. The only sound around us is our breathing, that is until he speaks ,"Why isn't anything blowing up?"

I notice that he says it quietly, almost as in contemplation, and I answer hesitantly," I think after using so much energy my powers are just overwhelmed. Or maybe it's because I kil- because of what I did, and my emotions…"

He looks bashful for a moment, an expression I don't normally see on him," Oh. Did I ask that out loud?"

I nod, a short bob of my head. I don't feel like speaking because my throat is raw from my hysterics. I dab my nose with my hand, and give an experimental sniff before silence returns, and I allow myself to settle comfortably into it. I'm aware that I'm still using Robin as a prop to lean against, I'm also aware of the warmth his body is radiating and extremely aware how comfortable he is. Even though I notice of all these things, and my mind is screaming to put distance between him and myself, I can't. For some reason I'm unable to physically move myself away from him. I suppose it's not so much as can't move myself away but that I don't want to.

"Does this mean you can express emotions right now?"

His voice startles me, and I look up at him quizzically.

"I guess so."

He moves, and all I can think about is he must have detected my desire to be near to him. Just because I couldn't control some silly emotions he's leaving! How stupid am I?

But then he stops.

Our eyes lock together, even though I can't see his, I know he is looking directly at me, staring into my eyes. Joy blossoms within me, he didn't leave! One of his hands reaches up and tucks a stray hair behind my ear, and his hand lowers, sliding across my jawbone; his thumb tracing every contour. Then he cups my face, more gently than I could have ever expected him to do, and leans forward. I can feel his breath tickle my lips, and my tongue sneaks out to moisten them instinctively.

And then-

Touch.

Lips brushing against mine with only the slightest bit of pressure. My eyelids flutter close, and I feel myself leaning closer to him. He puts a bit more of pressure on my lips, and I respond. I kiss him back with my little knowledge of how to do so.

This kiss is sweet, caring, reassuring.

And then we break apart.

"I wanted you to know how I feel," he said.

I blush, but quickly find the words to respond,"I just hope you know how I feel now too."