Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to JK Rowling, Warner Bros, Bloomsbury Publishing, et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work.

Beta Readers: Gryffindor_Slytherin, AuntLynnie, Lorcalon, BlueArtemis, Pagan

Chapter Notes:

This is my first fanfic. Light, smutty, and hopefully funny with a plot worked in there somewhere. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

"Yes!"

Satisfied, the reader slammed the Moste Potente Potions volume shut with a smile and levitated it back to its rightful place on the shelf. Shoved the copied parchments into their satchel, the student turned and purposely strode out of the library with none the wiser.

The plan was perfect. All that was needed now was an object from either Crabbe or Goyle, and Miss Swottiest Witch of Her Age would be the laughing stock of Hogwarts. Somebody needed to take her down a notch or two. And if everything went according to plan, it would be tomorrow!

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oooooooooooooo

Hermione glanced at the clock. Sigh!

Still another twenty-five minutes to go. Usually she hated double Potions with the Slytherins. Tensions between the two houses had eased somewhat since Voldemort had been defeated, but there were still grudges, residual prejudices, and the occasional fight. So far, this class was uneventful. No snide comments came from Snape and no confrontations between the students either. However, she found that lack of confrontation made for a boring lesson.

Hermione was getting agitated. The weather was so nice outside and she was itching to go for a run. It was a long day and she had been cooped up in the castle without any free periods. She found out several months ago that exercising a few times a week really cut down her stress level. Not only that, but she was actually able to concentrate better on her work, making her more efficient. The time taken out for exercise actually saved her time in the long run. Time which she filled in with extra reading, of course. She was fully aware that she had obsessive compulsive tendencies with regards to her studies.

Hermione and her partner, Neville, were almost done. The potion was a not straightforward one, but she had already read up on today's assignment previously and knew what to do in order to avoid the common pitfalls most made when making the blood restorative potion. She looked over at Harry and Ron, who did not seem to be faring so well.

Neville was calmly alternating between stirring the dark blue, viscous liquid clockwise and counter-clockwise every two and a half minutes, as prescribed, while the cauldron simmered on low. In the meantime, she marked down which one he had done last so that they would know which direction to do next, and flipped the sandglass. They had arrived at the easy part and would collect a sample to give to Snape after three more stirs with the oak wood spoon.

Hermione scanned the room, and saw that Lavender and Parvati seemed to be almost done as well. She observed them with disinterest. Parvati was certainly the brains of those two. Dean and Seamus looked like they were in trouble. Some of the other Gryffindors were still on the earlier stages of the potion and would probably not finish all of the required stirring. According to the textbook, the blood restorative potion would not work to its full capacity without every last stir.

On the Slytherin side of the classroom, Malfoy was leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on the table, giving Crabbe orders. She rolled her eyes.

Typical, she thought.

Crabbe spooned their dark blue liquid into a vial. They had already finished with a perfect potion, she hated to admit.

Hermione yawned. She needed to run and wake herself up. The minutes ticked by slowly. Neville finished the last stir and she spooned it into a vial.

"Good job, Neville. I think we'll get an Outstanding for today," she said.

He blushed, "Thanks, Hermione. It's all because of you."

She looked up at him. "If you didn't follow directions so well, it would all be for naught. I think we make a good team."

"Me too." He smiled down at her.

Hermione was comfortable working with Neville. It was a good pairing as far as the both of them were concerned. They split the work with her delegating which tasks to do, as she had a better understanding of how to make potions more efficiently, and with better results. He didn't mind being ordered around, and did as she asked. In the end, they both got good grades.

The end of the class was near.

"Time is up," Snape drawled. "Bring your samples to my desk and clean up your work stations."

Students scrambled around in a flurry, trying to quickly finish any remaining steps that they hadn't had time for while cleaning up at the same time. The ingredients spilled, students jostled one another, and after fifteen chaotic minutes, the class was empty as they filtered down the hallway to common rooms, the library, and outside as the school day came to a close.

"Crabbe!" sounded an annoyed voice. "My quill!"

Crabbe turned around. He had forgotten his quill today and borrowed one from Draco.

"Oh, um…" He opened his satchel and looked around inside, pawing through his books and parchments. He padded himself down with his hands. "Uh…" He opened his satchel again but to no avail.

Draco raised an eyebrow at him.

"Maybe, uh, I'll go back to the classroom…" Crabbe said, as he tried in vain to look into his bag again. "I had it just before everyone started to clean up!"

Draco sighed and turned to walk down the hall. "Never mind, I've got more."

