Stupid Reality

Disclaimer: Scooby Doo and all related characters are owned by Hanna-Barbera, Warner Bros.,and Cartoon Network. All other characters, names, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, places, and incidents is coincidental.

A/N: inspired by a nightmare a friend had. She said, "why don't you write a story about my nightmare?" Thanks ShaggelmaLove. This is the story...

Part One

"THUNK"

Daphne had been floating in that never-never land between sleep, (and a wonderful dream of Fred), and wakefulness when the loud sound and accompanying moans pulled her, reluctantly, from the land of dreams. She rolled over, propping herself on an elbow to peek over the edge of the bed; her long time friend and co-member of Mystery Inc, Velma, was lying on the floor, entangled in bed covers rubbing the side of her head.

"Are you okay, Velma?" Daphne jumped out of bed, reaching her friend quickly, helping to untangle the bedding. "Not fair! I'm the accident prone one in the group." Velma still had the glazed look of sleep in her eyes. Daphne grabbed a few Kleenex from her nightstand, wiping the tears from Velma's cheeks.

"It was horrible, Daph," Velma managed to say between slobbering gasps for breath. The girls had moved back on the bed, the messy bed forgotten for the moment, "It was all so terrifyingly real."

"Maybe it would help if you talked about it," Daphne urged.

'How does she do it? She looks beautiful even in the morning and I look like warmed over leftovers!' Velma thought as her whole body shook, thinking of the nightmare from which she had recently escaped. Taking a deep breath she muttered, "Shaggy...Shaggy and I got married."

"What was that? I didn't quite understand you." Daphne leaned closer.

"I had a nightmare where Shaggy and I got married...my wedding gown...was a giant sandwich! With Mayo! You know I like Miracle Whip! And Shaggy...Shaggy said it was the most splendiferous sandwich he'd ever seen. Daph, I had to ask what he meant. He told me that it meant that the sandwich was perfect. Just the right ingredients, in the right combination. And my veil was spaghetti! With Marinara sauce!You try to walk looking through strands of spaghetti, it's not a pretty sight."

"Well, you did fall asleep without eating anything last night," Daphne reminded her between snickers of laughter.

"Don't laugh too hard, Daphne Blake. You were there too! And that purple eggplant you were wearing wasn't a good fashion statement."

"Did it make me look fat?" Daphne didn't really want to know.

"I've seen smaller blimps...but it was a nice shade."

"Remind me never wear eggplant purple...what about the ring? Was it full of diamonds?" This brought on another crying jag from Velma; not the reaction Daphne had expected but this was a nightmare after all.

"At least it was diamond shaped," Velma stammered after getting her sobs somewhat under control, "It was...Daphne, it was a diamond shaped Scooby Snack; it was so big I had to wear it on my wrist!"

"This is interesting, Velma. Don't you think so? What else...?" Daphne encouraged, 'This is also funny and just chock full of friendly blackmail tidbits!'

"'Interesting' is not the term I had in mind. Did I mention...when we lit the unity candles, the tablecloth caught on fire! Every one ran outside; someone had the sense to call the fire department, but by the time the firemen got there, it was a lost cause. One of the firemen just shook his head and told me not to get too close...or else I'd be toast! "Would you believe it, we finished the wedding standing outside with the burning church in the background and the firemen running around roasting marshmallows?"

"But Velma, where was Scooby...and Fred?" 'Oh, this should be fascinating,' Daphne thought.

"The only time I saw Scooby, he was begging roasted marshmallows from the firemen and had that gooey cream all through his coat. No way was I going to give him a bath on my wedding night! I don't know why but Fred was no where to be seen, maybe he got smart and ran away."

'Or you've got a crush on him and saved him from your nightmare yourself,' Daphne thought but let that topic die a slow but natural death. Aloud, she asked, "what about the wedding night? Plenty of action I bet."

"How much action can there be between a sandwich and a stalk of celery? I remember lying on a bed with Shaggy when every thing went black!"

-------------Xxxxxx

Part two

"What? You can't just stop there! Come on, Velma! Tell me!"

"Daph, I've never felt fear like that in my life! It was...grotesque, so ugly! Yet, in its own way I guess you could call it logical."

"What, Velma? What was it?" Daphne's mind could not comprehend the scene her friend was describing. A sandwich, no mater how perfect, and a stalk of celery...how in the world could they do "IT"? It boggled the mind.

"When the lights came back on, I was sitting in an open field, holding our new baby. It was a head of cabbage with eyes; big green eyes. I wanted to scream but nothing came out, my throat wouldn't work!

"Shaggy said that we had agreed on a name, although I have no recall of agreeing to the wedding let alone naming our child Arya. Arya, 'the cabbage patch kid', Rogers. I guess it does have a certain...Daph, I think I'm going to hurl!" And with that, Velma jumped off the bed, and ran for the bathroom.

Later, after showering and getting dressed, Velma still shook from the idea of giving birth to a head of cabbage but felt well enough to face the world. The idea of food made her stomach roll and make rude noises, 'maybe some juice will settle my stomach', Velma thought, 'but no toast!' She had only made a few steps down the hallway of Mystery Inc headquarters when she nearly collided with Shaggy.

"Shaggy Rogers! I will never work two or three jobs just to pay our food bill when we get married!"

"Wha...What Velma?" Shaggy was dumbfounded by this outburst from his best friend. Recovering quickly, he added, "think about what you just said, Velma."

"WHAT did I just say?" wondered Velma.

"Your Freudian slip is showing...you said, 'when we get married', not 'if we get married'." Without her realizing it, his arms had encircled her waist, "My dream come true..."

"In your dreams, Shaggy! I'll never marry you, we're friends, nothing more." She was more than aware how close his lips were to hers; too close for comfort, but she found the nearness intoxicating.

"I know just the place for our honeymoon," he whispered as his lips lightly brushed hers.

"I'm not agreeing to any thing and I'll hate myself for asking but where in the world would we go on this honeymoon that will never ever happen?"

"Where else? The Sandwich Islands!" was his whispered answer.

Velma felt his lips press against hers and she melted like cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich. The firefighter in her dream had been right, she had gotten too close and was indeed toast.

"Stupid reality," She moaned and returned his kiss.

The End