Yes yes everyone. I'm still here. I just didn't get around to updating this until... now. So hope you enjoy. ;)

Ziva clutched the phone that sat uncomfortably in her hand. The endless tapping of skin against plastic annoyed her, but it was the only thing distracting her from the inevitable future, telling the truth. Tony had said after work he would try to make Gibbs follow him to the hospital and would call before their arrival. Ziva didn't think this "plan" would work. Gibbs, being the man of answers, would need to know why he was going to be pulled away from his bourbon and boat to go on what he would probably think a waste of time. Tony had promised not to tell Gibbs Ziva was in the hospital because of… problems. She didn't know how Tony would do it, and kind of hope he wouldn't.

Ziva didn't want anyone to know, not even Gibbs, about her fears, her problems, and her memories. They haunted her every lonely thought and saying she was scared, had never crossed her mind only until recently.

Tony had said yesterday after the heavy conversation about her read and reread diary, that if he was to protect her from her father's grasp and the claws of death he would need the only man he truly trusted to help him. Ziva had pondered on the words "protect". She had never wanted protection before. It was either her being her own protector or she was the protection for others. Ziva never before needed to be the shielded one. This brought her back to the conversation that Tony had enforced after all that had happened.

When Ziva didn't respond to his words, Tony became cautious. He approached with his next sentence carefully. "Zi, admitting what happened, opening up, letting the ones who love you in, will help figure out the truth about why you tried to take your own life." Ziva didn't answer to this right away either. Tony thought the words "ones who love you…" or "take your own life." that made her ponder, but what she said confused him.

"So you think it too?" She looked up and bit her lip.

"Think what?"

"That my father calling wasn't the only thing that caused me to end up…" Ziva looked around the room, pointing out what she had indicated.

Tony reached for her hand once more. He had seemed to do this very often now, the point of it alluding his words. "Your apartment was trashed. All your stuff scattered. I don't know why you would do that. Freak outs aren't your thing. You have always been strong, you always will be. But that point, what really brought you to that point of no turning back is what I'm concerned about."

Ziva tired with all her power to hold back the tears that came but in the end a few slipped out. "The rape?" she questioned, wiping the tears with the back of her hand.

Tony sighed, taking his thumb and brushing away a missed tear. "Maybe. But maybe something deeper as well."

At this Ziva had shook her head. "I really wish I knew…."

Ziva brought herself out of her own mind to glare at the diary that hung of the side of her end table. Picking it up she begin reading once more, hoping to gain more insight on why some parts of her mission in Somalia were complete blanks…

Dear Diary,

Day 75

It rained yesterday.

And it never rains.

For my whole life I have cherished rain as a gift from God. Whenever the sky opened and water hit land, my face lights up. As a child I would race outside and let the water consume me for rain in Israel is as rare as an eclipse .Me, Ari and Tali would jump in forming puddles and opening our mouths to let the water run down our burning throats. Mother would always yell at us to come in, but we would never listen.

I remember my first days in Washington. It rained. The need to run outside and play grew in my heart, to find my sister and brother and jump and smile. But as I was taught, orders beat heart and the mission, my mission, had to be continued.

I did get to spend my first rain in America with some special though. And I still smile at the memory to this day.

Images of cold pizza and stale coffee flashed in her mind as she closed the diary and sat in silence. Ziva remember that during her days in Somalia, the thought of Tony had kept her strong and made the will to survive grow. She knew what Tony had read in her diary. He read a lot that she sometimes wished he hadn't. But Ziva always knew in the back of her mind that Tony knowing these personal thoughts made it easier for him to survive with the images of Ziva's blood pooling under her trembling body before slowly oozing down the drain. Ziva shook at the thought but let in drift quickly away as the phone call she dreaded came. Taking a deep breath, she slowly answered.

"Hello?"

A curse answered her. "Shit!"

Though the word was uncommon from his lips, Ziva knew whose voice it was. "Tony?"

"Oh sorry Zi. Some dumb ass just cut me off."

"Oh…"

"I got Gibbs on my tail. We will be there in 10 minutes."

Ziva's breath hitched. "That soon?"

"Are you not ready?" he questioned, almost scared of her answer.

"No, I am. Just nervous."

Tony suddenly laughed. "My ninja, nervous? Never thought I would live to see the day."

"Tony." She smiled into the phone.

"I can take the long way if you want. I would get there in about 25 then. Gibbs would be pissed, but -"

"Would you?" Ziva never felt this scared before. She would never admit the feeling though. It felt like she had just broken her mother's favorite vase and she had to face the anger that was to come from both her parents.

"Anything to make you feel better." Ziva could feel meaning behind the words, but she didn't comment.

"Thank you." She simple stated.

"Okay, see you in… 23 minutes."

"Bye Tony."

"Bye Ziva."

She heard him hang up and she sighed. "I love you."

-NCIS-

Ziva knew they would be here soon. She dreaded the moment, but she promised to stay strong. She glared out the window, for she had a perfect view of the main entrance of the hospital.

I can't wait to get out of here.

"Hey, you can't go back there!" a sudden yell from the hall made Ziva flick her head to the door to her room which sat cracked open.

Gun fire hit her ears as yells of horror broke into the air. Leaning down, Ziva grabbed the knife that Tony had given her yesterday that sat shoved under the bars of her bed.

Rule #9

Heavy footsteps seemed to lead to her room. She quickly counted each pair.

1…2…3…4…5

Her door flew open in vulgar. They were masked and dressed heavily in black. All stared blankly at her, only one smiled.

"Miss David. We have been looking everywhere for you."

DUN

DUN

OH MY GIBBS!

Will try to update sooner, but I can't promise anything... sorry. :( BUT I WILL TRY THOUGH!

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THE NCIS GODS WANT YOU TO!

So you should all check out my best friend LyssLovesTiva33's fic New Found Angel! http :/ / www .fanfiction. net/s/6560075/1/New_Found_Angel (without spaces) It's amazing (: She's awesome!