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After changing into a tank top and shorts, Hermione began her lap around the grounds. She stayed away from the most obvious place to run, the Quidditch pitch, as she didn't want to be bothered by the teams practicing. Running there in the past resulted in snide remarks about her running and the revealing clothing that she normally wouldn't be caught dead wearing. Keeping to the perimeter of the grounds ensured that she wouldn't meet any students, although she did occasionally see Hagrid when she came around by his hut. He seemed to find her running amusing since she wasn't a Quidditch player. Apparently, exercising for health hadn't caught on in the wizarding world. Most likely because there were many potions available that ensured good health and shrunk fat, but they were costly.

Hermione's feet pounded on the grass; she smiled at the feel of the sun on her face and arms. Her bushy hair was tied back in a pony tail, tickling her shoulder blades. She had been running for about an hour now. When she first started jogging regularly, she could barely go for ten minutes. Now, after learning to control her breathing, she found that she could continue much longer, but didn't exceed an hour. Her knees would bother her if she did. Instead, she pushed herself to increase her pace. She could now do one and two-thirds of the perimeter in an hour. She was trying to work up to two laps.

It was a beautiful run. She passed by the Forbidden Forest, the Black Lake, and saw the highlands of Scotland in the distance. She especially liked running at this time of day, when the sun began to set.

Hermione looked down at her mechanical watch. An hour was up; unfortunately, she was still at one and two-thirds of the perimeter. She slowed down and walked the rest of the way back to her starting point near the Quidditch pitch where she kept her belongings in a bag. She breathed in deeply, measuring her breaths. Sweaty, bright red, and heart was pounding, she smiled, loving the feeling right after a run. It was just what she needed after a long day of classes. After doing a few pushups, situps and stretches, she slipped on a pair of loose fitting trousers over her shorts and a T-shirt over her sports bra, and headed back to the castle.

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A pair of eyes from the Prefect's bathroom watched as Hermione entered the castle doors.

Stuck up bitch.

As a precaution, the bathroom door was bolted shut, but nobody would be going in there any time soon. People were mostly at dinner. The Prefect's bathroom only started to get some use after seven o'clock in the evening. There was still time.

The heat had to be adjusted so that the white liquid would boil before adding Crabbe's quill. The potion had to be at just the right temperature and level of acidity so that the quill would completely dissolve. Overall, it was a simple potion and didn't take much time or skill to make. It would be done in about five minutes, with another ten minutes to cool down. Assuming that another five minutes was needed to clear all of the traces of having brewed the potion in the Prefect's bathroom, everything would be finished shortly.

The student was careful in adding the quill. Touching the potion was just as potent as ingesting it.

Next, it needed to be administered to Hermione. Fortunately, that part had already been figured out. It would just require a bit of sneakiness. The eyes turned to the mirror to see a wide smirk facing back.

ooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooo

Hermione ran up the stairs to the fourth floor two at a time, energized by her workout. She was taken by surprise as the stairs swiveled to the east hallway while she was halfway up.

Sheesh! These stairs could give someone a heart attack,she thought.

She grabbed the hand railing, waiting until the stairs had completed their moving, and walked up the rest of the way.

She preferred a nice bath after exercising, and upon making her way down the hallway, she knocked on the door to the Prefect's bathroom. Turning the handle, she frowned. It was locked. She called out, but nobody answered. Although it was against the rules, she knew that the Prefects brought their significant others here to snog. A locked door with no answer usually meant that was precisely what was happening.

She sniffed in indignation and turned to go. What was that? She could smell a strong lemony scent coming from the bathroom. She leaned closer to the door and sniffed again. Almost like lemon scented dish liquid. Did the tap have lemon-scented water? She didn't think so. She crinkled her nose.

Oh well, she thought. A quick shower would have to do. She went back downstairs and stopped at the Great Hall to pick up a sandwich before heading back up towards Gryffindor Tower. Ginny met her along the stairs, her bag looking unusually heavy, and they headed up together.

Hermione was about to question the contents of Ginny's bag when she made an exaggerated show of sniffing Hermione.

Ginny recoiled in disgust. "Boy, you sure reek after you run!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You should talk. Your Quidditch uniform could wipe out all the plant life within a five mile radius."

Ginny grinned. "We could have sent you to the Death Eater's hideout after one of your exercise sessions. They would have begged to have been sent to Azkaban just for a breath of fresh air."

Hermione snorted.

"Did you get up to two laps yet?"

"Not yet."

"I'll join you next time. I'm sick of running around the Quidditch pitch, unless Harry's in front of me. Nice arse he's got," Ginny said, as she licked her lips.

Hermione made an exaggerated retching noise. "Thanks, but I'd prefer that you spare me the details."

"And sometimes he takes his shirt off when he gets sweaty…. Now his smell I don't mind!"

"Did I ever tell you what Ron's nasty bits look like?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

Ginny made a face. "Okay, okay, point made!"

