Jane Shepard felt naked without her gun. A quick burst of air from the door sliding open had her smoothing down the hem of her black skirt. Shore leave was always a strange thing after saving the galaxy's collective ass. It set her on edge that shop keepers wiped down counters blissfully ignorant, or that civilians would continue their idle chitchat and petty squabbles as if they were the most pressing issues in the universe. Logically, it made sense that the average citizen turned an oblivious, blind eye to the collectors, to the reapers, and it made sense that the Citadel was as safe a place to be.

Not that a skilled sniper still couldn't blast her away where she stood. Garrus had showed her that much with Sidonis. She really should have had more to drink.

Kaidan looked just as out of place in civs. The sweater suited him, hokey enough to be charming, but not so over the top as to turn him into a goon. It was probably a gift from his mother. Shepard leaned on the railing of the mezzanine overlooking the various spaceports of the Citadel. Kaidan kept his distance as he pressed his forearms onto the railing. He took a long moment to stare out into the never ending stream of lights and traffic before he finally cocked his head at her and smiled.

"Commander."

"Lieutenant."

He started to chuckle, then cleared his throat instead. "Commander, now. I actually outrank you, if you want to get technical. Spectre status not withstanding."

"Huh." Shepard nodded. "Makes sense."

"It's good to see you alive." He picked a piece of lint off his sleeve. "I'd gotten used to you. Being dead, I mean. But seeing you again and feeling everything come flooding back again--"

"Kaidan, I get it." Maybe in another time she'd have touched his arm or even laughed more sincerely than the half-hearted, unfelt snort she just uttered. Instead, she shifted her weight to her other leg and bemoaned the fact that she didn't have a datapad or glass of wine to hide behind. "I thought I took a nap; it was actually a dirt nap. The reapers have their synthetics, but the Alliance has a zombie."

He pulled his eyes away from the spaceports and raised an eyebrow. "Joker?"

She nodded again. "Who else would have a quad to say that to my face?"

"Point taken." He pivoted his body to face her completely and his smile faltered. "How are you dealing with everything?" Kaidan's voice became quiet, even for him. "It's a lot to wrap your head around."

Shepard blinked. God damn Alenko for asking everything and nothing all at once. She shrugged. "I miss being human," she said finally.

"Human?" Kaidan asked. "So you mean Cerberus--"

"No." She shook her head. "I'm all me, as far as I can tell, not a cyborg, not a robot."

He smiled quickly, before it faded with a nervous shake of his head. "Good. That's good to hear."

"I'm a symbol, now," she said. "I'm not allowed to be human."

"That can't be true all the time," he said. "You're too drunk to be a symbol right now."

"You could tell that, huh?" She laughed. "You're special, Kaidan. I always feel like me when I'm around you."

"I know." He glanced down at his sleeves and searched for imaginary pieces of lint. "You ever think that you want something so bad, it's so intense, that it must be wrong? Or at the very least, unsustainable?"

Shepard didn't answer him. She was close enough to smell his aftershave, just like on Horizon.

Tali had changed. Garrus had changed. Wrex had changed. It was near painful to see the twisted creature Liara had become. Despite the two years, Kaidan Alenko was still Kaidan Alenko. And when he pulled her into an embrace on Horizon it may have seemed a quick, simple gesture to Grunt or Jack, but in that moment Shepard forgot to be the unwavering hero. She closed her eyes, inhaled the smell of his aftershave mixed with sweat and clung to steady, dependable Kaidan.

She'd always felt so small around him. Safe enough to feel afraid. On that miserable sinkhole of a colony with her forehead pressed against his, she could almost forget that two years had been stolen right from under her. Kaidan was there, her Kaidan, her rock of a man, to serve as a foundation for every death-defying feat she was about to attempt.

"Jane?"

"Kaidan, calling me 'Jane' doesn't change the--"

"I love you." He took her hands in his and pulled her close. "I always will."

She laughed. She wished she could have made it sound friendlier. "So you want me to be a mistress, now?"

"What? No! No, I never meant for that at all." He scratched the back of his neck and tried again. "It's just complicated."

"I get it," she said. "Time passes, you meet new people, you move on."

"When I get home, she's always there waiting for me," Kaidan said. "She's not going to get shot in the back, she's not going to jump on a grenade for everyone else's sake, she's not going to get sucked out into space and die when collectors blow up her ship. I need that, I think."

Shepard nodded. "You deserve that. I met someone, too."

He nodded back at her. "A drell. I heard."

"An assassin," she said. "I just wanted to make sure you were happy."

He stared at her long enough for his raised eyebrow to settle back down. Kaidan broke into a genuine smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I am."

"Good." She gave his hand a squeeze before she dropped it. "I'm glad."

"Take care, Shepard," he said.

"I'll see you around, Alenko," she replied as she walked away and left him staring over the mezzanine.

Kolyat was waiting just inside the C-Sec offices. She'd never seen him dressed up before. Shepard offered him a tight smile as she she linked her arm around his elbow.

"Let's get this over with," he muttered.

"The practice amongst your people is to return your dead to the ocean, right?" she asked. "In honor of your goddess, Kalahira."

It was difficult to get a read off the younger man who kept avoiding her eye contact, his two sets of eyelids rapidly blinking. "Father asked to be cremated."

"Really? That doesn't sound like..." She stopped her thought with a sigh. "We can do that."

"Thank you," Kolyat said. "For bringing him out of the Omega4 relay alive."

"For all the good that did." She rubbed the ache out of the bridge of her nose. "I know it shouldn't be a shock; he told me from the start."

"He got to say goodbye." Kolyat kept his eyes on the walkway. "That means something."

She snorted. "Oh yeah?"

Kolyat nodded before his body tensed up. Both sets of his eyelids opened wide and he fell into an eidetic memory. "He coughs and puts his hand on my forearm, leathery, soft, explains..."

One set of eyelids closed and his eyes returned to their characteristic inky black. He looked at her. "That memory is not for you."

Shepard chuckled and nodded. "Hey, Kolyat? You ever want something so bad, it's so intense, that it must be wrong? Or at the very least, unsustainable?"

Kolyat didn't say anything. He continued walking.

"Yeah," Shepard murmured. "Me too."