Unreliable Phasers have Odd Effects

As the captain of the USS enterprise claimed the new phaser guns, the presentation was given on how to use them. There were several new functions, but it hadn't been completely tested. That was why the enterprise was given the duty and reward of doing so.

"C'mon guys. Lets go." Kirk said as he took the large, heavy box with a red shirt's help.

"Captain, it would be wise if we stayed for the arrangement of the tutorial. It was strictly for us and it would be rude to leave." Jim's first officer, Spock pointed out.

"Spock, you can stay but I need to map out the coordinates for omega 18 and then manage the rewiring of the ship's life support system. I have a lot on my plate."

"Your plate, sir?" Spock asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"It's just a metaphor Spock." Jim sighed. If there's one thing his Vulcan friend didn't get, was a play on words. "Actually, you should stay for the orientation. It would be good if at least one of us did."

Spock nodded. "Alright captain. I will be beamed aboard at 0:17 hours."

"See you then. Alright Hedrington, hold it steady…" he told the guy holding the other end of the cardboard box as they disappeared in a whirling of speckled yellow light. The Vulcan returned in to the dark lit room with the complex diagram of a phaser version 7.8. Some of the new features involved transporting objects, shrinking and super heat. All fascinating topics. Since the transporting technology has already been invented (the transporter room? Ring a bell?), it was much more stable. Super heat was a little bit less because the molecular crunching, but the one they were most unsure about was the shrinkage function. Although, that was the one Spock thought the most interesting.

Finally the orientation was over and the landing party was beamed up to the ship. As Spock and McCoy walked over to the transporting dock, McCoy commented on the new phasers. "So, what did you like the most about these new babies?" he said, fingering the black device in his hand.

"Babies? Why would the word used to describe infants relate to the new model of phasers?" McCoy slapped his forehead.

"What do you like about the phasers? There. Is that better?!" Bones said, highly annoyed with Spock's non comprehending.

"I do find the contracting setting quite fascinating." He mused, feeling the soft plastic and the hum of the gun.

"We are supposed to test them. Should I try it on you to get that brain smaller?" he laughed.

"Possibly I should test it on you and shrink your ego." Spock retorted as they beamed up.

"Shuddup, hobgoblin."

They got back to the ship at exactly 0:17 hours and Kirk was waiting for his two best friends to return. "How was the trip, gentlemen?"

"Boring, but anyway, these things are supposed to be able to shrink you down to the size of a toddler, or to the size of a pea!" McCoy explained.

"'Spose you want to test it out." Jim sighed.

"You bet!" followed by;

"That would be satisfactory, captain." So, they went back to their quarters for a little time since it had been such a long day, then Bones, Spock and Kirk went down to the deflector room. (It was a room that absorbed power sources safely, thus creating the perfect environment for phaser testing.)

"So what are we going to try these on?" Bones asked, anxiously.

"Well we had some spare chloride nitrolite barrels so I had them ordered in." Kirk responded as barrels were being wheeled in. "Ready?"

"Oh yea. Spock, you want to go?"

"No, it seems as the honor should go to the captain." Bones rolled his eyes. He had to be so formal.

"Alright Jim, you heard the elf, shoot." So, Kirk leaned in, nearing the shot, his phaser set to shrink, and blasted the barrel. It went from the size of a klingon to the size of a tribble.

"Woah!" Jim said, astounded at the power laying in his hands. More barrels were being brought in. "Alright bones, you're up." He motioned.

"Ok." He said, stepping up to the plate. He aimed carefully and was about to pull the trigger when there was a crash and he pressed it down hard.

"Hedrington!" Kirk screamed. "Be more careful with those barrels!" The beam bounced off the walls, the new technology not being absorbed by the room's strong pull. It flashed in a fury of green and blue light until it hit it's victim. The only Vulcan in the room.

After we had entered the room, the good doctor with not so 'good' shooting aim shot by accident after a rather clumsy red shirt had dropped empty chloride nitrolite barrels on the floor. I was hit by the beam.

My body must look odd because of Jim's reaction.

"Oh my god. Bones!" The doctor flung around to examine me. I felt shorter. Clearly one of the effects of the beam.

McCoy raised his eyebrows very high. And started laughing. I do not understand why though. "He's so cute! I never thought I'd say it about a green blooded hobgoblin!"

Cute would not be a correct word to describe me. As I do not understand why cute would be a good description, McCoy used it.

"Bones! He could be stuck like this!"

"Can I inquire what I could be stuck as?" I asked. My voice can out unusually high pitched. I rubbed my throat. I then looked up and it didn't take much effort to figure out I had become a child.

"You're a toddler Spock!" McCoy kept laughing. Frankly, it angered me. He put his head in his hand, still amused with the situation. I wasn't and neither was Jim.

"You…might want to have a look." I was lead into the captain's quarters. Everything on the way was about three times the size of me and I was looked down oddly at many a time. When we got to the room, I could not reach the mirror. Although I hate to admit it, it was very embarrassing. Jim had to pick me up (As strange as it is, yes it is.) so I could see my reflection.

I blinked. Twice. In the mirror was myself as the doctor had put it. I was indeed a toddler.

Spock's face let it's cool go for a fraction of a second as it contorted into utter disbelief. "Spock…come on. We need to report back to star base."

"Captain, I-"

"Um, actually, probably best you stay here." Spock didn't object. This was most unsettling. His face had gotten a little chubbier, but lean all the same. His skin was a brighter green then before and his eyes shone more and were bigger. But, he was not about to admit he was very embarrassed. Good thing the captain noticed.

"Kirk to starbase."

"We read. Proceed." The man's face came up onscreen.

"Your new phasers have had a very bad effect on my first officer." The man raised his eyebrows.

"Oh?" he asked. "Can we see a picture?"

"Um…" Kirk considered the dignity of his first officer. He may be Vulcan, but he was half human. Oh well, Starfleet asked. "Yes. Picture onscreen." There, the video camera installed in his quarters showed a nervous, but all the same cool looking first officer as a small child.

"That's First officer Spock?" Little Spock sat on the bed and swung his feet, gently kicking the bedspread.

"Yes, and I suggest you fix him!" Kirk was getting annoyed with the incompetence of Starfleet command.

"We'll run tests as soon as possible sir. Starbase out." The entire bridge had seen the picture in the room, as did bones who had been sitting in the entire time. They all stared at Jim as if to say, "What did you do?"

"A little malfunction with the phasers." Kirk said as he left. Slowly, all the crewmembers took them out of their pockets and placed them on the captain's chair and continued working.