Summary: Aizen has been watching Ichigo since the beginning. What does Ichigo think it means? Parody of Chapter 397 of Bleach.

Chapter 397 Parody-

"Are you saying that every battle I've fought, has played into your hand?" Ichigo asked, extremely confused at the twist that Aizen had revealed. Aizen nodded, smirking at what Ichigo's apparent despair and confusion.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Ichigo shouted. "Why do my fights even matter to you?" Aizen stayed silent, possibly to think of an easy way to explain it to Ichigo without him getting even more confused. If that was possible.

"I asked you a fucking question, damn it!" Ichigo screamed. Aizen held up one finger to reply.

It was an extremely long finger that seemed to grow somehow before becoming normal sized again. Ichigo blinked at the bizarre appendage, before looking at Aizen's face again.

"What was with your finger?" Aizen shrugged.

"I have no idea, but I was going to tell you to not yell. However, it seems my finger has already taken care of that."

"Okay, I am not going to question the last remains of your sanity." Ichigo said slowly backing away.

"Oh, so me wanting to destroy your home town means I've only partially lost my mind, but having a finger that somehow grows and shrinks against my will insures that I've lost it completely?" Ichigo nodded.

"Yup. There are plenty of people who try to take over the world or attempt to destroy a city to obtain a million souls to create a key that could potentially allow them to rule the world. But a growing finger? Never heard of that before."

"Oh, well-wait! What do you mean by potentially? Once I have the key, I will be ruler of all three worlds!"

"Unless you lose it." Ichigo pointed out.

"…good point. But I won't!" Ichigo shrugged, disbelief clear all over his face.

"Sure you won't." he said dryly.

"Anyways, back to my speech that I'm going to tell you."

"Oh, go right ahead."

"Kurosaki, I don't need your permission to continue. I was going to say it anyways."

"Whatever." Aizen pulled out a bunch of papers from his outfit and began to skim through the notes. He then put them away and cleared his throat.

"I realized, that you were the very thing I'd been searching for. I decided to help you grow. That's all-"

"Wait, wait, wait. What?! The very thing you've been searching for? I'm not a thing, first of all! Secondly, I really hope that you are not implying what it sounds like you're implying!" Aizen blinked in confusion.

"What in the world are you talking about, Kurosaki?"

"Thing you've been searching for, help me grow? Does or does it not sound like something sexual that you're implying!" Ichigo shrieked.

"Not really, I don't think. But since you are a teenage boy with hormones, I'm going to assume that was the cause for this and I'm not questioning it any further." Aizen coughed lightly and continued with his master speech.

"Didn't you think it was strange that all of your fights seemed to happen at strange times? Like right after meeting Rukia, you saw a Hollow, which you've never seen before. I could go on, but I'm sure you get it." Ichigo still stared at Aizen, probably still convinced that it was something sexual. Stupid teenage hormones. Aizen thought.

"So you're saying that you have orchestrated every fight I did? How did you convince Ishida to use the hollow bait then? He hates taking orders or requests from anybody." Ichigo pointed out.

"Eh, I told him he shouldn't snap the bait in memory of his grandfather. So, of course he used it."

"Oh, that actually makes sense."

"Yes, now I was going to say some awesome line about Truth, but I forgot it. So, I'll move on to tell you that I've known about you since the beginning!"

"The beginning of what? My start as a shinigami? When I first met Rukia? When my mother died? There's a lot of things you know."

"The beginning, Kurosaki, the beginning." Aizen explained vaguely.

"How about you tell me in a way everyone can understand?" Ichigo grumbled.

"I knew about you, since you were born!" Aizen said dramatically.

"What?" Ichigo choked.

"You were special from the moment you were born. After all-"

"You fucking pedophile stalker!" Ichigo screamed.

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are! You claim to have been stalking me since I was born! That makes you a pedophile stalker!" Ichigo continued to shout about Aizen and pedophilia, stalking, creeps, etc. Aizen, who had plenty of practice with Grimmjow who enjoyed ranting, successfully tuned Ichigo out.

"Are you done yet, Kurosaki?" Aizen asked, after forty minutes of nonstop complaining and accusing.

"NO!" Ichigo shrieked. Aizen sighed. Teenagers these days. Never let anyone finish what they were trying to say.

"Alright, since I really need to stay on schedule, I have something I need to do after this, I'm just going to tell you that you are special because you are-"

A black whoosh of, uh something, blew in front of Aizen. Once the whatever it was had blown away, Isshin Kurosaki, Ichigo's father had come to stand in front of his son, in his shinigami attire.

"You've said too much, Aizen!" Isshin proclaimed loudly.

"But I never got to finish what I was going to say, Isshin!" Aizen protested. Isshin smirked as he drew his sword.

"That's fine. We all hate listening to you anyways."

"God damn it. Now I'll definitely be late." Aizen mumbled.

"To what, exactly, you pedophile stalker?" Ichigo asked.

"I am not-forget it. You and your dad, both of you never listen anyways."

"So, where do you need to go?"

"Um, to get my hair cut?"

"He means get a manicure and pedicure!" Gin Ichimaru finally spoke up, for the first time.

"You said you would never tell, Gin!" Aizen hissed venomously. Gin shrugged.

"Whoops, I forgot."

"Putting aside your girly characteristics, Aizen," Isshin said.

"Pedophile stalker!" Ichigo interrupted.

"Yeah, I'm definitely going to have to hear this one. Anyways, I will stop you Sosuke Aizen!" Isshin shouted.

Ichigo shook his head as he finally realized that his dad, his lunatic, annoying, stupid dad, was a shinigami. Although, funnily enough, it explained a lot about his attitude, considering most shinigami Ichigo knew were lunatics. It must be part of the job description. Ichigo thought.

Aizen put his hand on his sword as Isshin settled into a fighting stance; the fight for Ichigo Kurosaki soon to begin.

End

Alright, how many of you thought that chapter 397 of Bleach seemed to have, uh, sexual innuendos. And a pedophile statement? But it was epic. Hope you enjoyed this little narrative!

Edited and things the day after original posting.

*I can't believe how popular this piece is! Or was. Whichever. Holy Crap! I posted it and the next morning I had reviews, favorites, and alerts filling my inbox. You people rock!*