Hermione continued, as if in thought, "Do you think Fred and George look the same down there?"

"Gah! Stop!" Ginny pleaded.

"Now Percy… I bet he's got a nice, big…."

"Enough! Enough!" Ginny covered her face. "I won't talk about Harry that way in front of you anymore!" she whined.

Hermoine chuckled. "Hmm… actually, you running with me is a good idea. I'd have to work harder to keep up with you."

"Right then, I'll remember to bring a gas mask -ow!" Ginny cried out, as Hermione pinched her arm.

The girls entered the common room together and saw Harry and Ron wrestling on the couch. Ron made a sudden lunge at Lavender, who shrieked and bubbled with laughter.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly, he could do so much better than her."

Ginny gave her a look. "She's not so bad you know." She stared at the three in thought. "Are you sure you're not jealous? You were the one who didn't want him."

Hermione shook her head quickly. "Of course not, nothing like that."

Ginny turned to her. "Then what is it? She plays with her hair and you roll your eyes, she makes a joke and you get irritated, she laughs and you look like you've eaten one of Fred and George's puking pastels. I'm surprised you tolerate her breathing. It's not like you to be so openly intolerant of others."

Hermione faltered. "It's just… I guess I feel badly for not loving him in the same way that he loved me. I want him to have someone more deserving of him." They stared a bit more at the three.

Hermione contemplated Lavender. "I am being unreasonable, aren't I?"

Ginny nodded.

"But it's not as if she's nice to me," Hermione continued in a defensive voice.

Ginny gave an exasperated sigh. "And you are to her? Ease up a bit. Look at the big picture. They're both happy, and that should say something. Ron was really depressed for awhile," she said pointedly.

Hermione winced, that was a low blow. She still felt guilty about that.

Ginny turned to go up to the girls' dormitories and Hermione followed her, lost in thought. As they headed up Ginny gave Harry, Ron, and Lavender a quick wave.

"Oi! Hermione!" Harry called out. "We have to breathe in here!"

Ron and Lavender laughed.

She gave him a rude gesture which only made Ron and Lavender laugh harder, and turned back to Ginny, who could barely contain her mirth. Hermione shoved her into the wall.

"Oof!" she grunted.

Hermione gave a small smile and said, "I guess you're right. I'll try harder to be more accepting of her,"

"Good," Ginny said, rubbing her arm. "It would be nicer if our whole group could get along well."

"She really is a part of our group now, isn't she?" Hermione said with distaste.

"Yep."

"You're right," Hermione sighed, as she'd realized that she'd have to accept it.

Ginny gave her a solemn look and patted her on the shoulder. "I know."

Hermione whacked her hand away and smiled. "Oh, shut it."

She tried to take her hair tie out of her sweaty mess of curls, and winced as they pulled painfully on her scalp.

"Arrrrgh!" Hermione growled. "This is the worst part of my run. I hate this rats' nest. It's so painful having to drag a comb through it. Ugh!"

Ginny smiled devilishly at her like she had been waiting for just this opportunity. "Okay, I'm going to give you your birthday present a month early."

"Pardon?"

But Ginny ran back to the sixth year dorms, heavy bag in tow, and returned with a small box.

"Open it!"

Hermione looked down curiously at the box Ginny held before her, and stopped trying to rip the hair tie from her hair. Hermione excitedly ripped open the wrappings and brought out a vial filled with a whitish fluid. She turned the bottle around and read the label. It was a hair potion. Her face fell. She hated hair products. They took too much time to use. She wasn't any good with them and thought that taking the time to practice was beneath her.

"Now before you get all cranky, just hear me out. This is good stuff. It's expensive, but you don't need to use it that often. Take the entire bottle and apply it once every three months and poof! No more rats' nest. You'll have straight hair with slight waves. That's it. No work. See the directions?"

She pointed to the label on the bottle with the moving diagram. "After a normal shampoo, you put it on and let it sit for an hour."

Hermione opened her mouth to protest.

"Shhhh! You can even read when it's on. It's not a waste of time."

Hermione snapped her mouth shut, as Ginny continued, "Then you rinse it out."

Hermione looked the vial over, it looked relatively harmless. She glanced up at Ginny who was brimming with excitement and doing a dance that reminded Hermione of four-year-olds that had to pee.

"Okay, okay, we can do it now," she said reluctantly.

"Yes!" Ginny clapped her hands. "Go shower, then call me in so I can help."

Chapter End Notes:

Hi everyone.

This is my first fic, I hope you enjoy it. A big thanks to my betas for proofreading it. The story is finished and more chapters will be posted as they are corrected.

Any comments/suggestions/critiques are welcome.

More action to come as the revenge plot unfolds!

Don't turn that dial!